Tuesday, July 18, 2006

My Info ♥ Lemony Slash ♥ Since: 08.25.05 Hits: 1891 Ranking: Unknown -------------- Best view: 1024x768 | Firefox 1.5 My Links - REVOLUTiONiSTS - THAT - SLACKEN - RealFuckinAnime - Crèche - Crystal Zenith - Egyptian Rain - death by JROCK - GOTHic j ROCK - JrockTributeSite MyOtaku - Backroom - Add Me - Guestbook - Message Me - Logout My FRIENDS - Kawaii Seth - ShadowLight - Seto Kaiba Freak - PeachesXCream - loveLIESbleeding - Forgotten-Heart - TaNi-chan - Dark Phoenix

Current Time: 11:45 PM Current Music: Your Heart Is An Empty Room – Death Cab for Cutie Current Mood: Emotionally Strained Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground. And start new when your heart is an empty room. With walls of the deepest blue. Home's face: how it ages when you’re away. And spring blooms and you find a love that's true, But you don't know what now to do, Cause the chase is all you know, And she stopped running months ago. And all you see is where else you could be when you’re at home. And out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone. The flames and smoke climbed out of every window, And disappeared with everything that you held dear. And you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need, Cause you knew you were finally free. And all you see is where else you could be when you’re at home. And out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone. And all you see is where else you could be when you’re at home. There on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone Well, an actual post for once seeing as I haven’t been posting in quite a long while. I find it hard to keep up with life itself, let alone let you guys know all about. I really like the fact that I can always come here and MyO and express my problems knowing that the few of you that do waste your time commenting on my posts might actually have many to the words you type. I haven’t been feeling really high in a long time now and it only seems to be getting worse. A few weeks ago my parents found out about a secret of mine that I had been hiding from them. It wasn’t the fact that I got found out it was just the way they had to find out. I don’t really want to go into because I feel dirty enough as it is. If there was a way to just wash away everything I’d do it in a second. When my parents and I get into an argument we really do, which led them to find out how sad and emotionally unstable I am right now. So currently, I’m back in sessions with a new shrink. Oh joy. They think that it’ll help and I’d really like to believe that it would, but they don’t even know half of it. Sometimes I just feel so bad...I really just want to die, but that would be too damn selfish to do. I don’t really have anyone to go to with these problems for fear of being abandoned. My greatest fear is being alone and it’s becoming more real each passing day. I feel so left out and alone that I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t sleep anymore and of course when I want to sleep I have to watch the freaking dog. Such is life. I have this fear that all that I actually care about in life will disappear, I fear it so much that I almost rather not have friends at all so I don’t have to go through the rejection and whole being abandoned bit. I’m just not deserving of much, I guess. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I guess this will all pass. It’s just hard watching my friends all get to do things and I’m stuck here. It’s selfish to not want them to do anything or stuff like that, and of course I want them to have fun, but if I wasn’t around maybe it would be easier? I just don’t know. --Lemony

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