. T h e . G h o s t .
. o f .
. Y o u .
If you take a character like Ryu Bakura, turned him into a female and brought him to the real world ... you would get me. Or.. just take your classic dark, loner character, and here I am. Guess you get the idea. Do be forewarned though if you have the guts to actually converse with me, I'm a very distant and dettached person, so don't waste my time if you're just checking to see what I'm like because you won't like the turn out.
Words to live by:
"I may have lost, but I will definitely be back, and I will kill you. This is because I AM the darkness."
"You cannot kill me, for I am the shadows, and the shadows
never die!"
~Akeifa [Yami no Bakura], Yu-Gi-Oh!
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
The forever battle of the light and dark.
So I was thinking maybe change is a good thing. Perhaps instead of fighting with the darkness, I'll just let it consume me inside out and give up the struggle. It really isn't worth it. Become a different person, whether for better or for worse. Tell me truly, what have I to lose? The nothingness of despair. I nearly broke down when I got home, I wasn't bursting with tears but I was lightly crying. I got a grip though. I was ready to make some blood flow though. Even though it makes no sense to, it sounded extremely appealing at the time. Now I've kind of gone numb. I don't really care at all. Though I'd still love to die, none the less. I don't know what I'm going to do...
PS: I'm changing my username. PM me for the new username. [I mean it this time.]
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Still sinking. . .
Natalie was talking about Dalhi today in Painting class, you know the artist? I wasn't ever so fond of his work, just because it's extremely bizarre. She read some explanations about some of his paintings, come to find they're all about symbolism rather than just being strange. He's an interesting painter, I myself would have gone about it a bit differently but ... I can sort of identify with him. He got married and everything, which I know I won't ever, but he was afraid to have sex. And he never did, I guess. Women would be much more understanding about that than a man would be. I wish I was a man. I never really told anybody of my fear, but I told Lindsay today because we were discussing relationships and stuff. She's engaged, she's getting married not next December, but the December after. She has a dress and everything. It wouldn't be accurate to say I am envious, but there's something remotely close to that feeling that I do have. I don't know what you would call it though, maybe it just makes me sad. It's funny how I've known for forever that I'd never marry, somehow it still disappoints me sometimes though. What's so appealing about being married anyway? For me, I guess, it's the fact that there'd always be somebody there for me, something I've never had. Something I've probably always wanted, and needed even. Yet something that was always so far out of reach, I've stopped running toward it. I guess when it comes down to it, it's very simple. And yet when it comes to the emotional complexity ... nothing is ever simple. I don't know what I'll do. And at the same time I'm still fighting with myself. I don't know how I'll ever be fixed, I've been broken so long, I've lost fragments of myself while I stumbled along the dreary path I've been wandering down all my life. I can't go back to pick them up... Should I remain so empty in place of those pieces, or search for something to replace them? Would I be better off leaving it alone? That's how I think, but certainly not how I feel. I don't think I'll ever know...
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Monday, April 11, 2005
No will to live...
Somehow, when things seem Ok, they find a way to still go to hell. I wish I was dead and that's about all I can say. There's no other way to put it. And I'd die alone too. I will die alone. That's the price you pay for being a loner though, I suppose. Patrick told me today I was popular though... cause of Ben. Hah. My brother. Wow, way to go for me. And somehow I still don't know anybody. I am seriously ready to kick the fucking bucket.
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Archives
Featured Quiz Result:
 E: Your Beauty lies
in Mystery. Captivating, mysterious and alone. You
are the girl in the little
black number that no one seems to know, the eternal
mystery girl. You make it a
point to never let anyone know more about you than
you want them to and do a
very good job of it. You're there one minute and
gone the next leaving them in
wonder of who you really are. A mature and normally
calm individual, quiet and
enjoy spending many hours of the day on your own,
most likely preferring night
to day . You love the dark and some may find you a
bit strange. You seem to be
rather distant and cold making hard for people to
get close to you, though you
probably like the distance they usually keep. You
probably wear make-up, but
concentrate more around your eyes than anything.
You know the effect you have
and enjoy keeping people in wonder.
Some Things
That Represent You:
Element:
Dark, Water Animal: Panther Color:
Black, Maroon, Dark
Tones Song: In The Shadows by The Rasmus
Expression:
Sly Smile
Gemstone:
Black Diamond Mythological Creature: Demon,
Vampire Planet: Venus
Hair Color: Black Eye Color:
Garnet
Quote:
"In the shadows for all time."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::.. brought to you by Quizilla |
Your Yami Bakura's soulmate! Your a special lady!
He will come around and demand of you when ever
he feels like it and will get murderously
jealous at the thought of you hanging around
any guys for too long. He wants a female who is
strong and is intelligent enough to know just
what he wants...and how to give it to him. Your
intuitiveness will help you understand that
love doesn't come easy for him and that he'll
probably never say it. He will protect you
fiercely for you belong to him. But he will
also shower you with...rough affection and
lavish gifts if given half a chance.
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