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Saturday, April 19, 2008

   The Forbidden Kingdom
today i went to go see the forbidden kingdom(a movie starring jackie chan, jet li, and some other random guy whose name i didn't bother to catch because i didn't care, which is sad considering he was the main character). Couch had asked me out and whatnot, but my dad was flipping out, so i had homsar88 come along too. but i have to say right now, i suddenly realize now why i will NEVER go out on a date, no matter who asks me. the movie itself was so bad that it kinda made it good, but first the depressing stuff needs to come out right now.

the first thing is that my dad is a REALLY paranoid guy that's overly protective and as such he would be suspicious of any guy. he seems to be under the impression that all guys care about are making out in a theater, molesting/taking advantage of girls, and sex when they ask you out out on a date. of course this is obviously not true and a horrible over-generalization because some boys actually care about the relationship and it does NOT mean they want sex when they ask for a relationship. and not all boys are assholes that screw with girls. there are exceptions but my dad was really being a stubborn ass to me and everyone else. i deeply regret not saying "no" to Couch after what happened today.

anyways, dad got really pissed off this morning starting with the shelf breaking in the kitchen. our house REALLY sucks a lot cuz it's so damn old with everything falling apart, and it always complicates things and im sick of it. so now most of our perfectly good ramen-sized bowls are broken including my dad's favorites and dad got really pissed and started explaining to mom that she had too much weight in the front and shit so that's why it broke and blamed it on her pretty much. then he says something like "that's it, we're staying home today. no activities and we're gonna clean the house instead". i was unsure if he was joking or not because he has many moments when it's hard to know if he's serious or not, which really leads to lots of fighting and people getting pissed sometimes. i started arguing and getting mad and then he starts yelling about how Couch can't be trusted and shit(well he sure as hell implied that anyway) and then i was practically crying and trying to tell him calmly that not all boys are bad and they don't always try to mess with you and all that Couch was a good person and not a jackass and then dad started screaming about how "he knows how boys think" and i once again tried arguing that not all of them are like that and mom started yelling at him and i ran upstairs and heard my dad shouting at me that if i gave him "anymore of this shit" he wasn't going to let me go and then mom started practically shrieking at him too cuz she was trying to tell him to be reasonable and then i went to my room to cry my eyes out for a while.

when i finally got to the movies, and met up with homsar88 and Couch, i started getting a bad feeling(more than i already had) about it and started wishing that i shouldn't have agreed to come. somehow the atmosphere didn't seem very... relaxed like it normally was whenever i went to the movies with homsar88 and i was feeling a little nervous and still slightly upset, and worried that dad would be interrogating Couch when he arrived(luckily he didn't). we did have fun laughing at the cliche and horrible things in the movie, but all throughout this outing, i felt bad that it seemed we were really excluding Couch and it kinda felt like he was completely out of site and mind even though this was supposed to be a "date" i really don't want to use that word because this made me realize why i hate dates or anything to do with relationships unless it's like the kind i have with homsar88 because they don't work out for me. not that i have been in many relationships but i know this applies to me for sure.

i absolutely hate (most) guys and think of all of them as stupid and purposefully try to think of them all as jackasses and even if i didn't, i have never not once thought of boys that way and never had one of those crushes you get at some point in your life. i honestly think love is a stupid thing and i can't help but hate it. perhaps anime has too much of an influence on me, because the only boys i have ever truly loved with the bottom of my heart is those guys and i so desperately want to be with them it's sad and the only time i can deal with all that sentimental crap. another reason i don't want to ever get involved in relationships is because they are so damn complicated. and by that i mean the fact that my dad is freaking paranoid that he would never allow such a thing even if i loved a guy with all my heart and i don't want to bother dealing with the trouble he'd give me.

after the movie it really seemed like none of us was in a good mood afterwards. i just got that feeling and i didn't like it. Couch kinda seemed almost depressed cuz he hardly said anything and homsar88 didn't quite seem so energetic although she did explain a little bit about that but all the same i really felt like it was uncomfortable and i was kinda depressed and unhappy that we weren't lively so i was confused and a bit upset cuz i didn't know if i should even say anything. and at the bookstore, we all seemed to get really annoyed at each other and we started a rather heated argument about that "how to be ninja" video on youtube and i started getting really pissed at Couch and i came close to kicking or hitting Couch for being so incredibly stupid. it's a freaking parody and the whole point is to make fun of something and no they didn't specifically make it just to piss you off Couch! it's funny so get over it. the same goes for any parody. the naruto abridged series is funny precisely because the big naruto fans watch it. they don't get annoyed by it because they enjoy the series so much and that's why they can laugh at it. who the hell gets mad at a parody? seriously how many have you seen that genuinely try to cut down the series or make a character look really bad??? people just make parodies for fun. and it also made me unreasonable pissed that Couch seemed to think of himself as a real ninja because he's NOT and stop freaking acting like you're all that because there are real ninjas and you are hardly any less of a wannabe ninja than i am ok?

next time i will have to make up some sort of excuse not to go to a date with ANYONE because more of the shit that happened today is gonna happen again and im so sick of everybody screaming at each other and stressing out and at the end of it all, me crying my eyes out in my bedroom because dad has no idea how hurtful his words are to me when he says anything that hints that i have horrible friends that probably have abusive whatever and not so great. i want to scream at him whenever he says even the slightest thing about homsar88 especially, cuz one time it seemed he thinks she complains about everything just for the sake of complaining and i nearly screamed at him because he doesn't know jack shit about homsar88 and shut up when he doesn't even know her that well and stop acting like you fucking know every damn thing about my friends like you're god because you're not and you have no right to say what any of my friends are or are not like as if you think you know how human personalities and natures and all that psychological crap that goes on through a person's mind. fuck it all now im starting to want to cry again... i hardly think im in the mood to post anything cheerful anymore... maybe some other time ok? when im in a better mood, i will indeed post about the hilarious stuff that was in the movie, but right now i need to do something to take my mind off all this crap...


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