Mood: Sleepy/Bored/IDEK
Music: Final Distance - Utada Hikaru
Time: 1:37 a.m. CENTRAL
Supernova.
Updating again. Well, I've been in College for half a semester now. Uh, I'm naturally a slacker, so it's kicking my ass. I'm getting into the swing of it now though. I don't live on campus, and I really wish I did. My friends don't realize how lucky they are, they really don't. Since I first imagined the idea of being out of my mom's house around the age of 11, I'd been waiting to get out and I couldn't because I am dirt poor. Next year though. Next year, I'm getting the fuck out of here.
I got my nose pierced. People keep saying it doesn't look trashy but, guys, I know it does. It was kind of the point. Sick of people seeing me as some goody two-shoes, when I'm not. I'm not "bad", but I'm sure as hell not GOOD. Difference between doing what I want because I do or don't want to do something and doing what I do because someone else wants me too.
Planning on getting a tattoo soon. White ink around my left ring finger saying "I am my own" in Gaelic. It's going to look like a scar, so it makes it even more awesome xD
I've been sitting and reminiscing (how it all came to this xD If you get the reference, you're awesome :3) today about stuff. I wish I was 11 again so I could start over. Take advantage of the things that I could have done. I mean, honestly, I made the "smarter" decisions through my childhood, but I also made the boring ones. So sick of being boring.
Also, this whole "love" thing is escaping me now. The fact that I loved someone so much, and then it was thrown in my face, and now...I'm not
bitter, just don't see the point anymore. This is real slutty of me, but I just want the physical relationship. Fuck all that emotional bullshit for a while. Don't need another fake ass boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong, he's still one of my very best friends and it takes a lot for someone I think to be best friends with someone who broke their heart - but he still fucked with me too much. If it wasn't for the fact that I was an emotional, sobbing wreck who couldn't even function in every day situations for 2 months, I would have probably killed his dog and hid it under his pillow.
I should be asleep right now. I have to be up at 8:30 to get ready for school and then leave so I can be there by 10, but I'm not tired yet. At least I only have one class tomorrow.
So speaking of emotional bullshit, I guess I'm kind of pissed off about it right now because I'm starting to develop feelings for someone that I shouldn't be. And I don't know if it's because subconsciously I want someone to fix what's broken, or because I actually have feelings for them. And I'm leaning towards the former, because I won't allow it to be the latter.
Wtf, I'm whining on like I did when I was a twelve.
I'm gonna go try to sleep. Peace~
