Sunday, November 2, 2003

NO, KIDS, NO!!!

I missed Halloween! And I'm the holiday guy! Ack! Oh well, to make up for it, I'll post the next play in the 'Complete Works'. Happy now? (Blackout. Lights come back up to reveal DANIEL alone onstage. The narrator's chair has been struck.) DANIEL: Ladies and gentlemen, in preparing this unprecedented 'Coplete Works' show, we have encountered this one problem: how to make these 400-year-old plays accessible to a modern audience. One popular trend is to take Shakespeare's transpose them into modern settings. We have seen evidence of this with Shakespeare's plays set in such unusual locations as the lunar landscape, Nazi concentration camps, and Cleveland, Ohio. In this vein, Jess has traced the roots of Shakespeare's symbolismin the context of a pre-Nietzchean society through the totality of a jejune circular relationship of form, contrastedwith a complete otherness of metaphysical cosmologies, and the ethical mores entrenched in the collective subconscious of an agrarian race. [I usually wouldn't do this, but I feel it needed to say that the editor of this book said to "not bother reading that sentence over and over again. It's covering a costume change and is absolutely meaningless."] so we now present Shakespeare's first tragedy, 'Titus Andronicus,' as a cooking show. (JESS enters as TITUS ANDRONICUS, wearing an apron and carrying a large butcher's knife. He is somewhat reminiscent of Julia Child.) J/TITUS: Good evening, everyone! Good evening, gore-mets, and welcome to 'Roman Meals.' I'm your host, Titus Androgynous. Now, when you've had a long day--your left hand chopped off, your sons murdered, your daughter raped, her tongue cut out, and both her hands chopped off--well, the las tthing you want to do is cook. Unless, of course, you cook the rapist and serve him to his mother at a dinner party! My daughter Lavinia and I will show you how. (ADAM enters as LAVINIA, clutching a large mixing bowl held between her stumps, pushing DANIEL as the RAPIST in front of her.) Good evening, Lavinia! A/LAVINIA: Ood ebeie, mubba. J/TITUS: And how are we feeling today? A/LAVINIA: Ot so ood, mubba. I ot my ongue tsopped off. J/TITUS: I know it's a [urinater], isn't it? But we'll get our revenge, won't we? "Now hark, villian. I will grind your bones to dust, and of your blood and it I'll make a paste; And of the past a coffin I will rear And make a pasty of your shameful head. Come, Lavinia, receive the blood." First of all, we want to make a nice, clean incision from carotid artery to jugular vein (slicing RAPIST'S throat), like so. RAPIST:Aaaaargh! A/LAVINIA: Yecch. That's weally gwoss, mubba. J/TITUS: Be sure to use a big bowl for this because the human body has about four quarts of blood in it! "And when that he is dead," which should be... (LAVINIA has dragged the RAPST'S body to the doorway, where we see the butcher's knife rise and fall. RAPIST'S body convulses once, and then is dragged away.) ...right about now, "let me go grind his bones to powder small And with this hateful liquor temper it; And in that paste let his vile head be baked..." At about 350 degrees. And 40 minutes later, you have the loveliest human head pie... (LAVINIA re-enters with a truly disgusting pie, prepared earlier.) ...fit to serve a king (pulling a severed hand from the pie), with ladyfingers for dessert! Now, who will be the first to try this delicious taste treat? (TITUS and LAVINIA offer the pie to a COUPLE in the audience.) "Welcome, gracious lord. Welcome, dread queen. Will't please you eat? Will't please you feed?" It's finger-lickin' good! (JESS and ADAM are excited by the clever line. They try to give each other a high-five, but since neither has a hand, it is a miserable failure.) Well, we're just about out of time, everyone. Thanks for tuning in, and be sure to watch next week, when our guest chef, Timon of Athens, will teach us how to make ratatouille out of our special guests, the Merry Wives of Windsdor! Until then... J/TITUS AND A/LAVINIA: Bone appétit! I should probably also say that the editor mentioned that "bone appétit" "is widely acknowledgedby modern scholars to be absolutely the worst joke in the entire show," just to kind of explain that one. -Today's Holidays- ~Israel: Balfour Declaration Day ~Mexico/Portugal: Dia de Muertos/Day of the Dead ~North & South Dakota: Admission Day ~Venezuela: Memorial Day

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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

   Up from the grave he AROOOSE!!!

I have once more failed to have the 'Complete Works' book with me, because I am once more at the restaraunt, but I haven't posted in quite a long time. I don't really have much to say except that I saw The Animatrix this weekend. It were awesome. Unfortunately, that's been the only anime I've seen in a very long time, because I only have four (four!) channels on my tv, and I don't have a good enough internet connection to watch or download anything on the computer. So this new movie place that just came in is the only access to anime I have now. But hey, better now than before! -Today's Holidays- ~Cyprus: National Day

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Saturday, October 18, 2003

   Yaaay.

Ok, here's the second part (finally!) of the Complete Works, starting with: Romeo and Juliet. (Blackout. A pretentious heavy-metal version of 'Greensleeves' crashes through the sound system. The music ends with an enormous cymbal crash. A light comes up to reveal JESS in Shakespearean attire and Converse high-top canvas sneakers, sitting in the Masterpiece Theater chair and holding the 'Complete Works' book. He regards the audience smugly for a moment, opens the book, and reads.) JESS: "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances And one man in his time plays many parts." One man in his time plays many parts. How true. Ladies and gentlemen, where better to begin our exploration of the complete works of the greatest of all English playwrights than in Verona, Italy--with two of his most beloved characters, Romeo and Juliet. (ADAM and DANIEL enter, also in Elizabethian garg and sneakers, and begin warm-ups and stretches.) Now, Adam and Daniel be attempting to portray all of the major character roles in 'Romeo and Juliet,' while I fill in with bits of narration. After extensive research and analysis, we of the Reduced Shakespeare Company have decided to begin our abbreviated version of 'Romeo and Juliet' with...the Prologue. ADAM AND DANIEL (simultaniously, with synchronized gestures): "Two households, both alike in dignity, In fair Verona where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge to new mutiny Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life; Whose misadventured, piteous o'erthrows Do, with their death, bury their parents' strife" (They bow. DANIEL lifts ADAM into a balletic exit, then follows him off.) JESS: Act One, Scene One: In the street meet two men tall and handsome, One, Benvolio; (ADAM enters as BENVOLIO.) The other named Sampson. (DANIEL enters as SAMPSON.) Their hatred fueled by an ancient feud For one serves Capulet, the other Montague...d. A/BEN (singing): O, I like to rise when the sun she rises, early in the morning... D/SAM (singing simultaneously): O, I had a little doggie and his name was Mr. Jiggs, I sent him to the grocery store to fetch a pound of figs... (They see each other. Simultaniously:) A/BEN (aside): Ooo, it's him. I hate his guts. I swear to God I'm gonna kill him. D/SAM (aside): Ooo, it's him. I hat his family, hate his dog, hate 'em all. (They smile and bow to each other. As they cross to opposite sides of the stage, SAMPSON bites his thumb at BENVOLIO, who trips SAMPSON in return.) A/BEN: "Do you bite your thumb at me, sir? D/SAM: No sir, I do but bite my thumb. A/BEN: Do you bite your thimb at me, sir? D/SAM: No sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I do bite my thumb. Do you quarrel, sir? A/BEN: Quarrel, sir? No, sir. D/SAM: But if you do, sir, I am for you. I serve as good a man as you. A/BEN: No better. D/SAM: Yes. Better. A/BEn: You lie! (They fly at each other. Massive fight scene. BENVOLIO chases SAMPSON offstage. BENVOLIO flings a stunt-dummy SAMPSON onstage, stomps on it, twists its arm. DANIEL enters as the PRINCE.) Rebellious subjects, enemies to the peace. Profaners of this neighbor-stained steel. You, Capulet, shall go along with me. Benvolio, come you this afternoon To know our farther pleasure in this case. (D/PRINCE exits with dummy.) A/BEN: O where is Romeo? Say you him today? Right glad I am that he was not at ths fray. But see, he comes! (DANIEL makes a grand entrance as ROMEO, wearing a very silly wig and wistfully sniffing at a rose.) Romeo, he cried. I'll know his grievance or be much denied. Good morrow, coz. D/ROMEO: Is the day so young? A/BEN: But new struck nine. D/ROMEO: Ay, me. Sad hours seem long. A/BEN: What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours? D/ROMEO: Not having that which, having, makes them short. A/BEN: In love? D/ROMEO: Out. A/BEN: Out of love? D/ROMEO: Out of her favor where I am in love. A/BEN: Alas that love, so gentle in his view, Should be so rough and tyrannous in proof. D/ROMEO: Alas that love, whose view is muffl'd still, Should without eyes see pathways to his will. BOTH: O! A/BEN: Go ye to the feast of Capulets. There sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest. With all the admired beauties of Verona. Go thither and compare her face with some that I shall show. And I shall make thee think thy swan a crow. (Exits.) D/ROMEO: I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, But to rejoice in splendor of my own."(Exits.) JESS: ...And so much for Scenes One and Two. So now to the feast of Capulet Where Romeo is doomed to meet his Juliet. And where in a scene of timeless romance, He'll try to get into Juliet's pants. (ADAM enters as JULIET, wearing a wig even sillier than Romeo's. She dances. ROMEO enters, sees her, and is immediately smitten.) D/ROMEO: "O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright. Did my heart love 'till now? Forswear it, sight. For I ne'er saw true beauty 'til this night. (taking JULIET'S hand) If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this; My lips, two blushing pilgrims ready stand To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. A/JULIET: Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hands too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do not touch And palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss. D/ROMEO: Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? A/JULIET: Ay, pilgrim. Lips that they must use in prayer. D/ROMEO: O then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. (ADAM has no wish to be kissed and struggles with DANIEL over the following lines.) A/JULIET: Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. D/ROMEO: Then move not, while my prayers' effect I take. A/JULIET: Then form my lips the sin that they have took. D/ROMEO: Sin from my lips? O trespass sweetly urged. Give me my sin again." ADAM (breaking character): I don't wanna kiss you, man. DANIEL: It's in the script. (ADAM knees DANIEL in the groin. He crumples to the floor in pain.) A/JULIET: "You kiss by the book." Oh, coming, mother! (ADAM looks around, curses under his breath. He pull JESS out of his chair and climbs clumsily onto his shoulders.) D/ROMEO: "Is she a Capulet? Ay, so I fear. The more is my unrest." (breaking character, to ADAM) What are you doing? A/JULIET: The Balcony Scene. D/ROMEO: "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? A/JULIET (struggling to stay balanced): O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name, Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet. What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose By any other name would still smell. O Romeo, doff thy name, which is no part of thee, Take all myself. (Plummets from JESS' shoulders.) D/ROMEO: I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, And I shall be new baptiz'd. Henceforth I shall never be Romeo. A/JULIET: What man art thou? Art thou not Romeo, and a Montague? D/ROMEO: Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike. A/JULIET: Dost thou love me then? I know thou wilt say aye, And I will take thy word. Yet if thou swearest, Thou mayest prove false. O Romeo, if thou dost love, Pronounce it faithfully. D/ROMEO: Lady, by yonder blessed moon, I swear-- A/JULIET: O swear not by the moon! D/ROMEO: What shall I swear by?" (JULIET points to a woman in the audience.) Lady, by yonder blessed virgin, I swear-- A/JULIET (referring to the woman): I don't think so. "No, Do not swear at all. Although I joy in thee, I have no joy in this contract tonight. It is too rash, too sudden, too unadvised, Too like lighting, which doth cease to be Ere one can say it lightens. Sweet, good night. D/ROMEO: O wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? A/JULIET: I gave thee mine before thou did'st request it. Three words, gentle Romeo, and then good night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honorable, Thy purpose marriage, send word tomorrow. Good night, good night; Parting is such sweet sorrow--" Really, it is. (She exits, blowing a kiss to the love-struck ROMEO.) D/ROMEO: "Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast. O that I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest." (Freezes.) JESS: Lo, Romeo did swoon with love; By Cupid he'd been crippl't; But Juliet had a loathsome coz Whose loathsome name was Tybalt. (ADAM enters as TYBALT, snarling, carrying two foils.) A/TYBALT: "Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford No better term than this: thou art a villian. Therefore turn and draw. D/ROMEO: Tybalt, I do protest, I never injured thee, But love thee, better than thou canst devise. A/TYBALT: Thou wretched boy, I am for you! (TYBALT throws ROMEO a foil. ROMEO closes his eyes and extends the blade, neatly impaling the advancing TYBALT.) A/TYBALT: O I am slain." (ADAM bows and exits.) (JESS flips frantically through pages of the book. DANIEL is concerned.) DANIEL: Now what do we do? JESS: I don't know. He skipped all this stuff. (pointing to a place in the book) Go to here. DANIEL: Okay.. (Exits.) JESS: So...from Tybalt's death onwards, the lovers are cursed Despite the best efforts of Friar and Nurse; Their fate pursues them, they can't seem to duck it And at the end of Act Five, they both kick the bucket. (JULIET enters, riding an imaginary horse, humming the 'William Tell Overture.') A/JULIET: "Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, And bring in cloudy night immediately. Come civil night! Come night! Come Romeo, Thou day in night! Come, gentle night! Come loving, black-brow'd night! O night night night night... Come come come come come!" (aside to audience) I didn't write it. "And bring me my Romeo! (DANIEL enters as the NURSE.) A/Juliet: O it is my nurse. Now nurse, what news? D/NURSE: Alack the day, he's gone, he's killed, he's dead! A/JULIET: What devil art thou to torment me thus? This torture should be roared in dismal hell. Hath Romeo slain himself? D/NURSE: I saw the wound, I saw it with mine own eyes--God save the mark--here in his many breast." Men are all dissemblers, they take things apart and reassemble them--I don't know what a dissembler is. A/JULIET(accosting a man in the audience): O no! He's dead! He's gone, he's killed, he's dead, what are you doing tonight? "O break my heart! Poor bankrupt break at once. To prison eyes, ne'er look on liberty. Vile earth to earth resign, end motion here, And thou and Romeo...go drink a beer. D/NURSE: O, Tybalt was the best friend I ever had. That ever I should live to see thee murder'd! A/JULIET: Is Romeo slaughter'd and is Tybalt dead? My dear lov'd cousin and my dearer love? Then dreadful trumpets sound the general doom! D/NURSE: No, Juliet, no! No! Tybalt is gone and Romeo banished. Romeo that kill' Tybalt, he is banished! A/JULIET: O God! Did Romeo's hand shed Tybalt's blood? D/NURSE: It did, it did, alas the day it did." (They sob and scream hysterically, finally pick up mugs and throw water in each other's faces.) A/JULIET and D/NURSE (bowing): Thank you. (DANIEL exits, leaving JULIET alone to assess the situation.) A/JULIET: Now Romeo lives, whom Tybalt would have slain. Well, that's good, isn't it? And Tybalt is dead, who would have killed my husband. Well, that's good, isn't it? So why do I feel like poo-poo? (DANIEL enters as FRIAR LAURENCE.) O, Friar Laurence! Romeo is banished and Tybalt is slain and... D/FRIAR: "Juliet, I already know thy grief. Take thou this vial, and this distilled liquor drink thou off. And presently though all thy veins shall run a cold and drowsy humor." A/JULIET (Takes bottle and drinks.): O, I feel a cold and drowsy humor running through my veins. D/FRIAR: Told you so. (FRIAR exits. JULIET begins to convulse, vomits on several people in the front row, and finally flips over unconscious. ROMEO enters. He sees JULIET and rushs to her prone body, accidentally stepping on her crotch while doing so.) D/ROMEO: "O no! My love, my wife! Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, Hath no power yet upon thy beauty. O Juliet, why art thou yet so fair? Shall I believe that unsubstantial death Is amorous, to keep thee here in the dark To be his paramour? Here's to my love. (He drinks from his poison bottle.) O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick. Thus, with a kiss, I die... (This time it is DANIEL who has no wish to kiss ADAM. He struggles with the problem for a moment, takes another swig of poison, and finally kisses him.) Thus with a kiss, I die. (ROMEO dies. JULIET wakes up, stretches, scratches her butt, and looks around.) A/JULIET: Good morning. Where O where is my love? (She sees him lying at her feet and screams.) "What's this? A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison I see hath been his timeless end. O churl. Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after? Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger! This is thy sheath." (She unsheaths ROMEO'S dagger and does a doubletake: the blade is tiny.) That's Romeo for ya. (JULIET stabs herself. She screams, but, to her surprise, she does not die. She looks for a wound and can't find one. Finally she realizes that the blade is retractable. This is a cause for much joy. She stabs herself gleefully in the torso and on the crown of the head, delighting in a variety of death noises. Finally, she flings her happy dagger to the ground.) "There rust and let me die!" The end! (Dies.) (Daniel and ADAM rise and bow. Jess fetches a guitar from backstage and throws it to ADAM.) JESS: Epilogue. (ADAM plays a theme on guitar while JESS eludicates the epilogue with gestures.) DANIEL: "A glooming peace this morning with it brings; The sun for sorrow will not show its head; Go forth and have more talk of these sad things; Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished; For neverwas there a story of more woe Than this of Juliet and her Romeo." ALL (singing): And Romeo and Juliet are dead. (ADAM plays a rock'n'roll coda on the guitar, ending with all three doing a synchronized Pete Townshend-style jump on the last cord.) JESS: Thank you, Wembley, and good night! -Today's Holidays- ~Rhodesia: Republic Day

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Sunday, October 12, 2003

   What you've all been waiting for!

Aaaaaalright: I've finally gotten to posting the first section of Complete Works, and don't worry if you don't like it yet. It gets much better. So here goes. Act 1 (The preshow music, the 'Jupiter' section of Gustav Holz' 'The Planets,' reaches its crashing climax. Lights come up on the stage. The set consists of a backdrop representing an Elizabethan theater in the fashion of Shakespeare's Globe, with entrances upstage right and left. Stage right there is a 'Masterpiece Theater'-style narrator's chair, on which there sits a book: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. After a beat, DANIEL, ostensibly a house manager enters from the wings stage left.) DANIEL: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the _____ Theater and tonight's performance by the Reduced Shakespeare Company. I have a few brief annouuncements before we get under way. The use of flash photography and the recording of this show by andy means, audio or video, is strictly prohibited by the management. Also, please refrain from eating, drinking, or smoking--anything--during the performance. For your convenience toilets are located in the lobby. Also, please take a moment now to locate the exit nearest your seat. (Points to exits, in the manner of an airline flight attendant.) Should the theater experience a sudden loss of pressure, oxygen masks (Pulls one from his jacket pocket.) will drop automatically. Summply place the mask over your nose and mouth, and continue to breathe normally. If you are at the theater with a small child, please place your own mask on fist, and let the little bugger fend for himself. At this time, I would like to introduce myself.My name is Daniel Singer of hte Reduced Shakespeare Company, and tonight we are going to attempt a feat which we believe to be unprecendented in the history of theater. That is, to capture, in a sungle theatrical experience, the magic, the genius, the towering grandeur of 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.' Now we have a lot to get through tonight, so at this time I'd like to introduce a member of the Company who is one of California's preëminent Shakespearan scholars. He has a bachelor's degree from the University of California at Berkely, where I believe he read two books about William Shakespeare. He is here tonight to provide a bref preface to 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged).' Please welcome me in joining Mr. Jess Borgeson. (JESS enters in a tweedy suit and spectacles. He picks up the book from the armchair and shakes hands with DANIEL, who sits in the armchair to listen.) JESS: Thank you, Daniel, and good evening, ladies nad gentlemen (Clinging to the 'Complete Works' book, he begins professorially, as if lecturing a class of students.) William Shakespeare: playwright, poet, actor, philosopher; a man whose creative and literary genius have had an immeasurably profound influence upon the consciousness and culture of the entire English-speaking world. And yet, how much do we inhabitants of the twentieth century really know and appreciate the tremendous body of work contained in this single volume? Too little, I would argue. believe I could illustrate this point by conducting a brief poll here, among our audience. (to the light booth) If I may have the house lights for just a moment, please? (The house lights come up) Now, you are a theater-going crowd, no doubt of above-average cultural and literary awareness, and yet if I may just have a breif show of hands, how many of you here tonight have ever seen or read any play by William Shakespeare? Any contact at all wit the Bard, just raise your hands... (Almost everyone raises a hand. JESS shrinks away to confer, sotto voice, with DANIEL.) I think they might know more than we do, maybe we better get outta here. DANIEL: Don't worry about it. JESS: No, we should really start running NOW. DANIEL: They don't know Shakespeare form shinola, just keep going. JESS: What should I do? DANIEL(mouthing): Narrow it down. JESS: What? DANIEL(whispering): Narrow it down. JESS(to audience): Let's see if we can narrow it down a bit, shall we? How many of you have ever seen or read, let's say, 'All's Well That Ends Well?' (Perhaps a third of the audience raises their hands.) Yes, that seems to be separating the wheat from the chaff quite nicely. Let's see if we can find out who the true Shakespeare trivia champs are tonight. Has anybody ever seen or read 'King John?' 'King John,' anyone? (ADAM, in street garb, raises his hand in the third row. JESS spots him.) JESS: You have, really? Would you mind telling us what it's about? ADAM: It's about a hunchback. JESS (momentarily silent, then pointing an accusing finger at ADAM): This is exactly what I'm talking about. Oh, right, you laugh, ladies and gentlemen, you scoff, but let he among you who is free from sin live in a glass house! For that face, ladies and gentlemen, that face represents all your faces. (JESS begins to bear down on ADAM.) That empty brain represents yor empty brains. Those glazed eyes are your glazed eyes, these teeth (grabbing ADAM'S face) are your teeth, and they cry out, 'FLOSS ME!' (retuning to stage) Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you that our society's colliective capacity to comprehend--much less attain--the genius of a William Shakespeare has been systematically compromised by computers, vandalized by video games, saturated with soap operas and dealt its death blow by Dan Quayle. But have no fear! The Reduced Shakespeare Company is here! (He is beginning to metamorphose inte a fire-and-brimstone evangelist.) We descend among you on a mission from God and the literary muse, to spread the holy word of the Bard to the masses. To help you take those first halting steps OUT of the twentieth century quagmire of Donahue, Geraldo, and Oprah Jessy Raphael, and into the future! A glorious future! A future where this book (indicating the 'Complete Works') will be found in every hotel room in the world! This is my dream, ladies and gentlemen, and it begins here, tonight. Join us in taking those first steps down the path toward the brave new world of intellectual redemption by opening your hearts. (DANIEL picks up a plate and begins to pass it among the audience, soliciting donations.) Yes, please open your hearts--and your pocketbooks. Or simply charge your donations to your MasterCard or Visa by phoning 1-800-THE BARD right now! Give us your cash, if we be friends, and deduct it when the tax year ends! On with the show and may the Bard be with you! Thank you, and Hallelujah!! (The house lights fade as DANIEL returns to the stage, shakes JESS' hand and exchanges the collection plate for the 'Complete Works' book. JESS finds a large bill in the plate nad tucks it in his back pocket as he exits.) DANIEL: Those of you who own a copy of this book know that no collection is complete without a brief biography of the life of William Shakespeare. Providing this portion of the show will be the third member of the Reduced Shakespeare Company; please welcome to the stage Mr. Adam Long. (ADAM comes to the stage. As he shakes DANIEL'S hand, he drops a small stack of 3x5 index cards: his notes. He hastily picks them up.) DANIEL: Oops, sorry. Let me help you... ADAM: No, don't touch them. They go in an order. DANIEL: Okay, okay. (Sits in chair.) ADAM(trying to quickly put his notes back in order): I've just been taking a few notes on Shakespeare's life so we could get the show off to a good start, so you could know all the stuff he did an' everything... DANIEL(sotto voice): Just get on with it. ADAM: Okay, okay. (He begins reading from the index cards.) William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare was born in 1564 in the town of Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire. The third of eight children, he was the eldest son of John Shakespeare, a locally prominent merchant, and Mary Arden, daughter of a Roman... (flips to the next card) ...Catholic member of the landed gentry. In 1582 he married Anned Hathaway, a farmer's daughter...heh. He is supposed to have left Stratford after he was caught poaching in the deer park of a local justice of the peace. (next card) Shakespeare arrived in London in 1588. By 1592, he had achieved success as an actor and a playwright. After 1608 his dramatic production lessened, and it seems that he spent more time in Stratford. (next card) There he dictated to his secretary, Rudolf Hess, the work 'Mein Kampf,' in which he set forth his program for the restoration of Germany to a dominant position in Europe. After reoccupying the Rhineland zone between France and Germany, and annexing Austria, the Sudetenland and the remainder of Czechoslovakia (next card), Shakespeare invaded Poland on September 1, 1939, thus precipitating World War II. (to DANIEL) I never knew that before. (DANIEL gestures to him to wrap it up. ADAM reads rapidly.) Shakespeare remained in Berlin when the Russians entered the city, and commited suicide with his mistress, Eva Braun. (next card) He lies buried in the church at Stratford. Thank you. (ADAM bows. DANIEL rises, shakes his hand and hurries him offstage.) DANIEL: Now, without further ado, the Reduced Shakespeare Company is proud to prevent 'The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (abridged).' That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed the so-far. -Today's Holidays- ~Equatorial Guinea: Independence Day ~Mexico, Latin America: Dia de la Raza/Day of the Race ~Spain: National Day (what's up with all these National Days?) ~Sudan: Republican Anniversary Day US: Official Columbus Day

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Saturday, October 11, 2003

  
Yes, I'm at the restaraunt again, but don't you worry: I'm only be there thursdays through saturdays. Since the script for Complete Works is at home, that must be postponed. But I did get the monkey off! Ahhh, I had forgotten how much I missed the ol' afro guy.

-Today's Holidays-
~Panama: Revolution Day
~Sri Lanka: Deepavali
~US: General Pulaski Memorial Day (rest in peace, General Poolski)
~Western Samoa: National Day
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