Saturday, August 7, 2004

Shadows...
I guess I really am nothing but a shadow...
I constantly sit and wait for something that may never come, and I believe in things that may not even be true... I don't know why, but I seem to be stuck.
I've grown tired. Tired of pretending that everything is alright. Tired of trying to look forward to the future, when I'm really just stuck in the past. I'm surrounded by shadows.
I guess I'm just fed up with keeping the REAL me trapped inside a bottle. I suppose the glass is about to break... I think I'M about to break...
I look around me, at the world I'm forced to live in, and see others who seem so happy. However, I can't help but think... What if it's just a mask? What if they're just like me? Trapped inside and trying to find a way out...
I just don't understand... I guess I'll never understand people...
I see people who are kind and gentle at heart, who would give up their lives for a loved one. Then... I see people who I hate... They constanly put down those who are different. They label others before even knowing them...
Heh. I guess my friends are right. I guess I really am a shadow. Because, I constanly watch others from a far. But, it really is amazing what you can find out about a someones character just by observing them for a few minutes...
I guess that's my only talent.
However, I can't help but look at myself in the mirror and wonder what people label me as.
A weirdo? The shy one?... A freak? Heh. I've heard them all. But, to most people, I'm just invisible.
I can't help thinking that maybe I'm just a ghost... A ghostly shadow that only a few can see... Yeah, that's it. A shadow. A shadow of the past...
One that's trapped in this bit of chaos, that's known as the present... Which will soon become exactly what I am now...
The past...
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Monday, August 2, 2004

   The End Is Near!
Yes, the end is near! The first day of school is coming! Noooooo! What the hell happened to my summer?!?! O.o' It went by too fast!!! Now I'm going to end up having to hold off on the anime and manga, until school work is out of the way! Why can't I get a job by being a perfessional slacker?!
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Friday, July 30, 2004

   I DON'T WANNA GO!!!
Okay yesterday we went to the high school, so that I could check out the school and get my scedule for August 9th. It's just one giant maze, and I have already decided that I HATE it!
I DO NOT do well in a new, out of the blue, habitat! I don't wanna go!!! NOOOOO!!! This school is going to be a nightmare!!! *runs of crying*
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Sunday, July 25, 2004

~*~Memories~*~
I'll walk away from this place,
leaving distant memories behind.
I'll leave this place,
and I'll try to bury the past.
The smell of rain,
and fresh dug earth.
The bitter taste of my own tears.
I'll leave this place,
this place filled with lost memories.
I'll walk away,
leaving only a rose behind...
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Friday, July 23, 2004

~*~THE LAST DREAM~*~
There's a young girl in my bedroom, and she keeps staring at me.

She looks like me, but she couldn't possibly be me. Her eyes hold no light; they're too dull. Her eyes are too cold, almost dead.

*My own reflection looks dead...*

I sit on my knees, in front of the mirror, and I press my fingers to the glass. My reflection does the same. I let my fingers run over its smooth surface, as I watch a bloody tear run down the girl's left cheek.

"Is this real? ", I quietly ask myself," This girl, who cries crimson tears, is she real? Is she really me?..."

I press my body gently against the glass. Its cold surface actually feels comforting against my warm cheek.

Suddenly, I hear something crack. Looking up, I see that the mirror is now broken. The thin cracks extended from the center, making it look like a ball of lightning. As I go to touch the glass again, some of the pieces fall and shatter against the wooden floor. Most of the pieces landed on my bare knees, cutting into the warm flesh. However, I don't flinch...

The pain actually feels good...

I run a finger along the sharp edges, and I simply watch the red liquid slowly ooze from the thin cut.

I then feel a cold breath against my cheek, and I look up to see a boy standing behind me.

I can't see his eyes. They're shaded by the long bangs of his raven hair. However, he seems familiar somehow. Like something out of a dream. The white shirt he was wearing was blood stained, and his hands were covered with deep gashes.

He kneeled next to me, and slowly raised one of his blood covered hands to my cheek. His touch was dead; it was stone cold...

However, it felt comforting. His icy touch made me feel safe for some reason.

I don't remember doing it, but I suddenly found myself with my arms wrapped tightly around him. I half expected him to push me away, but instead he did the exact opposite. I felt his arms tighten around my own body as well...

I felt unwanted tears begin to form, as I relaxed into his embrace. I have never felt so happy. I've never felt so safe in my whole life.

I buried my face into his strong chest, trying to hide my tears.

*They say love comes in many different forms... Does that include the dead?...*

He's a ghost from the past. Not just any past, but my past...

I reach my left hand up to touch the gaping wound in the center of his ivory throat. I know that this is a sin, but I don't care...

*I'm with him again, and that's all that matters... Even if I do end up burning in hell for this...*

I let my hand move away from his wound to brush the strands of hair out of his eyes.

*They're just like I remembered...*

His eyes are a beautiful storm blue. Even though he's looking at me with a blank expression, he's still the most beautiful creature to have ever walked among man.

I brush my lips gently against his cold ones, not caring that he hasn't returned my touch. I slowly pull myself out of his embrace, and I press my back against the broken mirror. I can feel the sharp pieces of glass digging into my back, but I just ignore it.

He remained in the same position, as he slowly lifted his head to look at me with an empty gaze.

*Even in death, you still look beautiful in my eyes...*

I let my right hand trail over the wooden floor of my bedroom, trying to find a big enough piece of glass...

As soon as I found one, I carefully picked it up and held it up so that he could see it. I could feel my own heart beating rapidly within my breast.

I reach my other hand up towards him, silently telling him to come closer. He knows what I want, and he slowly motions towards me. He has always been able to tell what I was thinking. That was one of the many reasons why I loved him...

He wrapped his strong arms around me, and gently pulled me into his lap. He took the large piece of broken glass from my hand, and held it over my own chest.

*This is the only way I can be with you again... I tired of us having to see each other only in my dreams... This is last dream I will share with you...*

I don't remember crying out, as he plunged the glass into my mortal flesh. I do remember, however, having a sudden feeling of peace begin to wash over me.

*Wait for me on the other side...*

I slowly open my eyes, and I find myself staring at floor of my bedroom. I lift my gaze to stare at my bed, only to find a still figure lying in it. I slowly walk towards it, my feet seemed to never touch the floor. I let my gaze fall upon the figure, only to finally come to realize something...

It's me...

*I've heard that if you dreamed that you died, that you would really die in your sleep... I never believed it until now...*

"You wanted this to be the last one..."

I turn around swiftly to face the owner of that voice, and I found HIM...

He was no longer covered with blood, and there was a scar on his throat where the wound had been before...

He smiles at me, as he slowly begins to come toward me.

"You wanted this to be your last dream...", he says to me softly. He gently runs a ghostly hand over my cheek." So that it could finally become reality..."

He feels so warm now. He's no longer cold to the touch, like he was in my dreams... He starts to run his fingers through my hair, and I feel happy...

I stare up at him with tears in my eyes, as I place my own ghostly body against him. I placed my head against his chest, as I felt his arms wrap around me possessively...

*It was the last dream, for my dreams have finally become true... Even in death, I felt happy... Even in death...*
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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

   Gravitation!
I just got the anime Gravitation on DVD a few days ago, and I fell IN LOVE with the series!!! I've seen adds for it in NewType and the AnimeInsider. I've also read the manga and seen screen grabs on random websites, but I finally saw the anime and it rocks my lame ass! I love the story and the music, plus I'm a HUGE Yaoi fan! So this anime was made for freaks like me!!!
Gravitation has now become my favorite anime, and I could never choose a favorite until recently. If anyone loves/or is comfortable with Yaoi, and likes kick ass J Pop, Then I really suggest you watch Gravitation! It's awesome!
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Sunday, July 18, 2004

   Hiya!
Hi, everyone! Sorry I was gone for so long, but I computer went stupid on me yet again. So we had to go get it repaired. But now I'm back in business, and ready to start posting new pics!
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Sunday, June 27, 2004

   Alright!
Yes! I finally got my pen set! I just recieved my new manga pen set, along with a new sketch book, a water color sketch pad, and a new jar of india ink!
I've been on a manga craze since I got the stuff. As soon as i get the stuff scanned, I'll upload them here.
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Wednesday, June 23, 2004

   PUPPY!!!

adopt your own virtual pet!

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   Bleh!
Everyone is gone for the summer, and now I'm all alone and bored. *sigh* Well, at least I still have MyOtaku and Fanart-Central.net! I also have my Kirara plushie *Hugs Kirara* YAY!
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