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Welcome to the psychedelic rhapsody of my profile. Where you can join me in a game of chess and whiskey, and just waste your life away, or if thatís not your style why not a game of solitaire with macadamia nuts. Because humans could once fly, so let your dreams become your reality, and get lose of this world controlled by its tiny dots of light. And enter a world were materialistic views have no value, and teddy bears are cuddly to explosive proportions. But if thatís too much for your brain to handle, than try a mushroom and discovery the meaning of life. But hey, we all know that life is but a dream, where our comrades include the four legged and hairy variety, and your future is all that matters, provided your star is still shinning. So throw your money away on a pointless bet, and sign my guest book.



Thursday, May 3, 2012


We’ll meet you at the river Styx
It’s been a while and a lot of things have changed, I’m onto about my 5th job and reluctantly spending the majority of my time working and living in the capital. But one thing that hasn’t changed is that I’m still a territorial bitch who loves my dog’s more then I could any human. It’s been 5 years since Judy died, I’ve gotten older and so have my dogs. Our little pack of 10 has grown into what feels more like a family. Especially in the last 6 months. I guess the transformation started taking place last year when I had just finished my shift at work when I received a phone call from my home saying that one of my dog’s, Meg had been bitten by a snake. It’s one of those moments where your mind just goes blank, and your body reacts completely on it’s own. She had made it the vet but not only was Meg a 13 year old dog with a medical history that defied reality this was her second snake bite in 3 years. It was normally a two and half hour drive home but I managed to drive it in a little over an hour. She was dead when she had arrived at the vet but, after 2 anti-venins and a vet who I have come to consider a God over the years she was brought back to life. Within 5 hours she was back at home with me. Although that night it was touch and go she had at least another 8 hours before she was in the clear, sitting up with her that night I realised it was times like these people who believed in God had it so much easier because they could at least pray for help. During that 24-hour period I had 3 dogs bitten by snakes on 3 separate occasions and there were a total of 4 snakes killed.
My vet bills were tremendous, and it was a wonder I didn’t develop brain damage from the amount of times I went into shock and stopped breathing. But we all made it through, with no side affects, except for the emotion ones.

But I guess it was that 24 hours that brought the next heart wrenching 6 months into play. It was discovered that Meg had developed Canine Dementia. There had been signs here and there but now it was official, it was hard news to heard but what was devastating was that it was also discovered that she had Canine Breast Cancer. The shock I had just gone was nothing in comparison to hearing that she only had 6 months to live. The shock was rapidly consumed by complete denial.

I got Meg when I was 11 years old. She was my first Kelpie and to say I adored her was an understatement, she was my absolute pride and joy. I remember she was only 6 weeks old and we’d just brought her home, my sister had left these little dumbbell weights laying around on the floor and I was in the kitchen getting Meg some food and was greeted by her carrying one of these weights that were as big as her in her mouth. It was obvious she was one strong dog.
2 days later we had to rush her to the vet and she was diagnosed with Canine parvovirus. It had only been 2 days but I was completely attached to her and being a child thought my work was about to end. She spent a week in the vet before she was released. And within a few weeks was back to her fighting fit self.
A few years later there were 2 separate incidents where her eye was pierced while she was working sheep in saffron thistles. The first being the worst, with her eye hemorrhaging and turning into what looked like glazed cherry. By the age of 3 she had a reputation with the vet in my hometown.

When she was 3, she had her first litter of puppies. And quickly gained a new reputation as being the mother of the mutant puppies. No one had ever seen kelpie pups born so big and they grew into some of the largest and toughest working dogs out west. Being known as the ultimate truck dogs.

The first time I ever met my current vet was 10 years ago, Meg had being poisoned. She had found a fox carcass and thought it’s be fun to run off with it. She was extremely lucky to have survived because the fox had residues from the lethal 1080.

It was about 3 years ago that things I started to realise that maybe Meg was getting old. That was the first time she was bitten by a brown snake. On the way to the vet her heart had stopped but they had managed to revive her. It took its toll on her body and she struggled for a year after that. That wasn’t to say that she’d even considered giving up. We had kept one of her puppies from her first litter (Murtle) and mother and daughter lived together in a large yard. In the middle of their yard there was a huge pine tree. Sometimes there would be a huge ruckus coming from their yard and Murtle would be sitting at the base of this tree looking up and barking. At first I panicked because I couldn’t find Meg anywhere and couldn’t figure out what was going on. Until I heard the barking coming from up in the tree. There was Meg stuck up the goddamn tree. The first time I had to get her down we damn near both broke our necks. But after the 5th time it was just routine.


I have always thought of Meg as the little lady of our pack, but truth be told she was probably more like an Amazon warrior, nothing could beat her, she was kicked out of every single vet surgery she was ever treated at. Most dogs would have to stay over night or a few days after being treated for something so serious. Every one of her admittance resulted in a phone call telling me to come and pick her up because she was trying to tear the cage apart, or if I’d called to see how she was going I could always hear her barking in the background lol.

So when the vet told me the devastating news I found it impossible to believe. This was my little warrior, nothing could beat her.
The tumours started advancing quickly but there was a light of hope, with surgery she could have an extra 12 months. It was a risky procedure with her age and medical history. But I had complete faith in her fighting spirit. She was released that night and seeing how weak she looked it was the first slap in the face from reality. But by 2 am she was up and walking. It was funnily reassuring how much she hated me after the surgery. She wouldn‚Äôt look at me, and the only time she‚Äôd come near me it was to growl at me as if to say ‚Äėf**k you‚Äô lol. It reminded me so much of when she was little. When ever I had to go away it would take at least a week before she would look at me lol.

A month later a new set of tumours emerged and these ones were far more aggressive then the last. I just wanted to bawl, but once again denial kicked in. My little warrior could fight this, she beat it once she’ll do it again. Realities second slap in the face came when the vets said that it was looking like she had a rare extremely aggressive type of breast cancer. They could only perform the one last surgery and pray that it’ll work this time. It was looking great, everyone was optimistic until a few weeks later a new tumour emerged. It was realities final sucker punch. After only 3 days I got the news that she only had 24 hours at most. But as if the sucker punch wasn’t enough, I was forced to make the decision, to have her put down. The amount of suffering she would have to go through if I didn’t was beyond cruel.

We‚Äôd known for about a week it was coming. She fought her bravest and hardest but she had reached her limit. I know that dogs can‚Äôt talk but there was a point where it was as if she just said ‚Äėthis is it‚Äô. I hadn‚Äôt cried that hard since Judy had died but I was determined that our last week together I would spoil her absolutely rotten and give her a warriors farewell.

It was only 5 days before the 5th year anniversary of Judy’s death. It’s left me wondering how many times the human soul can be completely shattered before it can no longer be put back together.

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Monday, November 22, 2010


'It's time for man to become God'
ve been hung up on the idea that we live in a society were violence is supreme, and the closet thing to God is the sociopathic narcissus. But while society was focused on creating it’s own proxy God, Kayne West rose up and took over the world. Bet you weren’t expecting this little turn of events were you?

Before you start shaking your head in disgust, no this isn’t some little rant about a pop star from a delusional fan. I admit that I like a few of his songs and it’s impossible to not have heard about his egotistical antics but what actually caught my attention about him was when I heard a pod cast a few years ago about how he was the embodiment of Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophy. He says and does what he wants without concern about what people think of him and people love him for it. Instead of people being jealous of his lack of self-restraint they admire him and worship him for it. Why?
Because the only pure thing about him is his ego. Normally the level of self-confidence that he displays would make people hate anyone but instead it only fuels his power and that is why he can be considered a proxy God.
He gives the impression that even without fans to listen to his music he would still go on completely unfazed. Which gets you thinking is that because he‚Äôs achieved immortality or would it just be the howling of an old dog. Like in anime ‚ÄėBlack Lagoon‚Äô the episode ‚ÄėGuerrillas in the jungle‚Äô Takanaka tells the story of the man who stood preaching to people about revolution, and even after he grew old and everyone stopped listening to him he still kept on preaching because if he stopped and admitted his defeat his entire life would become a lie.

So is Kayne West really a proxy God? Or is this just a case of modernisation, move out of the way religion in this society were violence is supreme the only type of purity that can be worshiped is the pure ego. Or you can just check out the music video for his song ‚ÄėPower‚Äô and then make your decision

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Sunday, May 23, 2010


Self-satisfaction
Damn itís been a while since I made an actual post, well staying with tradition Iíll warn you first up if you have a weak constitution Ö wait make that any constitution at all just stop reading right now. What I say isnít black and white, right or wrong socially acceptable crap itís just my hazy grey controversial views of the world.

Itís not hard to tell from just listening to a single thing I say that I believe Iím superior to most people, most are probably scoffing Ďyeah youíre a typical narcissistí well hate to break it to you but thatís far too simple of a label. Think people! Yes a narcissist is someone that believes they are superior to everyone else and they get great enjoyment from flaunting this. Ok ok I do this constantly and itís beginning to sound like Iím just in denial. But what sets me apart from your typical narcissist is that I am completely open about what a flawed person I am, I know exactly what is wrong with me and I have no problems admitting it not only to myself but everyone else. I see people who believe they are superior but are just the same flawed slugs as everyone else and I canít help but want to crush their delusions when they act like that. Just like I had previously discussed in one of my posts. People see their own flaws in others and subconsciously hate themselves for being weak which leads to them wanting to destroy any reminder of their hated self they want to live out their delusions clear from reality.

That being said itís easy to assume Iím not the maternal type I donít want children ever, and I make that constantly clear. Iím first to admit that Iím one of the furthest you could find from a suitable role model. While Iím comfortable with my own flaws I have absolutely no intention of deliberately corrupting another human being just for my own self-satisfactions. And because of this everyone says what a great mother I would be (itís at times like this I have to wonder if I only associate with people that have some form of brain damage) their argument being that because Iím aware of myself I would make a better parent then those that believe they are wonderful parents while everyone else around them can see the reality, that in fact they are absolutely shocking parents.

Well I recently brought ĎGunslinger Girl II Teatrinoí Iíd seen the first series a while ago and I canít say that it had the greatest impact on me. Surprising considering my constant talk about creating the perfect killer using the innocence of children. But it was the exact opposite with the second series. This series seemed to focus more on the actual depravity of adults rather then just the girls development almost like dťjŗ vu of the episode ĎBlood Sport Fairy Talesí from ĎBlack Lagooní which prompted one of my disgusted with humanity posts last year. The episode where they revealed how Triela was initially found was about the trafficking of children for the purpose of creating Ďsnuff filmsí (if you donít know what this is I have to say I envy your innocence and hope you can maintain it). Itís not hard to imagine that this is all real..
By the end of the series it was safe to say that like my contempt for dating and women my dislike of humanity in general had reached new levels. But more then anything it made me want to know how people can want to have children? The more I think about it the more I can only see their reasoning as a selfish excuse for self-satisfaction. Iím not straight out saying that no human possesses the ability to raise a child in a loving environment thatís not the entire issue here.

What I am saying is that itís no different then when as a farmer you save an abandoned lamb raise it with love and affections then still once itís old enough you send it away to be slaughtered, actually thatís probably less depraved. Why? Because itís simple and devoid of humiliation. It doesnít matter how much you love your child or you try to protect them itís impossible to guarantee their safety, in reality this world thrives on entertainment that derives from humiliating violence. Iím not just talking about the extreme issues that were in the series but in general look at the increased bullying in schools, even online, just walking down the street can have consequences these days.
Does it seem like Iím over-reacting? Well think of it this way if a parent truly Ďlovesí their child they will know about the existence of the true world. You canít tell me that in this day and age there are people out there so naive they donít.
So why would anyone want to intentionally bring a child into this world knowing the facts? They think they can forever protect them? An even more pathetic and naive notion.

And honestly whatís being done about it?
Iíve said it before there is no justice system hence the rise of the vidual anti, but that still has no affect. These depravities are markets; they thrive on the fact that people canít face reality. The majority of people ignore that this is happening because they are honestly not strong enough to face it.

But itís not just that, that got me thinking also Pinocchio who was raised by Cristiano. In the series he says how desperate he was for a son that was why he saved Pinocchio
when he found him. But he had no idea how to raise a child so he just raised him in the image of himself and created a killer. Even giving him the name Pinocchio. Also ĎJohn Doeí says that the reason he taught Pinocchio how to kill was because he wanted to have his legacy passed on. Thatís the way that many parents function they want to have their memories live on itís a form of self preservation, they know that they canít achieve immortality so they take the next best step they have a child and raise it in their image. Simply put self-satisfaction.
As adults itís suppose to be their responsibility to make clear well-informed decisions for their children who canít. They make the choice to have the child and to raise it a certain way. Itís no good looking back after the child has grown up and become a corrupt adult that they realise Ďoh wait I think I did this wrong.í Itís a human life for godís sake, so why is it that people donít think about the consequences and affects of their actions?
I understand that you could probably suggest that itís a basic instinct to repopulate the earth that over-rides all rational thinking, but I still canít understand how that instinct can be even greater then that of a parents desire to protect their child.

I know if what Iím suggesting was to become a reality then the human race would eventually die out. Well why not? Itís not like it would be the worst thing ever, humans are leading a path of self-destruction any way so why intentionally subject others to it. Maybe the bottom line is that the human race really is just selfish.

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Saturday, February 13, 2010


Half fell in love
I got this from 'The Onion'
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bunch_of_phonies_mourn_j_d

'Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salinger
JANUARY 28, 2010 | ISSUE 46ē04
CORNISH, NHóIn this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned the death of author J.D. Salinger, who was 91 years old for crying out loud. "He had a real impact on the literary world and on millions of readers," said hot-shot English professor David Clarke, who is just like the rest of them, and even works at one of those crumby schools that rich people send their kids to so they don't have to look at them for four years. "There will never be another voice like his." Which is exactly the lousy kind of goddamn thing that people say, because really it could mean lots of things, or nothing at all even, and it's just a perfect example of why you should never tell anybody anything.'

I think I fell half in love with the author of this

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009


   Hungry Little Monsters
This is kinda a spin off from several of my pervious post it may come across as a little more confusing then normal, but for once not because Iím totally incoherent but just because Iím too lazy to add all the links.

In my last post I talked about the Kira Stand Alone Complex and in pervious posts Iíve talked about different ideas to do with the Death Note manga. So I couldnít help but laugh (yes I laughed. Want to know why? Read on) when I read the news bulletin about ĎDeath Note Down Under.í
Once again I went against my better judgement and went around the forums to see what peopleís opinion of this was. Itís safe to say that Iím the type of person that takes self-destructive nature to a whole new level (psychological masochist). It all really played out just as I thought, as irritating as that was.
You have the people taking this serious to the extent were by they were disgusted by anyone that laughed at this, saying the consequences of what would have happened if these threats had been carried out made the idea of laughing at this appalling.
But suppose for a moment this was as Iíve suggested before a grab at attention and validation of their existence. The book is always found with the person receiving worldwide media coverage and recognition. Which is exactly what they wanted. People fear them, they are now a threat themselves, no longer bullied and pushed around they have achieved their superiority. So why would they even consider carrying it out they get the same results without having let their little monster lose to mess society up.

Then you have those people that are saying that itís the otakuís entire fault for letting this take over their reality and they are tarnishing the manga, itís creator and fans. FOR ****íS SAKE! How simple minded are you? Itís not just the otakuís fault, Iíve said it before, why is it that only the person who creates the Death Note responsible, honestly the people who react to this and create the mass hysteria are in the exact same boat they are the ones that believe this Death Note will kill them. So why is it that they are the victims? Why arenít they just as delusional as the person writing the names down because they are equally encouraging and increasing the attention to the whole incident?

A while ago I posted the foreword for JTHM and in it Rob Schard talked about how we all have a little monster living inside us that needs to be fed and the way to feed that little monster is to act out violence in our mind because that way it will stay happily inside us rather then getting lose and feeding itself on people.
So with the exception of the murder in Belgium what if we consider this the way that these people are feeding their little monsters? Whatís to say that they are actually going to act out these little scenarios? Isnít it just a combination of the media and paranoid people blowing this all out of proportion?
Why is it one thing for someone to act out these murderous deeds in their mind but another thing when they write it down on paper?
Most would say thatís because itís the first step to the little monster entering reality. The little monster is no longer satisfied with living out these acts of murder in the mind, itís a part of a pattern. They may no longer be able to control their little monster. As time goes by it will need more to be satisfied until the only way for it to go back in itís cage is to perform the act on a living being outside the mind.
But if thatís the case then why isnít the media swarming famous horror directors?
I mentioned this in a previous post about horror films becoming more graphic and realistic and that the same fanís that use to laugh at the absurdity of horror films 20 years ago are now walking out sickened with themselves. Itís all too real. But honestly have you ever seen an article questioning the directors or writers mental stability or suggesting sociopathic tendencies? No, so why is some one writing out a Death Note, but not actually acting it out any different? Why are they now the enemy, the mentally unstable sociopath that is just a match strike away from a full on explosion of absolute bloodshed?
Weíre being told that itís acceptable for artistís to publicly feed their little monsterís but not for anyone else. Just imagine a famous artist created an exact replica of a Death Note and putting it in a gallery with the names of politicians listed in it, how many people would argue that was art? Or just laugh it off, maybe even cheer?

Ok now this is were we enter the part of the ultimate conspiracy, you thought that the suggestion that the moon walk was filmed in a studio in Nevada was outrageous well that is nothing compared to what Iím about to suggest to you here.

I was watching an episode of ĎNCISí the other night *gasp* OMG I actually watch commercial TV. Iíve become hooked on ĎNCISí and ĎCriminal Mindsí but ironically I learnt the hard way that I canít watch either one of these shows alone. As it ends up with me walking around the empty house with a baseball bat and dog by my side checking every room freaked out Iím was going to be killed in my sleep.
Anyway in this episode there was a serial killer directly challenging Gibbís and he was described as a narcissist, his obsession with creating a game to display his superiority to the law enforcers was what they considered his purpose. It reminded me a lot of Beyond Birthday, he directly challenged them for a proof of existence. But in the end they denied him of it all, they never released his identity to the media and he never received the recognition that he craved.
Just like in the Death Note novel itís only possible for this to happen on a TV show or book. There is no way that there wouldnít be some kind of leak or that speculations about the suspect wouldnít be ramped on the Internet. Ultimately they will always get the recognition they crave, because the media is present.

Like Iíve been saying not just here but in other posts. Violence is the one act that will always gain recognition or in the case of the media sales and rating. So why is this? Right prepare to enter the ultimate conspiracy.

Purely for entertainments sake I suggested in my last post the idea that the baby boomers will be replaced as the major sector of the population by a mass of vidual antiís that will play out the role of a proxy god a mass Kira. And why not? Honestly we all know the judicial system is just a facade controlled by money and politics in order to stop totally anarchy rising and give to a false sense of security.
Which bring forward my idea that society through the use of the media is really raising the ultimate serial killer? (Absurd enough statement?) Or in the words of the #1 (Afro Samurai Series) Ďitís time for man to become godí.

Inspired by Ryuji from ĎSpiralí Iíve talked many times about how humans have a subconscious desire for extinction because they are the top of the food chain. But there is another obvious desire present, the desire to become gods.
Lets take the mediaís desire to tell people ĎTHE TRUTHí and split it into two possible reasoningís innocence and narcism.
Humans are stupid enough to believe all the crap they are fed because realistically they are no different to pigs they just eat up what is put in front of them, they donít think. Just like the pigs being fattened for slaughter they are being conditioned, raised to defy the gods to become a proxy god themselves.
To achieve this there are those influenced by innocence, these people desire to seek the truth like the ĎLaughing Maní in GITS SAC they want to inform people of the fake judicial system in hope that the judicial system will work to change itself to support the people it is suppose to protect. A truly naive notion.

Where as the narcissists fraction have preconceived expectation they play the part of a puppet master like Kira and the way that his supporters are easily manipulated. Light chose Mirakami to carry out the murders in his place because he shared his ideals.
This faction of the media appeals to the basic instincts by giving recognition to people who perform horrific acts of violence. They portray the judicial system as incompetent, the villains and encourage people to create their own form of justice. They give people the impression that they are backed into a corner, knowing that like a cornered mouse they will attack, creating their own form of justice. People go out and buy a gun to protect their familyís, they have no faith in the police. Itís all one big elaborate play, the media gives people this idea that this is the only way to keep safe while at that same time removing just one more threat from the world.
This is all amplified with the addition of serial killers, you see it time and time again just like the battle between Light and L its an act of superiority. Serial killers leave notes taunting the police challenging them and making the public fear them. They want recognition of their superiority and the media plays this up, giving them what they want while at the same time further under mining the peoples viewís of judicial system.

So it appears to them that in the end thereís no one left to protect them, there is no god to answer their prayers, the people who supposedly have the power wont help so the only way to defy the laws of nature and break free from the acts of survival of the fittest is for the weak to mass as a proxy god.

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