Sunday, August 16, 2009

Stand Alone Individual
By now there seriously should be no need to say this but it seems that I obviously should cover my a** so as per usual abandon all concepts of what you believe reality is, this is just the way that I’m seeing the world. Yes I have just entered that chaos phase of my life yet again were I’m sleep deprived and stressed beyond any remotely healthy level.

I think I’ve finally figured it out, I’m always saying to abandon the teachings of society and step outside the box to look at life from a different perspective, but just like I discovered with the concept of love I think that was a naive notion. Because I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as reality. I’ve been like a broken record complaining about the way that adults believe that they have to label everything and that because everything is given a clear distinction that individuality is compromised. I am always mixing my idea’s with fact and fiction I use fictional characters and apply them to today’s society in order to make clear what I’m trying to say. But what if I’ve been wrong this entire time? What if there is no such distinction between fact and fiction? I’ve been spending my nights watching the GITS SAC series again and consequently become hooked on the idea of the ‘Stand Alone Complex’ and how it’s present in today’s society, along with the notions of individuality.

Ok for those of you who haven’t seen the Ghost In The Shell series the idea behind the Stand Alone Complex is very similar to that of copycat murders. People act out their own version from an idea that is presented to them, like the way with homicide they try to replicate the initial serial killers M.O. this almost ties in with what I was saying in my post about the Death Note novel, were by they idolise someone and try to be just like them by copying their idol as much as possible. But in the case of a Stand Alone Complex the copycats are following a fictional character whose existence is not actually proven.

When Death Note was at the height of it’s popularity around the world the online news sites were riddled with stories about people carrying their own death notes threatening those that did them harm, this wasn’t just limited to children in schools but even entered the military at one stage with a solider reportedly carry his own death note. It really hit a new level of hysteria when it was reported that in Belgium a torso was found with a note attached reading ‘I am Kira’ (although the absurdity of the situation was proven by the miss spelling in the note).
I find it amazing the way that these fans are described as being out of touch reality when obviously their victims were equally delusional. Think about it the people affected by these incidences were actually paranoid enough that they believe that a book obviously made by another human being could hold the power of a shinigami and bring them death if their name was written in the book.
At one point the manga was banned in countries because of it’s content and the fear it caused. It was a naive thought that simply banning the publication would stop people from reading the books. It’s not hard to find it online and by banning the books it only fuels people’s curiosity to read it. Its basically playing up the popularity even further, left alone its possible to consider that the popularity wouldn’t haven’t reached such heights it would have just been treated like the majority of other manga outside Japan only having a cult status rather then extreme global recognition. But hey were would the fun have been if that were the case?

But I must say the most laughable point of this entire incident has to be the author and artist that created this serious. They created this series intended for a children’s audience, but instead it insights world wide hysteria I’m amazed at the fact that these seeming intelligent men thought that a series that debates the justification of murder would be suited for children. Yes children are more intelligent and informed then adults would like to think but honestly what ever happened to innocence? In the judicial system being under 16 means that they have no concept of what is right or wrong, their brains are still developing so this is their time to learn, to obtain distinctions, eat more of the apple (sorry, sorry couldn’t help myself I’m a broken record after all).
It’s arguably possible to consider that they’re teaching children the justification of murder. It’s just an entertaining thought but imagine this, that within the next 5 year a real life Kira could be developed with the baby boomers being replaced as the major sector of the population with a mass of vidual anti’s. Instead of as it was in the manga with Kira being a single person, it will be a large group of people acting as the proxy god of society, a real life Stand Alone Complex.
In the GITS SAC series with the assassination attempt of a politician there are what’s to be thought of as numerous copycats. There were people that associated with the Laughing Man’s declaration and decided to act upon it.
So what’s to say that by exposing children to the idea of killing criminals in order to create a better world wont produce the same result?

Once Togasa says that art imitates life so why can’t the reverse happen?
The whole occurrence of the Death Note phenomenon just proves that it’s possible. But it got me thinking further that it’s not just the idea with the stand-alone complex where this is present. Art is constantly imitated by life children read books, and watch TV wanting to be like their hero’s; but it’s not just limited to children. People say that children are like sponges absorbing everything around them so you should be careful what you say around them because they are likely to repeat everything. But honestly adults are no different, the sponge effect never lessen no matter the person’s age, the brain and body may be fully developed but an adult is still a sponge, its just what they absorb is entirely different to what a child would. A child is learning everything anew they are learning to grow, but so are adults they are learning to fit into society, what is accepted, how to try to create a sense of self. Now this got me thinking further, in order to develop and secure a sense of self the end result is ultimately a contradiction. It’s just like with the members of the ‘Individual Eleven’ that commit suicide.

So leading on from that thought I’ve suggested numerous times that our supposed reality is ruled by illusions. But then how is the individual developed? Isn’t everything just fluid, emotions, memories, physically, psychologically everything can be changed there is nothing absolute.

The idea’s in GITS were by everything can be manipulated. Prosthetics makes it easy to change ones appearance and gender, the use of the cyber brains mean that people memories can be easily manipulated by others and so on. But honestly is there really any difference to what life is like today? In both money and/or expertises is needed to carry out the manipulation but honestly the only difference between the world in GITS and the world we live in is all the technical computer technology. Its understandable to consider that everything in this world is fluid, a women can get a sex change to become a man or vice versus, plastic surgery means that people can manipulate there looks.
What about our memories? Those are not definite either there’s a reason why eye witness accounts generally don’t hold up in court, even when 5 people are shown the exact same thing, chances are that none of them will give the exact same report. Then you have the whole idea that emotions affect everything. You may see something then after some time if you are exposed to new experiences that have a direct connection with what you previously seen then you will look at the exact same situation differently, what you first looked at with contempt you may now look at with passion. It’s that easy to manipulate, then you have the cases were the memories following the concept of brain hacking are modified directly by another person. Come on people ever heard of brain washing?
There have been reports that confessions in murder cases have been developed by the person being told repeatedly that they committed that crime even though they may not have. The physical and mental exhaustion the person is being subjected to in conjunctions with being repeatedly told they performed the actions stresses the brain to the point where by they begin to believe that they did what they are being told ultimately creating the scenario in their head as a memory.

So looking at it from that perspective is there really anything in this world that is absolute? How is it possible to distinguish the individual? How is fact or fiction determined?

Ok so we have science and mathematics suppose they are the only truths, but they were created by humans they are only truths because we say that they are truths.
The tachikoma’s suggest that 0 for them is like death for human because it is absolute but what’s to say that 0 is final? We have negative figures after that; even with death there is the suggestion of reincarnation or heaven. Different religions and cultures have different beliefs in death, there’s nothing that says its all final or absolute. The soul or spirit can enter a cycle of reincarnation just like the body. The body can be used to support to numerous other life forms so really it’s just apart of a cycle itself. This is all dependant on peoples beliefs again therefore further enhancing my notion that life itself is fluid so how can we distinguish reality from illusion?

Right now back to the development of the individual and the security of the sense of self. If illusion and reality can’t be distinguished and everything can be easily manipulated, then isn’t the pursuit of individuality always going to be fruitless? I mentioned earlier that both adults and children are sponges just because the brain has finished developing doesn’t mean an adult doesn’t still absorb information that will influence them. So the further they go through life and the more information that they absorb the more they will be influence by everything around them. Therefore aren’t they ultimately taking on other peoples and things characteristics inturn getting further away from their goal of achieving individuality? Their originality of their self is being gradually decreased, along with their reality. Because the information they are absorbing is from everything they witness, reading books, watching TV, listening to the radio, these forms of media that whether they carry fictional or factual characters are influencing people just as I talked about before with the Death Note manga.

Ok if you’ve made it this far then just bare with yet another broken record moment for a minute. I’ve talked about if a person was isolated from societies standards not allowed to consume any of the apple of logic (as Salinger suggested with Teddy and Seymour) would it be possible that they could unlearn the illusionary difference? They wouldn’t hold expectation of sexes or anything. But if you were to take that one step further and entirely isolate it from the very beginning (theoretically only, because its impossible to actually do this) with absolutely no opportunity to absorb information would it then be possible that an individual would be created? And that something absolute would be developed?

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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Delusional Victims
When I hear people say that Women are from Mars and Men are from Venus it always makes me wonder what planet I could possibly be from, am I from some minor planet situated between the two? Other then anatomically there’s really nothing feminine about me, yes I’m attracted to men but at the same time I think just like a man. So the other day when I found a book called ‘Catfight – Why Women Compete With Each Other’ I thought I’d finally found my answer, someone who had the same kind of mind as me and could therefore explain all this supposedly natural female behaviour that was just plane weird to me. Well it turned out to be just like ‘Are Men Necessary?’ although this time instead of holding greater contempt towards the dating world I now can’t help but think of women as not only a different species but as lower too. I was about 3 pages into the Introduction when I was struck with a major ‘HUH?’ none of what they were saying was making any type of sense to me, and as I read on it only got worse. The way this book describes the average women’s life it’s like they must sit up for hours at night making out a mental battle plan on how they are going to survive confrontations with the enemy which ironically is every single women they meet with no exception.

If this book is anything to go by women are so simple minded and insecure that the idea of perseverance would never cross their mind. If they are not prefect at something the only explanation is they are being sabotaged by other more successful women around them that were just born gifts from the gods. Through out the book they talk about how because of the sexist treatment of women through out history they should have developed a type of comradely because they all share this common battle, but instead they see each other as enemies and feel that they have no choice but to battle alone, as the victims they are. (It’s easy to tell that at this point nothing could have possibly annoyed me more.)

You have two extremes of the victim the ones that are down trodden no matter how much they try to succeed at being perfect like the other women around them. Or you have the powerful women that succeed in not only perfection but also breaks free from male superiority. BUT! Are constantly challenged by those around her so she feels a need to maintain a constant and tiring façade of perfection. In the end it all basically comes down to one thing were by you can’t help but think that these women are delusional as they seem to believe that the entire world revolves specifically around them.

The women that seem to think they can never gain success look at everyone who is not only better then them in fashion, beauty and career as their enemy but as if to rub salt into the wound think they have it constantly shoved in their faces. They see a beautiful women and are envious of her even in the case of friends they will only maintain long term relationships with those they know will envy them and then to these fiends they will purposely go out of there way to prove that they are better, buy stealing unattainable men. Apparently its an act of superiority it gives them reassurance of their value while at the same time devaluing those around them (double win).
Then you have the powerful women that either constantly bullies or is bullied by those under them. Because they feel that the women below them are resentful of their position. They are rumoured to have slept their way to the top. There is no recognition of their hard work. They are just another victim of their strengths.
With these groups of women they don’t even try to comfort each other because god forbid that there is another women out there suffering the same as they are. They have to be the worst possible victim either suffering because of those above them or those below them. It’s like creating a bubble of perfection, the perfect victim.

At this point I can almost understand why women have made very little advancements in their social order over the years. Whether its conscious or subconscious you can’t help but think even with all the feminist movements women are nothing but delusional, vindictive and paranoid bitches with few exceptions. They say that men have ego problems but as far as I can see these women take this to a whole new level with the way they possess an inability to distinguish friend from foe, in their quest to prove that they suffer the most.


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Saturday, April 18, 2009

Welcome to Whammy House
Ultimately our lives are shaped by those that we look up to, we find a person and we shape ourselves to be just like them. We want to be our heroes but at some point we get to the stage were by being just like them isn’t enough we crave individuality, success and recognition we want to be better then our idol we want to achieve a greatness that only we can, and be recognised as an entirely separate entity. I recently read the new Death Note novel ‘ Another Note – The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases.’ The story is told by Mellow about a battle between L and B.
In it B was raised as an exact copy of L, because of Watari’s need to create a back up of L just like you would with a computer program. The whole idea of Whammy House was to create a copy of L because he is guineas. In the novel it said that this ultimately drove B insane and even when he tried to break free he was denied that as well. But what’s to say that he was insane?

Just abandon this pre-conception of what is sane and insane for a second. The environment that B was raised in is nothing like that of a normal family, even a dysfunctional family shows no resemblance to how he grew up. He was an experiment. Ultimately his environment was like that of a rat being raised and conditioned to run a maze as fast as possible and reach that piece of cheese at the end before it gets an electric shock. His intelligence was the only thing that was nurtured, he wasn’t abused in the sense that we are familiar with. The type of abuse that he faced was a psychological conditioning that individuality was irrelevant and all that was needed was for him to be like his idol. This is here the distortion in reality become present, Mellow mentions that L wasn’t exactly their idol but more so their god, he was that unattainable being that they all wanted to be but knew that no matter what they could not reach.

In the Arian order people (specifically white people) were considered the only organisms that were capable of pain. Vet’s and scientist performed brutal experiments on animals under the assumption that they were unable to feel pain. I once read a text about a monk that scolded a nun because she cried when he kicked a pregnant dog. This is a relatively similar concept to the environment that has been created within the idea of Whammy House. Although instead, children are being raised without the consideration that they require validation or at the very least recognition of their individuality. L was their like their God as much as he was their demon they wanted to be like him, but they couldn’t surpass him they were being raised within a closed environment and ultimately this is what lead to the B.B murder’s. Taking this environment into consideration there was nothing insane about Beyond Birthday’s actions. He was raised knowing that L was the greatest detective alive; his admiration grew until it was no longer able to fit in its cage. He grew up, he wanted to be better then L he wanted the recognition of his individuailty he didn’t want to just live in L’s shadow any longer he wanted an identity of his own. It’s just like the way a son who constantly lives in his father’s shadow in the business world will strive to create his own image have people recognise his work for itself not as a sub-product of his father. B knew that there was no way that he could solve a case that L couldn’t because there was nothing out there worthy of defeating him so that is why he himself had to create that case that L could not solve.
Yes he took innocent lives, but I’ve talked about this before. Students are trained like dog’s in schools they are robbed of their individuality, by being told how to act, what to wear, told how the world runs and not to question it. Those that are intelligent and have no problems with conforming are able to cope with this because their intelligence allows them to achieve recognition. But what about those that aren’t smart they are just considered another face in the crowd, not distinguished. The frustration of this slowly builds up and consumes them. They crave something that they know they are told they never have, but there is a type of light at the end of this tunnel. They will become determined to make them realise that they have their own worth and look at them the way that they have craved.
What is the one thing we see scrolled across every source of media every hour of every day?

B.B strikes me as someone suffering similar, he had the intelligence but it was seen as something that was only to be used in the purpose of creating a copy of the already perfect product. They ignored this individuality. Basically this lead to him wanting to be better then L, to have his state of recognition as an individual, he was intelligent he had conformed what else could he do? He started the killings and ultimate plan for suicide of achieving this.
He wasn’t insane; he was just taking part in a basic instinct. He wanted to justify his existence just as everyone does. His extreme methods came about as a result of the extreme situation that he was trapped in. This wasn’t as simple as dying your hair blue so you can stand out. His entire life had been shaped to fulfil one purpose.

So think about it now, the answer to that question was blatantly obvious. Violent acts. Every culture in the world recognises violence not matter the form and the more violent the act the greater recognition. Basically violence is becoming the mainstream way of the outcasts and unintelligent to achieve recognition. But on the other hand you have those like B who are intelligent and have conformed but want more they want to achieve a higher status. By creating crimes that no one can solve they are almost becoming a proxy god, controlling life and death. Ultimately our society is it’s own real life Whammy House but instead of raising children to be a copy of the greatest guineas and ultimately denying their individuality we are creating an environment were violence is supreme.
So tell me now how are we suppose to distinguish insanity when this is the environment that society has created and is now ruling our reality.


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Friday, February 6, 2009

The keys to reality are in popular fiction
Ok so we all know that Cowboy Bebop is my all time favourite anime one of my broken record statements and one of the things that I love best about it is the way episodes have these clever statements against society. I’ve compared all my other series to this and I always come back to the fact that it seems to only be anime directors that will confront their audience with a sense of reality.

But what happens when the director doesn’t sugar coat anything? They give you the raw contents of today’s issues that plague our news every night? I was reading an article in a magazine about the evolution of horror films. The author of the article was talking about how when he was a teenager he would sit up watching ‘B-grade’ horror films laughing hysterically at the absurdity of each scenario but now he finds himself walking out of a modern horror film feeling disgusted in himself how could he possibly have just sat through that. The way that he seen it was that society is becoming more desensitised towards violence and therefore the directors think its necessary to create horror films that are more realistic that will actually scare the audience.
I get that purpose of a horror film is to scare the person but why is that these modern horror films seem to be less about the initial impact, giving the audience a quick scare and more about inflicting psychological damage on its audience.
I think that anime is starting to take a similar direction, but rather then the over use of vomit worthy violence they are hitting us with every day social issues that although we see them every night on the news we don’t fully comprehend the severity. Think about it this way ‘Cowboy Bebop’ used ‘Perrie Le Fou’, GITS SAC had ‘Jungle Cruise’, the ‘Laughing Man’ and ‘The Individual Eleven’, then there is ‘Death Note’ as time has gone on anime’s have focused more on their statements against society, and each one has intensified its level of violence in an effort to make their point. They have left their fans debating the ethics behind each series applying it to their own lives but what happens when you end up like the old fashioned horror fans and finish an episode disgusted in yourself for having just sat through that?

Recently I started watching ‘Black Lagoon’ a series which level of popularity is relatively minor compared to the other series I’ve mentioned. Most episodes I find myself glued to the screen with my mouth open I mean it’s been years since I’ve seen such intense action, but at the same time I find myself absolutely hating the series Revy annoys me to no end she is suppose to be the indestructible women that is practically the ultimate killing machine the way her eyes glaze over with a pure killing intent that can’t be stopped. But then she is constantly preaching to ‘Rock’ about how he knows nothing about hardships, about compared to her childhood he has the perfect life living like royalty, and that without her around he would die (I think those episodes were she was unconscious were a godsend). Although when ‘Rock’ confronts her and actually encourages (lets face he was just saying what we were all thinking) her to shot him pulling the barrel to his temple she can’t handle it, being confronted buy a form of purity is so unnerving for her she repeatedly tries to get him removed from the team because he scares her. She reminds me of what I said in a post last year about how people always think they’re so strong and have this annoying urge to make everyone like themselves when in reality they themselves are weak. ‘Rock’ knows his different he knows that he can never begin to understand what Revy has been through but he holds no desire to change her, I love that about his character. Another thing that I like about Rock’s character is that as far as I’ve seen he has not lost that level of purity he still tries to sympathise with people, he doesn’t look down on anyone no matter what the situation, he attempts to understand them and admits opening that sometimes he can’t but he never tries to change them and never tries to preach to them he is accepting no matter what.

But to the real point of this post, sorry I got carried away and lost my train of thought again. The episode ‘Bloodsport Fairy Tale’ was aired last week it had these two children that were killing members of the different mafia groups in the town mostly targeting the Russian Mafia. The children were dressed in these perfect gothic Lolita clothes, one wielded an axe and the other a machine gun, again they were perfect killing machines having no mercy. But while they were undertaking these gruesome missions they would have this cute and innocent laugh like children playing. Honestly nothing disturbs me more then watching a show were a child will kill someone and laugh about it, I normally change the channel but against my better judgement I decided to watch this. Well their killing spree continued and during the next episode you actually found out what corrupted their innocence leading them to follow the belief ‘kill or be killed’ it was horrific all because it had such a real feeling to it. This wasn’t some kind of fiction that you’d never hear of happening, this was a story taken directly from the news headlines and twisted into a supposedly fictional piece.
This could be called the ultimate statement against society, exactly what I’ve been looking for in all the anime’s I’ve previously watched but ironically its not, its just like those horror films there’s nothing fictional about it there’s no sugar coating its all real it’s the raw version of what you see on your news every night its confronting you with a fact of the absolutely disgusting society that we live in. It made me realise how not only am I ignorant but I’m probably no different from the society I can’t stand. I know that this sort of thing is happening hell how could I not its on the news every night but I change the channel, forget about it and move on, just like everyone else. So has it come to a point where they actually need to put this kind of thing in forms of popular entertainment in order for people to face it? Is the only way for people to actually face reality?
We hear about it comment on it and then move on because ultimately it doesn’t directly affect us but take it and put it in a fictional show and that’s a totally different story. Why? Because we use fiction to escape reality, but that’s no longer an available option. Is this because our society degraded to a point were we have to try to return it to its original candy colour or is it that social acceptability isn’t the ruling agent? No longer are things being swept under the carpet because its not proper to talk about them, we have to do something at all cost.



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Friday, January 2, 2009

Over exposure to shoujo again
It’s summer again and subconsciously I have yet again submerged myself in shoujo, I swear to the gods it’s like one of those silent scream moments were you wake up one morning feeling like you have a hang over because you were up until 4 am watching ‘Skip Beat’ and then you trip over a pile of shoujo beat and you finally realise that you’ve officially crossed that line of femineity and are a female in both mind and body now. But never fear a week of hardcore horror, and panty flash filled shoen and I have finally become the same cynical b**ch you all know.

Ok so it’s not exactly to that extreme but I’ve been on holidays from work for nearly 2 weeks now and my friend went home to his family which left me with nothing but absolute boredom hence I’ve been reading ‘Paradise Kiss’, ‘Crimson Hero’ and ‘Skip Beat’, while also watching ‘Revolutionary Girl Utena’, ‘Skip Beat’ and ‘Paradise Kiss’. It was about this time last year that I got hooked on ‘NANA’ and when I started accepting that maybe love might exist in reality if it was the same as portrayed by Ren and Nana. Well I’ve gotten hooked on yet another Ai Yazawa series. I love ‘Paradise Kiss’ a thousands times more then ‘NANA’ but there are things that just really bug me about the series and yes it has to do with the subject of love *broken record* but honestly how can one person create such opposing types or stories?

George and Yukari are almost the opposite of what Ren and Nana are. George seems to constantly push his ideals onto Yukari he says he wants an independent women and doesn’t want her to always be complaining and accept responsibility for her actions. It’s obvious that all of this stems from his growing up with a highly dependent alcoholic mother who unintentionally and selfishly blames George for her life turning out the way it did. She tries to make it clear that she loves him and has no regrets but even so what she previously says without thinking has already influenced him. Yes he is an adult and relatively mature but no matter how old you are to have that sort of thing said to you will emotionally impact you. As a result of this George has created his own perception of the ideal women without taking into consideration reality and the pressure that he puts on Yukari.

Yukari is an 18-year-old girl who has never experienced love because she has lived her entire life trying to achieve the expectations of her parents. She has intentionally deprived herself from experiencing the natural life of a teenage girl. Therefore it is only expected that when she falls in love and actually receives attention from the other person for the first time that she would be relatively clumsy,
George doesn’t even seems to take this into consideration like he believes that she should be absolutely perfect from the start he leaves her absolutely no room for error acting contradictory and being selfish himself. He says to Yukari that she never calls him, yet he also doesn’t want a girl friend that always clings to him, he always uses her as an excuse to keep her at a distance. This is were you see how George himself is still extremely emotionally immature to the point that he constantly scolds Yukari for not living up to his expectations. He wants her to stay with him, he says that he loves her but at the same time he is trying to turn her into something that is contradictory to what he actually craves. Ultimate he is dependent on her but he doesn’t want her to be dependant on him. Making her always afraid that he will hate her because she can’t be exactly what he wants, ultimately portraying her weak side as she is almost like a dog wanting to please it’s mater rather then a women of independent thought, another exact contradiction to what she is attempting to achieve, basically she has transferred her craving for acceptance from her parents to George.
Ok so I know I’m all for breaking away from stereotypes and that the women shouldn’t always have to rely on the man and that not all women are weak and need a man to support them, but at the same time I think that the relationship should have a level of reliance from both parties that works in with both their expectations. Why is it that George wants her to be there for him when he wont do anything for her? Isn’t that ultimately the same as saying that she should only rely on him? It’s creating an imbalanced relationship where by the women still losses out because she has to live up to the male’s expectations while abandoning her own. That’s the difference between ‘NANA’ and ‘Paradise Kiss’, in ‘NANA’ yes Ren was dependant on Nana but he gave her freedom, he let her make her own choices and live her life, while at the same time letting her know that he needed her. I guess in a way that would make Nana come across as selfish because she did chose herself over Ren. But Ren accepted that he didn’t throw it back at her, he simply moved on. He never played the kind of mind games that George plays with Yukari. Things are straight and upfront.

I’ve only watched the first 7 and a half episodes of ‘Paradise Kiss’ but I guess the over all outcome or what I’m trying to say is that no matter how you look at it a love like Ren’s and Nana’s is entirely isolated to that series it can’t be repeated in either reality or fiction because that type of love doesn’t exist, there will always be a persons weakness and expectations that will ultimate ruin any level of purity, that is just the way things are. So it’s time to stop living in a fantasy world and just accept it.


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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

thou shall just accept humanities stupidity
I really need to think more carefully before I hire a film on a Friday *sigh* well the film that has provoked this major b**ch session is ‘There will be blood’, I swear to the gods the way religion is portrayed in that film is just screaming about societies dependency on needing something to believe in.

Well it’s blatantly obvious that I hate any kind of control, the fact that I made it through high school without getting into more trouble because of my little outbursts of anarchy is just a plain miracle. But I guess it would seem a surprise to know that I was raised as a practicing catholic … yes I attended a catholic school until I was 16 and went to church every Sunday, and like a good fearing the wrath of god child said my prayers. But yeah then my teenage rebellion took hold and the cracks in that shabby foundation began to show. At 16 I started to turn towards Buddhism yes yet another miracle had occurred a person that would fight almost every day and had very little respect for humans was interested in a peaceful religion of equality. But I think that’s what drew me to it, I was growing up in a male dominated environment were I had to constantly prove my worth as something other then a sex object and future house wife. And Buddhism seen man and women as entirely equal there were none of these gender associated rules, nothing about one species being more worthy then another (hell the amount of dog’s I’ve met that are far more intelligent then my own friends is just hilarious). But anyway that didn’t work out too well after all I’m a violent person buy nature and when your surrounded by sexist idiots provoking you it’s damn near impossible to find that inner peace and take passive action (maybe after a few more reincarnations I’ll be stronger spiritually lol) So by the time I was 21 I’d pretty much lost all hope in religion I’d believe in a bit of this and a bit of that but when it comes to Catholicism it takes me all my time not to just kick something. So you can only imagine everyone is trying to convert me back to the good little catholic girl side. Which is by far the worst thing to try, as people have experienced first hand. Well lets just say that when world youth week was celebrated here I actually made a preacher trying to convert me on the streets cry. Yes my status as a bitch just exploded off the charts at that point.

The way I see it Catholicism is just an elaborate excuse at creating the perfect controlled society that lacks individuality. Think about it how does these rules from the bible actually vary from what was happening in each war? Yes abandon the stereotypical view of purity and look at this for what it really is.

Firstly you have the disgust of sexuality within the catholic religion, families will abandon their children because they say that it’s a sin to be homosexual. If you love your child that’s all that should matter what type of shallow relationship do you have with your child that it can easily be broken because of their choice of sexuality. You can believe in something that you have absolutely no proof of the existence of but you can’t accept and believe in something that you helped create that is undeniably real?

When you have one of those people on your door step trying to convert you buy giving you a pamphlet saying that they want to turn this god forsaken planet into a heaven on earth but the only way to do so is to have all its inhabitant follow the word of god and ignore Satan’s whispers. Has it ever occurred to them that it’s impossible to do this? Think about it hypothetically, if they were to successfully create this heaven on earth what would there be left for people to work towards? Ok so they say you have to be good so you can go to heaven and be with god but if you’re not good then you’ll go to hell. So if earth becomes a heaven then what do we have to look forward to when we die? We already know heaven so what will come after death? Just another heaven? Isn’t that almost suggesting reincarnation? You’re living on an earthy heaven now but after death you just move to another stage of heaven. Sure that’s going to work the reason that humans find heaven so appealing and buy this bulls**t fed to them is because there is a level of mystery something to look forward to, take that away and you have lost your control of humanity.

Why can’t they just accept that hey maybe even though we are the top of the food chain and apparently possess a high level of intelligence that in reality we are just a stupid and self-destructive race. There’s no evil presence manipulating us to do evil things its just the law of physics ‘for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction’ because we have no natural predator that would lead to healthy natural selection we have evolved with a self destructive mechanism that ultimately leads to a form of artificial selection.


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Sunday, June 1, 2008

   Warning over exposure to idiots again
I should never be allowed to spend more then 5 minutes on a forum because I always end up posting these really long bitching sessions about what is wrong with society *sigh* That’s one of the reason’s I left all my forums last year until I was eventually dragged back to one although I’ve never really taken much interest or spent a great deal of time on it. Until today against my better judgment I was provoked into a conversation about the existence of love. CURSE THE GODS! It doesn’t help much that I’ve just started watching ‘Welcome to the NHK’ its the first anime I’ve seen in a long time that doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to telling society what is wrong with it. There’s none of this sugarcoating to make the viewer feel more at ease and ironically it seems to constantly attack its intended audience.

There was a part where one of the characters says that the way to gain confidence in a conversation or environment where they feel inferior is to imagine the people your talking to as being inferior stupid waste of space that will give them the imagined power/ confidence to talk without hesitation. Hearing this all I could think was omg that’s the way so many people behave on these forums. They go on about how in reality they are ridiculed and no one respects them, yet when they are online where they are detached from reality they act out there dreams of superiority. It annoys the hell out of me yes I use the net as an escape from reality but I go there for fun, purely as a distraction were nothing is real, but these people act like they are some kind of dictator or something constantly telling people what they can do, and trying to create a system that is within there criteria of order. Then you have the pathetic people that don’t even have enough respect for themselves to stand up to these people they just constantly agree with these people giving them even more power.

But that’s not even half of what really infuriates me, it’s the fact that these people make out that there online friends are more important to them then the people who exist in there real everyday lives. They call these online groups their family and neglect their reality more while seeking attention and support from the people that they meet online. They say that they don’t need people that they can survive in solitude, but ironically they spend hour’s online seeking companionship from total strangers. And if you say anything to them you have there minions defending them its like fighting a swarm of bee’s the workers will protect their queen at all cost, but instead of sacrificing their lives in this case they are sacrificing their dignity. It’s like the online version of the well know stereotype ‘The Plastics’. Damn I know this is sounding really harsh but lets face it have I’ve never held my opinion back before so why the hell would I do so now?

It just feels like my escape from reality and the pathetic structure of society has just become an alternative version where by the out casts are taking advantage of the fact that the popular ruling people of reality are too busy to rule the net, therefore allowing the normally down trodden to rule and taste the life of those that victimize them.


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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Ok I haven’t been under this much mental and physical stress since that time I questioned whether society as a whole was so obsessed with the apocalypse that the welcome mats outsides people’s doors were actually a subconscious salute to our impending doom. Apparently that was not only the most insane thing people had ever heard but also the most incoherent, expect no different with this post seriously abandon all rationality if you want to remotely understand what I’m saying here lol.

Everyone knows that if you watch an Oshii film expect to have a challenging experience his films are never straight forward they question everything, and you leave the film barely understanding what just happened. Well his novels are no different ages ago I read a novel buy Oshii it left me questioning everything my evolution lecturers were teaching me. As impossible as what he was saying was, you couldn’t help but think maybe. It’s like he has this ability to make you question reality and just emersed yourself in the illusions. But I think for the first time I’ve found someone else also makes my head spin and disregard reality.

I just started reading ‘GITS Innocence – After The Long Goodbye’ buy Masaki Yamada and well yes yet again I’m blurring the lines between illusion and reality just like I do every time I read a Japanese novel. At one point one of the characters says that dogs are the most pure creatures unlike humans they can express jealously and love in its most pure forms, so its true dogs don’t lie about love. This got me thinking for years I have heard people say that the reason dogs are so pure compared to humans is because they don’t posses jealousy but here the dog trainer is saying that they are the only creatures that can express it in its most pure form because they are the only ones that are able to experience pure love. So basically with the absence of outside factors influencing them dogs are pure. Ok its like the way that they say ‘you can be rambling the most obviously stupid things and a dog will look at you wagging its tail as if to say omg that’s pure genus’ There is nothing influencing the way they see you, no trends in fashion or popularity they see you as you no matter what you are. But in the book they say the reason that this is so is because the dog is not bonded to you as such but your soul. There is a connection between the two souls the outward appearance, the way we treat them all of that has absolutely nothing to do with why they love you. Thinking about it that totally makes since I mean you hear these stories about people doing unspeakable things to there dog but in the end the dog be still loyal to them. It’s like there ignorant to the mistreatment. In the novel Gabu leaves Batou at one stage and it’s constantly suggested that was because his ghost was formatted his soul was absent for a short period of time and without his soul present she was unable to recognise him. But then she was supposedly stolen and there was a theory that a cybernetics company was stealing dogs like her, namely dogs that were loved to use them in gynoids to give them the realistic personality characteristics. They were using the brain from the dogs because there purity was the only affective away to make these machines seem real. At one point Batou is firing at one of these gynoids as it attacks him and all he can see is the sweet face of the dog, its tail wagging its tongue lolling its purity is still pertained within the cold metal. It doesn’t matter what he does this dogs brain can see nothing but his soul. I couldn’t read any more after that.

It disturbed me the fact that no matter what was being done to this dog its brain still only seen the soul before it nothing else. This is going to seem to ironic coming from me after all I am cynical and hate society because all it can see is outward appearances nothing else and have said why can’t they be more like dogs and only see what is on the inside, and now thinking that a dog can only perceive the soul and absolutely nothing else and possesses a purity that I crave for people to also have I’m disturbed buy it. I want dogs to hate people that hurt them the way a person would hate another person that hurt them that way. So ultimately am I just be as selfish as those people have always criticised I want to corrupt a dogs purity to ensure that they are able to recognise pain and what a good human is, basically taking away what makes them a dog and turn them more into a human?

Well as I warned at the beginning good luck deciphering this.


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Thursday, April 24, 2008

JTHM - is it possible?
I read this in JTHM its the foreward by Rob Schard so OMFG no long analyzing post this time, just twice as long next time lol

'A girl I dated once said to me, ‘you can only feel pain when you bleed.’ This must give you the impression that I was dating an Art School-Vampire. She was more like an acid-washed Molly Ringwald, but that doesn’t matter. I fell in total lust with this woman because she told me what I had been thinking my entire life. Pain is food. A food that is essential to the growth of one’s soul.
Let’s talk about violence, shall we? Violence in the media is an easy target. ‘If we get rid of all the violent movies, television shows and comic books, the world will be Utopian!’ An easily believable answer. Just ask your mom.
Jhonen Vasquez has touched something important here. There's a little monster inside all of us, a little wolf-faced monkey that needs to be satiated. As people , we mustn't ignore that monster. If we do, we cheat ourselves. We deny an emotion, a feeling.

Think of someone that pissed you off. Some yutz who cut you off in traffic; a prick-ass Kinko's employee who took three hours to copy your resume; the big bully who spit in your face when you were eight. Now, in your head, relive that moment. This time, however, don't just stand there and take it. This time you've got a knife. Pull it out from behind your back and watch the status flip-flop. Suddenly Mr Kinko isn't so cocky. The playground bully is crying for his mother. Smell their fear. Then, kill them. Kill them like you see in the movies. Make it as horrible as possible. Release that monster and stab that knife deep into their face.

As humans, we are taught to forget that we are animals. Animals kill to survive and its just as natural for us. To deny nature is to deny life. Now that you've committed murder in you dream world, relax. Take a deep breath, give your monster a high five and put him away. You've just used an evil fantasy to keep you civilized and sane.

Some may call this irresponsible advice. They kid themselves that their monster doesn't exist. And when a person lies to themselves, there is less chance for spiritual growth. More then likely, their monster will step out of the Dream world and into the Real world. That's how society gets messy. Lots of hungry, neglected monsters.'

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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Officially diagnosed
A friend asked me to fill out a behaviour disorder questionnaire it was just a fun thing, it made laugh and it was pretty funny. Anyway I came up with a Schizoid and Schizo typal personality or disorder. Just hearing the name makes it sound like I’m someone that needs mental help but basically what it was saying was that I had an aloof personality with no intentions of pursuing any type of human companionship and see the world in an alternative fashion to what so called normal people would. Well hell we all knew that anyway but it got me thinking about what I was talking about last time about how adults have to label everything and give distinct boundaries as to what is normal and what is not. My personality although I already knew was not like the considered normal adult actually has a name I’m actually specifically categorised outside normal society, so in reality I have no sense of individuality I am just suffering from a behaviour problem. Right that totally makes sense doesn’t it … yes even though I’m just typing this my sarcastic tone should be jumping out at you. Why is it that just because I’m not like what everyone else is like, I have to be categorised as a misfit? A behaviour problem that according to popular belief if I was to be analysed and helped by a professional I could actually become a normal functioning member of society.

I think I finally understand why I love and can relate to Salinger’s texts. The majority of his male Glass characters (Seymour, Buddy, Zooey) are all described as having these same types of personalities. Especially Seymour in ‘Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters’ he is constantly called a ‘homosexual Schizoid’ by his fiancée’s mother, but I have always felt that I could understand his level of logic in this story he does not wish to marry his partner because he is happy with the way things are and he doesn’t care about the fact that her entire family has put in so much time and effort for the wedding he just wishes for things to stay the way they are currently. OMG he is actually only caring about his relationship with her and basically telling everyone else the can get screwed, isn’t that just what everyone wants to do at one time or another? But honestly you’re not game enough for fear of rejecting everyone’s expectations of you? I respect that character so much he doesn’t ever care about other people’s expectations of him he just does what he himself wants. I’ve been described as cold hearted and selfish countless times for displaying this same type of characteristics I don’t see the need to live up to anyone’s supposed expectations of me and because of that I’m classed as having a disorder? Isn’t it just that I refuse to comply with society and swallow the apple of logic and therefore follow the set boundaries that society has created to maintain a steady order. Why must you have to change your own happiness to suit everyone around you? Getting married only affects the guests of the wedding for that day at the most were as it affects you for the rest of your life. How is it possibly selfish to not want to jeopardise your own happiness?

Also Seymour is described as homosexual because even though he says he loves his partner and has even asked her to marry him he has never actually displayed any sexual intentions towards her. Is that homosexuality or is it pure love because it is actually devoid of lust? I think if I were to admit that love could actually exist that would be the only case in where I would. I’ve discussed this before once lust and sexual desire enter a relationship it slowly consumes the other aspects of the relationship until what you are experiencing is nothing but Eros. Think about it what really is this whole concept of sex and love are apart of each other? You can’t experience one entirely without the other? The only way to look that these two actually fit together is the fact that one is nearly always followed buy the other you rarely have the two occurring at entirely separate times and if they are separated then it goes against acceptable society. But because Seymour decides to separate the two he is considered homosexual.
I have never told a person I’m in a relationship with that I love them and have made it specially clear not attempt to push their own value of love on me and when the situation comes whereby the other person thinks that they have to attempt to push their own belief of love on me I am treated as cold or homosexual myself. Why they insist on pursuing an obviously dead-end road I have no idea. I have no intentions of changing the person and make my intentions clear but they seem to ignore the facts and think that I should give up my happiness for them. So how am I the selfish one?

Eventually Seymour is forced to be analysed by his partner and at the cost of his happiness ultimate he puts a bullet through his right temple in ‘A nice day for banana fish’. I’m not trying to say that if I actually get the assistance to become a normal functioning member of society that I will kill myself everyone is different and this is a case of fiction where as hard as it is to believe I am real. But it’s the whole thought that I will be changing myself and sacrificing my own personality for the sake of acceptance from society when I am actually happy with the way I am. Yes I would become so called normal but I would no longer be the same person I would lose those few people that have accepted my abnormal nature and that are actually important to me for the sake of being accepted by the majority of people under a fake existence. So because I refuse to give up my current happiness I will always been considered in need of help.


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