Sunday, September 4, 2005

   my emotions
ive had a really emotional morning cause i played my gutair this morning cause i started to cry in the bed when i woke up cause my feelings for her where so strong and there just washing away i wont her back so bad,when i played the gutair i cryed also cause i thought it could control my feeling but i was wrong i coundnt hold back from crying.
she torn me down so bad and yet i still love her i cant help it.i wont to get over this but jessica doesnt see how bad she dones this to me,i feel so useless. i miss her with all my heart and she doesnt miss me really that bad.
i wont her back so much and she just wont take me back,but what really got to me today is that in the next month,im going to try and go back out with her again and if turns me down......
my heart will be so shatterd cause i have wated so long and she doesnt care for me anymore.i dont see why i have to waste the air.whensome one elese could be breathing it.
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Saturday, September 3, 2005

   i went to work.
well work was fun today but then i started to think of jess and i started to slack at work but then after lunch i was focused again on what i needed to do.then i got hoome and called jess and she waws nice to me,(thAnk u lord)lol anyway im trying to move on without her now but its hard though im not trying to rush myself but hello i need to get out of depression.anyway i found a another girl i like now but the sad thing is though i dont know her name or if she goes out with some one..(i better wacth it)hhmmm anyway i know im going to be better tomorrow because on sundays i always feel better it a thing.anyway im going to be playing in the study group soon and ill be playing my gutair yyyeeeeeehhhhhh lol i think im doing alittle better now though but i still love her but heres the thing if i go out with someone elese (i have a loyal thing)which is good ,that i cant ever leave someones side cause i dont abanden someone.and if i go out with this girl and if jess is free during the time im giving her im going to proplay feel bad.but propaly not though cause im sure ill be in love with this other girl mabe?im not sure but i dont think i can love any one like i loved jess cause she was(and still is)that specail some one in my heart.im not sure what to do,cause jess wonts to go see other people and i wont to still be with her yada yada yada.and you see the idea,but if i go out with someone elese and jess wonts me back......thats where my heart has to choose cause i dont wont to leave the girl im already going out with cause i dont wont to hurt her heart(and im not going out with no one now,just to clear that up)but then i dont wont to leave jess cuase she is a amazing person.hhhmmmm desisions.
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   this is the song i wrote for her its called it was you
thx for all that youve done......
i feel you in the wind
our love is like a breeze and you know
that your a part of me..
and u know
that you......love
me


chorus. because it was you that standed by my side...forever
and it.. was you that i cheerished forever.

today you walked throuugh that door....
i had tears in my eyes,and then i realized

back to chorus

and then repeat the begining

and thats the end of the song enjoy.i would play the song for ya but i dont know how to play it to yal cuase i dont know if i can download it into this site? i could play it over the phone though...nah

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Friday, September 2, 2005

   i gave a letter to her
well i gave aletter to her saing that if she doesnt call me tonight im never going to speak to her again or see her and ill get out of her site,but i think i was a little to harsh though i dont wont to be mean to her but i got to know.if she still wont to give us a chance again
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Thursday, September 1, 2005

   wow im shocked
well today i had two girls already trying to go out with me? very odd i guess i changed over the past year.lol but i dont wont to go out with them though cause im still in love with jessica.but ive been hearing a rumor about her though if u wont to know pm me.cuase its odd
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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

   im so depressed
well i had have a very emotional day yesterday cuase jessica broke up with me and it really hurts me to see this and feel it.its all because of my fault though cause i was always worried about what she would do and thats why she left me and plus she didnt wont to fight all the time i didnt ether but she started this because she stoped talkin to me or she couldnt find any thing to talk about to me but all the sudden she has sopmething to talk about to her friends? hhhmmmm well that got me p.o and i i was ruded to her and she tells me what the freak is your proplem and i was like oh my god you cant figure it out?hhmmmm anyway later that day i was so depressed then at the time at the bus loop (which is the time we leave)i try to hold her hand and she snaches it away and im like ok? then i try to hug her to tell her i love and goodbye.but then she shovles me away that really hurt my feelings.so as soon as i got home i read a letter she gave me and it said we need to talk ill call you. and im like oh no what have i done.then as soon as i walk in my room i cry hugging my sis cause i knew what she was going to do then later that day she called and ask me do i know what she is going to say and i replied yes.and shes like im so sorry for doing this i really dont but idont wont to fight all the time and i knew that was true so i was like then why are doing this then(sniffs)she said something lke it time to move on,but im sure we will be back to gether and i know this cause deep down inside i know theres a big role for her and me to do.and im going to try my best to get her back but not untill i get my words right(if you know what i mean)anyway but i really wish this doesnt have to happen.oh and i finished that song i wrote for her and i song it to her and played it on my gutair to to her 2 days ago but she sounded like she really didnt care for it though.the song is called IT WAS YOU.and that came from my heart and she really didnt like it though and that hurt but she did tell me that she was going to cry but she didnt wont to runnin her make up(what a jerk)but i still love its just i really wish she took it sereiuos but i hope i can get over this and i know its going to take alot.
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Sunday, August 28, 2005

   what is right and wrong
what makes a man,is it by his appernce,courage,bravory,or is it that hes a father.the world may never have the right answers for everthing.but we know deep down in our hearts its there screaming out for a cry of justice.theres darkness in ever heart,it surrounds us when we know its there but we cant see it or feel it.theres always a hidden light that burns of the edge of us all,fueled by what holds us back fromfalling in the deepness of our heart.what will your choice be the inner light of justice or the inner darkness of wrong and lies.and u know what i dont have one clue what im saying lal.enjoy
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Saturday, August 27, 2005

   i wish i wasnt such a screw up
i really wish i could get along with my gf and i cant cause we just snapp at each oter or its just me i wish i could do something aout all of this it really hurts me to seee this happen to me i hope i cant screw up anymore but im sure there is more to come as the days go by i realize that mabe i not meant for this world mabe i should be born on some other planet or someting like that i wish i knew whenever something goes wrong its always my fault and i cant take that kind of pressure and i dont wont this any more mabe its just i dont wont life anymore i cant tell what i wont any more now.im so clouded in things i could know but yet theres somone making the clouds appere out of nowhere and trying to hold me back from the things i need to know what is my purpose here.is it love,hate,or something elese i wish i knew tese days go good for me and then they come down hard on me.im such a loser i really hope someday i can make something out of myself.but theres nothing im good at and theres not much i can do about it.(crys and sniffs) i wish i only knew
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

   well everone was right
well it looks like i had another good day lol i learned the intro to kiss me from sixpence it sounds cool and i have had a good day with my gf to lol im so happy
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

   dam i hate this day
this day really sucked i cant believe it was these bad i mean this morning i got up and and had to dig though my clothes to find something cause i didnt pick put my clothes last night,and then when i get a ride to school i got to listen to rap all the way up there and oh my god i hate rap.and i had to hear this stupid song called suck on the dick.WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING my god then when i get to school i about the mid of the day about lunch time i got to play hacky sack(which was fun)i love playing it.but i stink at it though but the good thing is that i enjoy what i do.but any way then aboutaaafter 4th block(which is the end of school)i go and wate for my gf to get out of class and it took her a while cause i think the teacher held them up i guess then as soon as i see her she starts poutin about something cause she had a bad day and shes aggervated at everone and even me(the least)?and she starts walk and slams her dam locker?whatever thenwe go out to the bus loop and i try to calm her down and i did i hope.and then she gets bus leftlol(thats not funny though)really its not and then i till her i love her and i went on with my busness and then i try and help a few friends with something trying to pop a locker and so i do but i coudnt get it though.it really hurt my hands,then i went home then the driver was curseing up a storm it was like f this and f that oh my god grow up.he was mad cause i burned him yesterday?anyway as soon as i get home i go and playrunescape some and try to relax some then my sis she was abused by my mom and i was like what the hell and she told me what the deal was and that was not right for my mom to hit my sis.my mom is a skank and im not afraid to say it.ccause she got like 5 guys in the bed with her like ever month.anyway after she told me that i got off the game and took a nap and then i talked to my bro(which is really cool to be around)and then i call my gf at about 8:30pm and shes all niosy and ever thing which is good cause shes in a better mood and im glad for that.oh and she did have a cell to call someone to pick her up.and then she start whistleing and oh my god i got a headache good lord but she was happy and thats what i wont for her.and so she had to go cause she wonted to go spend time with her famliy?....and we only talked for about 5 mintintes and ya i was kind of pissed so i just hold it in and i let her go and my bro goes back to the north to his home with his gf.and i go outside and play with some fireworks and that really was no fun really.and then i go back inside to try to play my gutair and that really was not at my best interest at that time.and so i got two gutairs now cause my bro never has time to play his and hes got to do his studys(sucks for him)but edcation comes first though.and now im here tpying this stupid post and being bored?and im waiting for my gf to call back(if she will) im sure she will.well thats my day for today...god give me a good daytomorrow i had a good one yesterday.
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