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Thursday, May 24, 2007

~currently listening to, "Jillian" by Within Temptation~

Ya know, i never really realized how much power i have in my house until yesterday..it was kinda weird...
Being Supreme Dictator of your household: Inability to go balistic
Laying down rules that no-one disobeys: Strength to back it up
Seeing the look of pain on your enemy's face: Priceless...

Ater church i spent the rest of the night trying to cheer Eva up...of course it worked but, it left me exhausted..it hurts to make someone else happy when i'm not too happy myself((and boy is a pain in the rear-end..--__--**..))..she later asked me how i was able to cheer her up, even when she's heard the worst news possible...i didn't have an answer for her...it's natural for me...i try to be there for them, even if it kills me...if i don't, who will? I was mad at Eva the other day, and refused to talk to her. This morning she said, "It killed me when you wouldn't talk to me.." I'm starting to see that they respect me not because they fear me but, because they also need me. It's nice to know that that is not the only reason why they obey me, and look up to me for strength. Yeah, i admit..i can be pretty scary when you get on my bad side...that's how i've grown up to be. It's what my real father bred me for, and my Step-father helped to achieve. But i try really hard to hide that part of myself...and i'm not talking about me be pissed off..i'm talking about the me going berserk and ripping people apart..being angry is human..berserker is not...i hope that the people i care about do not ever have to see that part of me..if they do, i hope they are not on the opposing side..

Ehh..it's storming today...and i get to go to Atomic Pop today!! I'm so excited..but i can't decide between this month's Shojo Beat or the secong Loveless manga..ahh...deciscions, deciscions...^^

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