Saturday, October 25, 2003
What was I thinking??
I know what I'm thinking now. It's 5:45am and Captain Planet's half over. If it's even on, on Saturdays. But what was I thinking when I started writing 2 hours ago and couldn't seem to stop? I won't say that what came out on paper was poems, but more or less a series of random thoughts. If I were to write it here it wouldn't make any sense to you. As I read it, it makes little sense to me. But I will share one of these "poem" thingyz. It seems to make the most sense out of all the ones I wrote, and yet it still doesn't really make very much sense at all. Bear with me.
(or, at least, it's my definition of love, or really it was my definition when I wrote this. I'm not so sure now)
Mental and physical agony
my scars won't heal either way
I loathe my very being
finding that I resent your innocence
I say what I mean
but I'll say the contrary, given time
it will still be my truth
you can't handle my arbitrary ways
surely you don't love me
I love you, but I don't need you
you seem to know that I hate you
hesitation destroys it all
do I hesitate intentionally?
yes, for now
but ask me again in the morning
what is this word you incessantly throw in my face?
the very bane of my existence
know this truth
my only constant certainty
earn my trust
and I will return your affections
with an undying love that will never falter
no one will ever love you as I will
mistreat me, leave me, poison my soul
I will still love you
even as I tear out your heart.