myOtaku.com: blackwolfpup

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1989-12-15
Gender
• Female
Location
• some were in the world
Member Since
• 2004-08-15
Occupation
• Dog Handler,
Real Name
• Stacey

Personal

Achievements
• Retraning race horses, Going to the Westminster dogs how
Anime Fan Since
• since was 11
Favorite Anime
• Dont have one
Goals
• To be able to stand on my own two feet without needing the help of others
Hobbies
• Writing, Riding, Showing dogs
Talents
• Being able to live with Diabetes

myOtaku.com: blackwolfpup

Sunday, April 29, 2007

mind scream
Some where in this world maybe I will understand why it’s me and not some one else. Maybe because I’m too strong and I find stupid little things to hold on to, maybe someone else would have killed them self by now. Maybe it’s a game for some higher power, waiting to see how much I can take? How much will I go trough before I snap…
Loss of a good friend, told I have type 1 diabetes, loss of my horse, loss of my Grandparent and the farther pushing form my dad… because his girl friend thinks she’s knows it all, maybe she dose but I don’t think she dose, maybe I’m this way because if it where here or some one else they would be dead by now,
I get rag, just random rage and little things set me off, if I were K9 I would be put out or locked away, if I where anything but human id be sent to rest…
I’m really screaming in my head that I hate everyone but I keep it to myself because I don’t know why I hate everyone and I only know why I hate a few, I cry when no ones looking... Why because I don’t know why I cry and for people to do something there has to be a reason, to hate you have to have a reason, to love you have to have a reason, to want death you have to have a reason, to want life you have to have a reason, its madness, so stupid its not funny I just want to do it because….
I’m drowning in the tears and screams that I hide away, I cant breath past them, its like silly puddy slowly pulling a part, I’m detaching myself because I don’t know why I do stuff, I’m trying to understand so everyone else can understand but I don’t know…. What do you do then?
So am I wrong, I love some one for what they are,
I hate some one for what they are and do
I am scared of people because I know they will hurt you once they get a chance
I watch in the shadows so I can cry
And I wait for some one to come hold me like I was 5 or so and tell me the lies of its going to be all ok
Even though I know it’s really a lie and it will never be ok…
Maybe the same questions run through my head over and over again
Maybe I am a cutter and it’s not flesh it’s me soul
Maybe I’m bleeding right now
And no one can see
Or maybe…
This is all a lie too…
If there is a answer to any of this can I have it? Or will I never know and I will just wonder and wonder till I turn to dust? What if I don’t make it? Or is that suppose to happen,, am I to cry and scream and be alone because I want to know and will never know,
Will I sit and smile and love people for who they are and not what they do to me?
Am I really here?
Or am I all ready dead and don’t know it?
Maybe this is just a story of questions and untold tails
And none of this makes sense

SO HOWS THAT?
HOWS THIS IM CRYING
IM HURT
IM LOSTIM SICK OF THIS GAME
AND I WANT A VACCASION THAT I WILL NEVER GET???
WELL …

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