Thursday, September 7, 2006

Oh fuck no
His message:

Well life is not the same without you.
I think about you a lot, And all i wnat is to see you at Onicon.
I just hope. we can spend a lot of time together with oyu me getting to re attacked and never wanting to leave you. I just got like 2 -3 credits at school. Hoping to get a few more.. i still ahve 9 to go << i need to garuate soon. God i love you so much. Read my otaku ?
Hope you dont hate me for wht i did.

I smoked, yes yes bad me.
But, I was uber stressed got bitched at at home and work and school. Erika and I were tlaking she has clover ciggrettes but never smoked one just sucked on it. So, i was like.. why dont we smoke on together.
so we did. each smoked one. And im sorry to say.. i enjoyed it . I felt so calm and relaxed maybe bc i was wiht someoen i trusted maybe it was just the way ti felt i dont know. But i dont think it will happen again.

Please remeber I love you and wnat to be wiht you forever and i hope you feel the ame way.

LOVE YOU BABE!

My response:

I...I can't believe you did that....
I would say that you just lost me. Right then. Right there. You know that I don't date those kind of people. This is one of the exact reasons why I broke up with Cracker....
If you were in front of me right now, I'd slap you. I'm not kidding. Remember the last message I sent you? Well, now my heart is sinking. And I'm literally shaking right now...It's really hard to type this out.
I would be screaming at you. That's all I want to do right now. I want to scream, and shout, and curse, I mean...You've just completely blown my mind away with this Tom. I just can't believe you.
You're acting like this is no big deal: "Yes yes, bad me"
What do you think I'm just going to wave it off?
FUCK NO.
This is some total shit Tom.
I really don't know what else to say. I'm really trying my hardest over here. I know that stress is intense over there. I understand that, but giving in to this type of shit just shows that you are weak. I can't have someone that's weak. You need to fucking pull yourself together, or I will try my hardest not to see you at Oni-con.
That's how serious I am.
And if you really can't handle that, then it will be Goodbye for real. I am not Joking. It makes me cry just to be saying that, but that's what I stand by.
I am not going to let you throw yourself away like that. No. Not the one I love.
And you think that just because you end the message with "Love you babe", I'm just going to let it pass? Well, once again:
FUCK NO.
I care about you. And that's one of the reasons why I chose a relationship like I have with Alex. We never see eachother, when we do, it's around family (can't do anything), he's in College, banned from my school....I'm forcing myself not to get attached.

.....I really thought you had it in you.....
I did.
Now I know that you have some more work to do before you're ready continue on with your life and the hard work that's ahead of you.
Let me know when you are.

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