Sunday, November 4, 2007

of Course
i didn't make region. =P


yesterday was Ridiculous. i was up at 6 and had to be at school at 7. got to midway high school at about 830 and sang all morning. i did rather horribly ^_^;;




last night was fun though. i went out to eat at applebees'.

=]



♥


i don't have much to talk about

let's make something ^_^
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Saturday, November 3, 2007

ugh.
i have to get up early today to go to auditions for choir. problem is, i'm sick. i only hope that i can at least do semi-okay.. v.v



last night i was over at my friend's house. there were six of us, and we spent tons of time playing guitar hero and super smash bros melee. it was tons of fun =]





♥ to my waffle
whom i love dearly
and want to come and live with me
=D
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Thursday, November 1, 2007

I'm so pissed off
at you.

You have no idea.





I don't hate you
but I'm close.








I wish I didn't have to.
I wish I could say it's your fault.

but it's not.
It's Mine.

And I have absolutely no idea why.
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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

what's the story morning glory
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall





Choir pre-area tryouts are on saturday.
i'm working hard on it.
also saturday is my six month anniversary with christian.
so yeah =]


I have a shitty project due today for German. I have to make a tombstone of some dead german guy. it's really dumb x.x
mine is really ugly looking. it's not even done.






I'm so tired.

and i hate this post.
it's so ridiculous.
*nods*





*flies away*
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Friday, October 26, 2007

The end of all things
I hate my life

I'm incredibly selfish.

I've been holding on
when I should have let go months ago.



And I hate myself for that.

Because of what I did to myself
by not letting go.




I've been in so much pain
over this stupid boy
who doesn't care about me
nearly as much as I do him.






And it breaks my fucking heart.













And I'm going to let go

I'm not going to put myself through that shit anymore.









I'm done.
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Thursday, October 25, 2007

eh.
Well Sunday was a lot of fun. I had a bunch of kids come over (well, it was more like five) and we baked stuff for a project.

PICTURES
pic1

pic2


pic3

pic4

The kid in the first two pictures is my friend Mario. He's weird. Then the third picture is Michael (my spectacular boy), Elisha, and Mario again. the last picture is Melissa and Jennifer. (they're my favorites EVER)



Yesterday was so horrible. I was cramping and irritable and overly emotional. I was crying all day. I want to wash my hands clean of that mess. Ugh.




Yesterday made me realize how much everything with the spectacular boy is messing with me. I need to figure out how to fix all of this
and me.


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Monday, October 22, 2007

all you need is love
I saw him today. I had some people come over, and we baked stuff for school and watched Cats. He left far too early. I was sad.


I was wearing his shoes when he went to put them on, and I said, "I don't want you to leave." He gave me a hug and said he'd see me tomorrow. Then he left.





I don't care about not having to be in love with him
or not being able to.
As long as he's here, then I don't care how much I love him.
Because that's all that matters. I love him. And nothing can change that.
It's not the same kind of love, to be fair.






But it's love all the same.


And that is beautiful to me.









There is nothing more important to me than love.




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Sunday, October 21, 2007

stormy weather


Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs.
I wonder how they feel tonight.







I'm incredibly tired.



My mom wants to get me tested for hypothyroid-ism. it's hereditary, and she thinks I have it.

Hypothyroidism is when your body doesn't produce enough hormones from your thyroid gland. My mom has it, and before she started taking medication for it, she was always really cold and extremely tired, and she was in a fog a lot.





So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.


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Friday, October 19, 2007

I know the love that's in your eyes was there when the sky fell over me






getting to talk to two of my favorite people in the world.
that's what makes my day.

what do you do with someone
who always makes time for everyone else's problems
and never has any room for their own?
and now he's beginning to buckle under everyone else's problems.


I wish I could help him.
















when i'm with him, i feel infinite

and i'm not ashamed.
because i know that i can handle
being friends with him now.
it's not being friends that i can't handle.


but i think..
we're going to be okay.
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Thursday, October 18, 2007

took the psat yesterday. it's a preparation thing for the sat that i have to take later in the year. then we had to go to school afterwards and use our brains some more, of course. after school i headed straight for bed and slept for about two hours.


i really really really wanted to get The Perks of Being a Wallflower from the library. i was so mad because their site said that the book was available, but it wasn't in the place it was supposed to be. it pissed me off. i want to read it. *nods*




ugh. i hate all of the confusing and ridiculous-ness that is my problems. ughhhhhhh.
biggest problem ever (possibly bigger than the fact that i'm in love with someone that isn't my boyfriend) is that this boy.
He's gay.
*nods*
it's a bit depressing.
so i know that i just have to fucking get over it.
and be happy with what i have.
that's all i can do.
maaan.


but i mean...
look at him

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