Friday, June 17, 2005

To New York I go!!!
I figured I should post before I leave, frankly because I'm bored and sick of watching mindless cartoons. I know, surprise surprise.

Oh yea, and I'd like to know what happened at role-playing when I was gone. Ya know, if anyone wants to tell me. At all. It's okay, I'll wait...but not patiently. (grr...)

Anyway, did I set myself up for dissapointment by obsessing over the new Foo Fighters album? Of course. I should really see these things coming. Anyway the tally for tracks is 11 love, 6 okay, and 3 hates. About average, actually. I still think the Foo's rock.

I figured out how to play "razor" on my guitar. It's off the acoustic side. Okay, actually, I'm only playing part of it, because he's rolling three notes, and I'm only playing the outlining note. And I kinda cheated-I figured it out on piano first, then watched how he fretted the notes, and then played it. What else am I supposed to do with my life, for cripes sake? It's summer! Usually I hit this poor me, I feel isolated, and I never hang out with anyone all summer stage (well except for last summer, but I'm not doing that kind of crap anymore) but this summer is different. I'm practicing my instruments without feeling like its an obligation anymore. I had this feeling the whole school year that I had hit some sort of ceiling in my playing, and that I needed to stop being so complacent and stagnant with my playing, and just get out there and do something. Mr. T finally forced me to break that by playing the Elige (so simple and yet so damn complicated) and now I feel...I dunno...like I've finally proven to myself I can do this stuff, I don't need to prove it to anyone else...I never did really feel like I had to prove it to anyone, actually. I was always trying to get other people to convince *me* that I was good, when what I really needed to do was sit down, shut up, and just play. For my own sake.

I dunno, I'm feeling pretty damn good right now. I just needed to get away from all the drama, all the crap that was the end of my junior year, and...be free. As cheesy as that sounds. Be free to rediscover who I am, who I was, and figure out who I want to be. Away from all the expectations that everyone has for me. Just be myself, and stop trying to fit in and act like "me", the me everyone thinks they know. Dammit, I'm going to be me, whether or not you people like it. Gawd, that sounds dumb. But it's true.

Senior year. Yeah, bring it on.
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