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Hi my name is Kateri.I love kitties.I am bisexual.Read my fics if you have time + plese Sign my gb if you want I had to start another account so I could post comments because my kitty cat girl account won't let me any more.So my new account is "your slave" It will be a backup site to this one I won't stop updating this one If you find this site to be offensive/scary you might enjoy these sites more http://www.branchministry.net/bibleteachings/savedpauls.htm
<< by tigger

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Does anyone have any ideas what I should title my fic? Any suggestions would be great? Here's the next part.

Caine flopped down on the sofa next to Katherine and sighed tiredly. “The door is still pink but at least the lettering is off,” he said. The police had been at their house for two hours, taking photos of the “crime scene”, asking Caine and Katherine more questions then they could keep track of, and in the end it didn’t do much good at all. Caine and Katherine couldn’t think of anyone they knew who would have enough of a problem with their homosexuality to vandalize their home, except Hector. The police had promised they’d question Hector and finally left, leaving Caine to clean their door. It had token him a half hour to get all the letters off, and deciding that they could live with a pink door for a few days he had come back inside to relax with Kat.

“A pink door isn’t so bad. Sorry I didn’t help you clean,” Kat said. He leaned his head against Caine’s shoulder, still sleepy, and yawned, deeply.

“There is no way I was going to let you help with you hand banged up, so don’t worry about it, angelboy. It wasn’t so hard,” Caine said lifting his shoulder up and placing it on the sofa’s back so Kat could rest against his chest. “Hey, how ‘bout we order some cheesybread from Domino’s? I really don’t feel like cooking anything,” Caine said, slowly getting off the sofa and going for the phone.

“You can order some for yourself but I don’t have an appetite,” Katherine said, even though his stomach was hurting badly from want for nourishment. I have to lose weight, so get use to the empty feeling, he commanded his stomach.

Caine stopped abruptly in his stride and walked back to the sofa, standing over Katherine. “Kat you didn’t eat anything for lunch, isn’t that enough? Please eat something for dinner. If you don’t want cheesybread then tell me what you want and I’ll make it or order it for you, angelboy,” Caine said, sadly. I can’t get mad at Kat after what he went through today but he had to eat, Caine decided.

“I don’t want to eat anything. I won’t eat anything!” Katherine said in almost a shout. He was scared, after the beating Caine had given him earlier he knew he shouldn’t be arguing, but he couldn’t believe that Caine would hurt him after he…he.…..he was raped. Kat intended to use this to his advantage.

“Please, angel boy,” Caine said. “Eat something, anything. Don’t make me have to”

“What, are you going to beat me?” Katherine yelled. “Are you going to hurt me after I was…I was…” Katherine couldn’t bring himself to say the word out loud. He closed his eyes trying to forget what had happen, but as usual, the worst memories were the ones that stayed with him.

Caine didn’t want to upset Kat but he didn’t want him to get in the habit of skipping meals either. He very carefully lifted Kat into his arms and carried him to the kitchen, despite his protests. He placed him down on a chair by the table and placed a banana on the table in front of him. “Please eat the banana, angelboy. Please,” Caine begged, his voice trying to be kind but coming out as pissed off.

“NO!” Katherine shouted, angrily.

Caine slammed his fist against the table, yelling, “Goddamnit, Katherine! Eat the fuckin banana or you’re not leaving this kitchen!!” Caine instantly regretted his harsh words when he saw Kat look at him with such hurt before he burst into tears.

“You asshole!!” Kat screamed. “You don’t understand! You don’t know what it’s like to be me, to have been raped by not only your Daddy but someone else too! And now you’re yelling at me and threatening me! How can you be so mean?!! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME WHEN YOU BEAT ME EARLIER TODAY?!!!” Katherine screamed and threw the banana to the floor, his body shaking violently from his heaving sobs.

Caine opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. He shook his head back and forth furiously as tears began streaming down his face. “Wo…wo…would yo…yo…you excuse me?” he said then ran out of the room before Katherine could reply.

Katherine was too shocked to react at first. He had expected Caine to yell something back at him, hit him, punch a wall, but he hadn’t expected Caine to cry and leave. “Caine!” Katherine called getting up and leaving the kitchen. Kat saw Caine going into the bedroom and called out to him, “Caine wait. Let’s talk about…” Katherine was responded to by the slamming of the bedroom door. Shit, he is acting so weird, Kat thought, worry growing inside him.

Once inside the bedroom Caine raced to his clothing closet. He stepped into it and slammed the door shut and locked it. He was crying silently and his fingers were shaking like a drug addict’s. I know I said that I quit but, he thought, I can’t deal with how I feel right now. I CAN’T DEAL WITH ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!!! He looked around a moment before he found what he wanted, his trusty old hammer. Caine stared at it a moment, his heart pounding in eager anticipation. I need this! I want this! He took the hammer in his right hand, extended his left hand and gripped a shelf edge. Then he swung the hammer and it hit his left arm with a audible THUNK. “AAAAAGGGgg!!” he shouted, despite trying not to cry out.

Katherine heard Caine’s scream and rushed to the closet. “Caine are you alright? What are you doing in there?” he asked, beginning to get a very bad feeling.

Caine heard Katherine, but didn’t bother to answer. Instead he struck his arm again with the hammer. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!” he cried, bolts of pain shooting throughout his entire arm. But Caine enjoyed. Already he was starting to feel better. The pain in his arm pushed the pain he felt inside out of his mind. He raised the hammer again and struck his arm but this time he only grunted from the pain instead of screaming. This feels so good, it makes me feel so good, he thought.

“Caine!! Caine!” Katherine screamed, pounding on the door with his good hand. “Answer me, please. What are you…” Kat heard another THUNK and a grunt the suddenly he knew what Caine was doing. “NO!!” Kat screamed, banging on the door, in a futile effort. “Stop it! I know what you’re doing! You’re hurting yourself, aren’t you, Caine! Please stop! Stop!” Katherine cried, still hitting the door.

But Caine had no intention of stopping, not yet at least. He hit his arm harder and faster with the hammer, covering it in bruises from wrist to bicep. More, I want more pain, Caine thought as he stuck his arm. More pain on the outside cause it’s not greater then the pain on the inside yet.

Katherine was kicking the door and throwing his weight against it now. He was frantic to get to Caine. Caine’s hurting himself because of me! He thought. It’s my fault! “Caine, please don’t hurt yourself anymore!” he sobbed as he heard more and more THUNKS. I have to make him stop! I have to help him!

Caine’s arm was beginning to lose feeling, much to his disappointment. Caine, however wasn’t ready to stop yet so he sat down and hit his left thigh with the hammer. He hit it again and again and again and again and again. Over and over until he’d hit his thigh 45 times.

Katherine finally thought of an idea to make Caine stop. He’s not going to like it but I can’t let him do this to himself. “Caine if you don’t open the door and stop hurting yourself right now I’m going to call 911!” he shouted.

“I don’t believe you would!” Caine shouted back and stuck his thigh again.

“I will and I am!” Katherine shouted back and walked toward the bedroom phone. He picked up the receiver and was about to dial when the closet door opened and Caine walked out. “Caine!” Kat exclaimed and put the receiver down. He rushed over to Caine and hugged him tightly with one arm. “I love you, please don’t hurt yourself anymore!” he said.

Caine hugged Katherine back with his right arm his left hanging at his side. “I love you, too. And I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” he whispered over and over again, trying not to cry.

“Caine can I see you left arm?” Katherine asked, stepping out of their embrace and noticing how Caine’s left arm just hung there.

Caine lifted his left arm with his right hand and held it out for Kat to see. He had thought about not letting Kat see but decided that if Kat wanted to then he should cut him a break and let him.

Kat rolled up Caine’s sleeves and gasped in horror when he saw his arm. “Jesus-fuckin-christ! Oh, Caine, your arm! Your arm, it’s just on giant mass of bruises. This is my fault, I made you want to do this. I’m sorry, oh fuck, I’m so sorry,” he said. He rolled the sleeve up even more and saw that there were more bruises. This is my fault! “Caine!” he sobbed and began crying again.

“It’s not your fault. I did this to my self. No one is responsible for it but me, you understand?” Caine said and limped to the bed and sat down. I don’t want Kat thinking anything he did caused this because I caused it and I did it, he thought.

“Is something wrong with your left leg?” Kat asked, sitting down beside Caine and taking hold of his right hand.

“It’s my thigh. I hurt it too. It’ll be okay, it’s not as bad as my arm, promise,” Caine added after seeing Katherine’s skeptical stare.

“I’ll get you some icepacks and some of the cream the hospital gave me. And you can have some of the pain medication, too,” Katherine said and got off the bed and headed for the door.

“You don’t have to give me any of your stuff, Kat. I’m fine,” Caine said, holding his left arm gently in his right.

“You’re not ‘fine’, Caine! “ Kat shouted. “You’re hurt and you might have even broken your arm! So can you please just shut up and let me take care of you for a change!” Katherine commanded then left the room, leaving Caine silent and quite stunned.

It was very different for Katherine to be taking care of him and he wasn’t sure how to react to it. Kat is so much stronger inside then I am, Caine realized. After all the shit that he’s been through it’s amazing he hasn’t committed suicide. I would have done so years ago if I had to go through what he went through. And now, after he’s been raped he is able to stop thinking about his own pain and take care of me. He’s so amazing, so strong. I know he thinks of me as his strength but I bet he doesn’t know that I think of him as my strength, my lifeboat, my oasis in this desert of pain. He is much stronger then he realizes. I love him, and I need him so much. I would die without him. I would just not be able to live on without him and his love and strength.

Katherine walked slowly back into the room after about 10 minutes. He was struggling to carry three large icepacks in his one good hand and clutched the tube of cream and bottle of medicine between his teeth. Caine got off the bed and took what Kat was carrying and Kat leaned against him as they walked the rest of the way to the bed and sat down on the end of it.

“Okay, I guess you should take your pants and shirt off so I can rub the cream in better and the ice will be more effective,” Katherine said, assisting Caine with unbuttoning his shirt and pants then helped him out of both.

“I’ll help you rub the cream, it’ll work better with two hands,” Caine said, his voice sounding quite different then what Kat was use to. It sounded little and sad, almost resigned, Katherine believed.

“We only have two good hands between the both of us!” Kat said with a half-hearted laugh. He squeezed out some cream into his hand and tenderly began to smooth in over Caine’s very battered arm.

Caine cringed in pain but didn’t cry out as he and Kat rubbed his whole arm down. I did this to myself on purpose so it would be stupid to whine, Caine concluded.

“You’re so strong,” Katherine said, admiringly. I would be crying and screaming my head off but he is barely flinching. “If I were as strong as you maybe I wouldn’t hurt you like I did today.”

Caine shook his head, and rolled his eyes. “I’m not strong, angelboy. I try to act tough on the outside but inside…inside I’m scared. Inside I’m still a frightened, self loathing little boy. I can’t deal with all the shit that’s been happening, that’s why I hurt myself. I can’t get rid of our problems and I can’t cope with them so I try to lessen them in my mind. The pain the hammer gives me distracts me from the real pain if only for a brief time.” Caine didn’t want to cry, he always hated crying, but he couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry I don’t understand what you are going through, I’m sorry I can’t be strong for you, Kat,” he sniffled and sucked in air, feeling completely useless.

“But you are strong. You’re always there for me, you…” Katherine trailed off, confused at Caine’s words. He always seems so tough, so strong and in control. I never knew that he felt like that.

“You’re the one that’s strong, Kat. If I had went through all the terrible shit you went through I would have killed myself. But you’re still here, you keep living, keep surviving. You are so much stronger then you realize, baby,” Caine said, then began rubbing the cream into his bruised thigh.

Katherine didn’t know what to say. He had never thought of himself as strong. I’m a whore, a bitch, I’m worthless, he thought. How can Caine think I’m anything but that? “I’m NOT strong!” he shouted, his eyes naked with fear as the tears pooled in them. “The only reason I keep living is because of you Caine. Before I meet you I WANTED to die. I had even tried to commit suicide once before. I used a razorblade to slit my wrists but I didn’t lose enough blood before Jose found me. He was so pissed at me, he took a curtain rod and beat the shit out of me with it before he fucked me. I’m not strong. If…if…if…if I were strong…then I would be able to look in the mirror without hating what I see!” Katherine yelled through his sobs. “And it’s not your fault you don’t understand. I’m sorry I got mad at you. It’s my fault you don’t understand. My fault for not being strong enough to share it with you. I’m scared, Caine. I’m so fuckin scared!!” Katherine cried, lunging forward toward Caine.

Caine wrapped his right hand around Katherine and pulled him to him, making sure not to hurt Kat’s hand. “Oh goddamn, I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t know how to make things right. I want you to be happy; I want to be happy. I don’t know…I don’t know. I’m scared, too! I love you, Katherine. I love you and I won’t ever leave you. But I don’t know what to do!” Caine cried, losing his balance and falling back into a laying position on the bed, Kat still in his arms. Caine’s eyes were red and puffy from all his tears and he looked very much like the teenage boy who just discovered his older brother had hanged himself.

“Jose…he…he was the one who raped me today,” Katherine whispered, shame causing his cheeks to blush strawberry red. “He hurt me! He fucked me then he strapped me! And it was….it was….JUST LIKE I WAS WITH MY DADDY!!” Katherine shrieked and buried his face against Caine’s chest. He was crying harder then Caine was, drool was escaping from his mouth and dripping onto Caine’s chest. “Then he tried to make me suck his dick but I just couldn’t! His penis…it reminded me of my Daddy’s. I vomited onto his lap and…he started to choke me as punishment. He was going to kill me! I was so scared, Caine! And he…he said things to me. Things that were mean but true. I am a whore, I am dirty, and I am just a bitch!” Kat sobbed, as his whole body shook.

“You are not any of those things, angelboy! You aren’t! That bastard, Jose, is just trying to hurt you! Don’t believe a goddamn thing he says!” Caine shouted, tasting snot on his lips, but didn’t want to take his hand off of Kat to wipe his nose. “We’ll get help, Kat. Dr. Rashid will help us. Some…some…day…it’ll…everything…will be…o…okay. Some…da…day,” Caine stuttered as he cried and began to drool too.

Katherine didn’t say anything. He still didn’t want to go see Dr. Rashid tomorrow but he knew he didn’t have a choice. If Caine didn’t make him then that creepy doctor at the hospital would. But right now he didn’t want to think of that. He didn’t want to think of anything but being with Caine, being held by him, being loved by him. Caine is strong, not me, he thought, with certainty and finality.

The next day Caine was already dressed and ready for work by the time Katherine woke up. Kat yawned, and tried to stretch but stopped and cried out in pain. “Oooww, fuck!” Damn that bastard Jose, he really knew what he was doing, he thought. Kat carefully got out of bed and walked out into the kitchen in his pajamas, which was a black spaghetti top, and flannel pink pants with red hearts on them.

“Hi, sleeping beauty,” Caine greeted Katherine, who was standing in the doorway. “Have a seat. I’ll fix you breakfast before I leave.”

Katherine wanted to try to deter Caine from making him eat but he didn’t want Caine to get upset so he said, “I’ll just have a yogurt,” and sat down at the table.

Caine got a banana flavored yogurt out of the fridge and handed it to Katherine along with a spoon. “So you’re going to eat it?” Caine asked, surprised. He had expected at least some resistance. That Kat had given in so easily and was now eating the yogurt made him a little suspicious.

“It’s not like I want to eat it but I don’t want to upset you. Why are you looking at me like that? I’d thought you would be glad?!” Katherine asked, getting nervous that Caine was on to him. He doesn’t know I’m going to puke the yogurt up after he leaves, does he? Kat wondered, anxiously.

“Kat you’re not going to do anything stupid are you?” Caine asked, staring severely at Katherine. Caine walked over to one of the many cabinet and pulled out bottle of Men’s One A Day vitamins. He set the bottle in front of Katherine and stood next to where Kat sat.

“What the fuck do you mean by ‘stupid’. I’m already eating the damn yogurt so it’s a little late to not do anything ‘stupid’,” Kat snapped. He stared fiercely at Caine, wishing he’d just go to work already. He finished the yogurt and threw the carton away and placed the spoon in the sink before sitting back down, still glaring angrily at Caine.

“Eating isn’t stupid! Your body needs nourishment, Kat. But if you are planning on doing anything dumb like puking up the food I make you eat then at least take one of these vitamins, kay?” Caine replied, and placed on of the pills in Kat’s hand.

Katherine took the vitamin from Caine and put it back in the bottle, saying, “I’ll take one later after I…while you know. If you know that I vomit up the food then why…”

“I didn’t know for sure I just suspected it. But now that you admitted it I guess I won’t bother trying to get you to eat. I guess that’s therapy’s job,” Caine said. He bent down and kissed Kat on the forehead then deeply on the lips. His tongue slipped into Katherine’s mouth, causing Katherine to shudder in pleasure. Caine’s hand reached down and gripped Kat’s little dick through his pants.

“Aaaaahhhh!” Katherine moaned in pleasure and grabbed Caine’s crotch. But all too soon Caine’s mouth pulled away from his. “Can we fuck before you go,” Katherine whispered, his voice soft and silky with arousal.

“I wish I could but I have to get to work early today so I have to leave…SHIT I SHOULD HAVE LEFT 10 MINUTES AGO!!” Caine shouted when he looked at the clock. “Sorry, angelboy, I’ll make it up to you later, I promise. I love you,” Caine said and gave Kat a quick kiss then hurried out of the house.

“Bye, I love you too,” Katherine called after him. He then went to the bathroom and threw up the yogurt. He rinsed his mouth out afterwards and brushed his teeth before going back to the kitchen to take one of the vitamins. I think I’ll go for a walk but I better not go alone. It’s not safe, he thought. I’ll call Stacy and see if he’ll walk with me. Kat walked to the phone and did so.

“Hi, Stacy Kirkland speaking,” Stacy said over the phone.

“Hi, Stacy. It’s me, Katherine. Are you doing anything right now?” Katherine asked.

“Well sort of. I’m kind of with a client right now but I should be finished up soon. Why you want to fuck or something?” Stacy asked, singling for the man in bed next to him that he’d be off the phone in a second. Stacy was a prostitute by trade, making good money the “easy way” as he put it. His client was a very plump, hairy, man who claimed to be in his 40’s but Stacy thought he looked at least 65.

“No I don’t want to fuck. I was hoping we could just hang out and go for a walk. Does that sound lame?” Katherine asked, beginning to feel that he must sound so stupid and lame to Stacy.

“That doesn’t sound lame! It sounds nice. And after I’m through with this client a walk with you will be a welcome relief, kid,” Stacy whispered, with a laugh. He liked his job okay, it paid more then waiting tables and the other jobs he would be able to get with not even a high school diploma. But sometimes it was pretty gross. Like now, he thought, glancing at the large man who was grinning and licking his lips eagerly. I’m nothing more then a whore with a cute face and hot body to him and all those like him, but if it pays the bills then I’ll gladly be a whore, he thought.

“Okay, thanks. Can you meet me at my house?” Katherine asked, glad that Stacy hadn’t blown him off.

“Okay. See you later kid,” Stacy said and hung up the phone. He turned back to the man and his work.

Katherine hung up the phone and went to get dress. Stacy is the closet friend I have now that Brian moved away. It’ll be nice to see him again.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005

   My kitty, Camo

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Friday, August 12, 2005


Caine, with the urging from Jamie, had taken the afternoon off, coming home early. He opened the front door to the sound of the back door being opened and slammed shut. “Katherine!” Caine called. When Caine received no answer he determined that Kat must have gone out into the back yard. He was going to go out and see if that were so then, happening to glance at the bedroom whose door was wide open, he stopped dead in his tracks. “KAT!!!” he screamed, running into the room and drooping down on the floor beside Katherine. He put his fingers on his wrists feeling for a pulse, and felt one. “Thank goodness,” he sighed in relief. He is alive, but what the fuck happened to him? Caine wondered. Should I call 911? I don’t know what I would say? Caine’s mind was spinning around and around in a hysterical state of worry when he noticed the blue choke marked around Katherine’s neck. “HOLY SHIT!!!” Caine shouted.

“NO! Get please don’t! Get…Caine?” Katherine had opened his eyes and started yelling in fear before he realized it was Caine how sat beside him and not Jose.

“Katherine, are you okay? What happen? Who did this to you? Do you need to go to the hospital? What…” Caine was speaking to rapidly for Kat to catch all of his questions and Kat coughed and sobbed as he tried to utter a response.

“Caine, oh my god, I’m so glad you’re here. I was so scared, so scared. He was going to kill me. Caine, Caine…Caine…” Katherine sobbed over and over again as he clung tightly to Caine’s chest. He wanted to shut out everything that had just happen, wanted to feel safe and secure in Caine’s arms. I don’t want to be that weak, frightened little kid again, he thought.

Caine had to suppress his first instinct to jump up and dial 911, upon hearing that someone had tried to kill Katherine. He needs me with him right now, he realized, hugging Kat before pushing him back and holding him at arms length by the shoulders. “Angelboy, I need you to try to calm down. Take a deep breath….that’s it,” he said, seeing Kat making an effort to slow his breathing and collect his thoughts. “Now, please tell me what happen,” Caine commanded gently.

Katherine stared at Caine in stunned silence, comprehending for the first time just how much shit he was in. “I…I don’t want to tell you. You will call the police and make me tell them who did this to me. I don’t want to go through any of that, Caine.”

Caine halted the shout he was about to release and instead spoke to Kat in a kind voice. “Kat someone raped you. Some sick bastard raped you, beat you, and then tried to strangle you to death. Am I right?”

Kat nodded his head “yes” but didn’t speak. Why does Caine have to know everything, he thought bitterly.

“You know who did it, Kat. Why don’t you tell me?” Caine asked his voice still placid, but inside he was a stormy sea of emotions.

“If I tell you will you promise not to call the police?” Kat asked, wishing Caine weren’t holding his shoulder so tightly. If he decides to make me tell him I won’t even have a chance to get away, he thought.

“Okay, but you have to come to see Dr. Rashid, the psychiatrist the Professor recommended to me. And you have to tell him who it was. Promise?” Caine asked giving Kat a quick kiss on the forehead.

Katherine didn’t want to go see any stupid shrink but he didn’t want to have to deal with the police either. So he did something he knew was wrong and wasn’t fair to Caine. He lied. “Okay I promise. Now can we just stop talking about this,” he whispered, feeling low, dirty, guilty, and shamed. I lied to him, again. How could I? He thought, but he knew the answer. He didn’t have the strength to deal with what had happen so he betrayed Caine’s trust once again. The word whore echoed through his mind.

Caine stood up and brought Kat up with him, still holding his shoulders. He turned Kat around to look at his backside, figuring that it must have been beat pretty bad to have left the bloodstains he noticed on the sheets. It was worst then he had thought, he realized with a sharp intake of air. Jesus-fuckin-christ!! How could a belt do that to him? Caine looked at Kat’s raw and bloody back, ass, thighs, and legs and determined that a belt couldn’t have done that no matter how hard you hit with it. “Kat what did the asshole use to beat you? It couldn’t have been a belt, your skin is torn off in too many places and the welts are way too brutal to possibly be done with a belt.” Caine said. He felt Kat’s body tense beneath his hands and could hear Kat start whimpering again. “Oh no, Kat,” he said, the horrible realization dawning on him, “it wasn’t a strap was it?”

Kat tried to walk away from Caine, but he held his shoulders in his grip. “Let go!” Kat screamed, struggling like a caged beast.

Caine thought about not letting go, but then decided that he better let Kat cope with this in his own way for the moment. He let go and watched as Kat stumbled to the corner of the bedroom near the door and sink down on to his knees, weeping loudly, and very piteously.

“IT WAS A GODDAMN STRAP! He fuckin raped me and then for back talking him he strapped me!! Just like my Daddy!! Just like my Daddy!! Oh, fuck, I never wanted to relive that! NEVER!!!” Katherine shrieked. He suddenly felt the irresistible urge to hurt something, someone, somehow. All the anger, shame, hurt, and guilt, were bubbling up inside him, threatening to tear him apart if it wasn’t released. “FUCK ALL THIS SHIT!!” he shouted and punched his hand into the wall with all his might.

Caine didn’t even get a chance to warn Kat against what he was doing before his fist hit the wall and left a blood stain on the white wall. “Kat!!” Caine shouted in horror, rushing to his side, to examine his hand.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Kat was shrieking a pain and holding his hand to his chest as he rolled on the floor. “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” he sobbed, wishing he hadn’t been so fuckin stupid.

“Kat, hold still! Let me see your hand! Hold still damnmit!” Caine yelled, forcefully. If he keeps rolling around like this he’ll make it worst.

Katherine couldn’t even hear Caine over his own screams and continued rolling and writhing on the floor in agony. Make it stop!! Katherine thought.

Caine grabbed Kat’s good hand and used it to pull him over to where he sat on the floor. He locked his arms around his waist and held him securely on his lap. I hope I don’t hurt him, Caine thought anxiously, as he took the arm of Kat’s injured hand and pulled it away from his chest.

“NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!! THAT HURTS!!!” Kat wailed, wretchedly, as Caine touched his hand gently.

I don’t think anything is broken but it sure is a mess, Caine observed. Kat’s hand was already beginning to swell up twice its size. The skin on his knuckles was split open and bleeding and his fist was bruised all over. Holy shit, why did he do that , Caine wondered. Just because I punch the wall when I’m pissed doesn’t mine he should do it!!

“Caine,” Kat cried, “please help me!! Make the pain stop!” Katherine’s hand had ceased to be thought of as his hand, he thought of it just as pain. And he wanted the pain to stop. He was scared and didn’t know what to do.

“Angelboy, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to take you to the hospital and they’ll fix that hand right up,” Caine tried to comfort Katherine.

“NO! I don’t want to go to the hospital! They’re going to ask nosy fuckin questions!” Kat exclaimed, trying to stand up, but fell back down, his legs throbbing in agony from the strapping.

“You don’t have choice. Your hand might me broken, you need to get it treated and X-rayed. Don’t worry about what they ask, I’ll take care of everything, I promise.” Caine said and before Kat could protest he picked him up, making sure he didn’t bump Kat’s injured hand. Caine helped Katherine put his clothes back on then carried him to his car.

“I’m sorry Caine,” Kat whispered as Caine drove VERY swiftly to the hospital.

Caine glanced over at Kat in bewilderment. “What are you apologizing for? I’m the one who owes you the apology for what I did to you this morning. I’m sorry for hurting you Kat. I really mean it, I’m sorry,” he said, quickly wiping a tear from his eye.

“It’s okay Caine, I’ve had worst. But I wanted to apologize for being a dumbfuck. I probably am going to end up making us both look like psychos all because I went and did this to my hand. I’m a fuckin moron!” Kat said, cradling his damaged and to his chest. I feel so stupid, he thought.

“You are not a dumbfuck or a moron, Katherine!” Caine shouted. “You were upset, and rightly so, it’s not your fault. In your place I would have done something self destructive, too,” Caine said, as he turned into the hospital entrance and headed for the emergency room area.

He parked the car in the closest available space and got out. “It’ll be okay, baby,” he whispered to Kat as he picked him up and carried into the emergency room.

About three hours later Katherine and Caine were sitting in a hospital treatment room, waiting to be cleared to leave. They had X-rayed Kat’s hand and saw no sign of any broken and fractured bones, to everyone’s relief. But Kat had needed a few stitches and his hand was very swollen. The doctor had given them some cream to rub onto Kat’s hand to help with the bruising and swelling, before wrapping Kat’s hand in soft whit bandages and putting an icepack on it.

Just as Katherine had thought they did have a lot of questions for both Him and Caine. When they asked about how he had injured his hand Katherine simply told them that he was very upset and had punched his fist into the wall. That’s when things got bad. They had asked him why he’d done that and Kat said, “I…my emotions were too much, too much pain, too much anger and shame. And…I…I had to release them somehow so I hurt wanted to hurt myself and I did it.”

Katherine’s answer sent the doctors into a frenzied. They insisted on examining Kat more closely and he didn’t have much of a choice but to a let them. If he refused they would just be more convinced that he was a self injurer. When they saw the bruises, welts, and cuts all over Katherine’s back, legs, thighs, and behind they believed that Caine had abused him. “Did Caine do this to you, Katherine?” they had asked. Kat was pissed off that they were sticking their noses in his business. All he had had wanted was for his hand to be treated, he didn’t need 20 fuckin questions. “Caine didn’t do this to me. A ex-lover of mine did it. Can I go now?” Katherine had angrily replied.

For his part had seconded Kat’s wanting to be released. “I don’t understand what’s the big deal. So Kat hurt himself, I do that sometimes too. So what. Can you just finish treating him and let us leave!” Caine realized all too late that what he had said was a mistake. The hospital staff turned their questioning to him while the rest of Kat’s body was being treated.

“Can you tell us how and why you hurt yourself, Caine?” they asked him. Caine had sighed, heavily, not wanting to talk about this when he hadn’t told Katherine about it yet. “It’s none of your goddamn business!” he had yelled.

“Actually it is, Caine. I know you think we are being mean and nosy but we are just trying to help you and your boyfriend. If you are a self injurer Caine you need to get help. We have therapist at the hospital who could,” the doctor had tried to say but Caine angrily cute him off.

“I am not a self injurer. Sometimes I hit myself with things but I haven’t done that in months so…” Caine was interrupted by yet another question from one of the staff.

“What do you hit yourself with Caine? Does it leave bruising or cause injury?”

Caine looked down at his hands, in despair. I don’t want to tell them this when I haven’t told Kat, but what else can I do? He thought. “I would use a wooden baseball bat or a hammer. And I’d hit whatever part of my body I felt like. And yes, it did leave bruises. Usually pretty nasty looking ones too. Anything else you’d like to make me answer?” Caine snapped. He looked over to see that Kat was done, and had put back on his clothes.

“Can we go now, doctor?” Katherine asked, looking into Caine’s eyes sadly. Why didn’t you ever tell me Caine? He though. He remembered the horrible bruises he used to see on Caine quite frequently up until 3 months ago. Caine had always made up some lame excuse that Kat knew was bullshit but had never pressed the issue. He did that to himself? Poor, Caine.

“I’m afraid you can’t leave yet. You two can wait in here and I shall be back shortly. If you need anything just push the call button and a nurse will come an assist you,” the doctor had said then left along with the other hospital staff members.

That was half an hour ago and both Caine and Katherine sat alone in the room wondering if they would ever be aloud to leave. “I’m sorry, Kat. I shouldn’t have said anything about me hurting myself. If I would have keep quiet we wouldn’t still be sitting here. They are probably looking in my medical records and seeing that I’ve had several visits to a hospital for injuries that have thought to been self inflicted,” Caine said, sinking deeper into his seat.

“It’s okay Caine. It’s not your fault we both seem to have made a bad impression. Can they really keep us here against our will?” Kat asked. He was scared, he didn’t want to be kept here like he was in a prison.

“They can. I believe that a hospital can hold you against your will for treatment up to 5 days. Odds are they are debating whether to do that to us,” Caine replied, wondering how Kat felt about learning the truth behind his mysteriously bruises.

“Five days! That’s bullshit! How the fuck can…” Katherine stopped as the doctor walked back into the room with four orderlies. This doesn’t look good, Kat thought, staring wryly at the orderlies.

“We believe you two need to stay for at least five days for mandatory therapy. If you will follow me and these kind gentlemen I’ll show you where you will be staying,” the doctor said, motioning for the orderlies to surround Kat and Caine.

“Wait! Doctor we are already seeking therapy!” Caine exclaimed in a desperate attempt to prevent him and Kat from becoming inpatients.

“Oh, really. And whom may I ask is that, Caine?” the doctor asked, skeptically.

“Dr. Rashid. Me and Kat and going to go see him as soon as we can set up an appointment. We don’t need your help,” Caine said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out Dr. Rashid’s card. “See, look,” he said, handing the card to the doctor.

The doctor read over the card, then he gasped in realization. “Oh, yes. You mine Ahmad,” he said, giving Caine the card back. “He is an old friend of mine. I’ll tell you what. If you and Katherine set up an appointment with Ahmad today before you leave the hospital you don’t have to stay the five days.”

Katherine and Caine both heaved a tremendous sigh of relief. “Yes, we will. Thank you,” Caine said. The orderlies left the room and Caine and Katherine used the phone to call Dr. Rashid’s office and they were able to set up an appointment for both of them to see him at 6:30pm the next day.

Katherine and Caine were in the car, driving home fifteen minutes later. Kat sat in the car seat uncomfortably, feeling his clothes press against his strapped body. His injured hand was in a sling, to keep it from being jostled around too much. Katherine could see Caine was very tense. Does he feel bad about not telling me he use to hurt himself? He pondered. “Caine?” he asked, knowing he had to approach this with supreme sensitivity and tact.

“What? I’m sorry about getting us into all that shit. That was so fuckin stupid,” Caine said, hitting his hand against the dashboard in frustration as he drove.

“That’s not what I meant,” Kat said, rubbing his eyes and yawning. The pain medication the doctor had given had made him drowsing and a bit dizzy. “Why didn’t you ever tell me the truth about how you got all those gruesome looking bruises? Did you think I wouldn’t understand? Do you not trust me, Caine?” Katherine asked. He remembered coming back from running one day about six months ago. Katherine had greeted Caine with a hug and leaned against his arm. Caine had grunted in pain, which surprised him. When he had asked Caine what was wrong he said it was “Nothing but a little bruise.” But when he had looked down at Caine’s “little bruise” Kat had been horrified. Caine’s entire right arm, from his wrist to his upper biceps was purple, red, black and blue. It was swollen to twice its normal size.

“Fuck, Caine, that’s not a ‘little bruise’!!,” Kat had exclaimed. “How the hell did this happen?!”

Caine had struck Kat across the face with his left hand, knocking him to the floor. “It’s none of your goddamn business!!” he had shouted at Kat before stalking out of the house in a rage.

Because of that Kat had never dared question him about the bruises again, worried he would receive something worse then a slap across the face if he did. Even now he was worried Caine might decide to stop the car and punish him.

Caine was thinking nothing of the sort. He didn’t feel anger just sadness and guilt. Kat is right. I didn’t trust him. I thought he would think I was a wacko if he knew I beat myself. I should have know better, he thought. “You’re right I didn’t trust you. I didn’t think you would understand. I thought you’d think I’m a wacko or sicko or something. But I trust you now and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry Kat, I was scared, scared that you’d leave me. I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said as they pulled into their driveway. Caine got out of the car and went around to help Kat out.

“I love you, Caine. Nothing will change that. And I do understand. Oh, god do I ever understand. There were plenty of times when I was a kid that I just wanted to slit my fuckin wrists. Sometimes the pain is just too much to handle on the inside, right?” Kat asked as Caine carried him toward the house.”

“Yeah, that’s how I feel. I love you Kat. You are….WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??!!!” Caine exclaimed. The front door of their house was painted pink instead of it’s normal red drown and going vertical across the door, in large black letters were the words “FAGGOTS BURN IN HELL”.

Katherine and Caine stood there in shock a minute or two, various emotions sifting through them. Katherine was surprised, he never expected to be the victim of a hate crime in Boston of all places. And he was scared too, someone must have a problem with them to do this. Caine was surprised too, but the anger and outrage overrode the surprise. What homophobic son of a bitch did this! He thought, holding Katherine tighter to his body.

Finally Caine broke the very awkward silence. “While I guess we’ll be dealing with cops after all to day. I mean…WOW! Who would do this and why? This is fuckin Massachusetts! The only state where homosexuals can get married! Why the fuck did someone do this, damnmit!!” he shouted as he unlocked the door and carried Katherine into the house. He set Caine down on the couch and went to go call the police. I can’t fuckin believe it. A hate crime! I didn’t ever think I’d have to deal with that here, he thought.

Katherine yawned and closed his eyes, the medication finally getting the better of him. As Kat drifted into sleep his last conscious thoughts were of how incredibly shitty the day had been. First Caine beats my ass then Jose comes and makes me his bitch again, then me and Caine almost get turned into inpatients in the hospital’s psychiatric ward, and now someone decides to vandalize our door. Shitty fuckin miserable day, he thought, resentfully.
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