Birthday • 1993-06-30 Gender •
Female Location • Wouldn't you like to know? Member Since • 2006-11-06 Occupation • Working myself half to death in school and clubs Real Name • Willa
Personal
Achievements • I am a Simon Scholar Anime Fan Since • Since I really got into Naruto. Favorite Anime • I have many Goals • Finding and staying with people who love me for me. Hobbies • singing, playing the flute and Saxophone, and writing. Talents • being able to do homework from classes that I fall asleep in everyday xD
myOtaku.com: AnimeAngel993
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
random youtube video?
I'm tried and confused about a lot of things.
Meh. I don't really feel like talking much today, but I thought I'd post something. So I'm posting a video. ^^ I didn't make this, I just think it's a really cool video :P
This weekend I slept over at Twili-chans on Friday, and then on saturday I went to Language of birds, and from there i went to Texas to see my sister.
lol we were supposed to leave El Paso by 5pm so that we'd get back home by 10, but instead we left at 7pm and got back at midnight. I have tons of essays and crap due, so I stayed home so I could do them today and turn them in tomorrow. :P
But it was fun hanging out as a family again :)
My sister Ada decided to stay up there the whole week sense it's her spring break. It wasn't until I got home and looked for the phone charger that I realized she had it up there with her. Ada and I share a phone charger though so now I'm not going to have my phone until she comes back on Saturday :( Meh, she could have at least told me she was taking it. Anyways, so I'm using my momma's phone until then.
My brother's home for the week, which is nice. :P
lol can you tell that I'm trying to think of things to talk about?
Idk, overall I've been okay.
I'm pulling myself back together and moving forward.
It's just, today I've kind of looked back on a lot of things.
I found some old messages from Jenna and I find it hard to believe how gullible I was back then.
Then I found some old messages from Reba and I laughed at how hard I tried with her. I was quite literally bending over backwards for a girl who I kept getting hurt by.
And then I found an old journal I kept and I thought haven't I changed at all sense back then?
And I finally got the courage to ask something. lol.
I wonder, if I knew then what I know now, would I have done things differently?
ha ha, I suppose there's no point in wondering that though, the past is unchangeable.
Yale Slavic Chorus
Tonight I went to a concert with my father and sister. This concert was on the Yale Slavic Chorus.
I walked in expecting a small show. I was shocked by how moving and wonderful the music was. I seriously was almost moved to tears! It was insane!
So, now I have a goal!!!
I want to go to Yale, and join the Yale Slavic Chorus. I know this seems like an impossible goal, but it really isn't. I already get good grades, and I think I'll be able to get scholarships. Plus, sense my father went to school at Yale and also taught there, I'm pretty sure my chances are improved just slightly to get accepted into the school.
But yeah, I'm so happy. I finally have something to work towards. :3
Also I've had a sort of mental switch. I've realized a few things about myself and the world around me and have improved my mood by changing my outlook on things. :P So yay!
I'm Sorry That I'm not sorry
This is a poem I wrote recently. I just thought I hadn't posted a poem in a while :P So why not?
I'm sorry that I'm not sorry.
I知 sorry that I知 not perfect.
That I have problems and feelings too.
I apologize if I cannot balance the world on my shoulders
Yes, I truly am sorry that I am not a robot
That I do not blindly follow your orders.
I知 sad to say that I actually do not give a fuck about how badly you think I知 screwing up my life.
Yes, I am sad to tell you that I actually do get sad.
I apologize for when my mind goes blank.
I regret to inform you that I do not regret.
I知 sick and tired of living my life just to reach other peoples goals.
I am sick and tired of being told that being me is wrong.
I am sick and tired of not having time to do what I want,
To dream what I want to dream.
Yes, I知 just ever so sorry that following my heart is such a sin.
I知 sorry that our worlds are so different, and that mine is therefore wrong.
I知 sorry that I allowed you to make me into someone I hate.
And I知 so sorry that we do not share the same fate.
I知 sorry that I do not believe in war,
And I知 sorry that it is so hard to reach my core.
I知 sad to inform you that I am a failure.
I apologize for everything that I just can稚 seem to do right.
I知 sorry that I seem to make so much folly.
But most of all, I知 sorry that I知 not sorry.
RANDOM THING FROM MYSPACE
Do you regret doing anything this week?
This week just started, so no
Name someone you know whose name begins with a J?
Josh.
Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
yeah probably.
Who are you currently texting?
No one xD
Would you ever stay with someone just because you didn't want to break their heart?
no
Do you hate being alone?
Yeah
How late did you stay up last night?
midnight
What are you wearing right now?
pjs.
What does the last text in your inbox say?
"Yes"
Who did you talk to on the phone last with and about what?
My dad, about his upcoming trip to California
What are you craving right now?
A day in an amusement park :3
Are your nails painted?
no.
Are you happy right now?
Yeah
Dark or light jeans?
Dark
What are you going to do after this?
Watch Full Metal Alchemist, probably lol
Have you ever crawled through a window?
yeah
Last person you had a long conversation with?
Devin
Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
Yeah
How do you feel about rainy days?
I love them :D
Is there anyone you know that deserves to get slapped?
idk. lol I get the urge to slap people a lot, but that doesn't mean they particularity deserve it
well...
I thought I should write a post,
even though I'm exhausted.
Today was fun :)
I went to a band event called Solo and Ensemble.
It's where we all pick solos and well, ensembles, and perform them for grades. the best grade you can get is a one and the worst is a 5.
I did a flute duet and a saxophone quartet and one both we got a two. :D
After that we had a lot of free time so the band like played red-rover and did drill downs and stuff. It was tons of fun, except during red-rover someone ran in between me and this other person and my arm like twisted back and really really hurt. It still hurts :(
But it was still loads of fun.
After that we all hopped on a bus and went to Dairy Queen for a later lunch and then came back home.
I went to Language of birds, a youth opera that I'm in, for an hour and then went to warm up for a choir performance. Then we all went to a restrant together x) Before we came back at 7 and sang for a crowd. We were all dancing and being silly back stage, and then we were all serious on stage xD
And then i came home :)
Over all, a petty good day.
It's just that I'm really tired and stressed out.
I got into a fight with my mom the other night and I ended up basically confessing about things that she did that bothered me. Like how I was tried of not having money and having to struggle and crap. And how it only hurts us knowing that she gave up her dreams for us and crap. It's stupid, the whole thing started by me reminding her to call and set up counseling for me. And she yelled at me saying "With what time?" Saying that I was too busy for counseling. And then the whole thing basically proved that I needed it.
It was the second night in a row that I cried, lets not make it a third.
Anyways, so I'm going to start counseling in a few weeks. So that should help with stuff.
Ignore my last post
I'm better now that I've rested a bit.
I'm supposed to be doing homework, but I keep getting distracted! lol. I have to write a three page paper on Air pollution. >.< and i have another project that's due tomorrow, though I think I'll just turn that in on Monday because I'm tired and I just want to sleep.
Today's been weird.
I was really hyper for a while but then I got really depressed and then later I just got really angry. After school I had sectionals with the Saxophones, and that was okay. Until one of the players pissed me off. It was like he wasn't even trying! He had the easiest part but he couldn't even play on beat one, when the rest of us rested. So i was already annoyed because of him, but then this freshman girl ran into our sectional and was fucking around so two of the saxophone players yelled at her to get out.
By the time I got home I was still angry. I ended up punching my bed a few times. And then Tony texted me and asked if we could try our relationship again. I told him not right now because I just want to be alone right now, there are too many things I need to figure out. And he said "I know, I mean like in the future." and then before I could reply he said "Actually, forget I asked that k, bye." And for some reason that just threw me over the edge and I broke down and cried about everything. Like seriously, everything. hence the reason for my last post.
But like I said, I'm a lot better now :P
I'm just really tired. I want to finish my homework quick and go to bed, but at the same time I just don't want to do anything.
Whatever, I'll just go work on it.
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Thursday, March 5, 2009
why can't anyone just say what they really think, what they really feel?
Why is everyone so fucking demanding?
why does everyone keep setting such impossible goals?
I hate this.
I'm not okay with how things are.
And I'm sick and tired of having to hide that fact.
I don't know what I thought would happen,
or how I though it would be.
But this isn't how I want things.
Nothing is how I want it.
Nothing.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to do any of this.
What happened?
I used to be happy.
I used to love life.
But now I'm just living it for other people.
I'm not happy with my life.
I hate it.
I hate not seeing my mom.
I hate having to face everything alone.
I hate not seeing my father.
I hate knowing I won't have him for much longer.
I hate how I'm losing everyone I love and there is nothing I can do about it.
I hate not being able to go and do the things that I want to do.
I hate not being able to tell my secrets.
I hate this person I've become.
I hate everything about myself.
The only things I do that are good are things I do that I don't want to do.
I hate hurting others.
And I hate being a failure.
I hate how I can look at something beautiful and not feel a thing.
I hate how pathetic I am.
I hate everything I do.
I hate not being able to reach the standards others set for me.
And I hate knowing that people don't care about me.
I could die and only a few people would miss me.
I would be forgotten, and the world would move on.
I hate not being able to cry.
I hate having to hide everything.
I hate how my sister was stolen from me,
and that things will never be the same.
I hate how Jenna still affects me.
I hate how I have never and will never mean anything to her.
I hate how Reba has always cared more about her than she cared about me.
I hate how I've lost everyone.
And that it's all my fault.
I hate how afraid I am.
And I hate the tears running down my face right now.
I hate that none of my relationships were real.
That none of them cared about me.
I hate how much I cared.
but most of all,
I hate how I am everything that I hate.
Well, i have tons of homework to do, but I' thought I would write a post first :P
So you know how I applied for that scholarship a while back? Well, they got back to me. I'm a semi-finalist for the scholarship!!! I just have to go to an interview. lol
For a few weeks no I've have these blotches of white skin on my hands. I didn't think it was anything serious though, so I didn't tell my mom. But yesterday they started to peel, and so my mom noticed. She freaked out. She thinks I'm allergic to something. If it doesn't go away I'm going to go to a doctor about it.
Anyways, today I went to the career center to talk to them about getting a job. And I started to fill out an application x) She said that they don't hire many 15-year-olds, but that if I impress them they might hire me. Cause I am almost 16... I really hope I get the job. Things are getting tight with the family, and I want to help. Besides then I could help pay off my trips.
Language of Birds opens on March 27th! I can't wait! lol. Though I still don't have it completely down. Which reminds me, I have the official Solo and Ensemble competition this Saturday :P But I have to pick another song to do with this freshman girl :( We barely have the one song down! Why do we have to do two?
Meh.
I don't understand
how someone can sleep with someone else and then imply that they like you. -_-
Reba told me yesterday (even though it was none of my business) that she had sex with Jenna. I was like okay, whatever. It's your life. Cause I always knew that Reba liked Jenna, hell that's the reason I broke up with her. But what bugs me is that now Reba's acting like she likes me again. And it just doesn't click, Why would she sleep with Jenna and then turn around and act like she likes me?
And why did she tell me about her and Jenna, anyways? I mean seriously she randomly texted me, and I talked to her cause I assumed she had some point she was getting to. And then she was like "I did something stupid last weekend"
"Really what?"
"Jenna"
It was completely out of the blue. So now I'm just confused and annoyed. Ha ha ha, two of my ex's had sex together. Wow, don't I have the best luck?
Well anyways,
besides that this weekend was pretty good :P
I was at a choir competition on Saturday morning, and our choir has an article in today's paper. ^^
And then I slept over at Twili-chan's and had a blast laughing at stupid things on Silent Hill. ha ha ha. I hope her computer lets her upload that video soon, it's hilarious. Better than the other one. xD I kind of stopped reading the book Lord of the Flies recently (even though I have to read it for English) and today I realized it was out of fear, as it brought back some bad memories. But Seeing as I hate to give into my fears, I decided to finish the book tonight.
I guess that's it for now,
I have to get back to homework -_-
