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Friday, September 17, 2004


I got a great idea for a poem...i was inspired by the way my heart felt as if it was expanding so much it was going to burst....odd i know..anywho i'm not typing it today i need to rest...always making myself sick..ick! i'll get back to all of you tomorrow...

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

I'm lost in a vortex right now..and i can't seem to find a way out..i'm so lost and confused.It hurts to think, hurts to be...arrgh i just want to cry..but i'm left without any to shed. one minute i think i might be at peace...but no i have to be pestered by this little voice..this fucking voice telling me to be mad..to be angry..I HATE HIM!! i want to collapse..i want life to end...i'm searching for a release..why won't it let me be...why can't i just be free?

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Sunday, September 12, 2004



What Kanji word best suits you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Saturday, September 11, 2004

Escuser moi les gens!

I've been rather busy for last two nights and i'm busy again tonight, so...my posts won't be very productive. Tonight i promised my little bros that i'd take them to a movie even though i'm sick as a dog...>_< I just know it's going to be loud and it isn't going to help my migrane...AND i'll probably annoy everybody with my constant sneezing. Meh! A promise is a promise...plus i care for my younger brothers more than anything else in this world. Uh huh! Well that's it for tonight...i'm going to warm myself up a jamaican patty..YUM!

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Vell...It's 12h14am and i just got home from downtown with some friends. It feels good being active at night...The only thing that sucked raw eggs was that my good friend peanut had to go home for midnight...no sorry 11h59pm!!! So my fun had to end...poo! -_-* I could have stayed out until 4am if i wanted...but i didn't want to leave peanut at the autopark waiting for her bus by her self..so i went with her. I met her manager Zul, wicked guy he is! Why you ask...he bought all the girls drinks heh heh heh...Of course i had to be the youngest *shakes fist*(he's 19 by the way) He asked me "How old are yo again...?" Me: "Umm...18?" *gives Zul an innocent smile* Zul: "Yeah...riiiight! Meh...i'll buy you a drink anyways" Me: "WOOHOO!!!" *gets stares* "i mean...wicked" HA HA HA! Let me tell you..Rose was gone after one smirnoff...i just hope she doesn't call me tomorrow and breaks down in tears because of me influencing her..sheesh! She's the one who drank the darn drink....-_-* Vell, me and peanut had 4 and shared a fifth one...it was all good! I'm so proud that even after four and a half 7% drinks i was just a bit flushed..(believe me...anybody else 5ft. 3in. 103 lbs. would be tripping their little ass back home) Zul bought himself these fancy shmancy drinks..thinking he was all high and mighty..heh heh heh But he's a great guy..so ya! We went to this big...i mean BIG arcade where me and peanut did this picture morphing thing...about how our kids would look...*laughs her ass off just remembering the pictures* Our little hispanic girl...was HIDIOUS!!! And our asian boy...let's just say he had a face only a mother could love...AND WE DIDN'T HA HA HA HA! i also got to do indoor rock climbing..good grief did that equipment really hurt my crotch O_- But it was worth forcing peanut to go when she was tipsy and she's petrified of heights..oh we all laughed. *wipes away tear from eye* Good times...good times...Oh..vell, i'm done rambling...ciao!

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Thursday, September 9, 2004

I adore this poem written by Emily Dickinson


I felt a funeral in my brain,
And mourners, to and fro,
Kept treading, treading, till it seemed,
That sense was breaking through.

And when they all were seated,
A service like a drum,
Kept beating, beating, till i thought,
My mind was going numb.

And then i heard them lift a box,
And creak across my soul,
With those same boots of lead, again,
Then space began to toll,

As all the heavens were a bell,
And Being but an ear,
And i and silence some strange race,
Wrecked, solitary, here.

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Tears of blood descend a flushed face,
Carelessly landing on satin sheets,
Confused with what humans call emotion,
She buries her face in pillows,
As she continues to weep,
Whimpers slowly become uncontrollable sobs,
Trying hard against herself to ease up,
But the task is impossible,
Her face still lost between endless material,
Her cries cease to exist,
As a gurgling sound is heard,
Followed by absolute silence,
She was oblivious that the sweet nectar,
That once gave her life,
Has now caused her death,
If only she hadn't opened up,
If only feelings were still unknown to her,
If only...

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This is what happened to Billy when he ran with scissors

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Listen up Otaku users! Go and visit AngelicFaery's site..she's new and needs the encouragement and support. Her name is Rose by the way...yes like the flower.

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Wednesday, September 8, 2004

My Thoughts....

I hate complaining about my life...but i have to get rid of all that is stuck within me..or else i'll explode! And if i sound conceited in this post...and you don't like it, i have two words for you...FUCK YOU!!! My mother called me two days ago, telling me she was coming today...like a naive child i waited for her...after two bloody years..i still waited for her..she never showed..she called not too long ago telling me she wasn't coming because her bf didn't want to see me...she calls me 5 and half hours later to tell me she wasn't showing up...you stupid wench! you said 5 o'clock...Well perhaps i'll see you in a couple of months..once you feel like it...I was quiet all day..and i was actually nice and perhaps a bit cheerful until i get insulted at school for being the way i am...i get rejected by "friends" and by my own fucken flesh and blood..i know you said i was a mistake...but shit! you have to face the truth that i belong to you...and to think that after all these years of being apart..this little voice inside of me still believed that you'd come for me...but it's gone..I made sure of that..i drowned out that voice like i did with the rest of them...I HATE COMPLAINING!! I HATE IT!! Why is it everytime i'm nice with someone they're fucking cruel with me...WHY WHY WHY!!! always with the fucken why's GET A LIFE!!! or get out of one...there's nothing left..no family..no true friends..i don't even want to know myself or let alone be myself...i just feel this emptiness..that won't go away..no matter how much i scream...IT WILL NOT LEAVE!

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