myOtaku.com
• Join Today!

My Pages
• Home
• Portfolio
• Guestbook
• Quiz Results

Contact Me

AIM
• BalineseKittyn
OtakuBoards
• Balinese
Website
• Click Here
Yahoo! Messenger
• emeraldeyedyohji

Vitals

Birthday
• 1986-05-14
Gender
• Female
Location
• Aurora, Colorado, USA
Member Since
• 2004-03-04
Occupation
• mrr
Real Name
• Little Lirin!

Personal

Achievements
• i graduated high school.
Anime Fan Since
• age eleven, when i first saw sailor moon
Favorite Anime
• Weiß Kreuz, Trigun, Cowboy Bebop, Gundam Wing, Fruits Basket
Hobbies
• anime, furry fandom, my LiveJournal, learning more about the language of flowers and creating bouquets, aromatherapy
Talents
• Singing, writing, and i do a mean Majin Buu (Fat Buu) impression when i feel like it




Jump to User:

myOtaku.com: Balinese


Monday, August 30, 2004

gods it's been a LONG time...
i haven't posted in this journal in AGES... mostly cause i didn't think about it.

a lot of really rough stuff has happened since my last post. my family was evicted from our home. i was locked in a psychiatric hospital for over a week. and when i came home from my vacation in Indiana, it was time to pack up again (what meager things i had) and head for college (which is where i am now).

i don't feel very good about what i did. i left for Indiana, practically straight from the hospital. and the whole time i was there, my mother was in a psychiatric hospital herself, leaving my brother to the fates. he spent his time being bumped around from place to place. and when i came home, for two days, all i got from my mom was "it's your fault things are the way they are."

i have a wonderful boyfriend, and he's helped me through a lot of the guilt and shame i feel. but still... i hate myself for it, and would use a knife to make the pain visible if i hadn't sworn that i wouldn't...

i love him. i do. but... gods, sometimes it's so bloody HARD to keep a happy face on. i'm lonely here. it's so far apart from everyone i know and care about. i have friends, but i'd never go to them with any of my problems... i barely know them. and since i just got my own computer, it's not network-compatible so i can't use it to contact the people i love. i'm in the University Centre right now, typing and wanting to cry and hating myself.

it's silly. i really should learn to be stronger and rely more on myself. but it hurts inside sometimes... and i can't let anyone else see the pain... never again. no more...
Comments (0)

« Home