Tuesday, February 19, 2008

   Moon River
moon river, wider than a mile.
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh dream maker, you heartbreaker
where ever you're going I'm going your way...
Two drifters off to see the world
there's such a lot of world to see
we're after the same rainbow's end, my huckleberry friend, moon river and me

i can't take the credit for writing that song, though it would be cool if I could. Anyway...

I have a new job that starts on the 25th. I've already gone through the finger printing, retenal scan and drug testing. Now to hope that my oh so marked up background check comes back clean... lol. So my last day at my current job is the 23rd. I found a girl to cover my shifts for next week since i was already scheduled. I'm way excited. My older sister and i are supposed to celebrate by seeing how many shots of straight espresso I can down. Its going to be way fun! Put in your bets! Your wager will be matched and then increased. I don't have anything material to bet with that I would be willing to part with but a wager of truth or dare cards is always fun.

i promised my nice supervisor that i would try to clean up my attitude toward my other supervisor and try not to take things so personally. I'll be able to "clean up my attitude" by keeping my freaking mouth shut and not saying what's on my mind. That is about the best I will be able to do. And as far as not taking things personally... It's hard to do when she FINALLY decides to do her job and tell us what needs to be done. But when I know for a fact that something else needs more attention it pisses me off that she wont trust my judgement and then decides to tell me to do what SHE thinks needs to be done. And I have little respect for her as a supervisor. I work harder than she does. but oh well. Apparantly its me with the problems becuase i actually bother to say something when noone else does. Oh... wait. I only have to work with said power hungry control freak on saturday... and then i'm free of her!

My plans of dying my hair on the 24th are a little delayed. I ran out of money to buy the bleach. -_-'

And with that girl from the m, what's her bucket (as she was affectionately called once), from what i hear is more interested in boys anyway. So i'm all clear. And neither of us has bothered to call the other either. And i'm already perfectly content as it is.

GOOD NEWS! MY BLOOD TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE!!!!! No nasty diseases!!!!! YAY!!!!

I've taken up the researching angels and fallen angels. Very interesting and addicting. I love it. I only have one book from the library so far but i'm at least getting aquainted with some of them. And as soon as I have funds and work my way down my list of things to buy I shall be getting all my angelic and demonic literature. Plus hella more manga.

well that's about all for now. I've had more caffeine than I'm used to and I'm wide awake. Its only one thirty right now. Thank god I dont have to work until five tomorrow. Alright, I'll talk your ear off more later!


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Sunday, February 10, 2008

   Winter in July
"... Make the best of what's given you. Everything will come in time. Why deny yourself? Don't just let life pass you by, like winter in July."
Winter in July
Sarah Brightman
Album: La Luna

Even fleeting moments are enough for me. My oasis in the cold and paved world. Something precious.

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Thursday, February 7, 2008

   and there's dragons in the sky
WARNING: If you are in a really good mood please avoid reading this post. Or completely disengage yourself from any emotional connection with it. It will bring you down. Or just bring you down farther. Meh. Read at your own risk.

"And the rooster crows but nobody knows why, and there's dragons in the sky. And the red rain falls and envelops all. And it ends as it, as it began." From the CD NewClear by Euan Morton

Tonight is one of those nights when I wish my head would stop spinning. I haven't talked to Caleb yet... I'm not ready. But it is preying on my mind violently.

I was down and The Flying M last week and I was seriously flirting with this girl. And I was really comfortable with her, but I was looking more for physical comfort than anything. So when we were leaving IHOP (our tradition after being at the m) she tried to kiss me. I had no clue, being the genius I am, and she caught my cheek instead. I found out through a mutual friend that she really likes me. A lot. Which doesn't bode well for me. I had a date with her, which didn't happen because her dad got mad at for staying out too late. But we havn't spoken since and neither has tried to contact the other. The first chance I got I was going to tell her that I liked another girl (really liked). I have no choice that needs to be made. I know who I like and who I'm staying with. But I don't want to hurt the other girl. Oh... wait. I have a someone's voice in my head telling me that I just have to tell her how it is. She really is a nice girl, I feel really bad that I led her on. When did flirting become so dangerous? I haven't done anything on purpose to hurt anyone and I hope that she has enough of a head on her shoulders to realize that one night of flirting and one potential date does not constitute the begining of a serious relationship. So let's add that to my list of things to do. Number two; tell this girl that I'm not going to get into a relationship with her because I really like someone else. Right then. Moving on.

I double booked myself. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at the same time that I have therapy. -_-' and I have to reschedule something. Which seems simple, BUT one may charge for a last minute reschedule and the other I REALLY need to go to. So, this is just a stressor that I had to vent about. And adds to my headache.

Speaking of headaches... My older sis pissed me off, again. She took some joking too far and it turned into non-joking material. Plus she wouldn't shut up. That's not unusual, but when your ears are pounding because she's too loud... it's taxing. And when she starts to repeat herself with different words, I question whether or not she just likes the sound of her voice.

Questioning. Ah-hah. I have good news! I know what I am! I am definately a lesbian. No question any more. Myself and Me had a really good talk. We wrote down (in my mental notebook) all the reasons I thought I was and all the reasons I tought I wasn't. Then made a list of situations and my responses. And my test results came back lesbian positive! ^_^

Hey.... now here's a subject... I found out that a tattoo parlor I know of is going through a law suit for spreading hepititis C and HIV. And guess who got tattoos from said parlor... and last march... yep. So now I have to get tested for HIV and Hep C. Whenever I have the money, which may or may not be happening. (I haven't heard back from my job interview) And it's scaring me to death. I'm trying to play it cool, and tell my mom not to worry. There is no guarantee that I have either, and there isn't any need to panic. But my cool exterior is only a facade. I'm scared. Really really scared.

On a lighter note so you don't finish reading this with gloom and doom hanging over your head, I tried my hand at drawing Haru! It turned out really good. I'm proud of me! And now I'm working on another pannel of Haru. My lyric learning for D.N. Angel is coming along very nicely.

And be that my final word for this "morning" (around 2 AM)

Aurevoir! ~Haru-Chan~
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