Edward Elric: Can you believe this? I didn’t do anything wrong! Why is Roy calling me to his office now?!
Alphonse Elric: Brother, calm down. Maybe he just wants to give you a new assignment.
Ed: That’s impossible! We just came back from the last one! I bet he just wants to call me in and “forget” what he was going to say so he can have an opportunity to call me short and provoke me. (Under his breath) Jerk. Using me as his entertainment when he’s bored.
Al: Brother, you’ve been griping for ten minutes. If you don’t go, he just might come out and get you. So just go!
Ed: *grumble* Fine.
Ed leaves for Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang’s office, sulking the whole way. As he stands outside of the office door, he takes a deep breath and tenses up, prepared for any argument, or maybe even a fight.
Roy: Glad you finally came. I was about to go out after you.
Ed (under his breath): Yeah right.
Roy: What was that?
Ed: Nothing. (Long pause filled with staring at each other.) Why am I here?
Roy: Thought you’d never ask. Take a seat on that couch over there.
Ed takes a few steps over to the couch, never taking his eyes off Roy. He sits down tentatively, keeping the staring contest going.
Roy: So. Are you enjoying your service to the military yet?
Ed changes his gaze and expression to one that could kill. Roy gets the hint, but smiles and decides to push Ed a little further.
Roy: I assumed that your lack of height would be perfect for being the military’s lap dog.
Ed has a wild look in his eyes and his hands are gripping the sides of the sofa, obviously restraining himself from killing the man.
Ed (through clenched teeth): Do…you…have…an…assignment…for…me…or…not?
Roy smiles very mischievously.
Roy: No.
Ed starts to get up and leave. Roy however, is very bored and anxious to fight (hence he called in Ed to fight him) and he has been wearing his gloves since Ed came in.
Ed: I don’t need to take this. I’m leaving.
Roy snaps his fingers, still smiling, and sends a small fireball to the left of Ed. As soon as Ed heard the sound of Roy snapping his fingers, which was very fast, he dodged to the right, barely missing the fireball. Ed stared at where the fireball had disintegrated in shock, but he recovered quickly. Hopping mad, he wheeled around to face Roy.
Ed: What the hell was that for?! You tryin’ to get me killed?!
Roy cocks his head, still smiling. Ed becomes enraged at his amusement and he claps his hands to make a crack in the floor to swallow up Roy. He’s too slow and Roy sends another fireball, this time straight for Ed. Ed sees it and runs away in time, but his alchemy has been interrupted (and thus terminated). And his braid is singed off. Ed feels the back of his head where his braid used to be, notices that it’s gone, glares at Roy with a manic look in his eyes, and then he smiles with an evil look on his face. Roy has been smiling, but now he sees Ed’s look and he stands up, smile gone, looking a little scared. Ed claps his hands and makes it rain on Roy’s gloves [and his spares] so he can’t use fire. Roy tries to use his gloves, sees that they’re wet, and looks at Ed in angry disbelief. Ed is still smiling like a crazy person.
Ed: The playing field is even now.
Roy knits his eyebrows, relaxes, and then smiles again
Roy: How about we make it official then? Hm? If I can’t use my alchemy, then you can’t use yours. (The fight wouldn’t be fair if you couldn’t use your metal arm, which I would otherwise gladly unscrew.)
Ed: Done.
Ed lunges towards Roy, aiming at his throat. He’s about to punch him in the jugular vein, when Roy, taking advantage of his longer legs, kicks Edward in the stomach. Ed doubles over and clutches his stomach. He gets up almost immediately and charges at Roy with a new fury. The two exchange blocks and blows for at least fifteen minutes before Havoc comes in.
Havoc (to himself): Dang. Knew I should’ve brought popcorn.
Havoc stands in the doorway and watches the two fight. They remain unaware of him. When the fight has gone on for more than twenty minutes, Havoc steps in and separates Roy and Ed. Roy is happy not only to be relieved of boredom by fighting Ed, but to be away from the wrath of a very provoked Edward Elric. Ed is still seething and is struggling against Havoc to attack Roy again.
Ed: Let me go! He started, I’ll finish it.
Havoc: Do you guys realize how long it’s going to take to clean up this office and make it look like nothing ever happened? I don’t want to lecture, so I won’t. But you guys are nuts! You were about to kill each other! (To Ed) Now, if I let you go, will you not attack Roy? (To Roy) Roy, if I let you go, will you not provoke Full Metal to this kind of thing again?
Edward and Roy look at each other, the fight in them smoldering a little, and nod.
Havoc: OK then. Now clean up the office.
Edward and Roy look at each other again, the mischief in their eyes revealing itself. They both turn around and, as Havoc is leaving, jump him and knock him senseless. There’s no reason for them to do it. But they do anyway. After they clean up the office, they drag his still unconscious body to his dorm and dump him on the floor. Needless to say, Havoc woke up with an amazing headache.
Thus Ends Another Fight Between the Full Metal Alchemist and Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang
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