Tuesday, March 22, 2005

List of favorites (UPDATED FROM 1st TIME!)

Okay, not like anyone really much cares for these, but I'm battling with a severe case of boredom right now...so bear with me -.- **Musical genre- Jrock (well, rock in general, but Jrock is my FAVORITE kind) **Jrock Musicians- Duel Jewel, Malice Mizer, Gackt, Dir en Grey, HYDE (if there are others you'd like to recommend, please don't hesitate! I'm open to listen to any band! ^^) **Food- asian food! Sushi and sashimi especially *drool* **Animal- wolves **Color(s)- Purple (always #1!!lol), red, and black. **Animes/mangas- Yu Yu Hakusho, Inuyasha, Ceres: Celestial Legend, Excel Saga, Trigun, Hellsing, Rurouni Kenshin, Samurai X, Vampire Hunter D

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Monday, March 21, 2005

XD

This is awesome, I FINALLY found a pic of Duel Jewel's logo! I have seen it many times b4, but always 4get to save/print/draw it...this time though..I did ALL 3!! *maniacal laughter* It's really cool, a cross-boned skull, but with some kickass modifications. It's hard to explain, but I drew it in my sketchbook and I'm gonna print it big and try to take it to Kinko's (I dont even know what this place is, but I heard they make pics enlarged or something)and make it BIGGER and put it on my wall in our new house!! ^-^ I've decided theis move won't be so bad, I mean...I finally get a dog again (not that I don't like my 3 cats, but...) and I get to paint and decorate my room any way I want, unlike these ratty apartments we live in now...so the school is my only problem..but I'll keep in touch with my est buds in the other school (the one I WANTED to go to) and just 4get aobut the negatives...well, all 4 now...bye guys!

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Saturday, March 19, 2005

I think I've realized something...

Before this...I never really knew who I was...I know it sounds cliche, but it's true...now though, thanks to many people...I think I know my place. I don't want to die, not yet, it's not my time. Fate will take me when it pleases, but until then, I will take on life's challenges with strength, no matter how much force it throws at me. I want to be strong, I want to find love, and I want to live for some purpose. If I can't find out what that purpose was originally intended to be, at least not right now, then I'll find out as my life proceeds, and until that day, that moment comes, I will create my own reasons for living. My friends, my family, my dreams that have yet to become reality (though I will make them happen, I can do that much), my own sake. This is truly how I want to live, this is my life's purpose. Not to cause other's pain, not to cause myself pain, to help those I can help, and to get help when I need help. And if anyone stands in my way of succeeding in this, I will take them down with everything I have to live for, everything I was given, and everything I have to give. My thanks goes out to everyone who helped me achieve my solace, anyone who has ever helped me, you did your part, and once again, I thank you.

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Why can't everything be simple?

Last night I had another breakdown... I feel horrible for making Dolly listen, she's the only one I really can talk to about stuff like this though. I mean, she is patient with Alan when I can't always be (but I still love you, Alan!), however I don't to overload her with stuff like this...I feel like a bad friend to her, and I don't want to lose her, ever. I'm sorry for whining all the time to you guys, I'm sorry for crying all the time... even when you don't see it... and I'm sorry for being so weak... I'll try to be stronger but... this is just so confusing. Not just one thing, everything is making me want to rip out my brain and shove it down a trash disposal... in a manner of speaking. I don't want to be the whiny friend who never leaves anyone alone, and gripes and moans all the time, do I seem that way? *sigh* I truly, honestly think, that if you hadn't been there for me last night, Dolly, I would have gotten ym scissors out again... yes I was a cutter a while back...not even that long, just a few months ago. But I stopped due to a sudden slap in the face... thanks to my friends... I don't know what I'd do without you guys, I love you so much, and I hope I never lose you. Please forgive me... for everything...

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Friday, March 18, 2005

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!

It turns out they (parents) bought a house in THOSE SAME BOUNDARIES OF THE SCHOOL I HATE, a house which I have never even been within five feet of before, never even seen, and now I have to go to that stupid high school of hell!! >.< *sigh* But I guess it's inevitable, since they bought it. I hate it when I can't do anything about stuff I hate -.-

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Monday, March 14, 2005

yes!! HAPPINESS!!

I am so excited! It turns out we aren't buying that condo! *happy dance* I'm so happy!! We are looking within my preferred school boundaries again and I hope we find one!!! Wish us luck!!

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Sunday, March 13, 2005

lol, mall antics amuse me...

Me and Katie and her older sister (Jen 16 yrs) and her younger bro (India: 7 yrs) all went to the mall today and got ran out of a really cool asian import store by this chinese lady, XD. We couldn't fit into the tiny little women kimonos (My bone structure is EVIL! I'm not even that fat, just not built like asian skinnies!! >.<) so we were putting on men kimonos (which there was really not much difference anyway...) and she freaked and was like "NO no!! Those are for men!" we tried to explain that we knew and were just playing around but it didn't seem to work...we stalked soem more hot asian guys and had fun, despite India's annoyances -.-, it's times like that when I'm glad I am the youngest in the family. And guess what? No ppl hit on us!! Finally!! At least not to our faces, some ppl stared but I think it was b/c we dress kind of unusual, lol. We walked out of HT (which really is starting to lose it's appeal to me...but it has some good band shirts/jewelry *shrugs*)and these P.I.T.s' (Preps In Training *young preps*) eyes followed us with wide-eyed expressions. I found it hilarious. It was funny though b/c when we first got there we went into Victoria's Secret (dont ask, it was Jen's idea) to fix our eye makeup (god forbid it, they actually had black!) and the lady who worked there (*coughbitchcough*) eyed us like we were plotting a theft attempt, it was really funny. We confused some ppl by talking in japanese for a while, then left...my day, wasn't it interesting =P lol. P.S. DOLLY!! I almost bought your present but we had to leave T.T I'll get it soon though! When is it again? ^-^;; 29th?

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read the last post b4 this one or u wont get it

Continuing...when my mom picked us up around 7:30 pm, I was joking w/Katie about the hot asian guys (what can I say? I like asian guys!) and the "hitting-on" ppl came up (though the sandwich guy doesn't really count, he may have just thought we were freaks). My mom freaked and said she didnt want me going to the mall w/o one of them with me (parents)! I go all the time with just a friend for hours, and I always have a guy or two stare or hit on us, it's not unusual (I'm not proud of it, so dont think I'm stuck up, I just happen to look older than I really am...-.-). Then after we dropped off Katie at her house I told my mom I almost bought a Marilyn Manson shirt, but changed my mind b/c my dad would probably have a cow, and she told me yes, she would too (not in exact words). The conversation went on and I ended up ignoring her by the time we got home. She had started saying "People who like that kind of music, 90% of them are drug-addicts and peole I don't want you hanging around with, you can call me a stereotype all you want, I don't care." I got really pissed at that comment and at that point just tuned her out. I fell asleep at home around 8:00 pm (I was on my feet all day and really beat) then I woke up around 12:30 am and heard my parents talking in the next room, convinced I was asleep evidentally. My mom was saying stuff like (not exact words, but basically same) "She's my little girl and I don't even know her, I can't deal with this." "Most of the stuff she likes I completely hate and her brother was different, he only wanted brand name stuff. The only problem iwth him was the cost, but her stuff I don't want to buy." "I try to let her 'find herself' and be what she wants and do what she wants, but I'm having a hard time." Then my dad interjects and asks "Are you really letting her?" mom: "Yes!" dad: "Are you?" mom: I pride myself in not being judgemental about people- dad: But you ARE being judgemental. mom: No let me finish! I'm trying to set boundaries but still let her do her thing. But she has no common sense and has no clue how to defend herself. She talks about punching people out all the time (which I do, but only jokingly w/friends aobut ppl we hate *coughprepscough*) but I don't know if she really can. She doesn't think deeply enough to have the common sense. (that is what got to me, and as I was laying in my bed, I started crying. She thought I was shallow and didn't think deeply?! I am still bothered by it...) She just thinks whatever we tell her is crap! dad: No, she doesn't. Kid's smarter than you think she is. That's basically all I can remember, but you get the basic idea, right? I'm grateful for my dad defending me, but the truth is...he's being kind of hypocritical. He says things about how I can't do something b/c it's "goth" all the time. Like for example he said I couldn't wear my armwarmers whenever I go out with him in public, b/c he thinks they look stupid. So in lamence terms, I embarass him when I dress like myself. *sigh* This is so messed up I can't even explain it all...excuse lack of details, my mind is so jumbled I really can't tell it all...

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mall incidents...

Today I went to the mall w/my friend Katie for about four hours, all of which contained many many MANY really hot asian guys (we died on the spot and stalked a couple when resurrected, XD) and two incidents of ppl hitting on us o.O 1)we were in the CD store & Katie was listening to a CD when she looked at this mexican guy (probably about 25ish), and he smirked at her. When she took them off later and we were about to leave, she nearly ran into him. He asked her whaat she had said her name was (which she had never said in the first place...) and she said "Katie..." he smiled again and said something like "I like you." we had faces like o.O and nodded, then left hastily. I may have missed some details, I didn't hear all of what he said to her but he said some other stuff. 2)we were walking through the food court and this older guy (roughly around 30 o.o) was eating a sandwhich and stopped in mid-bite when he saw us. His eyes followed us all the way out. I was freaked by then! lol. Anyway...yes...the following post involves these stories, so I had to post them first. P.S. this really has nothing to do with the post, but I got my hair cut! It used to be down almost to my butt, but now it's above my shoulders!! It's layered, and it's really bothering me T.T!!

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Friday, March 11, 2005

DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IIITT!!! >.

I just found out today that my parents had bought this condo we had been looking at (we live in an apartment now and have to move by may) w/o telling me! The reason I am so mad is b/c that living in that area means that I will have to go to a different high school rather than the one EVERY ONE of my best friends are going to T^T. And to top it all off, this school is the preppiest school in our county, not to mention my original high school's arch rival. It has no oen like me there, and I will have to deal with preps and jocks nonstop all my high school life!! Plus, yet another peeve comes to mind, all year in my middle school I have been dreaming of the day when I could dye my hair black/bright red in high school, which my preferred one would allow, but THIS one I have to go to now won't even allow a piercing other than ears!! I am so pissed right now...the moment my mom told me (over the phone, I was at my buds house) I burst into tears and ran home, blocking my door, and I cried for hours...I know it sounds childish but I am so sick of leaving behind my best friends...and I've done it so often...and this new school sucks major ass...*sigh* My high school...the supposed "most intense school years of your life"...and it's going to be my most miserable.

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