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Welcome to my site! I am a loyal friend and if you need someone to be there for you, that's what I am here for. ^^
I am also Shiro Tora's older sis so visit her if you get the chance. ^__^

Monday, June 15, 2015

I forgot this piece of me was floating around in the internet - Broken hearts

So it's been 7 years since my last post here and I am pretty sure all of the friends I had here are no longer active on this site. It's so sad to think that I spent a lot of time on this website while I was in high school and just abandoned it.

I am 100% sure no one is going to read this because, is anyone on here anymore?

I don't know what made me decide to check this place out, it was literally just a passing thought and I am surprised I remembered my login info.

I was looking at my old posts on here, it was a lot of fun taking a look back at the person I once was and realizing how much I've changed. Also, so much cringe!

7 years is a VERY long time. When I last posted, I was starting university, I graduated last year with a bachelor's degree in animal health science and a minor in psychology. I have sat for my state and national boards and now I am a licensed vet tech.

When I left this site I was happy and in love with the person I would spend the next 5 years devoted to, the person who literally was the only thing that kept me sane and going for that amount of time. We met on this site, actually, his name was Josh. It was the best time of my life and I actually never even met him, which is kind of embarrassing having to explain it to people because, how could I be in love with someone I never met? But I did. For 6 years, my heart would skip a beat whenever he texted me, called me, or IM'd me. He never failed to put a smile on my face and he was with me through the toughest times of my life. Then he broke my heart in the most horrible way. I still don't even know why we broke up. I don't know if it was me, him, something else, someone else. I don't know if it was the distance or my lack of romanticism or his constant working. We didn't talk as often as we once did, and that bothered me a bit, especially since all my friends with bfs/gfs in the military got to talk to them constantly, even see them constantly, where I went months without hearing from him. I would want to tell him about this, ask him why everyone else seemed to have so much time for their s/o's except him, but I loved him too much to worry about it (or maybe I was afraid it would bother him, though I know he is not that kind of person, but I feel like maybe I don't know him as well as I did) As soon as I got a text or a call from him, I was the happiest girl in the world, all that time waiting was worth it for those few minutes I got to hear his voice, for those few minutes he had set aside for me. Yes, I realize how completely idiotic I sound, don't care. I wish I knew why he broke it off because I still wonder and I still hope that there may be a way to be together again, even though I know it's never going to happen and by now he has probably found another girl who is feeling the things that I once felt. I wish he'd read this, even though he never will, so he'd see not how much he hurt me (well, maybe that too) but how much I still love him, and maybe we could be happy again. Then again, he'd see how pathetic I am, and how stupid I am, and who wants to be with a person like that? Despite all else that has happened these last 7 years, this is the one thing I will never get over. Because I should give up on us, but I really don't want to. Something is telling me to hold on, and I wish something would just leave me the hell alone.

I was a much chipper person back in '08, as made obvious by my previous paragraph. I still try to be positive but being an adult makes you realize there is a time to be positive and a time to be realistic, and reality gets in the way. A lot. But I try, so I'm gonna give myself an A for effort.

I've become much more dark and cynical since I last posted. But life was so easy then, all I had to worry about were grades and classes. I'd love to go back, but I gotta keep moving forward. Is it possible to de-evolve to what I was before? Like a Digimon? That would be nice.

I read back and think of the friends I had, the friends that were supposedly forever. But again, reality. I only talk to one friend from high school on a regular basis. The others are married, have kids, moved, or have completely disappeared.

There are good things though. I have a job I love. My one passion in life is to help animals and I get to do that every day. It is hard, depressing sometimes, infuriating sometimes, but worth it. Every day I love what I do and I couldn't see myself doing anything else.

I also have time to learn things I want to learn. I enrolled in a community college this year, to take classes for fun. Learn languages, math, science. I love science. I don't have to worry about grades, or road maps, or units, I just take classes for fun. It is the best thing.

No one is going to read this, I am sure, but if you do, leave a comment, a simple "hey" is fine. Let's see how this goes, eh kids?

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