myOtaku.com: Yaoishoujo

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1982-05-04
Gender
• Female
Location
• California, USA
Member Since
• 2005-01-04
Occupation
• Consumer Goods
Real Name
• Heather

Personal

Achievements
• Don't ask....
Anime Fan Since
• 1998
Favorite Anime
• I love too many anime!
Goals
• To become a great yaoi writer and to become a psychologist(maybe)
Hobbies
• Writing, collecting anime/manga and anime merchandise, collecting everything and anything yaoi
Talents
• Writing, singing(as people say -_-;;;), helping people

myOtaku.com: Yaoishoujo

Thursday, June 23, 2005

A Fine Line Between Love and Hate

Hey guys! *waves* How has everyone been? I’ve been okay, for the most part at least. *sighs heavily* To tell you the truth, I’ve been going through some self-doubt episodes recently. -_- TKB and Oreana know what I’m talking about. I’ve also been feeling extra lonely lately. *hugs knees* I hope this feeling passes soon, cuz it’s hurting me inside like you wouldn’t believe. Sorry to depress you guys. -_- That’s never my intent. I just need to talk about it, you know? Get it out in the open and off my chest. Now, I know all of you are probably going to tell me that I’m never alone and that I have you guys. *smiles while tears fall from her eyes* I know that. I really do. I love you guys so much and I would hate to lose you. You mean the world to me and that’s an important feeling I’ve held onto. But... *buries face in knees* I need someone physically here, by my side. A shoulder to cry on and an understanding ear to listen to my problems. I really don’t have that out here. ;_; I only have my mom, sister, and best friend(my ex-boyfriend). I don’t want to be selfish by saying that they are not enough, cuz they are enough... really. I just need a friend I can call upon when I’m upset and hurting. Someone with whom I can go over to their house or they come over to mine and we just chat about anything. I have that with my best friend, but not all the way. He has a lot to do in his life and I don’t want to bother him with my problems... even though I did today. -_-; He stopped by my job to say “hi” and we spoke for an hour after I got off. I love talking to him, cuz he’s always understanding and wonderful. ^^ I love him so very much and I wish my feelings for him would return, but, at the moment, I really don’t want to be with him in that way. *heavy sigh* Man, my life is full of drama! -_-;;;

*shakes head* Getting off that depressing topic and on to a happier one, my good friend DJaganshi has made a triumphant comeback to MO! Yay! ^_________^ This makes soooooooooooo happy, cuz she’s been gone for almost two months and I was getting worried. I was shocked to see her name in my PM box telling me that she’s back and how much she’s missed me. ^_^ I’m just soooooooo happy right now! *dances around the room as if she‘s on a cloud* I hope she updates soon. My friends list still says she hasn’t updated since May.

On a side note, I would like to address an issue that keeps occurring with some of my very close and dear friends on here. First, we all agree that friendship and family are supposed to be two of the greatest things in life, right? But what happens when those things aren’t given to the unlucky ones? What happens when life hands them problems, but forgot to include solutions? What happens when life hands them family and friends, but forgot to include love? The sad reality is that people who are born into a suffering and uncaring world, usually continue to live as if suffering is the only thing life has to offer. Though they may encounter real love and real friends, they will still believe that suffering is just around the bend... waiting to take hold of them once more and smash all the good that they have found. I know of many who have had/do have their lives shattered by an uncaring and cruel world and I can only hope that, someday, they can climb out of their dark hole of despair and sorrow to embrace the good things they have. It’s a fact that most people who have suffered through a lot in their lives tend to be very compassionate and loving. My close friends are prime examples of this. They are stronger and far more compassionate because of their horrifying past/present. In conclusion to this rant, I’d like to say to put forth some words of “wisdom” to everyone: 1) don’t take life for granted. It’s precious and can be taken away at any given moment.
2) for those of you with loving families: don’t forget to say “I love you” to your mom, dad, and siblings. When you have no one else to turn to, they’ll be there. So show your appreciation with a simple hug or kind word. Trust me, it’ll pay off in the future.
3) hold on to everything that you hold dear. May it be an old raggedy teddy bear your dad gave you when you were 5 or a friendship bracelet you got from your best friend back in grade school; it’s all precious in some way, so hold them close to your heart and give thanks for having such wonderful memories.
4) learn to love yourself, even if it’s just a little. You’ll never be able to love anyone completely if you don’t. Plus, you’re all beautiful and wonderful in your own ways, so cherish that and give yourself credit when it is due. You deserve it.

Sorry for that long rant everyone. ^^;;; I hope everyone wasn’t too bored with it. I’ve just been very inspired lately to express all of my feelings in words. I love writing, after all. ^_^ Also, I’m listening to the Someday Dreamers soundtrack and it’s just beautiful. Music like that inspires me to write, which is why it’s always in my boombox when I’m writing a story. Beautiful music, that is. ^^ I have quite a collection here at home. ^_~

I love you all so very much and wish for nothing more than your happiness. Have a wonderful day my precious friends.

~your angel from above (so many people call me that, so I figured I’d make it one of my nicknames) ^^

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