heyy, this is silverdragongirl! thanx for stopping by, i really appreciate it! sign the guestbook and have a nice visit!
1. i apprecciate your friendship, but if i comment you and you make it a habit of not returning the favor i will prolly only comment you if you comment me first...srry, but im a busy person
2. feel free to voice your opinions, but be considerate to others (as well as me)...dont be rude.
3. HAVE FUN!
AIM screen name: please ask
Anime Fan since: sailor moon
Fav animes/mangas:fruits basket, nana, chobits, dn angel, inuyasha, yu yu hakusho, samurai 7, rurouni kenshin, etc.
Occupation: high school student. i am top ten academically in my class, am on national honor society, and play varsity tennis. i also work part time at wendys and volunteer regularly at the local health dept.
hobbies/talents:tennis<3, racquetball, drawing, bowling, soccer, and did i mention tennis??
again, thank you very much for visiting!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
| im not gonna start off this post with a "hey, sorry i havent been on in forever! ive been busy!" or any of that business. im aware of the fact that no ones gonna read this, and i dont really care. i just need to write something somewhere, even if nobody heres it. |
today wasnt a bad day. my parents arent unloving, my friends are great as always, and my brothers and sister were insulting as usual, but i know they love me. i shouldnt have anything to complain about, and i honestly dont know why i suddenly feel this way. compared to most people, i have it made. so much so that i usually take it for granted.
today wasnt abnormal by any means. i got up at 6:30AM, went to track practice at 8AM. we ran 3miles and did a speed workout(200m around the halls about 5 times, today.) then, just when i thought the coaches were gonna make us do push ups and lift weights, they told us there was an easter egg hunt. i was so excited! im 17 yrs old, and i felt like i was 8 again. it was great :). then i came home, played some nintendo wii with my brother, and took a shower. then i met my friends at the mall. we saw 10,000 BC, which, for all its faults, was all in all a pretty cute story. then we walked around looked in some of the stores, and got lunch. it was around 4pm when we all headed home.
someone tell me something about that that sounds like a crappy day? it was a wonderful day. then why did i feel like crap when i came home? i have no idea. i was in a horrible mood, i even told my brother that i didnt understand why. i said maybe it was because i had had fun with my friends, and coming home seemed crappy in comparison. but i didnt really think that was why.
i told my sister i was going to bed, because i was tired and i wasnt going to get any work done sitting there feeling tired and crappy. i told her to have my mom wake me up before she left to go out with my dad.
so its about 6pm, and im sitting there trying to fall asleep. and i just start thinking about...stuff. and then i guess i suddenly came to the realization as to why i felt so depressed. and i feel like every other really stupid idiotic teenage girl, and i hate it. i feel like shit because of GUYS. seriously, i hate myself feeling this way, all in all ive never really cared one way or another what guys, or anyone for that matter, thinks of me.
but i have NEVER had a boyfriend. ive had people tell me im pretty, beautiful, cute, funny, smart, everything. and i know im not the prettiest, the most beautiful, the cutest, funniest, or smartest. but i deffinitely dont think im the ugliest. im not one of those stupid girls who fishes for compliments. i dont post bullitens on myspace about how i think im ugly and fat so people will say im pretty and skinny. and that is NOT why im writing this. people, and not just my friends and family, tell me im pretty and cute and smart all the time. and i can honestly say that i never say anything to make anyone feel the NEED to say these things.
but if im so gosh darn cute or pretty, how come no one has every asked me out? no one has ever told me they like me as more than a friend. its always FRIENDS. and ive had crushes, and ive even tried to ask them out myself. and what do i get? REJECTION. i dont care whether you have the best self esteem in the world, that feels like shit, even if its only for a few seconds. if im so funny and cute and smart, then explain to me why all of my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends, and i dont? not to sound concieded or arrogant (at least i dont think i am concieded), but i think i have a lot to offer. why wont someone fucking prove that to me?
i thought after i went to bed id feel better when i woke up. nope. im still depressed and feeling sorry for myself. i hate this.