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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Time: 5:02 p.m.|
Listening To: "Bother" - Stone Sour
Snippet: "You don't need to bother,
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther,
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'till it bleeds."
What happens when one of those small things that make you happy is about to be snatched from you? How do you cope with something so selfish, greedy, an inconsiderate? Tell me, because I'm at a loss. I don't want to give him up. He's so adorably furry, loves me unconditionally, licks my nose, gives me kitty kisses, and is all I ever wanted and all I need to keep me happy at this point in time. I'd give up Mountain Dew for him. (And Mountain Dew is my FAVORITE drink ever.) I cried, today. I was so happy for the moment, or at least content. Now I've slid into a small depression, and I'm trying to fight the onslaught of justified anger and resentment for the part of my family that doesn't deserve to live here in this house, and for the "would be" family if they had not burned bridges with me through my mother.
I don't know what is worse: Feeling like I'm still living with my Father, or giving up the kitty cat I've so desperately wanted for so long.
I'm sorry, those of myO. I just needed somewhere to put this on, and other places just seemed inadequate.
I know it's silly, and I apologize deeply. -bowed.-
"Wish I was too dead to cry.
Wish I was too dead to care,
If indeed I cared at all.
Never had a voice to protest,
So you fed me shit to digest.
I wish I had a reason,
My flaws are open season.
For this I gave up trying."
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Thursday, January 22, 2009
Oh, For the Love of L!
Time: 5:41 p.m.|
Listening To: "Dear Angel" - April Sixth
Well! I feel special. 6 comments, thank you all. :]
I'm going to leave the replies for last. :) I feel I need to talk for a moment about some things on my mind.
So I broke down and checked out the blogging, publishing, etc feature on theotaku.com. I even created a world which can be viewed from here:
Yes, its dedicated to L. I'm going to post Fanfictions, random videos I find, pictures, and etc. Don't worry this doesn't mean I'm going to stop posting here at all! I still love myO loads. I actually prefer the customization on here that I get more than there. But please check it out, get me some subs, comment, contribute? :) If you can think of any ideas of what else I could put on there, that would be fantastic.
WARNING: MATURE CONTENT BELOW. Read At your own risk or scroll down. :]
So I am taking a Sexuality class at college. It's really interesting so far, and the book is rather, ahem, "racy." My teacher is this middle-aged black woman who makes me laugh hardcore every class period. She's so open about sex that its refreshing, really. I'm an open-minded person, and so is she. So when I hear her just throwing out the words penis, vagina, sex, and discussing gay couples or how gay men have sex and what their prostate has to do with anything, it's really great, honestly. And luckily, there are not any immature people in this class. At least, I don't think so anyway. I haven't seen anyone giggle at something inappropriate. But I am really looking forward to learning more in depth about Sexology (the study OF sex, yes that is an actual field of work!)
/END MATURE CONTENT
Okay, back to the regular post. Other than that little bit of info, my other classes are fairly boring. comp I, creative writing (I thought it'd be fun its not), and Probability and Stats (I'm terrible at math, haha.) As for how I'm doing, I suppose I'm in a rather stable place for the moment.I don't know when, where or how quickly that will change, and the world will shift and shove me down, but I know one thing: I won't be ready, and I'll probably stumble and maybe fall, but I'll pick myself back up. :D
That's all for today! Please check out my "New World." And enjoy these scrumptious pictures of my love:
(For the yaoi fangirl. ;) )
1.)inkenyo 2.0: It's quite alright, you'll get to know me. And if you ever have time to look at my older posts in my archive, you'll see it, I'd think. But I wouldn't ask you to do that, haha! Also, the trip was wonderful and yes we did drive. Well, me and my bff did. He's so awesome, honestly. I couldn't ask for a better friend. I'm not really so content with being an under-achiever, I just don't mind how things are going right now. At some point I will wake up and want more for myself and those I love, and when that happens I'll get what I need to fill the missing puzzle piece so to speak. :D
2.) somegirl: -gave you one and took mine back.- Yes and then from Wisconsin to California and back. Roundtrip, driving. Yes, war on spiders! D: I had to kill them with my expensive hairspray! I don't know why she did it, something about her being OCD. ): Though I don't think that's a good enough excuse.
3.)deadly neko: I did write one back right before I left. I put a pretty nasty note on her door telling her what I really thought of how she acted. I never bashed her personally because I'm not that kind of cruel, but I was pretty harsh about her choice of lifestyles and blamed that on her problems with her boyfriend.
4.) XxDirEnGreyxX666: Ryuk is one of my favorite characters, but there's just something about L, honestly. O: We are totally going to meet. In a public place of course, to prove we're not creepy people. D:
5.) Fire Fist Ace: It's okay! If that happens again, just highlight it all and put it into like Notepad or something. It'll all show up. Or I'll attempt to not make the pictures so big. x_x; And thanks!
6.) Elves: Hmmm. Around what time of the year is it held? I really wouldn't mind going, I have a friend in Brooklyn and a friend in NYC as well that I've been wanting to see again. Yeah, L's death really made me cry hardcore, haha. But it's okay, I'm trudging through the rest of the anime as it is, because everyone keeps freaking dying. ;___; Yes! War on Spiders. I had to fend for myself! Spraying them with hairspray, knocking them down stairs, squashing them with spoons!
Actually, I left the school. By the time that I was fed up with the notes and fighting, I was so depressed about my life (Or lack thereof) at the moment that I just left the whole situation behind, putting it in the past. I would love to get a job like the one you might be getting, Elves. O_O; I love books so much. ;_;
Hahaha. Yes, happiness is the best gift I think. And an optimistic outlook even when things seem so bad they'll never get better. My childish side really gets in the way of my relationships with men more so than anything else. I tend to be sulky, cranky, posessive, and I hate sharing with anyone, but I'm working on it! XDD
OH yeah, and for anyone curious as to what I look like:
Alright, peace! <3
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Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Obsessive Compulsive For L.
Time: 8:02 p.m.|
Listening To: Falling Angel - Apocalyptica.
First, replies to the comments I received:
1.) Insane Rascal: Thank you, thank you for the advice. I wondered where it had moved to. I was afraid I was going to be stuck with this silly avatar forever. ;_;
2.)Flute: Thank you so much for the compliments on my site. :D And I see this. Hopefully there are still lurkers about I still haven't found.
3.) roseeyes: The con is in L.A., California. It's hosted the first weekend in July. :D You should totally try to make it if you can, because its always awesome fun. I am a yaoi fan, haha. I love unexpected pairings, but I also love other yaoi. Gravitation, Okane Ga Nai(One of my all time favorites), Junjou Romantica, Gakuen Heaven, Black Knight, etc etc. And LxLight. ;))))
4.) Elves: Welll. Where is NYAF? D: And I'm still on the series. It's hard to dredge on through since L is gone. -moment of silence.- But I recently found out that I have Teru Mikami to look forward to, and he's one hunk of a bishie. O_O; You should do a Chibi L! I'd like, die in heaven. xD
5.) Shadow: I'm glad I could help! I can also point you to some very adorable/sexy/mature fanfictions on FF.net if you'd like. ;) All LxLight. ;DD
Thank you all for the comments. :D
-curls into her chair, feet up. Grabs a chocolate covered pretzel stick.-
So where should I start?
I took a 20 day cross country trip from Tennessee (where I live) to Wisconsin to the West Coast. So many stories I could tell from the War on Spiders, to Las Vegas, and to my adventures of seeing a beach for the first time ever.
Thennnnnnnnn I came back in August and went to college. Being a dependent person, it was a bad idea for me to move away from home to go to college. No car, no money, no job, just school, sleep, and horrible terrible roommates that one of them hated me so much she left notes on my door daily about what a terrible person I was. I ended up getting fairly depressed and coming back home. I'm now attending my local community college, I have a horrible job (Looking for another at the moment), and somewhat happy with my life.
Over the years at myO, I've realized I've grown up quite a bit but still retain my childish nature in some respects. (Like fangirl screaming when I find something adorable like L Lawliet.) I don't really have much to complain about, honestly. Not that I have much to brag about either. I am simply happy with my position in life at the moment, and grateful that life itself gave me another chance at succeeding in college. :) Hopefully I won't let anyone in my family down again.
I am, however. Craving some major sweet stuff. Cake, cookies, confectioneries. I have a huge sweet tooth anyway, but this is crazy.
Anyway, off I go! And I leave you with a couple of cute pictures, once again of my favorite detective. ;D
Hope you enjoy!~
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Oh gosh, I forgot how to change my avatar. Could Someone Tell Me? D:
Time: 9:31 p.m.|
Listening To: More Post-Inauguration coverage.
Wow, it's been almost a year. I see that alot of people have moved on from the otaku. Looking at the update list, it seems that many have left. I'm going to miss LS, and some of the others that used to post regularly here, but I'm glad that ElvesAteMyRamen is still around. I am in the process of making a new otaku, under the username "Rozewyn" but there are apparently some glitches, so I'm sticking to my old reliable shadowtiger account.
Moving right on in. It's been a long year, really. Reflecting over it, there have been ups and downs, mostly ups, and one big down that I'll go into later. I'd rather make this a happy post, so more people will read, haha.
Lesseee. I went to AX08 last summer, it was my first con, and it won't be my last. I'll be going again this summer, so if any of you are also going that read this, let me know and maybe we can meet up! (If you're not too creepy that is, haha.) I have a new obsession and you can see his face plastered all over my site. L and Hugh Laurie are my two obsessions of current, but L Lawliet is more appropriate for this site, I assume.
Other than that, I suppose I am going to actually stick to my promise this year, because I need some sort of structure and something to keep me occupied. I look forward to making some new friends, and renewing old friendships!
P.S: As I used to do, I leave you with some adorable pictures to keep you occupied!
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Wednesday, January 23, 2008
My Happiness Done Up and Gone....
Time: 1:50 p.m.|
Mood: Bittersweet Disaster.
Thinking: "What a retarded title I wrote."
Listening To: This song...inside of my head. "Sorry" -BuckCherry.
XxAll Things Must Come To An EndxX
Well, I was trying to post regularly. I swear, I was. But after SO happened, I just couldn't bring myself to discuss it while it was so fresh into my mind. Two weeks ago on Friday, my boyfriend broke up with me. Mhmm. Asked me two weeks ago and I'd have thought my life = over. Such a teenage response to such a thing. But honestly, once I got to looking, I really realized that things between me and him haven't changed. We still care about each other(Except I love him, and he's not ready to love me back), still find each other attractive, We're not going to hook up with other people. =] He's just not ready to jump into another relationship so quickly. Honestly, knowing what happened to him less than a year ago, I have no idea why I wasn't more understanding. I guess I became a little selfish and it made him skittish. But I can't just hide how I feel, ne?
Ah, well. Maybe one day if the time is right, we'll be together again. If not, I'll move on and he will too, and we'll both be on the hunt again for that special someone. ^_^ But for now, I'm content to wait for him.
But that's all for now. ;]
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Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Short But Sweet.
Time: 11:15 p.m.|
Thinking: "If that was really all it took..."
Listening to: "Seasons to Cycle" - 10 Years.
Really. If I knew that was all it took to make me feel so much better, I would have done so MUCH earlier. So I had a talk with my boyfriend tonight, and for some reason it made me feel so much better. It did. I swear. I just came right and said why I was so discontent with the relationship. ;] It worked out, I think. He said he would try and do what I asked, if I would try and do what he asked. Which is...while fairly simple, not easy to achieve.
Him: I want you to get over being scared/shy/submissive.
Me: I want you to be more romantic and not just in bed.
...Lordy, lord. What am I going to do with myself?
Last of the day. I have AP Lit. My teacher, Mr. Dempster is a late 20s or Early 30s teacher. He is absolutely hysterically hilarious. I do not lie. Why would I? But anyway, we're reading a play named "Pygmalion." It's pretty good so far, but today...something happened. He was asking our class some group discussions and this is how it got turned around:
Dempster: "Now, why is it raining at the beginning of the scene?"
Me: "To set the mood."
Dempster: -Mishearing what I said, gives me an incredulous look and exlaims loudly- "ARE YOU STUPID?! "
Me: -aghast, confused, then defensive.- "I didn't think it was such a bad answer! I just said to SET THE MOOD."
Dempster: -quiet....then bursts out laughing.- "I thought you said, 'Because it's afternoon.' ....LOL. "
....Sometimes. I wonder about him. I do. .___. I was wrong anyway, but at least my answer was more intelligent than what he thought I said. ;_;
Anyway, that's all to report!
Here's a picture of the updated me with black hair. Yes. I caved. I dyed it and cut it. =3
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Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Year. -heart-
Time: 12:10 a.m.|
Mood: Hungover/Kind of hungry.
Thinking: "...holy crap how long has it been? Was I forgotten?"
Watching: The Departed.
It's been a while. Wow. o_o; I think I've been forgotten here. Happy New Year's everyone. I went ahead and made my new Year's resolutions, which are:
2) Don't get pregnant.
3) Post More on here.
4) Never EVER get drunk again.
XxHow The New Year Was Brought InxX
Funny story. Really. I swear.
I told my boyfriend I'm only taking 2 shots of Jack Daniels. Somehow I ended up taking three. I brought the New Year's in while the ball was dropping, clutching an adorable black and white kitty while hugging a toilet for dear life. Poor kity. I bet it hates me now.
I missed you guys. I think Phil forgot the Ky-chan. I think everyone around here forgot me, and that's my fault. So I'm apologizing and I want to say I missed you all so much. And I'll be around, more often this year. Hopefully. And I gotta get into ties with my friends again, namely Ryuu, Cee-chan, Min-chan, Phillio, and Meeber. I miss you guys the most. ^^
Anyway, that's all for now.
Over and out! ^_~
Comments (6) |
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Time: 2:31 p.m.|
Mood: ....Happy? o_O;
Thinking: "Am...I really happy?"
Listening To: "Forget It" Breaking Benjamin.
Hi Guys! Sorry for not updating and sorry that this will be so short. I'm really busy with school and colorguard that I've not had time to do much but SCHOOl. D:
I went to the Psychiatrist yesterday and they put me on Prozac. Apparrently I'm angry and depressed. o.O;
That's really all I have to say. My Boifran is on his cruise/vacation and I really wish I could have went!!!! -cry- ;____; Oh well. I miss hime so much. ;___;
Over and Out! ^_~
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Sunday, September 2, 2007
Oh Sweet Vacation of Holy Snappishness!
Time: 12:29 p.m.|
Mood: Hungry, Impatient, Happy.
Listening To: The hum of the compy.
Thinking: "....He's dead to the fsking world! D: < "
Hey guys! Thanks for the comments and the welcome back, though I know its late and stuffs. ;__; I've been trying to update as much as possible, but its been difficult. xD
I had my first game this past Friday, and we won! :D I'm on the colorguard, so I was more worried about my fieldshow than anything else. >>; They said we performed well. So all was fantastical! :D
I'm not at home right now. xD I'm in GA with mah boifran, chillin'. Though he's asleep right now and refuses to get up. ._. Ridiculous I know. ;__; I'm hungry and there's nothing to eat but pocky! D: Now while I love pocky, its not breakfast food. >.>;
All in all, its been a wonderful weekend so far. :3 I'll try to update later on and check everyone's sites to see how y'all are doing, mmkay?! LOVES YOU GUYS!!!!
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Thursday, August 30, 2007
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Erk. Sorry Gais.
Time: 1:43 p.m.|
Location: School Newspaper Room
Mood: Morose, Downtrodden
Thinking: "Are the Powers That Be trying to Fuck me over?"
Listening To: Nothing. ._.
Sorry for not finishing my post yesterday. Things kind of worse after I left school. How are you guys? ;___;
Well, this weekend I was supposed to go to GA, but my family are making things complicated for me and my mother to go. My boyfriend and I were supposed to see each other(He lives in GA), but my Family doesn't think my 32 year old mom is Experienced enough to drive down there! Why?! She's only been driving for about 5 or 6 months now. But she's 32! Everyone has to learn sometime! You can't always be sheltered forever. They just don't want me to go because they are fucking retarded. I don't care if they care or not, I want to be fucking selfish. Just ONCE. How hard is it to ask for such a small thing?! They don't have to give us money, they aren't going, they don't have to do a damn thing, but they are trying to make my trip not happen. And BOY, let me tell you what will happen if they succeed. I will go off so bad, they will never hear the end of it. ._. I need a vacation. And this is it, until Christmas. Its also until Christmas that I get to see my BOYFRIEND again. So if this oppurntunity gets fucked, I will get even. . . That kind of sounds a little harsh, but I do know what will happen. We'll move out, my mom and I. Because My Mom feels like they are trying to keep her in a "prison" and raise me, THEIR way.
But I'm afraid to move out. . . because of my Dad. But its a risk I'm almost willing to take. Because we've traded one domineering, psychotic man, for a naggy, controlling woman. Domineering + controlling = Same thing. It bothers us. It bothers her more than me, and hurts me more than her. =/
...End Rant. . .
I really needed to get that off my mind.
Thanks Guys. -Hearts love and peace-
P.S: I would like to note that I have a theory: (By the way, I am agnostic in Religion, so I have some interesting views, but if you are offended, I'm terribly sorry, it was all in Jest.)
Anyway, my theory is this: You think God, Allah, Buddha, Mary, St. Catherine, whoever you believe is up there, is really up there. I was talking to a friend of mine, and I told her, "You know I wouldn't be surprised if when I got up to heaven, I walked past the gates to see those three old women from Hercules sitting at that table all grumpy-like!" And she started ROFLing. ...That's all. o_o;
Question: What is your religion and why?
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