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Birthday • 1993-05-02 Gender •
Female Location • Here Member Since • 2005-05-30 Occupation • Life preserver :) Real Name • Belina
Personal
Achievements • http://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb281/Soul_Resistance/Untitled.jpg... Nuff said Anime Fan Since • Ever since Pokemon Favorite Anime • I'm not that obsessed anymore, to be honest. Mostly just Kare Kano, Ceres, Furuba, Ouran Highschool Hostclub, FMA, and, of course, ShinChan. X3 Goals • Make it out of here in one piece Hobbies • Paranoia, mood swings, and the occasional emotional meltdown Talents • :)
myOtaku.com: X Shadowme X
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
I really, really fucking hate this.
I can't even cry about it anymore--that's how sick of it I am.
I always swear up and down I'll be stronger and more independent and demand the respect I deserve when in reality all I want is to be with him and it's killing me.
So, alright, he doesn't want to sleep with me anymore--doesn't mean he has to leave me. We waited to do it for ten whole months! Would've been longer, if we'd have been more careful and had more self-control.
Why is it I always end up hating everyone I fall in love with? And if it's so painful, so damn damaging, why do we do it to ourselves? It's like some kind of narcotic, I swear--you fall in love and are happy and "just fine" and "getting by" will never be enough ever again. Even after everything goes to hell and there's nothing left, you still hang on, hoping for just a glimpse of what you felt in the beginning.
I used to watch a show called Joan of Arcadia. It was about this teenager named Joan who could talk to God and hear Him--like Joan of Arc, but modern-day. In one of the episodes, after having her heart broken, Joan asks God why love has to be so painful and God says something like, "Because love is a big light, illuminating the entire universe. And a big light casts a lot of shadows."
I never realized how true that was until now.
An emo classic, I know, but this is exactly I how feel--well, if not exactly, a damn good summary.
Gonna go shower and wonder how the hell this happened now.
ily
~Belinda
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