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Wednesday, June 8, 2005


   Sick... -_-

I'm sick with either a bad cold or a minor flu, so this'll be a short post. One thing I do want to say is how wonderful you guys are. Thank you so much for the support you gave me in my coming out. You guys are too good to me. *hugs you all* Now, speaking of which, I've been thinking very hard about something lately. I've been thinking about if I should delete my account or not. A lot keeps happening in my life and I haven't been able to get to your sites. That alone makes me feel lower than dirt, so I don't wish to make you wonderful people feel ignored anymore. I know you're probably going to tell me not to, but I feel it may be the right thing to do. Alot of the people who used to visit, don't anymore, and for good reason. It's already hard to answer all the PMs I get daily. I roughly get around 12-16. I know that's nothing to some of you, but to me, it's a lot. Work keeps me tied down and I don't get on the net till very late at night and, by that time, it's almost too late to visit everyone on my list. I've been feeling major guilt trips lately cuz I'm disappointing a lot of people with my slow responses to PMs, my lack of updates, and most of all, my absence on your sites.

Like I said before, I'm still thinking about it, so it's still undecided. If I ever do decide to leave, I'll let you guys know. Sorry, but I won't be posting a pic today. A first for me, but I don't feel up to it. -_- I hope you understand. I love you guys very much and I'm sorry I'm bumming you out right now. I just needed to be honest with you. Thank you for being so wonderful. I've made some everlasting friends on this site and I couldn't be happier. Some of you I'll talk to even if I delete my account, but I'll miss the rest of you terribly. I know this might not mean much now, but I love you guys very much. Honestly with all my heart. See ya!

Comments (28) | Permalink



Monday, June 6, 2005


   Been way too long. Wari!

I know I haven't updated in awhile, which has probably turned some of you away from my site.;_; I apologize.*bows* I must say, though, that quite a bit has happened on MO since my absense, especially between two of my very dear friends, TKB and Oreana. A couple of posts ago, they biult up enough courage to come clean about themselves. I'm so proud of them.^_^ So, I will follow suite. I know quite a few of you already know this, but for those who don't, I'm bi. Yupo, I've said it!*takes deep breathe* Thank you Oreo and TKB!*hugs tight* See, you guys help and inspire me as well.^_^ Uh... yeah, sorry I got off subject there for a sec. So, you guys can take this new info in any way you like. It may scare you off or make our bond stronger. The choice is yours. All I know is that as long as Oreana, TKB, and Tangertine accept me and still care about me, I'll be happy and content. They are so dear and close to me(as you guys know from my last post). They are my gaudian angels who are there for me no matter what.*sighs with joy* Thank you so much you guys! You don't know how much I love you!

Okay, well, now that that's done with, I'd like to bring up a topic for discussion with my other fellow saff members. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO SAFF???!!! Ever since the fanfic contest, I haven't heard anything. They still haven't updated since the 19th of April. What's going on?!O_O??? I entered that fic contest and I wanted to read some more from fellow entries. It's really disappointing. So, if any of you know what happened to saff, please let me know. I'm in the dark about this.

Another subject I wanna bring up is MP3 downloads. A lot of you have one or more songs playing continuously on your site and I've noticed a lot of the sites you get your songs from have a 24 hour direct link limit. So, my first question is, how do you get to play a single song continuously on your site without being bogged down with the time limit? My next question has to do with bandwidth and more direct linking. Do you guys have a specific company you are currently signed up with in which you don't have to worry about such things? If so, tell me which company, cuz I'm going nuts over these aspects.@_@

Other than that, I think it's time to talk about random happenings in my life. Have any of you seen the new Kurama plushies out on the market? I got one yesterday. It's really weird looking.lol Cute, but weird. At least my Hiei plushie now has his boyfriend to cuddle with.^_^ I also got another FMA poster. Yay! Oh, and btw, that second Utena OST doesn't have that final 'Missing Link' song that I really wanted. Kuso! >_< The rest of the songs are great, but they didn't include that one damn song. Oh well! I can just download it off the net.^_^

I guess I'll leave off here. I'm IMing with TKB at the moment and it's really fun!^_____^ She just showed me a pic of Layla(one of her RP characters) and it looks awesome!^_^ Speaking of which, I found a falconite pic that looks remarkably like her characters. I'll post it here:

I may be off on the look alike aspect, but I just wanted to confirm with her. So, TKB, does this look like any of your characters? Hope not, cuz I'd hate to see her beautiful work stolen by some random selfish individual.

To end my post, I'll post some random pics of yami Bakura and Malik, cuz Oreo and TKB love them so much.^_^ Hope you enjoy.^^



This two are really cool.^_^



Thief King Bakura causing mayham fot the hot pharaoh. Rock on!^_~




His snake rocks!^_~


A couple of pics from the opening theme sequense of the fifth and final season of the japanese version. I really like the song.^_^



Have a great day guys! I love you all very much!*blows kiss*

Comments (21) | Permalink



Thursday, June 2, 2005


   Love through Poem

Yup, that's right. Love through the poem I promised the last time I posted. I apologize for not updating yesterday.

Some of you seemed confused about what LJ meant. It's short for LiveJournal. It's yet another place you can speak your mind and have people comment on it. Now that I have it selected to "friends only" things are a lot calmer for me on that site and I now feel more comfortable talking about my life.^^ Speaking of which, I've noticed that a few of my friends on here are having or have had terrible lives. I may have my sob stories, but these people have literally lived/are living through terror and unspeakable greif. This really upsets me, to say the least. To only be able to sit idely by while my dearest of friends are suffering is beyond horrifying. I want to be there, holding their hand and showing them that someone does care.*tears* It's heartbreaking and I hate feeling so helpless.

Remember how I said I'd post a poem?! Well, here it is and I apologize profusely if it's not good. It was late last night that I wrote it, so it's not up to my normal standards. I hope you all like it. Espacially Oreana, TKB, and Tangertine. You guys mean the world to me and I want to show that in every way possible. My love for you has no limit.

~My Gaurdian Angels~

A chance meeting
Words exchanged
A bond was formed
A bond so deep, it would make the ocean envious.
This bond may be different for those I am bonded with
But this matters little
For even if said people were to hate or detest my very existance...
I'd still love them
They are my soulmates
My strength
My will to carry on
My heart
My all

They help keep me on my feet
They show how much they care
They warm my heart
Who knows where this bond will end up
Will it break?
Will it survive?
Only time will tell
Right now, as I sit here embracing the moment that is now, the one thing that remains clear in my mind...
Is that they are my gaurdian angels.

So, how was it?*nervous glance* Like I said, it was spur of the moment, so it's not an award winner or anything.*whimpers*

In commemoration of the poem, I'm posting angel pics... again.^^; Some of these may be repeats from what you've seen before, but the symbolism remains the same. Enjoy!











Too many repeat pics? Gomen! I love posting pics about my mood or something the post is about, so forgive my lack of creativity.^^;;;
So, how is everyone? Doing well I hope.^_^ Yesterday and today, I got some cool stuff.^_____^ Yesterday, I went to Suncoast not expecting to buy anything, but fate had other plans for me.^^ I saw another really awesome FMA poster, so I snagged it.^_____^ They were having a sale, so... don't kill me people... but I got a Roy Mustang action figure for only $1.97.*dodges random objects thrown by FMA fans* It was too good a deal, so today, I got my sis one, too.^^ I also got a Samurai Champloo shirt, too. It's so cool.^_~ Today, I got a Kyou(Fruba) plushie for only...*prepares to dodge more objects*... $5.67!*runs from pitch forks* He was drastically reduced, too, so I couldn't resist.^^; Can ya blame me? Today, I also got the second R.G.Utena sountrack. Yay! It's so freakin cool! I just hope it has that last sone on there.*crosses fingers* I love that song.

Random question: Who is your favorite female anime character?

For me, it's Utena Tenjou.*faints* She's so beautiful, brave, chivalrous, smart, and an all around wonderful person.*starry eyed*

Have a great day everyone! Love ya lots! Ja ne!*blows kiss*

Comments (25) | Permalink



Tuesday, May 31, 2005


   It's Been Awhile...

It's been awhile, hasn't it? Sorry for not updating sooner. A LOT of things have happened in my life and I haven't been on the comp for a few days because of it. The events that occured are too much for me to say here. I will explain them further in my LJ account. For those of you who want my account name there, just PM me and I'll add you as a friend there. My settings is on friends only mode, so you won't be able to read it if you don't have an account and you aren't on my list. Gomen!*bows* I got a pretty bad comment on one of my entries and it kinda turned me away from LJ for a LONG time. But, since a few of my close and very dear friends on here had accounts, I decided to follow suit and update mine.^^

Speaking of which, I would like to thank Tangertine, Oreana, and TKB for being some of my closest and most precious friends I've ever had.*tears* You guys mean the absolute world to me and that's saying it mildly. Words cannot express how much you three mean to me. Thank you for being there to support and comfort me through thick and thin. Tonight, I will write a poem dedicated to you three and post it on another post. I love you guys so much! I really don't know what I'd do without you. Honestly!*hugs tight*

Anyhoo,*drum roll*...oh wait, you guys have seen it already.^^; Baka me! As you can see, Gravitation won in a 15 to 9 tally. I know a lot of you that voted for Get Backers will be disappointed, in a way, but I'll do that as a theme for the next bg, okay?^_^ I love GB too and I have a few really great bgs for it and I wouldn't want them to go to waste.^.~

As for my rash...*looks at hands* it hasn't disappeared, but I think it's getting better.^^ I hope!

How was everyone's Memorial Day? Did you have a BBQ? I was at work ALL FREAKIN DAY!!!!!! I got the damn 8am-5pm shift and it dragged like hell.>_< Later on(tonight), I started feeling really nausious.Y_Y My family and I were at my mom's friends house for her BBQ and were watching Liminy Snicket, when suddenly I felt really sick. I had to excuss myself and raced home. I still feel queezy, but not as much as before. Mom said it was probably something I ate and she might be right.*groans* I hate feeling this way.-_-

I don't have much else to report, cuz I want to get to my LJ account and get everything off my chest. In honor of the new Gravi theme, I'll post a cool Gravi pic.^_^

Here's a hot pic.*drool* You rarely get to see him as anything other than adoreble, so I thought this would be a treat. Hope you enjoy.^^


If I don't visit all of you tonight, then I will tomorrow. I'm sorry for my absence and I will try to make up for it. I love you guys very much. I hope you believe that. Have a great day! Love ya!*hugs tight* Ja ne!*waves*

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Saturday, May 28, 2005


   It's a Stinkin Tie!!!!!!!

Okay people, it was sooooo freakin close with the bg voting. But... IT WAS A TIE!!!!!! Now you guys must break it! It's a choice between Gravitation and Get Backers. I have some great ones for both, so choose based on what you'd like to see most.^_^

Eto... what do I post about today? Sa!*shrugs* Not much is going on. I have a really bad rash that's spreading all over my hands that itches like an S.O.B!>_< Dammit! I schedualed an appointment with my stupid doctor, but they couldn't get me in until Thursday of next week. Arg! So frustrating!>_<

Other than that, we had a nice BBQ at work today... OH Yea, I can talk about what happened after my shift ended.>_< I had accidentally not asked for a break and took one on my own. Not a good thing to do. I also took longer than usual cuz I was having too much fun talking with everyone and eating an awesome BBQ burger. Yum!^_^ But, Paul(third in command) noticed how long it took, he called me into the office and wrote me up for not asking for a break.Y_Y In a way, he was being nice by not writing me up for taking a longer break, but I was still upset.-_- I came home in a less than cheerful mood.

On another note, how do you guys like the new banner? Kawaii, ne?^_____^ Also, I got the scrollbar up, so you guys can see my newly made buttons. Yay! The banner and buttons were all made by KuramasGirl. Thank you so much KG!*hugs tight* I love them! If you guys want, you can choose one and paste it on your site.^_^ Since I introduced most of you to Sukisyo, I figured that was the most befitting theme for my button. What do you guys think?^^

On another side note, I got to see the third dvd to E's Otherwise. People, you must see this anime! It's great! I ADORE the beginning theme song. If I could just figure out how to put up a music player, I'd play it for you guys.Y_Y Gomen!*bows* I'm also loving R.O.D.! Great series! I love the storyline. If you're not urked by very mild shoujo-ai(i think it's uber cute^_^), then please see it. It's great.^_~ I also got to see a short 6 episode series I hadn't seen before. It's called Tokyo Warriors. I can't stress how disappointed I was with it. My sis and I were so bored, we began poking fun at all the little things that were wierd or odd about it. THis series was done just like Earthian in the way that the first three episodes were done sometime in the late 80s/early 90s and the last three were done what seemed like years later. The animation was a lot better, the music got a tad bit better, and the storyline improved a bit.^^; It's one of those "read the manga to find out what happenes next" type of series. Those kind bug me, cuz a lot of the time, the manga hasn't been domesticated yet, so I'm basically screwed. Not like I'd want to read the manga to that series, though.*snore* Snooze fest! There were two songs that sounded like they belong on FLCL. It was funny.^^ If you wanna see some hot bishounen, get the last three episodes. DO NOT bother with the first three. So painfully boring!>_< But, suddenly, bishounen started popping up out of nowhere in the last three episodes, so I was kinda happy.^^ There were about 2 or 3 bishoujo, so hardly any fan service for me there.*pouts* There was one girl on there that was awesome! She wasn't the stupid, annoying classic anime chick. She kicked ass and wouldn't let anyone get in her way. She rocked! Me lovey!=^_^= She also has a kawaii nezumi that talks and turns into Suzaku the Pheonix. Sooo cool!

Anyhoo, I'll let you guys fight over the next bg!LOL No blood shed okay! I don't want to clean it up!^^ Remember, it's either Gravitation or Get Backers. Choose and be at eternal oneness with thyself.*assumes lodus position* lol Oh yea, some of you wanted to know what I plan to cosplay as, ne? KAKASHI!!!!! I love that guy! He's uber hot and cool and my #1 anime god!*drool* My beloved Kakashi! I sound like a rabid fangirl.*cringes* Don't wanna sound like that. I don't wanna start spouting declarations of marriage and commitment. That's just creepy. My sis and I promised that if we ever start doing that, we'd kill each other. I know, harsh, but it's a funny concept.^O^ Btw, for all of you Naruto fans you have kept up with the manga online, you guys know Naruto's outfit 3 years later, right? My sis is cosplying as that! Naruto from three years in the future.^___^ It's gonna look great! I hope I get mine done on time.*nervous look* Anyhoo, I'll take my leave. I'll see you guys on the flip side! Love ya!*blows kiss*

Looky, a kawaii dragon named Draik. One of my first non-yaoi pics I've posted.*gasp* I must be sick!lol Demo, Draik is so cute, though.*tickles him* Heehee!


Remember to vote!^_~

Comments (27) | Permalink



Thursday, May 26, 2005


   Good and Bad

Okay people, I've got good and bad news. Let's begin with the bad, shall we, since that's what happened first!?*takes deep breathe* Okay, here we go:

You guys remember that person I confessed my feelings to right? Well, that person emailed me today and basically said they don't love me any more than as a best friend. This person was very nice about it, though. They told me that it wasn't my fault and that it was their's.*small laugh* This person still wants to remain best friends and that alone is good enough... I guess. When I read the email, I started sobbing. It broke my heart into a million pieces. But, the thing that forced me out of the comp room was the pic this person sent me of two anime characters kissing. They said this reminding them of all the kisses we shared. That was it! I ran into my room and sobbed my ass off. It hurt so much. My chest began throbbing in pain. The only other time I've ever been this heartbroken was during some of the beakups my last boyfriend and I had. After about 10 minutes, I composed myself and walked back into the comp room to reply to this person's email. That was so hard to do. My hands were shaking as I typed and I couldn't stop crying. I told this person that I did still want to be friends and not watch it wither die, like I thought it was. What caused me to stop typing was the word tenshi. I always called this person my little tenshi(angel) and they called me their gaurdian angel. I ran into my room, got my phone, and called the above said ex-boyfriend. I needed someone to talk to and I knew he was the one. He's my best friend, after all. I finished the email and drove to his house. I picked him up and headed to his workplace. As I told him the situation, I began sobbing again. As soon as we got to the parking lot, he had about a little over an hour to spare before his shift began, so we sat in my car and talked. Though I knew it hurt him to sit there and listen to me sobbing over someone else I loved, I knew he didn't mind. He told me that, even though it was painful to watch me move on with little chance of ever getting back with me, he was willing to try to go back to the way things were back in high school. To just be best friends and nothing more. I've gotten over him, but he's a different story. He's very sensitive and tends to not want to let go to the things he loves.^^ That's okay, though.

Anyway, back on subject, it really helped me to talk about it and it was rather fun. He was talking to me about all the cute guys he saw at work and a couple of gay guys he might end up liking.^_^ He's bi, if you're wondering. Just like me! I'm so proud of him. He came out about two years ago. It was awesome! I was so happy.^___^*shakes head* Back on subject(sorry guys), he ended up being a coupe minutes late to work cuz we were talking so much.-_-; Oops!

Anyway, after taking a shower once I got home, my mom and sis came home. Time to tell them the truth about myself and the person who I fell for. As to be expected from them, I was welcomed with praise and understanding. My mom sat next to me on the floor, put her arm around me, and kept saying what a brave thing I did. I was so scared. I hugged my legs close and shook like a leaf in the wind. I knew I had nothing to fear, though. My mom told me and my sis a long time ago that she'd support and be there for us no matter who we are or what we do. I'm truly lucky to have her for a mother. She's great!^_^ My sis was understanding and they both treated me no differently. It was like another day after all was said and done. We all went to the Olive Garden for dinner, then went to a fabric store to get materials for our cosplay outfits. My sis got hers all bought, but I still need to search for mine. Mom said it'll be pretty simple, though.^_^

Well, anyway, the above news after the heartbreak was the good news.*sweatdrop* I feel better, even though it'll take me awhile to get over my crush and accept things as they are.*heavy sigh* Love hurts.

I hope you guys had a great day.^_^ I'm thinking about putting up a new bg soon, cuz you guys are probably getting sick and tired of Sanzo's boney body and Hakkai's disturbing smile.LOL^O^ I have a pretty good idea of what I want it to be, but I'm not too sure.*thinks* What do you guys think? Yup, that's right, I'm putting the spotlight back on ya.MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!*cough, cough* Um, yeah, so I'll give you guys a list of choices, okay.^^ Here they are:
1)DN Angel
2)X
3)Naruto
4)random yaoi
5)Wild Adapter
6)another Saiyuki
7)dragons
8)Gravitation
9)FMA
10)Yu Yu Hakusho
11)Get Backers(will be yaoi)
12)Air(new anime not released)
13)another Sukisyo
14)Yugioh(specify if you want yaoi or not)
15)Fruba
16)Bronze/Zetsuai
17)random whatever pic
18)Finder Series(yaoi manga)
19)Spiral
20)Bishounen
21)Tactics
22)Inuyasha
23)Legal Drug(Clamp shounen-ai)
24)CCS(Yukito bg)

And there you have it! Yea, I know it's a long list, but I wanted to give you guys options. Have a great day guys! Love ya!*blows kiss*

Look, a hot pic of Touya during a soccer match. Yummy!^___^

Comments (26) | Permalink



Tuesday, May 24, 2005


   Could I Be more Happy!!!!!!!!^______^

Honestly, I couldn't be more happy with not updating right away. I usually feel guilty as hell, but this time, I wouldn't have been able to give you guys such a happy update. I'm so happy, I can't contain myself!^___________^ If you guys are thinking that things are settles with that person from my last post, then, unfortunately, you are sadly mistaken. I still haven't recieved word.*shakes head* No, I can't go back to being depressed! Not right now! Something amazing has happpened! My dear friend oreana has found love with the person she should have been with a LONG time ago!^O^ I read her post and cried my eyes out! I'm still all shaken up and giddy.^^ I have been waiting anxiously for this day to happen, but I really didn't think it would come so soon.lol But I couldn't be happier.^_^ I can't stop smiling! All of my worries just washed away when I read the news. All I could do was laugh and cry at the same time.^O^ I hadn't done that in a long time. Ra knows, I needed it.^^ So, anyhoo, I want to say CONGRADULATIONS to her and the other wonderful person! IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU TWO!!!!!^_____^ I love you two so very much and wish you happiness!*hugs both of you tight*

Other than that, I would love to thank everyone who left a supportive and comforting comment on my last post. It means the world to me just knowing you guys are there to support me when I'm down. Thank you so very much!*hugs everyone* I wish I could do that in real life instead of over the net.*sulks* I would also like to thank all who PMed and emailed me showing their concern.*cries* I swear, you guys are too good to me! I'll make sure to visit you all. I know I've been slacking off on that and I apologize.*bows low* I've had a lot going on. Oh, before I forget, here is a banner YummyYuris made for me. She said she was making it on behalf of all of you who helped me. I love you YY!*hugs tight* You are too sweet!

I'm gonna put this up in my profile once I get the scrollbar up.^_^

In other news, do you guys remember the whole "desk in the doorway" incident a few posts ago? Well, the office was cleaned out and we now have a huge desk set blocking the window.^^;;; It looks nice, though. A lot better than the small desk we had before. At least I don't have to worry about splinters getting in my ass anymore.*laughs* Now, if only my dog would get out of the doorway, I could close the door and not bug kaa-san with the light.^^;*tells dog to leave* Aaaahhh, that's better!^_^

To end my post, I'll put up some pics about how I was feeling during and after I read oreana's post:

I feel like Matsuri in the middle of oreana and her new koi.^___^ I'll say just what he said in this scene, "It was fate!"


Here's how I looked reading oreana's post.*sniff* Tears of joy!



I felt so relieved and happy.


Considering I'll be thinking about it tomorrow as well, I'll probably look like good ol' Shigure here when I'm at work.^O^


Well, that's all for today folks. I should be back tomorrow, but if I'm not, it'll probably because my sis'll be on it. Since the school year is ending for her, she's cramming for tests and finshing reports. Poor thing!*hugs sis* I'll see ya later guys! Love ya to pieces!*blows kiss* Oh, wait, one more thing: I would like to thank Raven for being such a wonderful, understanding friend.*hugs tight* Love ya girl!^_~

Comments (20) | Permalink



Saturday, May 21, 2005


   Way too Much has happened!!!



I truly am! A lot has happened lately and I'm sure you're all wondering where the hell I've been.*takes deep breathe* Are you all comfortable? I hope so, cuz you're in for another long post from yours truly. Okay, how it all began:

A few days ago, I confessed my feelings for a friend of mine that I had met over the net. I know what you're thinking: what was I thinking, right? This person's just an internet friend, correct?*small smirk* That's what I thought at first, too. But those feelings soon changed and I fell for my friend from England. This person is sweet, kind, and knows exactly what to say to make my heart flutter. But... now...*fights back tears*... I realize my mistake. It was way too rash of me to do such a thing and put so much pressure on this person. I recieved an email saying that this person had signed on to msn messenger and wanted to talk. Well... I waited. I'm still waiting. I don't know what's going on in this person's head and it's driving me nuts. On Teusday, I was logged in to my msn messenger account for 14 hours straight. I kept glancing down at the little butterfly icon, hoping that this person would sign on. Even now, I'm signed on... hoping... waiting. Does this person hate me for what I have done? Is this person trying to avoid me at all cost, even if they stated they wanted to talk... twice? I honestly don't know what to do. I'm scared to death and my heart is breaking. I'm trying my best right now to fight back oncoming tears. It hurts so much not knowing what your crush is feeling. I'm so scared guys! So very scared!

To make matters worse, one of my other net friends, who happens to like me A LOT, emailed me after I spilled my heart out about my current situation and gives me another sob story about her life. Did I need hear all that? Hell no! I needed a friend to turn to in my time of need. It pissed me off, but mostly it made me feel extremely lonely. It made me realize, once again, that I don't have many friends I can turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on. You guys are great and I know you'd probably want to do just that for me, but the reality is... you can't. I'm not blaming you. I love you guys so much, I can't express it in words. It's just that, in times such as those, I need to feel the warmth of somone's arms around me, comforting me. I really don't have that. I have only my family, my ex-boyfriend who is still my best friend, and myself.*sobs into arms* I need a friend! I feel so very lonely! Last night, I sobbed for a good ten minutes into my pillow. I felt so alone... so lost... so vulnerable. To be honest, I still do. I can't stop crying even now. I wrote a kind of poem last night to calm myself down. Here it is:

~Alone~

As I lie here on my bed,
Tears streaming down my face
Soaking the fabric beneathe me,
I realize how alone I am.

I'm crying myself to sleep
I'm telling myself it'll be alright
I'm calming myself down
Only then do I realize...
I want someone to tell and do these things for me.
As of now,
I could care less who.
Just as long as I had a shoulder to cry on.

Yes, I'm used to crying on people who're more like walls than humans.
Yes, I'm used to giving and not recieving
Yes, I've learned to survive by telling myself all will be fine
Yes... I'm used to feeling alone.
But... is that enough?
Being used to something and wanting it are two totally different things.

I don't want to go through the hard times alone
I don't want to reach out my hands only to grab nothing
I don't want to cry on my pillow,
When all I want is a comforting shoulder.
I don't want to hear my own voice in my head telling me that I'm okay
I don't need sympathy...
Though a little couldn't hurt.

I hate feeling helpless and alone
I hate having nowhere to turn
And no one to turn to
I hate the feeling of a wet pillow case
All I really want is to apologize for soaking someone's cotton t-shirt.

I give and give,
Yet, even though I get next to nothing in return,
I continue to give.
Am I being used?
Do these people even care?
If I were to die,
Would my death be mourned?
Am I that terrible?
Do you hate me that much?
What have I ever done to recieve so much... nothing?

So... here I am
In my room
Engulfed by darkness
And as I gaze around my empty room with hazey eyes still not dry...
I think...
Who...
Who can I turn to when I need help?
Who will be there to comfort me in my time of need?
Coming up blank,
I sigh heavily as tears resurface and fall like beads of dew on a grassy plain.
I fall to my tear filled pillow
Realizing, once again, that I am alone.
Once more,
My biggest fear is unveiled...
The fear of being completely alone.


So, now you guys know my biggest fear. What do you make of it? Does it scare you? Will you leave?*shakes head* I'm sorry. I don't mean to ask you guys these questions. You don't need this kind of stress. It's all mine and I don't want to burden you with them. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay. I'm just hurting a lot right now and I have no one to turn to. Everytime I'm reminded of that fact, tears just start falling.

Since I like posting pics of how I'm feeling, I'll do just that.







This is all I need right now...






Again, this is something I really want...



I want someone to offer their hand to help me up when I'm down...


Sorry if that was a super long post.*bows* I needed to vent somehow. If I don't get to your sites tonigh, I'll do it tomorrow night. I'm sorry I haven't made it to your sites lately, but, as you can see, a lot has been on my mind. I hope you all forgive me. Have a great day you guys. I love you so very much. See ya.


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Wednesday, May 18, 2005


   The Majority Rules!!!!

Majority rules!!! Most of you asked for a summer theme, so here you go; Saiyuki style!^_____^ Unfortunately, I can't make this a long post because there's a huge table wedged between the doorway of the office and I can't close the door. Thusly, my mom is going to wake up in another minute telling me to get off the comp.^^; Why is there a table you may ask? Actually, it's a large(VERY large) desk. My mom bought a huge three piece desk set for the computer room, but we couldn't quite get it through the doorway today, hense, the desk in the doorway. I have to slide across the damn thing to get in and out. I told mom that I'll probably end up getting splinters in my ass.LOL^O^

Anyhoo, I'll take my leave now. Hopefully tomorrow I can bring you some more anime goodness. Until then, I love you guys! Ja ne!

My random yaoi pic of the day is actually more for information purposes. Has ANYONE seen the first volume of the Viewfinder series out on shelves yet?! My friend Gray Underpants was wondering about this, too. Please divulge any info you may have. Arigatou gozaimasu!^_^ This is not the front to the first volume, but rather I think it's the third.*shrugs* Have a great day guys!

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005


   Not too Much...

Not too much to report today. Boring as hell, since I didn't have work. So, I'm going to put you guys, once again, in the spotlight. I need another theme and this time...*drum roll please* ........NO YAOI!!!!*audience gasps* I know, I know, it's out of my character. But I wanted to do something different this time. So, I'm up for any suggestions. I have A TON of random anime bgs stored on my harddrive, so lay it on me people. What do you wanna see?

Alright, I told you guys yesterday that I'd post more yu"gay"oh pics and interpretations, so I shall. Here are the remaining ones and I'm warning you, there are A LOT!!!

Fan service for all of you setoxAtemu fanatics.^^ This is from episode 184(which I'm sure they're up to in the crappy dubb.



I know this scene was caused by Rebecca, but here's my personal interpretation^.~:
Yuugi:OMFG, mou hitori no boku just said I looked hot! Woah!
Anzu:HEY, why didn't he say I looked hot? And why is Yuugi blushing over the pharaoh?
That is so wrong.

Did I make Anzu bitchy enough?^_^ That was my intent. I can't stand her ass!>_<

My interpretation:
Honda&Jonouchi:...uh...it's not what it looks like....really...
^O^LOL

Yet another kawaii pic of those two sleeping together.=^_^= It's irresistable!


Have you ever noticed how the most concieted characters strike the gayest poses? They especially like to show off their asses.^O^ Here are two examples that look remarkably similar:




Just a random cute pic of the two.^_^


My interpretation:
Yuugi:I think about you all the time, mou hitori no boku.


My interpretation from episode 147:
Yuugi:*thinking in his head* He'll probably reject me if I ask him out. I don't know what to do...
Atemu:*in his head* I wonder what's wrong with aibou!?


Okay, I know this was a serious situation in which Atemu was choosing the card that'll make him evil and Yuugi was trying to stop him, but just for the heck of it, I wanna add in my own interpretation. I hope that's okay with you guys.^^;
Yuugi:Mou hitori no boku, don't go out with that other guy! Onegai! I'm the one who really wants you, so...
Atemu:*sweatdrop* Why the hell are you thinking I wanted to date that guy? And could you get off my arm; you're heavier than you think!


Doesn't Yuugi look uber cute!?^_^ Here's what I think he's thinking:
Yuugi:I wonder how I'm going to tell him how I feel. I wonder how he'll respond. Does he love me like I love him?*heavy sigh*


WARNING: SPOILER FOR LAST EPISODE!!! Yup, this is a scene from the last episode in which they have their final duel against each other.*sighs in awe* Ra, it was moving! So intense! I was so nervous watching it. Here you see them shaking hands before they begin the duel.*tear* They finally got seperate bodies.^^


Okay, that's all for today. Don't forget to vote for what new theme you guys want me to put up. No yaoi please. It must be totally random. Anyhoo, have a great day you guys. Love ya! Ja ne!*waves*



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