myOtaku.com: Deceased Lies
How long will it be before you hate me, like everyone else?
How long will it be till you abandon me, and act like I was never alive?
How long will it be till you realize that I'm not what you seem to think I am?
How long will it take for you to regret ever meeting me?
I can't quite grasp happiness.
When I do it gets away.
It never lasts, and for once I wish it wouldn't go away.
Will you be able to grant me happiness?
I think so, but the question is if I can do the same for you.
I'm not good enough for you.
I will never be.
All I can offer is me.
My scarred body and my heavy heart.
Do you really want that?
I just want someone to tell me they love me for once.
I want someone to tell me they never want me to leave.
I want someone to tell me they want to be with me every second of the day.
I want someone to tell me they'll be there every step of the way.
For once I don't want someone to leave.
For once I want someone to struggle to keep me.
For once I want someone to tell me not to leave.
For once I wish things could go right.
So, tell me...
Can you really love me?
I'm just a girl that wishes someone would write her a love note.
I'm a girl that loves being told that someone loves her.
I'm the girl who can't get enough attention.
If only someone would actually do those things for me.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
I didn't think I'd be posting here anymore..
Here I am.
I'm so confused right now..
I have so many mixed emotions.
I'm feeling scared, lonely, stressed, depressed, anxious, and hateful.
School is taking a toll on me.
I swear to God it's going to kill me.
Midterms are in a few weeks, and I'm stressing over that.
I haven't made my drill for colorguard, and I actually don't see myself doing it.
Not with the mood I've been feeling lately.
I know I'm not going to live past 18.
Unless something extremely amazing happens.
I mean, she's amazing enough.
But I need her here.
I can't do it alone.
No one understands.
I don't even understand.
I have no counselor to talk to anymore.
I feel like giving up, and day by day I slowly am.
I just need to be free..
I need to breathe..
I need to sleep all through the night.
I need to dream.
I need to relax..
I can't seem to do that here though..
So, maybe I have to go somewhere else..
Somewhere, where I'll never be able to come back.
Although I know I'm going to hell..
I'm in a crappy situation.
I feel like I'm going to hurt myself.
I haven't for more than a month now.
I want to call her, but it's 2:43 AM.
I feel like I'm going to puke.
I'm so done...
I love you Ashley..
Please don't ever doubt that.
If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be alive.
I know I should suck it up and be happy because I have you, and forget about everything else..
But it's hard.
You have made me happy though.
Happier than I've been in a long time.
I just don't want to fail you, and I probably already have..
Just like I've failed everyone else..