Thursday, July 2, 2009

Still
It would seem that my friend Innocent Heart's grandmother is in surgery right now, so I ask those who read this to give a little prayer.


I just woke up from my nap. I had to do a 24hr shift at the hospital. So tired. I mean, it's not like I can't handle it but last night was quiet, slow, and lacked good coffee. The one thing I've noticed is that I talk to my coworkers less during these shifts. Then again, all my buddies are on different shifts.

Last night, one of the nurses brought in his laptop and we watched Scrubs, fitting I know, during our breaks. Since I'm mostly radiology, I have many moments of nothingness, so I usually go about doing my secondary MOS which is patient administration. Which is mostly working with patient's files and relaying changes in location to the doctors when they happen.

I consider myself a very tomboyish person, and because of that my friends back home always try to dress me up. One of them just sent me an email with a bunch of gothic dresses, saying that she'd make me wear them as her bilated birthday present and as payment from her keeping my account here in shape. I'd post pictures, but the embarrassment I feel looking at her choices keeps me from doing that.

Now that I have a new laptop, I've been catching up on my fansubs. And I've started Marimite season 4. All I can say about that is, the opening is so included...

No joke. Those of you how know me, know I have a slight love of moe, but I just felt that it was out of place, given the other seasons. I'm not complaining in any way, no, but still...


NNM
I need a vacation
Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Squee
Now I know I've posted most of me recent, though infrequent things over at my other page. But here's the gist, I've been in training to be an Army X-ray tech. The training took me from the states, where I did classroom work, to Germany where I was supposed to do my internship. But instead I volunteered to do it in the Middle East. And now I am back in Germany with a new (well not really) laptop. So, I'm fine if any of you are wondering.

And now on with the show.


Today, I shall tell a tale of love, loss, epic /b/ness, and all around half truths.

Our tale starts one fine weekend day.

The sun light, after fighting its way across the vastness of space, through the Earth’s magnetic field, and dodging the clouds of a partly cloudy sky, lit my dreary, tired face with apathetic warmth. I was very distraught over my supreme lack of boredom relieving activities and was currently in search of epic LOLZ. My journey took me from the depths of rule 34 land to the rocky chan range to the realm of fanficdom. It is very well understood that this journey was not at all enlightening or enjoyable.

Then the storms cleared and my shallowed ship of anonymous ran aground in the Land of Smiles. It was a land of scary things. A land that read like Japanese- which I so can’t read. I staggered, crawled, babeled, and flew blindly. I thought I there’d be no exit, that this land had no borders. There were the meme raiders, the webcam whores, the complete WTF white wash. I was panicking, jumping randomly from place to place.

Then the path started to clear and in the distance, high atop a weed covered hill, stood a striking silhouette in the approaching twilight. Her almost body length hair, tied in pigtails, whipped in the breeze. Its greenish-blue hue blended smoothly with the sky. As I got closer I could make out the outline of her head set. Its digital lights shown dimly through her hair. On her sleeves were the LEDs of readouts and inputs. She was a Goddess, she had to be. I knew at that moment that I would make her mine, what ever it took.

Over the next few days I searched high and low for the identity of the Goddess. Weathered the R34 riots, the pool AIDS onslaught, the memes (OMG the memes), and ate way too much Negi Ramen. And soon arrived at the concert hall which the Goddess frequents in our humble internets. She was new, bold, original (in her own way), and gave me a new out look at music. There was a whole religion called Miku Miku Dance that gave us control of this Vocaloid Goddess.
So I spend days making the pilgrimage across the English land of smiles where I saw and hear more than I ever thought I would. And now I am at a very comfortable spot in my relationship with the Goddess. We spend time when I’m lonely, she sings when I need emotions. It is more than love, more than admiration, it is beyond all description.

And so it was that I met one Hatsune Miku.


Peace out ya'all

NNM
Miku vids:
Shining Ray
Melody
Anger
Nebula- So watch in High qual
Last Night, Good Night
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, April 14, 2008

And
Again, Nana will shed her usually self and talk seriously.

Some of y'all may be wondering why I haven't been on in a bit. Due to the nature of the reason, I am unable to go into it but since then I've been thinking about something I believe most of us have trouble with. Trust.

I've always had a rocky relationship with trust. Some people I trust a lot, others not at all. What makes it worse is the fact that I don't have any "criteria" as to determine a level of trust. Most times it goes on gut reactions. I've meet some people who I know outright that I can trust them implicitly. Then there are those who I wouldn't trust to pick their own nose. The thing is, I've never been wrong about either type. Now, that might be because they are reacting to my trust or distrust and trying to match it; but there really is no true way to know.

Last serious talk was about intimacy. And some of the same questions apply here. How does one define trust? How does one gage it? What changes it? Is it the same as faith?

By Webster's definition to trust is to place confidence. Confidence is faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way.

Vague if you ask me. But going of of this trust and faith are equal, but by the usual human semantics most of us treat them differently.

The way I see trust is mush like the original definition but without confidence having faith to define it. The people I trust I can tell them just about any secret (seeing as no one will ever tell all their secrets) and know that they will not only take me serious but not tell anyone else. As a soldier, I trust my battle buddy and I trust each other implicitly to keep each other alive. To me that one is the strongest trust; the trust of your life in someone else's hands.

So, if I were to use the information above, the best way to find a level of trust depends on the situation as well as the person. Much of the time, similar beliefs and outlooks help to determine.

Then there's faith. This one is even vaguer. Webster's definition is, a: allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1): fidelity to one's promises (2): sincerity of intentions.

Right, okay.

So where does that leave us?

Faith, to many religious people is the same as trust when it comes to dealing with God. But since I don't believe in religion, that is not a template I can use. So I go by the soldier's faith.

Faith in the enemy to do as we've ask but don't trust them to do it.
So I can have faith in a persons skills, in their abilities, and their morals but not trust their intentions or trust whether they would do as I've asked.

I'm not big on semantics but for here, it's the only way to deal with this lack of stability.

Because of this, I do have trouble trusting people who may deserve that trust. I have faith in their skills, but no trust. Which is probably why 90% of my friends are either military or in the same field of research as me.

At this point, I can't really think much further on this since I've never had the type of childhood that would things like this. It is true that as the years go by, I am getting better at this; but I don't think it will completely go away.

I guess my question to y'all is, how do you feel about trust? How do you determine it?


NNM
Comments (1) | Permalink

» Archives

~~Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers~~ I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You are similar to a demon but slightly different in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your love of sin caused you to be cast from the Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are nearly as dark as your desires. You are faithless and love it - you believe there is no Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what you want! You have a refined concept of what is sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In fact, you love chaos and view much of what you do as a game. You are typically attracted to those that will challenge your mind, power, and wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least open to the concept, because you seek excitement and passion everywhere and in everyone. Chances are you have a special talent for magick - you're a powerful being and you know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you like to try your powers of seduction and manipulation, though your intent is rarely to cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep, dark place. While typically smirking, amused, and sarcastic, you are capable of severe revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled by any other. In your eyes life is for enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If you're not having fun in your own twisted way, you're not happy. You are easily bored with the vast majority of people. You are most likely drawn towards the Gothic subculture and probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many people look down on your seemingly careless lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'. Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to none but themselves for power. Congratulations! You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm concerned - you know what life is REALLY about. Have fun...Muahaha.Trying to find source, will be posted ASAP. Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

What kind of goth are you? (with pictures) You like murdering and tons of blood. Sure, you may first look like a hero, but if anyone crosses your path, good or bad, you take them on. Your blood-lust sometimes causes too much of a problem, and like a drug-addict, you can't stop... Take this quiz! Quizilla | Join | Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code