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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Facing the truth, leaving for good
The fact is that new theotaku.com killed myotaku.com... People are not that connected as before and comunication here is on very low level. I don't come here as often as I used to before so the logical thing to say is:
I'm leaving myotaku.com.
I was thinking about leaving theotaku.com but I'm not sure yet. But you don't care about that. In fact I'm not sure anyone is going to read this...
Friday, February 15, 2008
Kiss me on Valentine's Day
I’ve kissed him one more time without thinking about anything, just about our happiness and love we felt for each other. I looked at his brown eyes and wished that moment to last forever but then I heard the sound of school bell which was calling me back to the class. I took out my fingers from his curly hair and ran back to school thinking about him and the fact that I’ve never dreamed I could be so happy.
Another boring logic class full of confusing rules and ways to salve the complicate conclusions. I’ve putted my cheek to my palm while my other hand was writing his name on the brown school table.
“Did you see him?” my good friend who I was sharing desk asked me so I nodded without words.
Professor was trying to explain us the complicate logic conclusions and all the rules. Almost everyone were totally uninterested, few of them were telling that professor was bad at explaining while small group of students understood everything.
Everyone was thrilled when bell for the end of the class finally rang. It was the last subject we had so everyone started to pack their things the fastest they could. I putted pencil in pencil box and all books in the bag, then I left classroom with my friend. Some classes were left home last class but few classes went to the hallways together with us. I knew I won’t see him because his class was left home last class. I went out with my friend on cool air talking about the day we spend in school.
Air was filled with cold and with some restlessness for me. It took out the black cell from my pocket and opened it. There were no messages so I turned the sounds back on and wished to send him a message but I wasn’t alone.
My friend didn’t know about my relationship. In fact, no one knew for that relationship except my good friend who lived across the street.
The problem because no one knew is that we decided that way because of some differences between both of us. We knew we both would listen to the stupid people telling us we are not one for each other and how our relationship won’t work but with every new day I was happier and happier and I knew too big love is bounding us to be broken because of stupid things that weren’t important to us since we were together.
But things weren’t always great like now. Just few months before everything between us were my desperate ways to seduce him while I was walking by him and while he was always closed and cold. I needed a lot of time to get to his heart.
While I was at home that night I felt some restlessness in my soul and every time I thought about him and I felt like something is not right and every time I felt pain in my stomach which was bothering me.
I took my cell and typed his number. My hand was shaking while I was thinking should I call him or not. I was thinking for some time and then I quit and called my friend who lived across the street. I told her that I’m worried but she told me that I’m probably worried without reason.
The next morning I woke up wet. I sat on bed and look through the window. It was already day and I could hear dog barking from somewhere. I tried to remember the nightmare I had and which was troubling me but I couldn’t.
I pushed dark thoughts from me and I went to my cell. There were no messages, again, and that made my heart sink.
In that moment I knew something is wrong so I typed his number again and pressed the dialing. Instead his voice I heard voice of some older woman from which I heard pain and I knew something bad has happened. From that woman I found out that my love had a car accident last night and now is lying in hospital, in coma. Cell fell out of my hands and tears started to run down my cheeks while I was choking.
In that moment, my whole world fell apart. Nothing was the same anymore and I couldn’t even move. I just pressed the button to break the call and then I fell on the floor.
I needed a lot of time to calm a bit and get dressed. Nothing was important anymore so I dressed the first time I found in my wardrobe and ran down the stairs. I came into the living room and met my mother who was confused and who didn’t understood my tears and them I was in the situation I wasn’t even thinking about – I had to admit everything.
I couldn’t stop the words coming out of my mouth and I wasn’t even thinking about them but I knew I told her everything I though I never would.
Two hours after that I was standing in the hospital hallway while my hand which was holding the door of his sickroom was shaking. I couldn’t remember everything my mother told me or how I got to the hospital. Everything I knew in that moment is how I’m scared of facing the cruel truth.
Suddenly the door opened and doctor who came out pushed me inside without a word. I was walking towards his bed while my legs were shaking and then the time stopped.
He was calmly lying there while his chest were slowly rising and falling down showing that he was still alive. His beautiful face was full of scars coming from the glass of some rich Mercedes. He had needle in one of his hand and his other palm was hidden in his mother’s palms who look at me without word and with tears in her eyes.
She was presuming who I was but she didn’t say anything.
I putted hand on my mouth and I tried to stop tears but I failed so they ran down my cheeks in long ways. I stood next to his bed and I cuddled his bloody curls of his light brown hair.
Two days after that I wasn’t going to school, all that day I was sitting next to his bed hoping he’ll open his brown eyes and look at me with love. His mother went home because his husband and doctor forced her to do so. The two of us stayed alone. I told my friend from school that I was feeling sick and that’s the reason I won’t come to school. Not even in that hard moments I didn’t wanted to tell her that I’m sitting next to the bed of my hurt love because two of us decided that way. I told everything to my friend who was living across the street so she was calling me from time to time to check how we are but everything was the same.
I bend over his sleeping face and moved curls from his face, and then I pressed my lips on his. I removed my face covered with tears from his and whispered:
“Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.”
I sat down on chair next to his sickbed and putted my face on his warm palm. I fell asleep few moments after that.
His hand woke me up from the light sleep because it moved. I raised my head from the white sheets of his sickbed and then I met the look of his brown eyes. He smiled at me very weak and that forced tears to my eyes and smile to my lips. I couldn’t believe my wish came true and my love opened his sleeping eyes from coma. He weakly cuddled my hair.
“Happy Valentine’s Day”, he said to me quietly and that made me smile even harder from love for him.
I gently cuddled his hurt face full of scars and started to cry from happiness. It was the beauties Valentine’s Day in my life.
Please check out my latest two pictures I posted becuase I love them so much, and tell me what you think.
If Only He Knew
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007
I wish you all Merry Christmas and a Happy New year. I love you all and I want to thank you for being my friends and thank you for your kind comments and votes *hugs ya*
Spend your time with your family now when you have time and when you are schoolless =D Stop thinking about what are you going to get, yes be merry when you get what you wanted but be merry too if you have chance to be with your family and friends. World won't stop for you when you want that and maybe tomorrow will be too late to hug your family and friends. You never know what might happen... I lost my cousin when she was 23 so you never know what God has in mind...
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I wish you all the best for holidays,