Friday, February 10, 2006

still sick and tired
I'm still sick, but not as bad as yesterday. I stayed home from school again. Nothing much for me too say... well if your interested in reading my SasuxNaru oneshot (rated T for teens) it's nothing but a bit of fluff and some angst. It's shonen-Ai.. thats all the warnings i have...still interested keep reading...



The world seemed to stop before my very eyes as I watched you standing in front of me, those damned throwing needles sticking from odd places in every direction. It looked so painful. There was blood dripping from the wounds in rain-like droplets. You had protected me, yet I could not understand. You hated me.

Why? That was the only word I knew then. A complete shock froze my already numbed body. As if in a terrible dream I ran toward you, light-headed and heavy-limbed. I caught your broken body. You were light in my arms, stickied and warmed with your life blood. You looked up at me. That dark hair was ruffled, no longer perfectly combed. Your eyes, those black orbs of yours, expressed something I never saw before. Although they were faded and hollow, they for the first time were inviting and emotive.

You were scared, were you not? You were only twelve, your whole life ahead; you were not ready to die. There was so much you wanted to do and so much to learn. Not like this! You were not supposed to die like this. Not with those tortuous needles stealing your dreams, your life.
I was scared too. I was losing the only thing I ever had, that which gave me purpose. You and the rest of team seven were the only ones to accept me. All of you gave me something, a reason to live. You can not leave me with nothing! Please do not leave. I would give it all away. I would give my entire world away to protect the ones I love.

Love… was that how I felt about you? Was it beyond friendship, beyond this rivalry? Every time we sparred and your body brushed up against mine, this fluttery feeling in my heart was not from the excitement I felt. It was something completely different. It was something much much deeper.

I held you closer to my body. The boy who did this to you stood not too far away watching the exchange like we were some show on television. This was kind of like a soap opera after all. Your hand touched my face. Those calloused hands gingerly brushed my cheek. You brushed my tears away. When had I started crying? I stared deep down into your eyes, but my vision had become blurred. It must have been the tears welling. I blinked and new tears clouded my eyes and flowed unchecked.
The December wind nipped our faces. I still sat there holding you to my chest. It seemed those moments hung in the air for an eternity. Still that question ate at my insides. “Why? I didn’t ask you to!” You are my best friend, more valued than my own life. This friendship had matured even beyond that to become something far grander than any friendship.

You chuckled, and I can still hear your soft voice, strained from the pain, whisper, “I don’t know, dobe, my body just moved on its own.” Your ivory hand was stained crimson, as now was my cheek as you caressed it.

You began to choke on words pertaining to your brother. The words carried empty desires of revenge against he who was your brother. It was then I took it upon myself to fulfill your dreams of revenge. Your will would live through me, for you were worth far more than I could ever hope to be.

Your silken touch faltered as your hand dropped from my cheek. Those dark eyes flickered a final time then closed. I realized at that moment that we would never be together again. Reminiscent memories flooded my mind from our first kiss (accidental of course) to the time we first battled as a team only a few weeks before. It was scary to realize that you would not be here anymore. You will never know it, but you were one of the only reasons I am still here today. Our rivalry and our friendship kept me from the dark depths of depression and kept me from wallowing in my own sorrow.

I held your body closer to mine allowing my tears to turn to sobs. I whispered in your ear hoping that my whisper would float on a snowflake to heaven and reach your ears.

“I love you with all my heart, Sasuke.” Everything seemed so clear now. When you have something, you do not realize how special it is until it is gone. I really did love you. I wished I had never said all those bad things. I should have realized it sooner, I was the dobe you always said I was. I should have told you sooner, but I guess it is all just a snow-covered dream which will melt away.

The reality of it all came crashing down on me. I looked at the offending boy who had killed the only one I ever loved. I felt the rage course through my body. Pure hatred pumped through my veins. I let the thing in the back of my head take control while the thought of you still lingered like a snowflake falling on the air. The sadness within exploded into rage. I do not remember the words we exchanged. It ended when I saw his mask drop. The hatred that welled up inside of me contorted into confusion and betrayal. It was the boy from before, the one that I had mistaken for a girl. He was the one who started me thinking maybe there was more to my feelings for you. My anger was stayed while my logic crashed. My thoughts consisted of you. My mouth and body acted independently. I cannot remember a word I said to this boy, but I remember the pain throbbing in my fist after I punched him. The last thing I remembered was the boy on the ground next to his partner, Zabuza, for whom that boy cared deeply. Haku, that boy, died at the hands of my sensei. It was not supposed to happen that way. He ran from our fight to protect the one he loved, the one he cared for more than life itself. Did you care about me as much as I cared for you? I walked toward Sakura. I did not love her though. The mere thought of being with her made me shudder.
She ran toward me. The first thing she asked about was Sasuke. She had always cared about him the most. I could not look at her to speak the truth about our comrade. The tears began to flow from my eyes again as she ran past me. I turned to see her crying on his cold, lifeless body. I felt a surge of jealousy run through my being. I felt as thought I should be the one weeping over your lifeless body, but I got to be with you during your final moments of life, which I would trade for nothing in this world.

It was like my snow-covered dream thawed from the December ice and bloomed into a gorgeous spring flower. A miracle happened, and I would never forget this moment in time. My body filled with indescribable joy. Not even the greatest of writers would be able to find a word to match this feeling within me. The moment I saw those ebony eyes open and that ever so sexy voice express the pain he felt throughout his body caused by Sakura’s embrace, I had to make sure I was not hallucinating. I walked over to you and dropped to my knees. Tears swelled in my eyes and my hand reached out to touch your soft ivory skin laced with blood and tears. My hand stroked your cheek like you had done those infinite moments before.

I received a strange look from Sakura, Kakashi-sensei, and you but at the moment I did not care. I did not care if you thought it strange, and Sakura did not even cross my mind at the moment. It was such a shock, I had to see if you were really here, if I really did receive another chance.

“Sasuke,” I began, but my voice faded into the wind. You knew though, all the things I tried to say. Before I could react, you had passed out again. I reached out and cradled you in my arms, leading a somber procession back to the house where we were staying. The images of you dying in my arms returned bringing more tears that rolled down onto your lovely skin.

Two mornings after the incident, you awakened. I had not slept or eaten since you passed out. I had to make sure you did not try to leave me again. “Sasuke,” I hesitated. I had to tell you, but I decided it could wait just a little longer. Rest is what you needed now.

“Dobe.” I felt your familiar hand on my cheek. It was a long comforting silence that followed. I leaned into the feel of your warm hand to savor every moment of this bliss. There would not be another chance like this.

The silence blended into sound so subtly that I could not discern when the silence ended. First it was the sound of my heart thumping in my ear, then it was the sound of our breathing. The sounds crescendoed into a hushed lull as you whispered. The sound seemed so natural that it took some time for me to make sense of what you said. Then a smile crept onto my face. More profound words were never said to me. That is how I knew. I knew that my snowflake delivered my message.

You embraced me in a soft hug, still frail from the events two days prior. A void was filled in me, and for the first time I felt complete as those words continued to dance about my head, “I love you too, dobe.”


soo...what did you think?
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