myOtaku.com: Maarii

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1986-10-08
Gender
• Female
Location
• somewhere you are not
Member Since
• 2003-10-05
Occupation
• a storyteller
Real Name
• Jess - but Maarii to everyone here!

Personal

Achievements
• staying partially sane
Anime Fan Since
• a while
Favorite Anime
• the cute, funny, serious, thought provoking ones
Goals
• to one day save the world and fall in love
Hobbies
• watching people, writing
Talents
• apparently blowing things up with my mind

myOtaku.com: Maarii

Sunday, October 2, 2005

Toodoo lee doo
So, long time. anyway.
sadness ... sorry for righting just that. Ni-kun. and Rustym noticed it, huh? that was sweet you guys. i like u too.

now i'm starting this world where there are all these people and all these things and all this stuff going on. and i'm just getting annoyed. i djon't know if it is stress or what, but I just don't have anybody who i can just "be" with, and who will listen and not judge. and i haven't opened up to anybody. i feel like i can't. like i won't. maybe ever .

i feel like i'm done. i'm done trying to be the good person that is somewhere buried in me that i kept searching for. i know it's ridiculous to say that, why do my ideas have to change so much for this?

i liked where I was a year ago. a year ago last fall... in highschool yes, excuse me for not thinking highschool was the abomination it was.
i just liked my state of mind, and myself.
i'm trying to find it again, becaues now everyhting is fucked up. and i'm starting to change to this person i don't like so much.
i don't know anymore.
honesty or kindness.
i just don't know.
and i'm sad a lot.
that always sucks. especially when i know that happy is just a hop skip and jump down the road. *figurative road not literal*
and maybe i'm just not choosing to be that way. then why? is it eaiser? I Think it is easier to just let myself wallow in everything, and re-think, and cry when nobody is looking, and nobody will look because iwent to a place i know they won't go to.
I do these kinds of things.
to keep people away.
i hate losing people.
i hate it.
and i don't know how to be the person that people like
i don't know how to change the world.
i just know i want to.
so what?
what am i supposed to be going at?
i don't really know anything, i'm bad at retaining information .
all i ever do is question.
which is not always a good thing.
when I"m just ... I"m only sure about a couple of things,
but i wouldn't tell you that.
i wouldn't tell you anything, because that's how I am.

i like to listen, to observe, and to help.
when there's nobody but me... it's very strange. and I start to wonder if I even AM one of those people.
one of those people who knows how to change the world.
does the world need changing, need saving?

i don't know.
i used to think that I wanted to, that I could, and that I would.

I just don't know how.
Comments (3)

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