Monday, December 19, 2005
Sorry I haven't posted in forever, you guys. What with school, video games, and teenage drama, I just haven't had the time. Please forgive that this is a long post as well.
I turned 17 yesterday, and I had a great birthday party. First, I got a few birthday cards with money in it. After that, I pretty much played video games. However, later on that evening we went to this great restaurant called Mie N Yu (I don't know if I spelt that right.) It's the gorgeous, awesome, (expensive) restaurant with great service. We sat in the "Morrocan something" room.
Something to do with Morroco. There was all these exotic foods and everything... It was great. My godmother Zarina was there, my mom's boyfriend Ray was there, my Mom was there, my mom's boyfriend's daughter Tanya was there and my girlfriend Jatna was there. We had a great time.
Jatna looked great, too. She had her hair in curls, and everything. It was beautiful. She had sparkly lig gloss on, and earrings, and a pretty little necklace. She had sparkles on her chest which her aunt smothered over her, right before we left.
She was wearing all black which she looked sexy as hell in, black pants, black button-down shirt, black lowcut shirt, black everything. I don't care what you say. Black is an awesome color. She had these sexy high-heel boots on, too. They made her AS TALL as me. I got a kick out of that.
Anyway, we all tried "Artisan Cheeses" and... um... that's the only exotic food that I tried, and it wasn't very exotic either. More like Eastern European. Well, whatever. I'm getting tired, I'm not sure I can stay up much longer.
I'm going to go to bed. Sorry for not being able to post very often. I don't think I've posted her for four months now. My bad you guys. Please forgive me.
Thanx for reading
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Thursday, October 6, 2005
Words Cannot Describe How Sorrowful and Bitchy Life Can Be
One example would be of my gf's mom having three bloodclots in her lungs. On top of that, all that stupid blood shit runs in her family, so Jatna (my gf) might have one as well, or may develop a few later on in life. On top of all of that, she has tuberculosis, which INCREASES the chance of bloodclots. I mean, we were talking on the phone, right? So, her mother comes up to her and wants to talk to her.
So I'm sitting there for 5 minutes, waiting for Jatna to come back, developing a suspicion that she's just letting the phone sit there to make me angry (because she said she was mad at me about something), and then she comes back on the phone, and she sounds like her cat just died or something. So she explains to me that her mother has 3 bloodclots in her lungs. Not NEAR her lungs, not just OUTSIDE her lungs. Actually IN her lungs. Her mom's left hand is swollen from not getting enough air from her lungs.
That's how bad it is right now. The doctor wanted Jatna's mom to bring Jatna in to run some sort of test to make sure she doesn't have any. So, anyway, her mom told her that, just, like, a few minutes before this writing. She made Jatna, promise not to let her father take care of her brother Hector. (He's so cute, he just turned 3 the other day, and apparantley Jatna and Hector's father is a horrible person. I'm not one to judge, but that's what Jatna says.)
So, now Jatna's worried she's gonna die and everything, and as comforting as I can be, I honestly don't have that much confidence that she's going to pull through. Sure, the doctors could easily get rid of those bloodclots. It wouldn't even take half-an-hour's worth of surgery, but what happens when she gets more? It's not like she can get surgery every few months or whatever. The doctors say it's just stress, but still.
I can't imagine how Jatna must... no, that's not true. My dad died a while ago of skin cancer, but that's beside the point. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I mean, with just about anything else, I always have comforting words and things I can do to cheer Jatna up, but now it's like, I can't do shit. I mean, her mom may die in the near future. What can you say to that?
So now she's going to go into this deep depression about her mom and everything, and it's going to be horrible, because... because it just is damnit! I feel helpless.
Also, I don't mean to sound selfish or anything, but what am I supposed to do? You know, this girl loves me and everything. I don't even know if I feel the same way, and she still loves me just as much.
So, what's going to happen if her mom dies? She lives in the same house as her aunts and grandparents and stuff, but what if her relatives decide not to take care of her? What if she and Hector get dumped off at some foster home or some shit? What if her foster parents are abusive? What if they don't let her have access to the internet or anything? How would we keep in touch?
I don't even know if I love her or not (although lately, I think I'm starting to), but I don't want to lose her. She's not JUST my gf. She's my BEST friend besides that. My best friend USED to be Martin, but I think he missed the memo that said "GROW UP" over the summer. He's just an obnoxious asshole now.
This will just throw into the same mindset as before.
My mom doesn't like her.
Her mom is dying.
She may not go to Parkmont anymore if that happens.
Why try having a relationship if it's not going to work?
It's going to suck beyond belief, and I can't stand it! So, what am I supposed to do? Stand around and see what happens! There's nothing I can do anyway! This totally blows! Why does life have to suck this bad anyway?! Why does bad shit happen to good people?? That's what the hell I want to know!
Thanx for reading
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