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Sunday, July 31, 2005

   I Hate rebooting a comp!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey everyone. Howz it goin? It's been awhile, I know. Life has hit me hard lately. My health is decreasing cuz I never eat. *heavy sigh* I'm trying to change my ways, but it always seems to backfire on me. My weight is dropping like crazy. I lost 6 pounds in less than a week. Meaning I went from 112 to 106 in no time flat. It's really scaring me, cuz I don't wanna become anorexic... even though it's looking more and more like that with every passing day. It's hard to get up and function normally. Today, I had to leave work early cuz I was feeling queezy and very sick. I told them I wanted to go to Urgent Care. I was gonna go, but my mom insisted that all I needed was food. I went to Subway, had a six-inch, and felt better. I know that what I'm doing to myself is wrong, but it's hard to break a habit that I've become comfortable with. I'm sorry to come back to MO with bad news about myself. I don't mean to worry you guys. Y_Y I will give you a warning, though: if my condition remains the same or gets worse, I will be leaving MO. I know I've said this before a few times, but the past reasons only pointed towards guilt from not being able to visit your guys. This time, it's for health reasons. It's very hard to funtion in normal day to day activities, let alone having to worry about and remember to update my site. I haven't fully decided yet. I'm gonna see if my condition gets better first. I'll keep you guys up to date every once in awhile. Again, I'm very sorry guys. *bows*

In other news, thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to the first 13 people who went to my koi's site and tried cheering her up. *hugs the lot of you* You guys are the best! Btw, all of your comments made her finally come to my site and comment! *sparkly eyes* =^_^= Even though most of you had almost no clue as to what to say to help her, just the fact that you cared enough to try was all anybody could ask for. Thank you very much guys! You guys mean the world to me. ^_~ Btw, she and I became a couple not too long ago. ^________________^ I'm so very happy! She finally gave me the positive response I was longing for. *squeels while jumping for joy* I love her so much and hope we stay together for an eternity. =^_^= My hikari is so wonderful! *sighs*

Oh, about the subject title, recently, our comp had to be rebooted... again, for like the dozenth time >_<, so everything was erased. All of my sugoi pics, gifs, and videos are gone. *cries rivers of tears* And, to make matters worse, the two most recent back-up discs didn't save a damn thing! >_< My first back-up disc was fine, but only had a few pics on it. ;_; This sucks! I had the BEST yaoi Naruto gif EVER saved up! I'm REALLY gonna miss that one! It was a really funny one. Naruto was talking to Shikamaru, Lee, and Neji about how he finally got to have sex with Sasuke. ^O^ It was hilarious! Especially the things Shikamaru and Naruto said. Lee was supportive of the gay relationship, Shikamaru was, of course, annoyed and scarred, and Neji... blushed, while being speechless. ^_^ It was so funny! I was gonna post it, but that didn't work out too well. v_v I should've saved it in my Photobucket account. I'm such an idiot! *thwacks self* Baka! I doubt I'll ever find it again, but if I do, I'll post it without hesitation. You guys HAVE to see it! It's classic and one of the longest gifs I've ever seen. Tis cool!

Oh yeah... I was gonna tell you guys what I got at AX, ne? ^_^ Okay, here goes:
1)Tennis No Ojisama poster that is so gay, it's amazing. For those of you who are familiar with the series, imagine Ryouma in a tight black leather skirt. LOL I think he's only wearing black shorts, but it looks like a skirt. Momo-chan has his arm around him. ^^ Kawaii! All the other guys are wearing black and red, while sitting on a cheetah skin couch. It's flaming hot! =^^= I had a hard time choosing, cuz I had about 5 TNO posters in my hands. ;_; The torcher cons produce is unbearable! *le sob*
2)any of you familiar with E's Otherwise and Kyou Kara Maoh? I got a jap. import poster for each series. They are so very cool. I love them. ^^
3)an Itachi keychain ^_^ my sis got one, too. ^^
4)trading cards for TNO, FMA, and Naruto. The FMA ones are actually photo collection cards. Very cool.
5)a hot L'Arc~en~Ciel poster. It was free if I entered a contest with Tofu Records. So, I thought, 'Sure, what have I got to lose.' I wanted a Nami Tamaki poster, but they didn't have one. ;_; She's my fave female J-pop/rock/techno singer. ^_^ I guess I didn't win the contest, since I haven't heard a word. ^^;
4)two things from the Yaoi Con booth: one was a hot, yet too short, SetoxJou doujinshi. It's rated 18+ for good cause. *blush* Kaiba takes the whole "puppy/master" thing a little too far and ends up hurting Jou in the end. Poor puppy! v_v Seto felt bad afterwards, but that was the end, so it wasn't too exciting. ^^; The other thing I got was a gift bag. They were all $7 each and contained non-transferable items. So, basically, if one package contained items you didn't want, but also had some you did, tough break for you. -_-;; I had two packages that had items I really wanted, but I had to choose one, since I was trying to budget the last of my money. The package I chose contained: 10 sheets of writing paper with Dante from Devil May Cry 2's image on them(very hot), a mini Konzen Doji pencil board(those familiar with Saiyuki will know what I'm talking about), a Roy(FMA) pin, and a Gojyo(Saiyuki) plastic trading card. I'm pretty happy with what I got. ^^
5)6 pencil boards(I love pencil boards ^_^): Loveless, Sukisho, Saiyuki, Tactics, FMA, and TNO. They so rock! The Sukisho one isn't anything too exciting, but it was one of the few Sukisho items I found at the con, so it was a must buy. ^^ My fave one is the Loveless board. It's soooo pretty. The TNO one is so cute. The "Golden Pair" really DO look like a pair in this pic. ^_^ So cute! If I had a scanner, I'd show you guys. ;_;

Everything else were free giveaway items, so they're nothing to scream about. ^^; Except, for the cool preview poster of one of the upcoming yaoi manga published by Be Beautiful. It's called La Esperanza and it's gonna be a good one. ^_^ They previewed a segment of Ch.1 and, so far, it's incredibly appealing. The one thing I'm gonna enjoy is the church vs. society aspect. Both of the main boys attend a religious school, so their beliefs will indeed get in the way of their feelings for one another. I LOVE shounen-ai/shoujo-ai stories in which religion and society get a huge slap in the face from reality.

Okay, I'll bet you guys are already sick of reading this post, so I'll end it here. Sorry about the long rant. ^^;;; Before I go, I want to inform you about the result from me emailing the MyWay team(refer back to the RQOTD in the last post if you're confused). Apparently, if an individual does not visit sites and explore the web using MyWay for 2 hours, they sign that person out without informing them. >_< The only reason I use MyWay is cuz they have quite a bit of free stationary. It's really nice. Plus, the bgs and signs they have for a person's MyWay page are awesome! I have a cool Japanese bg with a flaming sign. My sis has an awesome dragon bg. MyWay has it's perks, but they do have a very strict policy. *sigh*

So, anyway, I'll see you guys down the line. Love you all! *blows kiss*

RQOTD: Who here is sick and tired of having Bush as our "president"?

My answer: OH HELL YEAH!!!! I really hate that man! He needs to step down and go back to Texas to play golf with daddy Bush. >_< People are dying because of him. Those London bombings wouldn't have happened if Bush hadn't bombed Iraq for no reason. I don't blame Iraq at all for hating Americans. Look at the bastard we follow and call our leader. *lowers head in shame* I'm embarrassed to be an American under these circumstances. Sorry about that rant. I just get ticked off when it comes to that man. I won't even get into my extreme dislike for Arnold, California's f****ed up governer. -_-
One of the awesome Yaoi con shirt designs. Really cool, ne? ^_~

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Monday, July 18, 2005

   Short request

Alright people, this is gonna be short cuz it's really late. I know you're probably wondering why I'm posting if I can only write so little. Well, normally I wouldn't, but I have a favor to ask of you guys. I know that 11 of you went to my hikari aka Naruki's site and signed her gb. Thank you very much to those who went. ^____^ *hugs you all* She was sooooooo psyched when that happened! ^^ she emailed me and was practically screaming in excitement. So thanks for making her so happy that day. ^^ Now, lately, she's been feeling really depressed and not telling me about the whole thing. I went to her site a few minutes ago and noticed a couple of posts I had missed. -_-; Baka me! Her most recent, which was on the 11th of this month, was both touching and sad. Now for my request to you guys. Could you please go try to cheer her up? I'm not saying you have to. I want to make that perfectly clear with everyone. I'm only asking as a personal favor in my sad attempts at making sure my koi is happy. So, please, read her post and tell her that everything will be okay. Please? I commented in the hopes that she reads it, but maybe more comments from other MO people will lift her spirits. *heavy sigh* I'm so worried about her. -_- Oh, and I'd like to thank Hiei-San for commenting on her post. Thank you so much girl! *hugs*

Anyhoo, like I said, I can't stay on long, so I'll take my leave now. In my next post, I'll talk about all the sugoi stuff I got at AX. ^_^ Speaking of which, most of my pics in my last post aren't showing up for some reason. o_o In fact, a lot of them weren't showing up in my profile either. I had to upload them all over again. >_< I wonder what happened. *shrugs* Oh well. I have my ways, so it's no big deal. ^_~ Ja ne minna! Love you all! *blows kiss*

RQOTD: Do any of you have problems with your time expiring on your email accounts?

My Answer: Oh HELL yea! >_< I was emailing my hikari from my MyWay account and they deleted it by saying that my time had expired and I had to re-sign-in. >_< Man, that pissed me off! I emailed the company telling them about it. Hopefully they'll get back to me. *pouts*

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Friday, July 15, 2005

   AnimeExpo ^_^

I apologize for not updating for what seems like forever. *bows* Truth is, MO has become somewhat less appealing to me. I donít get urges to update anymore and itís kinda sad. If this continues, I may have to delete my site. Itís not fair to any of you who come to my site, then have to wait for my name to be highlighted in blue. Most of the time, Iím shocked to see my name still on peopleís friend lists. I never have time to visit you guys anymore and it kills me. Iím very sorry everyone for not living up to your expectations. ;_; A lot of you say I inspire you in many ways and it warms my heart, but also tears it apart when I canít be there to receive such and honor. You guys truly mean the world to me and I know I donít show it by getting to your sites. Y_Y Iím ashamed of myself for turning into such a person. Gee, maybe I will delete my site. Hurting you guys is not something I signed up for when I created an account. Iíll do whatís best and let you guys know what I come up with. Sorry for this depressing news. -_-

In other news, I need to tell you about AnimeExpo. Itís been 13 days since I went and I shouldíve updated the day after, raving about it. Sorry again. Well, anyway, hereís the lowdown:

Now, all of you cosplayers know how tough it is to put together a costume last minute, right? My family is known for serious procrastination. -_-;;; Even though my sis had almost everything ready, we were still racing to get things put together. My Kakashi outfit was alright, considering it was all put together the night before and the day of the con. -_-;;; On the way down to the con, my mom stopped by the locus store (aka Wal Mart >_<) to get extra supplies. It worked out pretty well, considering we bought blue stockings to cover the sandals and the upper part was perfect for Kakashiís blue mouth cover. ^^ We didnít have time for wigs, so we though weíd get odd looks for that. We were wrong. OMG, this year, there were SO MANY people who didn't cosplay! We felt a little out of place cuz we did cosplay. LOL ^o^ We were pretty popular, though. ^_^ Yay! Lots of people loved our Kakashi and Naruto outfits... for some reason. o_O People were like, "Oh wow, cool!!!!!! Let me take a picture!!!! Those outfits are great!!!!!" We were thinking in out heads, 'Okay... what's so special about our last minute outfits? o_o?' It was awesome getting all that attention, though. ^.~ We got hugged by a girl wearing a Sakura(from Naruto) outfit. She was so nice and cute. Heehee! She was asking us if we were going to attend the Naruto masquerade that was to be held the next day. We told her that we only have one day passes and she said we didn't need passes to go to this; that it was going to be outside. We told her a white lie saying that we'd do our best to make it, even though we knew we weren't coming. Driving all the way out there again was not something we wanted to do. I felt really bad, though, cuz she looked so happy when we said we might be coming. ;_; I hate disappointing people. I also got hit on by a random guy at one of the booths. >_< Too bad for him I'm not really into guys at the moment. I wasn't interested in the slightest and tried to convey that with my body actions. He was very nice, though, so I felt kinda bad, but I wasn't there to look for a relationship, you know. I just wanted to make friends and have fun. There were some really cute girls there, but, like I said, fun and friends were the only thing on my mind. I spent well over $150 at that con. -_-;;; I have a lot to show for it, though. ^^ My sis had a lot of restraint and only spent $24. I don't know how she does it. *shrugs* Although, she doesn't have a lot of money, so it's understandable. She really wants a job and is hoping to get one soon.
Anyway, more about AX, the worst part was waiting to get our badges. It was awful!!! We had to wait in an endless line for 3 hours-- most of which was spent in the hot basement of the convention center. -_-;;;;;;;;;; We made a few friends, so that was cool. A couple of them brought their IPods, so they got to play some awesome anime music. One of them, who was obviously rich, had a mini speaker system attachment for IPods, so she blasted the music and we all danced to pass the time. ^____^ It was fun. These people were right behind us in line, so we got to experience it up close, which rocked. ^_~ Three of their guy friends were very weird people, to say the least! ^_____________^ They were the coolest! They were the life of the underground hell we were in. They made weird noises, ran around the huge room, taking pics of everyone in cosplay. Haha! It was hilarious! Sometimes they'd get on all fours and run like animals through the spaces between lines, making odd animal noises. *falls over laughing* It rocked just being near them. Later on, when the girls whipped out their IPod speaker system, those boys dances together and... well... I guess you would call it throwing each other on the ground and pretending to kick each other. Hahahaha!!!! It was so amusing. One time, they found out there was someone dressed as Pikachu(really, it was a Pichu), they went nuts. They started screaming, "PIKA, PIKA, PIKA..." and raced to find this person to take a pic. *rolls on the ground laughing* Thank Ra these people were behind us, because, honestly, Lauren and I would've gone more stir crazy if we had no one to talk to. Everyone knew that once we got upstairs, we'd find more lines to wait in. We couldn't have been more right. >_< Right when we got off of the escalator, we all moaned and laughed from seeing another long line. lol. At least it we were now in an air conditioned area. ^_^ Although, by then, we were all pretty tired, so the boys were all worn out. lol. At least they continued to play anime music. ^^ So, anyway, after we FINALLY got our badges, we separated from our new friends and went into the main area. Y_Y We got to see them after the dealers room closed at 6pm, though. Yay! One of the boys tapped us on the shoulder and waved goodbye. ^_^ That was awesome that he remembered us and took the time to say his farewells. ^^ While waiting for our mom to pick us up, we sorted through our spoils and read the cool preview of the upcoming yaoi manga, Les Esperanza. It's gonna be so adorable. What's better, is that both of the main boys go to a Catholic or Christian school, so religion will be a huge factor between them. I'm not religious because most religions(other than Buddhism. I really like that religion. ^_^) believe that homosexuality is a sin and I HATE that about them. Religions get too crazy! @_@ Anyhoo, I like reading stories about people putting behind all that hipocracy religion delivers and follow their feelings. So, Les Esperanza is one title I'm really looking forward to. ^_^ Have you noticed that the Japanese are becoming more and more obsessed with the French? It's interesting... *shrugs* Whatever! It's all good.

You know, the unfortunate part about the whole trip was that I only took 14 pictures. Imagine that! I expected to be out of film way before we went home. Oh well. I hope they come out okay. I also wish I had a scanner so I could show you guys the pics once theyíre done. >_< Darn! Iíll post some random pics I found on the web.

Not the best pic of the Anaheim Convention Center, considering the AX sign is cut off, but it's alright.

Damn, this pic was HUGE!!!! O_O It's really cool, ne? Those outfits of Vash, Wolfwood, and Knives are really awesome! ^_^ The cross loks great, too.

Naruto cosplayers! ^_____^ Too bad we weren't here the day that they took this. ;_; Also... *looks at photo* that girl that hugged my sis and I isn't in this pic either. o_o Weird.

Aaahhh yes, the gigantic dealers room! My favorite place. ^_^ Look at all the people... who didn't cosplay. ^^;;; It was really disappointing this year, to say the least. *sigh* Oh well. Long live the almighty dealers room! ^^

I think I remember this booth, but I'm not too sure. ^^; There were so many. This one had a lot of posters and doujinshi, I see. ^^ Cooly! :)

Uh... was this booth there on a different day? I don't remember it at all. ;_; Those items look awesome!

The Viz section! There was a lot of comotion in this section. Odd contests were held here. For instance, there was a contest in which you had to stand in a stand-in clear container while air was blowing paper all around you. These papers had something written on them, not sure what, but you had to catch them within a certain amount of time. You had to get more than 5, I think, but if you don't, you get a Shounen Jump jacket as a small participation gift. One time, they were giving away free Shounen Jump bags, but we didn't make it in time. ;_; Within 5 minutes, they were gone.

Here is the Shoujo Beat car Viz had on display. Now, I need to be honest by saying that I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing! >_< It's way too girly, for one thing. Also, it's made by Viz and I don't like them too much. -_- Btw, has anyone subscribed to Shoujo Beat? I don't plan on it. I'm fine with Shounen Jump. ^^

Here's a glimpse of the ADV section. Right at this moment, they were doing one of there free giveaways. Just like the Bandai section, every 20 minutes, they'd announce that they will be tossing gifts into the audience. Even though we missed the ADV events, we managed to be there for the Bandai one while we were taking a break. Every section had carpeting, so my sis and I got to sit down and watch whatever was on. The one preview that caught my attention was for the new .hack game coming out for PS2 or Xbox. It looked soooo awesome! *drool* The fighting scenes were killer! ^_~ Loved it! You know, it's weird thast Bandai had previews for Geneon anime. o_O Go figure that one.

Isn't this cool?! Gotta love Al! ^_^ This was in the Funimation section. Btw, someone cosplayed as Al and it looked really cool. I took a pic, so hopefully it turned out good.

Last but not least, the Tokyopop section. This place gave out those awesome huge bags that held everything and anything. ^___^ It was a huge relief to get one and shove my three posters inside. ^^ As you can see, they even had dining tables. Haha! ^^;

Well, other than that, nothing much has happened in my life. Work still sucks and life is hectic, somewhat. Iím eating more now. ^_^ Hopefully, thatíll stay stable. For now, I bid you adieu my fellow otaku friends. Love you! *blows kiss*

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Wednesday, July 6, 2005

   Great and Sad

Man, I donít know how many times Iíve had to apologize for not updating. *deep sigh* These are the reasons that give me the urge to leave this site. I never update and hardly get to anybodies sites anymore. -_- Itís really depressing and thatís the last thing I want or need. Donít worry. I donít plan on leaving right now. I hope I can find a balance between work, the comp, and sleep. The stress is really getting to me. *falls back in her chair, breathing heavily* Iíll do something about all of this, though. Btw, do you like the new Get Backers bg?! ^_^ I told you guys I would make it my next theme, so I kept my word. It looks yummy, no?! ^_~

*eyes begin to sparkle* Oh Ra, people, I FINALLY got to talk to one of my closest friends from this site on the phone yesterday!!! *jumps around with joy* At 12:30am(my time), I got an unexpected call from Tangertine. ^______________^ I was so shocked! I never expected her to call me so soon. I was so happy. We talked for a good 3 hours and it was amazing! ^____^ I was overjoyed just hearing her voice. She is just as sweet on the phone as she is on MO or... anywhere else online. Sheís is an unbelievably caring person and having the honor to receive her praise and hear her kind words was more than I could ever want. I think she got a new side of me, though. LOL I was so happy that she called, that I went into my hyper mode and went crazy(which is pretty normal for me). ^^;;; But, sheís so kind, so she didnít mind. I literally started to cry because she called and was saying such kind things to me. As you can probably guess, I donít have a high self esteem, so any sort of praise will make me become very emotional. I also have very few friends out here where I live, so that one phone call made my day. Even though Iím exhausted from lack of sleep, it matters little, cuz talking to her was way more important than how many hours of sleep Iíd get. Sheís an amazing person who is wise well beyond her years. Sheís so smart and sweet. I recommend that all of you get to know her and visit her site, if you already havenít. Sheís a wiz with html. Itís so cool. ^^ So, as a tribute to her, like sheís done for me, Iíve made a banner for her. I hope you like it sweetie! ^_^ I know the quality sucks, but I donít have Photoshop, so I canít make awesome works of art. -_-; Sorry Tangertine. The one you made me was WAY better! I love it so much! *hugs tight while wrapping white wings around you* Love you girl!

So, anyhoo, how was everyoneís 4th of July? Mine was okay. I went with my sis to go see Howlís Moving Castle, which was spectacular! The coolest part was that we got to see it for free. ^_______^ We were 40 minutes late getting to the theater and the employees felt bad for us, so they told us our tickets were on them. They were so nice. ^_^ I know many of you canít see it in theaters, so I highly recommend seeing it once it comes out on dvd. Itís another masterpiece by Miyazaki-san and it shouldnít be missed. Btw, my sis and I think Howl is gay. ^_~ Heís very femme and a real drama queen. ^o^

Other than that, nothing new has happened. OH YEAH!!!! BlueStormSword is supposed to come out here in a couple of weeks and we plan on meeting up... somehow. ^_^ Iíll make it happen, one way or another. Sheís been my fave RP buddy on MO. We have a crossover Saiyuki/Yu Yu Hakusho yaoi RP going and itís fun as hell... even though I canít always continue it all the time. -_- Sorry Saiya! *hugs* I donít mean to be away for so long.

So, Iíll end my rant here. Next time, Iíll discuss anime. I promise. ^^ So, Iíll see you guys next post. Love you all! Ja ne!

Random fact of the day: Artificial meat filled dog treats can start to mold over time. So, if you have dogs, please check their treats to make sure theyíre still fresh.

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Thursday, June 30, 2005

   A Little of This and A Little of That

First, I would like to thank everyone for their kind words and supportive sentiments. The comments you gave in my last post brought me to tears, in all honesty. Thank you so very much! ^^ I received quite a few emails regarding my post and some of them amazed me. Some of you were stating how much my words have moved you and gave you strength to better yourself or someone else in your life. I should be the one thanking you guys, though. You have shown me that true friendship is real and can occur within places youíd never expect. Itís true that I began my journey on MO wanting to make friends, but what I have found along the way was more than I could bargain for. Drama beyond my wildest dreams, friends that have touched my heart and soul to the very core, and a place I can be safe just being myself. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so very much! *bows low while tears stream down her face* ^_^ I love you guys! Now, while weíre on the subject of my last post, I would also like to make an apology. I realize that some of my word choices were not smart and down right cold. I want to thank and apologize to SunfallE for pointing out my mistakes. Thank you and Iím sorry for offending you. That wasnít my intent. I agree that using the phrase ďsuck it upĒ was not the best choice of words and I apologize for that. I was already flustered and upset about the recent events of that day, so my mind wasnít in the right place. So, again, I apologize to you and anyone else I may have offended in my last post. Iím so very sorry! *bows*

Okay, now onto my promised discussion of anime. I said I was going to discuss a very disturbing anime my sis and I have recently seen, so onto the rant. Our friend, Liz, allowed us to borrow her burned copy of Enzai. Now some of you hardcore yaoi fans probably recognize this title. I had never heard of the game, nor the OVA till my friend presented it to me. She even warned us about the content, but failed to mention the most disturbing part: rape. We ignorantly laughed and said, ďWhat could be so bad about it? Itís a yaoi!Ē *shakes head* We shouldíve listened to the warnings. Two episodes worth of disturbing, stomach turning rape was what most of the anime was about. No... wait... actually, that IS what the anime is about. Young boys getting raped during the French Revolution (I think it was) while in prison. On a storyline standpoint, Iíd have to say that it gives itís viewers a good idea of what it was like in those prisons during that time. The animation is nice, but I really donít give it any major props. Overall, donít watch this anime or play the game unless youíre into rape and fetish. Not my cup of tea, but some of you may have different viewpoints. Here are some pics and I must add that it was rather hard finding decent ones. -_-;;; Sorry if they are blurry.

In other news, whoís seen the ending of Wolfís Rain? Iíll bet most of you. ^_^ Man, that was one of the saddest final episodes in any anime series I have ever seen. Now before any of you venture any further in reading my synopsis on this anime, I should warn you that there are MAJOR spoilers to come, so for those of you havenít seen it, read at your own risk. Now, for those of you who have stayed for this rant, hello and welcome to my Wolfís Rain rant. *waves* ^_^ One thing I must mention is that my sis and I take pleasure in having certain predictions about every anime we see. Wolfís Rain was an exception. We did not predict that all or any, for that matter, of the wolves would die. And I think thatís what hit us the hardest. That day that we were watching the final dvd, mom walked in at the wrong moment, I must say. Tobue had just died in the old manís arms when mom walked down and my sis and I were already holding back tears. But right when she asked us, ďWhatís wrong you two?Ē the sobbing began. My sis and I just cried our eyes out. Y_Y Poor mom was like, ďOMG, whatís wrong? Go ahead and cry. What happened in this anime thatís upsetting you two so much?Ē My sis and I had to explain everything between sobs. After awhile, mom decided to leave us alone and we took that as an opportunity to calm down and focus back on the anime. I let another tear escape as Tsume gave his farewell speech to Tobue and let one of his own fall into the snow below. That was so touching and heart wrenching. Once Hige, Blue, and Tsume died, my sis and I were like, ďI hate Wolfís Rain! This anime sucks! Everyoneís freakiní dying! This is terrible!Ē It wasnít until the very end, after Kiba and Cheza died, and everyone was reincarnated, that we changed our minds. We were laughing about how different our thoughts were and how they came about so quickly. We were saying that if they werenít reincarnated, weíd officially dislike the series. ^^;;; Weíre odd like that. ^^; So, overall, Wolfís Rain is one of the best anime out there and should be seen/read by any anime fan. It teaches us a good lesson about what Paradise means to every individual. Basically, every wolf that died found their own Paradise, so, in turn, Paradise is what you make it out to be. We are all searching for it and, once found, eternal happiness is waiting. I must admit that Iím still searching for mine, but I have my whole life ahead of me, so thereís no rush. ^^ I hope you all find yours someday. Everyone deserves happiness, no matter who they are.

Now, to end my rant, Iíd like to include a pic my friend gamergurl267 gave me today while I was IMing her on MSN. She read my yaoi yugioh fic and adored it. *insert blush here* ^_^ She then gave me a pic that went well with one of the scenes in the 8th chapter. Itís just too perfect for words. Thanks girl! *hugs* Love ya!

Well, thatís all for today! I hope you all are having a great summer so far. See ya around! Love you all! *blows kiss*

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Monday, June 27, 2005

   Reality Check

Itís been way too long, hasnít it? *deep sigh* Iím sorry everyone, but I havenít been in the best of moods lately, which keeps me away from the comp. -_- Iím glad you all liked my post from yesterday. ^^ A lot of you found it very profound and useful. That was my intent, so Iím glad it served itís purpose. ^_^ Now, as for everything else, my dear friend kari asota here on MO has experienced a death brought on by suicide. One of her very dear friends died recently and this is scaring me for two reasons: 1) she PMed me in a very panicky state and hasnít gotten back to me yet; 2) having suicidal friends can influence others and I donít want anything bad happening to her. ;_; I want her to get back to me, cuz Iím really worried and want to help. I couldnít save my other friend and I donít want that happening again. Mainly, this is the reason Iíve been so down lately. Iím sick of suicidal people, cuz they only end up hurting the ones they care for and itís really upsetting. It breaks my heart to see my very close friends in such a bad state over a friend who couldnít see the road ahead, in which their futures lay in waiting. They couldnít see the good, because their minds are far too clouded with negativity and pain. People, Iíve been through pain. I know what itís like to want to end your life at a moments notice cuz you feel life isnít going the way you had hoped. The only advise I can give for people who feel that way is: SUCK IT UP!!!!! Life sucks sometimes, but you HAVE to plow through it and make your life worthwhile, cuz NO ONE is gonna do it for you! Your family life may suck and your parents may treat you bad, in which case you have to think ahead to the moment you will be able to move out and move on. DONíT GIVE UP ON LIFE!!!! We are ALL here for a reason, so donít waste it! Find your purpose and live up to it. I can tell you for SURE that we were NOT put on this earth to kill ourselves. Like the old saying goes: ďSh@* happens!Ē Deal with it and move on! You guys want some history on me? If you want to know about just a pinch of the hardships Iíve been through, then read on. If not, please scroll past it and on to greener pastures.

My dad dies when I was 13 from Lou Gerigís disease. Itís a disease which attacks the nervous system and slowly eats away at your muscles, till youíve taken your last breathe. I had to watch him die slowly for 4 years. 4 heartbreaking, earth shattering years! Many of you have probably never experienced such tragedy and I hope you never will. I had to watch him go from walking, to a walker, to a wheelchair, and finally secluded to the livingroom lounge chair. I remember when his lungs were just starting to deteriorate. Shortness of breathe soon led to no voice at all. He could only whisper and move his lips. I remember coming home from school or a soccer game and my mom would tell him how well I did on this and that. On many occasions such as those, heíd give me the hugest, kindest smile and whisper how proud he was of me. Do any of you know how heartbreaking that is?! He was in so much pain and agony, but he would hide it as much as he could just so we wouldnít worry. He wanted nothing more than for his family to be happy. Even now, 10 years later, I still get choked up thinking about it. Tears of grief flood my eyes at the thought of his smiling face, hiding a pain that Iíll probably never experience. I recall many incidents in which he tried to walk, but ended up tumbling to the ground, resulting in large gashes on his forehead. I was so young at the time, so it was hard to think straight during such times. But, I did know that he was getting worse by the day and his time to leave us was drawing near. My mom put me into counseling when I was 9, just so I could vent whatever emotions I mightíve had. I have been to countless counselors since then. Iíve always had emotional problems, but my fatherís death marked the beginning of a painful journey of which I am still embarking. I thought of suicide shortly after his death. I remember countless times in which Iíd pick up a knife and want to slice my wrists just to end the pain and suffering I was enduring. But, a few thoughts kept me from going through with it. Iíll share them with you in hopes that maybe they will help to keep you away from doing such a selfish act. First was my family (my mom and little sis)-- they would be even more devastated at losing yet another close family member, so why would I want to inflict that upon them. Why would I want to cause them more pain? Second, would be my life-- I had a future ahead of me and ending my life was not a future to look forward to. Lastly, would be my dad-- he would want me to move on and be happy. Heíd want me to grow up and experience life, instead of throwing it away. He gave me life and living it is the best thanks I could ever give him. Now I must tell you about the morning of his death. My mom woke me up at 3am and brought me into her bedroom, so that I may see that my father was truly gone. So many years after, my mom questioned many people if, in fact, that was the right thing to do. Health professionals and psychologists assured her that what she did was, indeed the best thing for me. It let me see with my own eyes the reality of the matter, which, in turn, would not lead to many unanswered questions in the future. So, anyway, I walk in to find my two aunts (my dadís two sisters) crying by his bedside. Now, what I saw on the bed was something Iíll never forget. My fatherís face was blue, his mouth was hanging wide open, and he wasnít moving. Truth be told, I didnít cry. I was in too much shock from everything that was happening. The next thing that happened was even more horrifying than what I saw in my parentsí bedroom. The men from the mortuary came and I watched as they zipped my dadís lifeless body into a black body bag. It scares me to this day when I think about it. Not too many people have to experience their loved ones get put into a body bag right before their eyes. It took me a good year to actually cry over this loss. Thatís how in denial I was and how long it took me to accept that he was truly gone. Most of my memories of when I was 14 are blank. I was in such deep depression.

I know this is a long post about my depressing life and I apologize whole heartedly for making you sad or depressed. My whole post was to be based on suicide, but it turned into a drama sitcom based on my life. -_-;;; Sorry everyone. The point I was trying to make was that life is too precious to waste on thinking it isnít. Like I said before, we all have a purpose, so find yours and find happiness within it. I am still finding mine, but I may have a pretty good idea of what it might be. ^^ I hope Iím right. What I do know is that my father will watch over me and help me through anything life has to offer. That alone keeps me going.

Since this is a rather long post, Iíll end it here. Remind me to talk about anime in my next post, okay, everyone. ^^; I kinda need to do that since I have a lot to talk about in that area. One anime in particular that I want to discuss, cuz it was really disturbing to my sister and I. Before I go:

^_^ Thank you so very much everyone! I canít believe I have this many hits already. You all make me feel so very special. *hugs* Iíll see you next post. Much love to you all!

~your angel from above

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

   A Fine Line Between Love and Hate

Hey guys! *waves* How has everyone been? Iíve been okay, for the most part at least. *sighs heavily* To tell you the truth, Iíve been going through some self-doubt episodes recently. -_- TKB and Oreana know what Iím talking about. Iíve also been feeling extra lonely lately. *hugs knees* I hope this feeling passes soon, cuz itís hurting me inside like you wouldnít believe. Sorry to depress you guys. -_- Thatís never my intent. I just need to talk about it, you know? Get it out in the open and off my chest. Now, I know all of you are probably going to tell me that Iím never alone and that I have you guys. *smiles while tears fall from her eyes* I know that. I really do. I love you guys so much and I would hate to lose you. You mean the world to me and thatís an important feeling Iíve held onto. But... *buries face in knees* I need someone physically here, by my side. A shoulder to cry on and an understanding ear to listen to my problems. I really donít have that out here. ;_; I only have my mom, sister, and best friend(my ex-boyfriend). I donít want to be selfish by saying that they are not enough, cuz they are enough... really. I just need a friend I can call upon when Iím upset and hurting. Someone with whom I can go over to their house or they come over to mine and we just chat about anything. I have that with my best friend, but not all the way. He has a lot to do in his life and I donít want to bother him with my problems... even though I did today. -_-; He stopped by my job to say ďhiĒ and we spoke for an hour after I got off. I love talking to him, cuz heís always understanding and wonderful. ^^ I love him so very much and I wish my feelings for him would return, but, at the moment, I really donít want to be with him in that way. *heavy sigh* Man, my life is full of drama! -_-;;;

*shakes head* Getting off that depressing topic and on to a happier one, my good friend DJaganshi has made a triumphant comeback to MO! Yay! ^_________^ This makes soooooooooooo happy, cuz sheís been gone for almost two months and I was getting worried. I was shocked to see her name in my PM box telling me that sheís back and how much sheís missed me. ^_^ Iím just soooooooo happy right now! *dances around the room as if sheĎs on a cloud* I hope she updates soon. My friends list still says she hasnít updated since May.

On a side note, I would like to address an issue that keeps occurring with some of my very close and dear friends on here. First, we all agree that friendship and family are supposed to be two of the greatest things in life, right? But what happens when those things arenít given to the unlucky ones? What happens when life hands them problems, but forgot to include solutions? What happens when life hands them family and friends, but forgot to include love? The sad reality is that people who are born into a suffering and uncaring world, usually continue to live as if suffering is the only thing life has to offer. Though they may encounter real love and real friends, they will still believe that suffering is just around the bend... waiting to take hold of them once more and smash all the good that they have found. I know of many who have had/do have their lives shattered by an uncaring and cruel world and I can only hope that, someday, they can climb out of their dark hole of despair and sorrow to embrace the good things they have. Itís a fact that most people who have suffered through a lot in their lives tend to be very compassionate and loving. My close friends are prime examples of this. They are stronger and far more compassionate because of their horrifying past/present. In conclusion to this rant, Iíd like to say to put forth some words of ďwisdomĒ to everyone: 1) donít take life for granted. Itís precious and can be taken away at any given moment.
2) for those of you with loving families: donít forget to say ďI love youĒ to your mom, dad, and siblings. When you have no one else to turn to, theyíll be there. So show your appreciation with a simple hug or kind word. Trust me, itíll pay off in the future.
3) hold on to everything that you hold dear. May it be an old raggedy teddy bear your dad gave you when you were 5 or a friendship bracelet you got from your best friend back in grade school; itís all precious in some way, so hold them close to your heart and give thanks for having such wonderful memories.
4) learn to love yourself, even if itís just a little. Youíll never be able to love anyone completely if you donít. Plus, youíre all beautiful and wonderful in your own ways, so cherish that and give yourself credit when it is due. You deserve it.

Sorry for that long rant everyone. ^^;;; I hope everyone wasnít too bored with it. Iíve just been very inspired lately to express all of my feelings in words. I love writing, after all. ^_^ Also, Iím listening to the Someday Dreamers soundtrack and itís just beautiful. Music like that inspires me to write, which is why itís always in my boombox when Iím writing a story. Beautiful music, that is. ^^ I have quite a collection here at home. ^_~

I love you all so very much and wish for nothing more than your happiness. Have a wonderful day my precious friends.

~your angel from above (so many people call me that, so I figured Iíd make it one of my nicknames) ^^

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

   Stupid Headache!!!!! >_

Okay peeps, thisíll be a short post, cuz I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and itís still there. >_< Needless to say, Iím not a happy camper. -_- I took 600mg of Ibuprofen and itís helped a lot, but itís still killing me. *holds head in hands*

Iím glad you guys are liking my posts... even if theyíre long. XD I know you donít really mind, but it still makes me feel guilty when I know Iím keeping you guys here when you have plenty of other sites to visit. Y_Y Gomen nasai minna! *cries* Itís hard enough for me to get to sites, but I know some of you have literally over a 80 or so to visit, ne? I apologize for any inconvenience this may be causing you guys. *bows*

You know, it hardly seems relevant to advertise anime anymore since you guys seem to be watching a lot more now a days. XD Iím not saying Iíll stop. Hell no! I LOVE talking about anime that Iíve seen. Itís so much fun and I love posting pics. ^^ Speaking of which, I have more anime to discuss, but not in this post. My head is trying to self destruct here! >_< It hurts so much! Oh, before I forget, how did everyoneís Fatherís Day go? What did you get your dads? ^^ Since mine has been dead since 1995, my mom, sis, and I all went to his grave and put flowers there. We also put a few on my grandpaís grave, too, since they are buried side by side. That was quite a day.

Today, Iím going to advertise a very special site. ^_^ My hikari, Hitomi-chan aka Yuugi, got a site on here not too long ago and sheís not getting any gb signings. I told her Iíd advertise her site, so here I am. ^^ Be nice to her or Iíll have to send you to the Shadow Realm. I can, you know! I am her Pharaoh, Atemu, after all. *nods and she adjusts her sennen puzzle* ^_^ Give her plenty of love, okay. ^^ Sheís one of my best friends. Her screen name is Naruki

Other than that everyone, Iíll leave you to visit more sites. I love you guys very much! Youíre the best! ^_^ See ya next post. Ja!

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Saturday, June 18, 2005

   It's been WAY too long! Gomen!

I know itís been a really long while since I last updated and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. *bows low* My sis has been using the comp everyday to do projects for school and whatnot. Itís been kinda stressful for her. Poor thing. *hugs her* Iíve been renting anime, so that she can take her mind off of it for awhile.

So, how has everyone been? Have you guys been enjoying summer(for those who are out of school already)? Nothing really new has happened in my life except seeing new anime. ^____^ Yay! Two of which are yaoi. Since I need to get back on track with advertising new anime to you guys like I used to, Iíll start here. ^^ Now, the anime I will discuss today is Loveless. I just saw the first 5 episodes 2 days ago and I already like it. So far, Mourghan is the only MO member I know who has seen it. Basically, itís a yaoi series based on a game(think Sukisyo). ^^;;; Itís really cute, though, cuz everyoneís got cat ears and tails. Once youíve lost your virginity, the ears and tail fall off. Kinda gross, ne? I thought so, too. Anyhoo, the series focuses mainly around a grade schooler named, Ritsuka Aoyagi, whoís brother was murdered at the age of 17 by ĎThe Moon Society.í This is an organization which houses Fighters and Sacrifices(people with special powers who are assigned to one another; e.g. a Fighter with a Sacrifice). Ritsukaís brotherís name was Seimei and he happened to be a Sacrifice. One day, Ritsuka met his brotherís Fighter, Soubi Agatsuma. He claims that he is now Ritsukaís slave(so to speak) and loves him. On the first day, he kissed the confused boy, only intensifying his confusion. Ritsuka had no idea what was going on and Soubi wasnít helping, for everytime heíd ask about what really happened to his brother, the Fighter would say it was forbidden for him to reveal that info. Oh, let me explain how Soubi looks. ^_^ A typical bishounen basically describes this guy. He has an almost peach hue to his hair and his eyes are sky blue. Heís much taller than Ritsuka and also has no ears or tail. Might I add that he looks especially hot with his hair tied back. =^_^= Quite a specimen! ^_~ His roommate is pretty hot, too. He has lime green hair, quite a few piercings in his ears, adding to his already hot features, he also seems smitten over Soubi. Poor guy gets brushed off all to often. ^^;

Back to the main storyline, Ritsuka has now taken it upon himself to find out exactly what caused his brotherís death. Along the way, he slowly realizes he has feelings for Soubi and is hurt everytime Soubi says, ďI love youĒ because he knows itís all artificial. Soubi had told him that, under Seimeiís orders, he was to become Ritsukaís Fighter and fall in love with him. So, poor Ritsuka had to struggle with his now growing feelings for this tall, dark, and handsome liar. Oh, I almost forgot to mention the annoying cat girl that Ritsuka meets on his first day of school. Her name is Yuiko Hawatari and she doesnít get treated very well at school or, Iím guessing, at home. Sheís always getting picked on by fellow classmates, which always leads to her crying. She falls for Ritsuka when she first lays eyes on him and becomes annoyingly clingy. Sheís always in his face asking him question or just plain following him everywhere. I feel bad for her in the respect that sheís poorly treated by her peers, but the girl needs to grow a backbone and stand up for herself. ^^; Another character that I liked from the first time I saw him was, Yayoi. Heís so incredibly adorable! Heís really short, like Ritsuka, and his ears, hair, and tail are dark green with white tips. This feature is really unique and it looks so cool. Reminds me of foxes. ^^ He really likes Yuiko and gets really jealous and heartbroken when she falls for Ritsuka. He asked her out one time, but she refused claiming that she doesnít date short boys(sheís fairly tall). This pissed me off because she obviously doesnít have a problem liking short boys, taking Ritsuka into account. I thought, ďWhat selfish little bitch!Ē >_<

Anyhoo, Iíll bet you guys want to see some pics and screencaps, ne? ^_^ Well, here are some Iíve found on a few sites. Hope you enjoy! Iíd like to add that one of my top fave animation studios did this, J.C.Staff. ^___^ Even though the bg isnít always drawn well, the characters and objects are always beautiful.

Here's the uber cute, Ritsuka. Don't ya just wanna pet those cute ears?! ^_^

Here's the hot bishounen, Soubi. Yummy! This is not a really great pic of him, but it made for a great profile pic. Better ones can be seen further in the post.

Here's the annoying, Yuiko. You really can't help but feel really sorry for her, regardless of how annoying she is. ^^;;;

Here's the cutey known as, Yayoi! He is so adorable! I love his long hair and white tips. It's so cool and pretty. ^_^

Now on to the great screencaps and pics:

I love this pic! It's so cool how Soubi and Ritsuka are chained together. ^____^ Doesn't Soubi look hot?! *drool*

This is a great screencap! It's so symbolic of their love. So pretty!

Here's a shot of Yuiko getting picked on by the same 3 girls and Yayoi trying to stand up for her. He's so sweet. ^^

Hot bishounen, Soubi, time! Here he is in the midst of battle, preparing to either attack or defend. He's even hotter during battle. *drool*

Here's where Soubi and Ritsuka had their first kiss. Poor Ritsuka had no idea what was going on. ^^;

Now that Iím done talking about Loveless(for now at least), Iíd like to talk about another series I just started watching. Youíve probably heard of it. Itís called Dear Boys(aka Hoop Days). I read about it and decided to take a chance. First, Iíd like to say that I really did not like that opening and ending theme song, only cuz I donít like J-rap/hip-hop. -_- Itís cool in Samurai Champloo, but this was ridiculous. Plus, it in no way matched with the awesome music that was playing during each episode. It was a mixture of rock and techno on most occasions, so my sis and I were overjoyed as we danced to the cool beats. ^^ The story follows a really cute transfer student named, Aikawa Kazuhiko, who is a star basketball player. Heís a real sweetheart who just wants to make friends and join his new schoolís, Mizuho high school, none existent basketball team. There are only 4 members currently on the team and they need 5 to be an official team. Thatís where Aikawa comes in. The girlís basketball team, however, is awesome and have won 6 regional championships. After showing some skills and a lot of coaxing, Aikawa get the boyís team motivated enough to start practicing. Let me add that the first person on the boyís team that Aikawa met happened to be the captain, Fujiwara Takuya. This boy is a real hard-ass, who holds a grudge against an ex-coach and for good reason. Anyway, these two boysí first meeting was not a pleasant one, to say the least. Aikawa was trying his hardest at becoming this stubborn guyís friend; he even called him Fujiwara-chan-- a nickname that stuck with him. ^_^ Fuji grabbed Aikawa and yelled at him, even punched him at one point. But, Aikawa is way too smart and can easily find truth and reason behind everything. He begins to soften the hard-ass up, which has earned him a new follower, so to speak. This series is VERY slashy and itís not too hard to establish the pairings within the first few episodes. The blonde cutey on the team has GOT to be gay! He is sooooo freakin femme! My sis and I have established that he can easily be paired off with three guys on the team: Aikawa, Fujiwara, or Ishii. ^_^ Of course, Aikawa and Fujiwara were the first two we established as a pair. I mean, Fujiwara dreamt of Aikawa one night. ^.~ A little obvious, I must say. ^^ Anyway, Iíve got some great pics from this series comin at ya, so enjoy! ^_~

Here's one of the covers to the Japanese dvds. It's all the boys on the basketball team. Pretty, ne?

Here's Fujiwara holding a cg basketball. He's really hot, except for that stick up his ass. ^O^

Here's kawaii Aikawa introducing himself to the class. He's such a dork! Haha! His teacher/future coach, Himura-sensei(I think her name was) is so bloody hot! *drool* Just look at her! =^_^=

Here's short Aikawa about to make a slam dunk during one of their games. ^^

Here's the girls basketball team. They are really good, but still have a lot to learn. They are really cool, though. The blonde one with a ponytail likes Aikawa. He likes to call her ponytail-chan. It's rather cute. ^^

I know this post is VERY long and I apologize. *bows low* I actually have more to say, but Iíll save it for another post. I hope you all have a great day! I love you guys so much! *hugs the lot of you* Ja ne!

Random question: What is your favorite genre in anime?
My answer: Yaoi! ^_____^ But, there are other genres I love as well. ^^

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

   Konnichi wa!

Hi everyone! *waves cautiously* I'm so very sorry for scaring you guys in my last post. *bows low* I was really thinking about leaving, but you guys convinced me not to. Your comments were wonderful and, sometimes, forceful when begging me or commanding me not to leave. ^O^ thank you so very much guys! It means the absolute world to me and I'm hating myself for ever thinking about leaving such wonderful people. *hugs you tight* I'm truly lucky to have you guys as my friends. You know, it's ironic, but the night I posted that I only had time to head to a few sites. But a couple of the sites I was able to visit had either my button or banner on them. That broke and filled my heart all at the same time. That's when I decided I couldn't leave. Not when I had made such wonderful friends and had KuramasGirl make me custom buttons and banners. That would be selfish and wrong of me to abandon so much that has been accomplished. You guys treat me like royalty and, to this day, it still boggles my mind. I don't know why I deserve such treatment or how it came to happen, but the only thing that matters to me is that you guys are my friends. I promise to try and visit your sites more often. I can't promise everyday, but I'll do my very best. Please bear with me and stick by my side. Your support and care are what keep me going. Thank you. Here are some bishounen and yaoi pics to show my appreciation. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Here's a special banner my dear friend Tangertine made for me. She is one of my best friends and I love her dearly. I love you girl! *hugs tight*

Love you guys! Ja ne! ^_^

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