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Sic vic pacum para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war.

Cosmic Castaway
Lose my head to the chemical freeway
Comin' up on overload
In a mystic new dimension
Purify and sanctify me
What, so I'm in no end game
Move my piece right off the board
Losing sure is easy so I am no more

But I'm not broken, in my dream I win
In here I'm nothing, a Cosmic Castaway

In my head I'm a chemical dreamer
Speed up to burn out mode
Comin' up in the 5th dimension
Beautify don't crucify me, yeah
So I need no mind game poisoning my lonely soul
Losing sure is easy so I am no more

But I'm not broken, in my dream I win
And I take over, coz I'm no loser
And I'm in and you're not, bad dreams don't stop
But I'm all screwed up, a Cosmic Castaway
a Cosmic Castaway, a Cosmic Castaway

And I want but have not
Bad dreams, lust thoughts
In here with no pain, you hurt me again
And I want but have none
I should beat the alien
But here I'm no one, a Cosmic Castaway
a Cosmic Castaway, a Cosmic Castaway
a Cosmic Castaway

Saturday, December 3, 2005

Sometimes, I really hate life...
Man, today would have been an awesome day...but, one of my best friends clawed my face, twice. The first one just cut me and the second time she clawed me it cut my lip...Man, it didn't hurt that bad but....it just hurt to know that she did do that, I mean...I almost cried over it so many times tonight, maybe I'm just weak, I dunno...I just can't take it when friends do things to me...*sighs* Whatever, that's just a little piece of my life...
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Sunday, November 27, 2005

   My favorite poem...that I wrote!
I lie here in bed,
cold and shaking.
My life's in free fall.

These hands
can't you see them?
Their stained with love
love for you.

I don't think you remember
the promises,
the gentle embraces,
the love we felt.

So now I will say
my goodbyes.
You won't hear me though
because I am forgotten.

And my other poem...

I wish there was more I could've done.
I've failed you.
Seeing you lying there like that
makes a new pain rise into my chest.

My hands
covered with blood.
How I wish it was my own.
Oh, I could wish all night long.

I see it happen again,
the tears running down my face
and mixing in with your blood.
Why did it end up like this?

I was too late to save you
but I am no where near too late
to avenge you.

Please forive me, my love.
Let the tears blend into you
and we'll be together forever.

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Friday, November 25, 2005

   It's all we ever wanted...
Oh, how I adore Breaking Benjamin. Next to Nothing's an awesome song and I just can't get enough of it. Oh well, I got Matt and Erin back together last night (this morning if you take the time in account). So, their happy. And I think Matt's going to try to help me out with Kellie. Heh, oh well. I need something that leaves me next to nothing...oops, must stop quoting....er hem...laters.
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Thursday, November 24, 2005

   I never hurt anyone...
Agh, I'm depressed...I miss my friends...I barely get to talk to the people who really do mean a lot to me (except for a few friends here). Besides that, I just...feel...lonely? Miserable? Yet I still hang on, wonder how though? I try my best to not hurt anyone, yet, how do I do it? How can I just mess things up? I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to hurt anyone! I already let so many people down...I don't deserve this life...the things that I have...I don't deserve any of it...Why can't I just give it all away to those I know who need it? I can't even save someone from themself...I...don't know what to do...
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Rough day...played paintball from 12:30-5:00...I got shot up something awful *sighs* I need a new barrel and need to work on my aiming...I rented Unleashed (Jet Li woo!) and Stealth (awesome movie!) tonight...and am now missing my games...I dunno there's alot of stuff that feels missing, I feel empty...I can't place it though, agh, I'm so confused. Oh well, I guess it's just because I'm in so much pain (physically, been shot quite a bit today *pokes his chest five times and his forehead once*) and I'm sooo tired...geez...well, laters.
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

   Woo! Good day!
Matt, Breann, and me went to Evansville today. I got the X box set and Stephen King's Dreamcatcher (the book, not the movie). Ah, man, I had so much fun. Fell asleep on Breann's shoulder on the car ride home. Man, she's so awesome. Then we got ot play the Xbox 360, and when it was Breann's turn I kinda....ate some of her hair, don't ask why... Tasted kinda interesting. Hehe, I had so much fun. Guess I'll be going now, laters.
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