Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Current Song:: Ride on A Shooting Star :: by The Pillows

Wow I haven't put the song up in a while, have I? lol School was okay... rather bad day actually. I think a lot of people hate me now, of course I could just be paranoid. Which I am. Like a lot of people who usually talk to me are just not anymore. T.T That is why I hate getting close to people... b/c once they find out what I'm like they leave me b/c I'm too weird or I'm too quiet or whatever... which is kind of strange b/c I'm usually loud and sometimes even funny (but not really, I think I'm kind of a dork) but I'm too scared of ruining any relationship I may develop with them, so I never speak much and I'm really withdrawn and shy. I like to observe how they are, which is another reason I'm so quiet when people first meet me. And see if they are like me or not, what differences they have from me and whether or not it is worth continuing with. And I think I'm pitied or something behind my back, b/c that girl who complimented my eyes just smiles at me (I can't tell if it's sympathetic or not, but knowing my severe paranoia, I do think it is) or compliments me on something. See? I'm not joking about how paranoid I am! Even compliments get me suspicious. I'm better at talking with people I first meet over the computer or something. Verbal or visual contact just...doesn't make me feel too comfortable. I'm too self-conscious as well, and that affects it. But yeah... I have yet to find anyone I can be around full-time, like Katie, Jen-chan, or Hana-chan... b/c around them I'm so comfortable b/c even though I think much differently than all of them (it's more politcal and religious beliefs in this category) and Hana-chan and Jen-chan are both 16 so they are older than me, they all make me laugh so much and I'm so comfortable around them that I can crack the most stupid-sounding, random jokes, and they will think it's funny, or I can just talk about anything even if they believe different, and I know that they will not judge. Wow a short mention about school turned into a big lecture on friends. I hate it when I do that. It's just been a bad day *sigh* I miss my buddies T.T I wish I could see them in the hallways, just say hi, or yell across the cafeteria some obscene and random phrase or an inside joke and watch them laugh at my idiocy. I miss that a lot. I miss Jen-chan and Katie and Han-chan the most. I'll admit that. They make me feel so much better anytime I need it. Thank you, you guys, a lot. *sigh* I hate these moods, don't you guys? I should invove you guys more, I feel like I'm just talking about myself nonstop. (isn't that the point of this? XD) Um... okay answer me some of these questions, no limit to how many u can or have to choose: 1) Favorite band? (gee, that's not common at ALL) 2) Boxers or briefs? (XD I couldn't resist) 3) how many piercings do you have? 4) how many do you WANT? and where? (*wink wink* LMAO j/k j/k) 5) what do YOU use sharpies for? (wow that was weird @_@) 6) silver or gold? Okay now I'll answer them: 1)Duel Jewel!!! ^o^ What, like no one knows that XD 2) boxers. They are so sexy on guys, and I wear them sometiems too XD 3) ;-; 2. one on each earlobe. 4) I want 11, counting the 2 I already have. I want 2 in my lower lip, 2 in the top of my left ear, 1 bridge (between my eyes, which I think will be the first one I get, b/c my dad agreed to pay for it ^^), 2 in my right eyebrow, 1 in my nose, 1 on the top of my right ear. 5) Sharpies are my other best friends!! lol. I write on everything with them. My nails, my skin, paper, CD's, notebooks, shirts, pants, etc. etc. 6) silver is just so pretty, and gold is too warm of a color/metal I think. Okay wow that was long, lol. have fun! ~Areina-chan

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