Tuesday, November 18, 2008

   Hm..... :-*
Things have been extremely hectic lately.

There is a whole shit load of things going on but I really don't know how to say all of it.
Its crazy.

Hazel is doing better.
Her hair is kind of growing back.
They won't have to open her head again.
And she is finally getting used the the chemo.
So, the days and nights she used to spend throwing up, are finally slowing down.
So she's not throwing up as much.

I am taking this weird college English class to kill some time, so they are making me have this weird journal thing.
SO, I always right to "Ms. Me". Its pretty interesting. :P

Me and Ben have been talking a lot more recently. Its simply amazing what type of person he is. I know so much and I know I have so much power over him, but I don't want to hurt him. Ever.

I haven't heard from John Miller or Dexter in awhile.
Last I heard they were going to D.C for some big deal. I'm really happy for them though. :]

====-=-=-=-----===-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
B-Side

You met me when I was addicted
to wasabi peas and cocaine

and scholarly men
with semi-sadistic natures.

It was my ‘brilliant’ stage of life,
my time to turn blasé into gold bouillon -

wooing agents over green apple martinis,
I could sell a book simply by uncrossing my legs.

I went to parties with no one
but always left with someone

careening down FDR Drive in slick black cars;
I believed vampires lived the good life.

I didn't recognize myself in success
or in mirrors or in the eyes of anyone I knew

until you took me down with a slur,
then proposed we spend a lifetime holding hands.

You flipped me over to the B side,
cleaned my house while I watched snow fall

and never once did you promise to save me -
you just did.
===========-=-=-=------=-=-=-=-=-=---------===-
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Well, I will get around to posting another time.
You know how I get.

♥Rina

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

   Oh wow. How things change....
Well, last night me and Zak ended up talking our problem out.
Turns out he was drunk. :P
So I apologized and we made up and stuff.
Thankfully.
He fell asleep around 10:15 and then Ben called and we stayed on the phone until 4:30 and I felt kind of bad because he had to get up at six and I made him sleep deprived. :]
I don't even remember what we talked about.
Just life and shit like that.
Now I know about seven hours of information more about Ben than I did before. Which COULD come in handy, but won't. Because we are on the same page and I know how he feels in a lot of things.
So, I made a new close friend.

Today I am sick again. Which really sucks. Tomorrow I am going back to work so after I can still have fun.
I am sooooooooooooooo tired though.
So even if I wasn't sick I would probably not go to work.
So my plans for tonight require getting a good amount of sleep. Ya know, to catch up on things.

So, Sarah was like bragging to all her friends how like apparently Zak is going to leave me for her and that he loves her more.
So I walked up to her and pulled her aside, and I'm pretty sure I remember the whole conversation.
It went something like this:

S: Are you trying to get me to shut up? To save you the embarrassment?
R: Uhm. No. I actually find it cute you have a crush on my boyfriend.
S: Babe, he said you and him are O-V-E-R.
R: BABE, he was drunk.
S: He was what?
R: Drunk. Intoxicated. Tipsy. Not in his right mind. I was feeling rather magnanimous today so, I thought I'd save YOU the embarrassment. But since you are telling everyone and its not going to happen, I am clearly too late.
S: So everything he said....it was.....a lie?
R: Yes.
S: No. He loves me. Just wait.
R: PAHAHAHAHA. OK.

It was very interesting.
And afterward I made her leave my apartment.
I never really knew why she was there in the first place.
Pft.
Drama+no sleep=major head ache.
:(

And I got to get a hold of someone because I need something and I know that for a fact they'll give it to me.
So, knowing that makes my day a bit better.
----------------

♥Rina

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

   ...
Ok seriously, is the world like out to fucking get me or something?
So, one of my best friends, Sarah, was on the phone with Zak last night for three hours.
And the bogus part was he made me leave the fucking room so they could have privacy!!
Wtf.
Last time I checked me and him were still together but he is acting like he doesn't give a flying fuck anymore.
He told me he was going to bed ok, so I tell him good night and then I hear him laughing from the other room and he's on the phone again with her.
And she knows I like love him.
So wtf.
This is the girl I've poured my heart out to a million times for a million reasons.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He like NEVER calls me and suddenly he is like in love with her.
I am really tempted to ignore him for the rest of the day.
You know what? I think I won't.
I'll just stay on the phone for five hours with one of his friends!!
>:-(

So today I was sick, it hurt to stand up like my stomach would tighten and then I would get realllyyy hot to like the point of sweating and then really cold to the point of shivering.

And Zak was too busy on the phone again so Evan stayed home and helped me out.
He's a sweetheart. :P
..................................

You know I really wish he would care about me like how much I care about him.
I wish he would love me as much as I love him.
And looking at it now, I have some decisions to make.

`````````````````````````````
So Hazel sent me a picture of her recently and she has lost a lot of weight and has no hair and a giant cut in her head.
But that wasn't the first thing I realised upon getting the picture.
I noticed she was smiling.
How come she a is smiling but I'm crying?
I think I have a lot to learn.
====================================
Tonight

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you SAT AND told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"

I sing,
"Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight"



♥Rina


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Monday, November 10, 2008

   Lose me sense of wrong and right...
Heyyy!!
Sorry no update for awhile. :P
I was very busy. Hehehe.
Today was pretty fun.

Yesterday I went to this little kids party at a gymnastics gym and it was realllyyy fun. Although they wouldn't let me play with the parachute.
I also bought this good luck bracelet.
Its like a true love one. :]

Oh.
Well, my cousin Hazel has recently gotten surgery. So it went well for they are starting her on chemotherapy today according to my aunt.
They said 6 months to a year.
I feel my hair on the back of my neck standing straight up.
I'm falling apart.


♥Rina
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Monday, November 3, 2008

   Oh la la.
So, this past weekend was simply ah-mazing. :D

Friday I went trick or treating. LOL LOL. Everyone was saying: "Aren't you a little old to be doing this?" NO. You are never too old to trick or treat.
:]
So, after that we went to this guy Andrew's house and I hit him in the mouth and he was bleeding pretty bad so I apologized and gave him a popcorn ball. AHAHA!
Then we went to the party. Which was sooo much fun. We watched They Eye and Saw 4. I wasn't really watching it though.
I was with Zak.
'Nuf said.
Then we went to this guy Trevor's house and partied there for a bit.
Then home.
---------
Saturday I went shopping with my friend Brittany and we fell asleep on this sleep number bed and got kicked out of the store.
:]
We shopped until like 7:30 and then went back to her house and watched Hannibal.
GREAT movie.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sunday I went to a football game.
:]
It was sweet.
==========
Today was interesting.
I did have work. But we mostly talked about the issues of the campaign that is going on right now. And I was mostly right even though I wasn't even born here. LOL.
It was a teenager class so they contributed also.
Then Zak and me went out for coffee and saw that weird lady with the bonnet Evan showed me.
It was sooo fucking funny. :]
====---==--==-=-=-=-=----======--------
Same Difference

Her mouth is a semicolon;
distinct gravel where
other girls kick gossip
from the grass to their hair -
a food source
devoid of nutrients

We satirize the seven-arm sun,
unlucky in its irony;
sweat's tongue
licking the backs of our shirts
during P.E.

Her shadow is
almost the same as mine;
wingless,
tactile indifference
like a dead rat adorning sidewalk -
you have to look twice
for the real meaning,

Nostrils rank with
scent of orange paint;
boldness scatters walls.


♥Rina
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