Friday, August 20, 2004

i don't want to be a bad person anymore
this is the kind of person i am,
i had i massive crush on this person at school, at the time i thought it was love, i doubt that now though, but really i couldn't see anyone else falling for him in the not too distant future, he's a geek i won't deny it, he's a mega nerd and he knew i fancied him, and he didn't feel the same way, whatever i did he threw it in my face. and one day i found out that his best friend had a crush on me, and his best friend is an even bigger nerd, but i was naive and i thought perhaps he had a wild side (well thats what i told myself anyway) and i lied to him shamelessly, saying i'd always secretly had a crush on him, and i just pretended to fancy Matthew so i could try and get close to him, he swallowed it all up unquestionably. but really it was just a ploy to try and show Matthew exactly what he was missing, it didn't work though, he was just happy for his best friend, "and i discovered Terrie had no wild side", so the next two weeks consisted of me being flattered, showered with gifts and being taken to "romantic" little coffee shops, while all the time i was lieing through my teeth, anyway, i dumped him and returned to drooling over Matthew, it must have hurt him so bad, cos everybody was saying they'd seen him crying yada yada yada, anyway this is the kind of slag i am, and i haven't even got started on drink fuelled rock nights....
but i don't want to be like that though , i don't want to use people to my own ends, i just want to be a niceperson who people want to be around, and i wish i could stop feeling the urge to tease Terrie aswell, cos whenever he's around i'll always start hugging my friends, or flirt with his mates
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Wiccan Sabbats
Our belief that the the moon being a physical manifestation of the power and glory of the Goddess, the Sabbat rites are clelebrated at midnight on the night before the day of the festival.

We have 8 great Sabbat festivals and thirteen New Moon and thirteen Full moon Esbats during the year.
Our religous year begins with Yule.

The Great Sabbats are:

Yule -December 21: The winter solstice. We celebrate the return/rebirth of the sun

Candlemas -February 2: A fire festival. In olden times all new witches were initiated at Candlemas, "the Feast Of The Waxing Light"

The Spring Rite -March 21: The Spring Equinox. The celebration for fertility of man, crops, and animals.

Rudemas -May 1: A fertility Sabbat.

Beltane -June 21: Midsummer festival celebrating the summer solstice. Gether as many Covens together as possible

Lammas -August 1: Rites for increase in material supply

Autumn Equinox Rite -October 31: Celebration for the reunion of souls of the family members who have left the physical plane.
We can ask them to return on this night and give us messages of wisdom.

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   i pierced my hand last night....
i don't know why....
well actually i do, i thoughtit would look cool, and it totally would if i'd had something to put in it other than just an earring,
i did it using an earring, but it was one of those cheap earrings that you can never get in your ears cos their too sharp, and i had pins i had a whole bunch of pins i could have used, but no, that would have been too easy, i'm telling you, i have the most
warped logic, i didn't want to use a pin cos they're sharp and they would hurt, duh! what do you think a blunt earring's gonna do?
so anyway, i'd been meditating for lyk half an hour when i decided to do it, and it took a while cos the earring kept bending but then it went through, and it was just a case of pushing it through to the otherside, but it would go through, and theearring bent andsnapped, so that was tha out of the picture, and it was at this point you'd have thought i'd have got a pin, but no i got another earring a completely harmless blunt one and then bit through, yes i BIT through, and then i licked the blood off (i love the taste of blood, i crave it, i bite my lip everynight justso i can taste the blood) and stuck a hoop in, this had taken about half an hour, and i was shaking like a leaf, and i have no idea why, i couldn't hardly even feel it the whole time. i don't know what it is with my left hand, but it seems somewhat immune to pain, not completely but it certainly deadens it. but then i had to tae it out this morning incase my mam saw it, so the whole thing was for nothing
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Thursday, August 19, 2004

Wicca
as it says over there somewhere
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i am a wiccan,i am not a fully fledged wiccan i have only been practicing for about six months and am still very much a beginner, i work as a hedgewitch (alone) rather than in a coven (a bunch of other wiccans)because i find it easier, you're less likely to be in deep meditation and then have someone giggle and break it.
i am only a beginner, and wiccan is actually a religion and a lot of people aren't prepared to shift religion, and thats okay, you don't have to, unless your planning to become a serious wiccan. when i first took up wicca i was a prodestant and i attended a catholic school, so it was vital that nobody knew other than two of my closest friends who were also practicing wicca at the time, one of them was taking it very seriously, the other one less so.
i did try to talk it over with my mum but she wouldn't even hear of it, so i just practiced in secret.
a couple of weeks ago though, i began to follow wicca as an actual religion, and i told my mum and step-dad that i didn't believe in God on numerous occasions, and they seem okay with it now.
i'll put up some more stuff on wicca later, feel free to ask me any questions though you can PM me or just leave them in the comments box.
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