Sunday, May 22, 2005

Funerals
Yea...My grandpa died this past Tuesday. I was going to write earlier, but I was afraid I'd type something I'd regret...

Gawd, I'm gonna miss him. I had to sing for the funeral-"old rugged cross"-his favorite hymn. I made it to the fourth verse before my voice cracked, and made it to my seat before I completely broke down. It was hard, a lot harder than I thought it'd be. I dunno...

His casket was made out of wood, cause he was always talking about people's cabinets-he loved the wood grain. The corners had little barns on them-each family got to keep one-I think it's morbid, but that's cause I'm not big on the whole "reminder" bit. I had to be a pall bearer-grandma was insitent that all 9 grandkids where pall bearers-which posed a slight problem because only 2 grandkids where boys. I had nightmares about dropping the casket, but it all turned out fine.

Well, as fine as a funeral can be.

I remember when I stayed over at grandma and grandpa's house when we had New Years Roleplaying and it was icy. He was on dialisis then, and he was already asleep when I got there, but he wanted grandma to wake him up so he could show me the dialisis machines, and explain how they worked in detail, because he remember when I was little I was always curious about how the engines worked in the shop, and he figured I'd be impressed that he knew how the dialisis machine worked. He woke up before I did the next morning, and I remember him sitting there in his robe, his hair all messed up, and I remember giggling at his hair, but at the same time thinking he looked old, ya know, and just tired. Since no one ever tells me anything, I didn't really know how serious it was, untill that point.

And know I think my uncle Pete has (or had) prostate cancer or somthing-at least thats what I picked out of bits of conversation I caught when everyone thought I was watching TV or listening to the radio. I wish someone would trust me with this-do they think I'm five or something, that I need to be "protected"! I dunno, It's dumb...

Anyway, I should apologize for my moodiness, cause, yea, I was kind of stupid all week. Tom Slice kind of made a stupid remarks when he found out about my grandpa, so I of course freaked out at him. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone else than be sad about, well, anything. I dunno... I'm just tired. Really tired, and I can't wait for school to be out. Oh yea, and I've got to thank you guys for inviting me to Star Wars on Saturday-I really needed the break before the funeral. I really appreciate it.

Anyway, I bought myself Phantom of the Opera, and am actually listening to it right now- *I can play DVD's on my computer haha* So yea, feeling a little better-once sememster tests are done and schools over I should feel a lot better.
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