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Saturday, March 11, 2006

   I think im in a state of depression.
I'm not sure if i'm actually depressed or not but i know that i haven't been myself lately. And since i have no one to talk to about it, i shall talk about it. So, this guy that i really liked asked me to dance at a valentines dance. Turns out that it was only a pity dance and that he only danced with me because he knew i liked him but didn't want to hurt my feelings. It also turned out that he liked my best friend. That made this stupid arguement even worse than it already was. They are now dating, but it has only been a few weeks but i know i still love him but i dont have the guts to tell my friend that. She really likes him too. And i can't blame either of them for loving the other, love is a natural thing that just occurs. I've always tried never to get attached to anything so that this kind of dilemna never happened. But i guess it's one of those "unavoidable" things. I've cried so much over him and no one knows it, all they are concerned are is that i put up a smile to show that i "support" them. I want them to be happy, don't get me wrong, i really want them to be happy, but don't I deserve to be happy at least once? I've given up so many guys because they all liked her, and all she did was say no to them, and the one guy that i wanted to be my boyfriend, she took. She didn't even tell me that she loved him, she lied and said she liked some other guy. I don't know why I'm putting all this here, I guess it is because i have no one to tell it too. I'm just that lonely I guess. Maybe i should take my brothers advice and become a nun....

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