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Friday, August 12, 2005


Caine, with the urging from Jamie, had taken the afternoon off, coming home early. He opened the front door to the sound of the back door being opened and slammed shut. “Katherine!” Caine called. When Caine received no answer he determined that Kat must have gone out into the back yard. He was going to go out and see if that were so then, happening to glance at the bedroom whose door was wide open, he stopped dead in his tracks. “KAT!!!” he screamed, running into the room and drooping down on the floor beside Katherine. He put his fingers on his wrists feeling for a pulse, and felt one. “Thank goodness,” he sighed in relief. He is alive, but what the fuck happened to him? Caine wondered. Should I call 911? I don’t know what I would say? Caine’s mind was spinning around and around in a hysterical state of worry when he noticed the blue choke marked around Katherine’s neck. “HOLY SHIT!!!” Caine shouted.

“NO! Get please don’t! Get…Caine?” Katherine had opened his eyes and started yelling in fear before he realized it was Caine how sat beside him and not Jose.

“Katherine, are you okay? What happen? Who did this to you? Do you need to go to the hospital? What…” Caine was speaking to rapidly for Kat to catch all of his questions and Kat coughed and sobbed as he tried to utter a response.

“Caine, oh my god, I’m so glad you’re here. I was so scared, so scared. He was going to kill me. Caine, Caine…Caine…” Katherine sobbed over and over again as he clung tightly to Caine’s chest. He wanted to shut out everything that had just happen, wanted to feel safe and secure in Caine’s arms. I don’t want to be that weak, frightened little kid again, he thought.

Caine had to suppress his first instinct to jump up and dial 911, upon hearing that someone had tried to kill Katherine. He needs me with him right now, he realized, hugging Kat before pushing him back and holding him at arms length by the shoulders. “Angelboy, I need you to try to calm down. Take a deep breath….that’s it,” he said, seeing Kat making an effort to slow his breathing and collect his thoughts. “Now, please tell me what happen,” Caine commanded gently.

Katherine stared at Caine in stunned silence, comprehending for the first time just how much shit he was in. “I…I don’t want to tell you. You will call the police and make me tell them who did this to me. I don’t want to go through any of that, Caine.”

Caine halted the shout he was about to release and instead spoke to Kat in a kind voice. “Kat someone raped you. Some sick bastard raped you, beat you, and then tried to strangle you to death. Am I right?”

Kat nodded his head “yes” but didn’t speak. Why does Caine have to know everything, he thought bitterly.

“You know who did it, Kat. Why don’t you tell me?” Caine asked his voice still placid, but inside he was a stormy sea of emotions.

“If I tell you will you promise not to call the police?” Kat asked, wishing Caine weren’t holding his shoulder so tightly. If he decides to make me tell him I won’t even have a chance to get away, he thought.

“Okay, but you have to come to see Dr. Rashid, the psychiatrist the Professor recommended to me. And you have to tell him who it was. Promise?” Caine asked giving Kat a quick kiss on the forehead.

Katherine didn’t want to go see any stupid shrink but he didn’t want to have to deal with the police either. So he did something he knew was wrong and wasn’t fair to Caine. He lied. “Okay I promise. Now can we just stop talking about this,” he whispered, feeling low, dirty, guilty, and shamed. I lied to him, again. How could I? He thought, but he knew the answer. He didn’t have the strength to deal with what had happen so he betrayed Caine’s trust once again. The word whore echoed through his mind.

Caine stood up and brought Kat up with him, still holding his shoulders. He turned Kat around to look at his backside, figuring that it must have been beat pretty bad to have left the bloodstains he noticed on the sheets. It was worst then he had thought, he realized with a sharp intake of air. Jesus-fuckin-christ!! How could a belt do that to him? Caine looked at Kat’s raw and bloody back, ass, thighs, and legs and determined that a belt couldn’t have done that no matter how hard you hit with it. “Kat what did the asshole use to beat you? It couldn’t have been a belt, your skin is torn off in too many places and the welts are way too brutal to possibly be done with a belt.” Caine said. He felt Kat’s body tense beneath his hands and could hear Kat start whimpering again. “Oh no, Kat,” he said, the horrible realization dawning on him, “it wasn’t a strap was it?”

Kat tried to walk away from Caine, but he held his shoulders in his grip. “Let go!” Kat screamed, struggling like a caged beast.

Caine thought about not letting go, but then decided that he better let Kat cope with this in his own way for the moment. He let go and watched as Kat stumbled to the corner of the bedroom near the door and sink down on to his knees, weeping loudly, and very piteously.

“IT WAS A GODDAMN STRAP! He fuckin raped me and then for back talking him he strapped me!! Just like my Daddy!! Just like my Daddy!! Oh, fuck, I never wanted to relive that! NEVER!!!” Katherine shrieked. He suddenly felt the irresistible urge to hurt something, someone, somehow. All the anger, shame, hurt, and guilt, were bubbling up inside him, threatening to tear him apart if it wasn’t released. “FUCK ALL THIS SHIT!!” he shouted and punched his hand into the wall with all his might.

Caine didn’t even get a chance to warn Kat against what he was doing before his fist hit the wall and left a blood stain on the white wall. “Kat!!” Caine shouted in horror, rushing to his side, to examine his hand.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Kat was shrieking a pain and holding his hand to his chest as he rolled on the floor. “AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!” he sobbed, wishing he hadn’t been so fuckin stupid.

“Kat, hold still! Let me see your hand! Hold still damnmit!” Caine yelled, forcefully. If he keeps rolling around like this he’ll make it worst.

Katherine couldn’t even hear Caine over his own screams and continued rolling and writhing on the floor in agony. Make it stop!! Katherine thought.

Caine grabbed Kat’s good hand and used it to pull him over to where he sat on the floor. He locked his arms around his waist and held him securely on his lap. I hope I don’t hurt him, Caine thought anxiously, as he took the arm of Kat’s injured hand and pulled it away from his chest.

“NNNNNNOOOOOOO!!! THAT HURTS!!!” Kat wailed, wretchedly, as Caine touched his hand gently.

I don’t think anything is broken but it sure is a mess, Caine observed. Kat’s hand was already beginning to swell up twice its size. The skin on his knuckles was split open and bleeding and his fist was bruised all over. Holy shit, why did he do that , Caine wondered. Just because I punch the wall when I’m pissed doesn’t mine he should do it!!

“Caine,” Kat cried, “please help me!! Make the pain stop!” Katherine’s hand had ceased to be thought of as his hand, he thought of it just as pain. And he wanted the pain to stop. He was scared and didn’t know what to do.

“Angelboy, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to take you to the hospital and they’ll fix that hand right up,” Caine tried to comfort Katherine.

“NO! I don’t want to go to the hospital! They’re going to ask nosy fuckin questions!” Kat exclaimed, trying to stand up, but fell back down, his legs throbbing in agony from the strapping.

“You don’t have choice. Your hand might me broken, you need to get it treated and X-rayed. Don’t worry about what they ask, I’ll take care of everything, I promise.” Caine said and before Kat could protest he picked him up, making sure he didn’t bump Kat’s injured hand. Caine helped Katherine put his clothes back on then carried him to his car.

“I’m sorry Caine,” Kat whispered as Caine drove VERY swiftly to the hospital.

Caine glanced over at Kat in bewilderment. “What are you apologizing for? I’m the one who owes you the apology for what I did to you this morning. I’m sorry for hurting you Kat. I really mean it, I’m sorry,” he said, quickly wiping a tear from his eye.

“It’s okay Caine, I’ve had worst. But I wanted to apologize for being a dumbfuck. I probably am going to end up making us both look like psychos all because I went and did this to my hand. I’m a fuckin moron!” Kat said, cradling his damaged and to his chest. I feel so stupid, he thought.

“You are not a dumbfuck or a moron, Katherine!” Caine shouted. “You were upset, and rightly so, it’s not your fault. In your place I would have done something self destructive, too,” Caine said, as he turned into the hospital entrance and headed for the emergency room area.

He parked the car in the closest available space and got out. “It’ll be okay, baby,” he whispered to Kat as he picked him up and carried into the emergency room.

About three hours later Katherine and Caine were sitting in a hospital treatment room, waiting to be cleared to leave. They had X-rayed Kat’s hand and saw no sign of any broken and fractured bones, to everyone’s relief. But Kat had needed a few stitches and his hand was very swollen. The doctor had given them some cream to rub onto Kat’s hand to help with the bruising and swelling, before wrapping Kat’s hand in soft whit bandages and putting an icepack on it.

Just as Katherine had thought they did have a lot of questions for both Him and Caine. When they asked about how he had injured his hand Katherine simply told them that he was very upset and had punched his fist into the wall. That’s when things got bad. They had asked him why he’d done that and Kat said, “I…my emotions were too much, too much pain, too much anger and shame. And…I…I had to release them somehow so I hurt wanted to hurt myself and I did it.”

Katherine’s answer sent the doctors into a frenzied. They insisted on examining Kat more closely and he didn’t have much of a choice but to a let them. If he refused they would just be more convinced that he was a self injurer. When they saw the bruises, welts, and cuts all over Katherine’s back, legs, thighs, and behind they believed that Caine had abused him. “Did Caine do this to you, Katherine?” they had asked. Kat was pissed off that they were sticking their noses in his business. All he had had wanted was for his hand to be treated, he didn’t need 20 fuckin questions. “Caine didn’t do this to me. A ex-lover of mine did it. Can I go now?” Katherine had angrily replied.

For his part had seconded Kat’s wanting to be released. “I don’t understand what’s the big deal. So Kat hurt himself, I do that sometimes too. So what. Can you just finish treating him and let us leave!” Caine realized all too late that what he had said was a mistake. The hospital staff turned their questioning to him while the rest of Kat’s body was being treated.

“Can you tell us how and why you hurt yourself, Caine?” they asked him. Caine had sighed, heavily, not wanting to talk about this when he hadn’t told Katherine about it yet. “It’s none of your goddamn business!” he had yelled.

“Actually it is, Caine. I know you think we are being mean and nosy but we are just trying to help you and your boyfriend. If you are a self injurer Caine you need to get help. We have therapist at the hospital who could,” the doctor had tried to say but Caine angrily cute him off.

“I am not a self injurer. Sometimes I hit myself with things but I haven’t done that in months so…” Caine was interrupted by yet another question from one of the staff.

“What do you hit yourself with Caine? Does it leave bruising or cause injury?”

Caine looked down at his hands, in despair. I don’t want to tell them this when I haven’t told Kat, but what else can I do? He thought. “I would use a wooden baseball bat or a hammer. And I’d hit whatever part of my body I felt like. And yes, it did leave bruises. Usually pretty nasty looking ones too. Anything else you’d like to make me answer?” Caine snapped. He looked over to see that Kat was done, and had put back on his clothes.

“Can we go now, doctor?” Katherine asked, looking into Caine’s eyes sadly. Why didn’t you ever tell me Caine? He though. He remembered the horrible bruises he used to see on Caine quite frequently up until 3 months ago. Caine had always made up some lame excuse that Kat knew was bullshit but had never pressed the issue. He did that to himself? Poor, Caine.

“I’m afraid you can’t leave yet. You two can wait in here and I shall be back shortly. If you need anything just push the call button and a nurse will come an assist you,” the doctor had said then left along with the other hospital staff members.

That was half an hour ago and both Caine and Katherine sat alone in the room wondering if they would ever be aloud to leave. “I’m sorry, Kat. I shouldn’t have said anything about me hurting myself. If I would have keep quiet we wouldn’t still be sitting here. They are probably looking in my medical records and seeing that I’ve had several visits to a hospital for injuries that have thought to been self inflicted,” Caine said, sinking deeper into his seat.

“It’s okay Caine. It’s not your fault we both seem to have made a bad impression. Can they really keep us here against our will?” Kat asked. He was scared, he didn’t want to be kept here like he was in a prison.

“They can. I believe that a hospital can hold you against your will for treatment up to 5 days. Odds are they are debating whether to do that to us,” Caine replied, wondering how Kat felt about learning the truth behind his mysteriously bruises.

“Five days! That’s bullshit! How the fuck can…” Katherine stopped as the doctor walked back into the room with four orderlies. This doesn’t look good, Kat thought, staring wryly at the orderlies.

“We believe you two need to stay for at least five days for mandatory therapy. If you will follow me and these kind gentlemen I’ll show you where you will be staying,” the doctor said, motioning for the orderlies to surround Kat and Caine.

“Wait! Doctor we are already seeking therapy!” Caine exclaimed in a desperate attempt to prevent him and Kat from becoming inpatients.

“Oh, really. And whom may I ask is that, Caine?” the doctor asked, skeptically.

“Dr. Rashid. Me and Kat and going to go see him as soon as we can set up an appointment. We don’t need your help,” Caine said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out Dr. Rashid’s card. “See, look,” he said, handing the card to the doctor.

The doctor read over the card, then he gasped in realization. “Oh, yes. You mine Ahmad,” he said, giving Caine the card back. “He is an old friend of mine. I’ll tell you what. If you and Katherine set up an appointment with Ahmad today before you leave the hospital you don’t have to stay the five days.”

Katherine and Caine both heaved a tremendous sigh of relief. “Yes, we will. Thank you,” Caine said. The orderlies left the room and Caine and Katherine used the phone to call Dr. Rashid’s office and they were able to set up an appointment for both of them to see him at 6:30pm the next day.

Katherine and Caine were in the car, driving home fifteen minutes later. Kat sat in the car seat uncomfortably, feeling his clothes press against his strapped body. His injured hand was in a sling, to keep it from being jostled around too much. Katherine could see Caine was very tense. Does he feel bad about not telling me he use to hurt himself? He pondered. “Caine?” he asked, knowing he had to approach this with supreme sensitivity and tact.

“What? I’m sorry about getting us into all that shit. That was so fuckin stupid,” Caine said, hitting his hand against the dashboard in frustration as he drove.

“That’s not what I meant,” Kat said, rubbing his eyes and yawning. The pain medication the doctor had given had made him drowsing and a bit dizzy. “Why didn’t you ever tell me the truth about how you got all those gruesome looking bruises? Did you think I wouldn’t understand? Do you not trust me, Caine?” Katherine asked. He remembered coming back from running one day about six months ago. Katherine had greeted Caine with a hug and leaned against his arm. Caine had grunted in pain, which surprised him. When he had asked Caine what was wrong he said it was “Nothing but a little bruise.” But when he had looked down at Caine’s “little bruise” Kat had been horrified. Caine’s entire right arm, from his wrist to his upper biceps was purple, red, black and blue. It was swollen to twice its normal size.

“Fuck, Caine, that’s not a ‘little bruise’!!,” Kat had exclaimed. “How the hell did this happen?!”

Caine had struck Kat across the face with his left hand, knocking him to the floor. “It’s none of your goddamn business!!” he had shouted at Kat before stalking out of the house in a rage.

Because of that Kat had never dared question him about the bruises again, worried he would receive something worse then a slap across the face if he did. Even now he was worried Caine might decide to stop the car and punish him.

Caine was thinking nothing of the sort. He didn’t feel anger just sadness and guilt. Kat is right. I didn’t trust him. I thought he would think I was a wacko if he knew I beat myself. I should have know better, he thought. “You’re right I didn’t trust you. I didn’t think you would understand. I thought you’d think I’m a wacko or sicko or something. But I trust you now and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry Kat, I was scared, scared that you’d leave me. I’m sorry I lied to you,” he said as they pulled into their driveway. Caine got out of the car and went around to help Kat out.

“I love you, Caine. Nothing will change that. And I do understand. Oh, god do I ever understand. There were plenty of times when I was a kid that I just wanted to slit my fuckin wrists. Sometimes the pain is just too much to handle on the inside, right?” Kat asked as Caine carried him toward the house.”

“Yeah, that’s how I feel. I love you Kat. You are….WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??!!!” Caine exclaimed. The front door of their house was painted pink instead of it’s normal red drown and going vertical across the door, in large black letters were the words “FAGGOTS BURN IN HELL”.

Katherine and Caine stood there in shock a minute or two, various emotions sifting through them. Katherine was surprised, he never expected to be the victim of a hate crime in Boston of all places. And he was scared too, someone must have a problem with them to do this. Caine was surprised too, but the anger and outrage overrode the surprise. What homophobic son of a bitch did this! He thought, holding Katherine tighter to his body.

Finally Caine broke the very awkward silence. “While I guess we’ll be dealing with cops after all to day. I mean…WOW! Who would do this and why? This is fuckin Massachusetts! The only state where homosexuals can get married! Why the fuck did someone do this, damnmit!!” he shouted as he unlocked the door and carried Katherine into the house. He set Caine down on the couch and went to go call the police. I can’t fuckin believe it. A hate crime! I didn’t ever think I’d have to deal with that here, he thought.

Katherine yawned and closed his eyes, the medication finally getting the better of him. As Kat drifted into sleep his last conscious thoughts were of how incredibly shitty the day had been. First Caine beats my ass then Jose comes and makes me his bitch again, then me and Caine almost get turned into inpatients in the hospital’s psychiatric ward, and now someone decides to vandalize our door. Shitty fuckin miserable day, he thought, resentfully.
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