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"But the beginning of things, of a world especially, is necessarily vague, tangled, chaotic, and exceedingly disturbing. How few of us ever emerge from such beginning! How many should perish in its tumult!

The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.

The voice of the sea speaks to the soul. The touch of the sea is sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace."
~Kate Chopin

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Been 1 year 2 months since my last post.
Time has been flying. I remember when I was in school, a year felt like a long time. Now, it's been 4 years since graduating and I feel like only 1 year has passed. But when I look back and realize how much has happened, I realize it's because I'm happy. Life gets better as an adult, when you have control and can make your own decisions, life starts to become what you want, as busy or as slow as you want. Although finding that path can be tough. In school the path is linear, when you're out, your path can go anywhere. I realized this when I worked pretty much every kind of job under the sun. Retail, farm work, online journaling, accounting, dentistry and currently systems and technology. Don't look impressed, some of those jobs only lasted a couple weeks! But I got a taste for many types of working lifestyles and what I like and don't like. The most important life lesson I've learned (and sometimes the hardest) is quitting. Quitting a job that's just not working out, quitting a relationship that's just not working out. If you're in a situation and you're not happy, rather than wasting your time, youth and energy you need to be brave and leave the sinking ship and swim for the life boat, even if you don't have a life boat in sight. Harder said than done, but every time I've taken that chance, I've emerged more self-confident and in a better/happier situation than I could have ever imagined. And, quitting not only does yourself good, but good to whatever it is you're quitting. If you quit your job, then the company can hire someone more suited to the position who would enjoy it more. If you quit a relationship, then you and the other person are free to find other people whom they don't have so many issues and are more suited to be with. Life is better when you learn to flow with the current, not against it. My goal in life at this point is to be happy, not stressed. I have dumped a couple guys in the past where the relationship was good, but it wasn't the best fit because I recognized we wouldn't fulfill each other in the ways the other needed. Instead of holding on to my best friend at the time, I let them go, and I believe they're finding greater happiness with someone more suited than I ever could be. Same with me, I've found someone who matches my lifestyle perfectly, and I'm so happy with him even though we've been dating for 4 years, it only feels like 1 and the relationship still feels fresh, exciting and wonderful.

(stepping off of my nostalgic soapbox, haha)

My job's announced layoffs next month and I'm nervous about a possible change that I don't want. Now that I have 2 dogs, if I were to change jobs, maintaining a schedule where I could still come home and take care of them might be more difficult. Both dogs are great by the way, have had them for almost 2 years. I'm feeling the social pressure to get married and have children. I feel like I have a loose screw in my head because I have the boyfriend I'm living with, my job, and my two dogs, marriage and children don't feel like things I need.

but anycase, that's where I am. I had dinner with an old high school buddy who described the now me as, "well-traveled" and "worldly." I dunno, I definitely feel like I have a better sense of self, even though I'm still a little insecure, I have more of a solid understanding and opinion of how I feel towards things in the world.

Until next time, if you visited and read, thank you so much! I feel rusty on the blog-front.

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