Monday, February 21, 2005

   So....anyways...
Silent Hill story now has 3 beautiful chapters!

So I'm talking to Andrea about her discipline problem, because I really think it's mostly her fault. (Sorry Constance; I think her parents are tough on her because she acts like a dumbass). She totally doesn't get why I'm worried. Why am I not surprised?!?!?! I'm talking to her right now and she's treating me like her parents.

BeautifulKitsune: what do you consider a friend?
blackbeltchick17: why?
BeautifulKitsune: Just answer the question.
blackbeltchick17: www.poetry.com
blackbeltchick17: search me
BeautifulKitsune: no; you tell me.
blackbeltchick17: then click on a friend
BeautifulKitsune: no; you tell me here and now. it's uber important.
blackbeltchick17: someone that will look after u, care for u, be there and willing to share, hmm...someone that will trust and understand. They will accept u for who u are no matter what and hmm more...
BeautifulKitsune: Is that us? To you, is that us?
blackbeltchick17: yeah
blackbeltchick17: why?
BeautifulKitsune: Becuase if that's the case, then I'm a horrible friend to you.
blackbeltchick17: lol
blackbeltchick17: what's up anyways why u talkin like this?
BeautifulKitsune: Because I feel guilty. I'm not doing right by you.
blackbeltchick17: why?
BeautifulKitsune: If I were, then I'd have told your parents when you started sneaking Ben in. And I should tell them about you spending the night at Brandon's.
BeautifulKitsune: What you're doing is really stupid and as your friend I should care enough to stop you from doing them, even though it'd mean snitching to your folks.
blackbeltchick17: i don't see the point of this conversation
BeautifulKitsune: Really now? You don't think this has any relevance to your life?
blackbeltchick17: i don't see why all of a sudden u want to tell my parents things. What did i do to you to tell them my stuff that i trusted you in the first place not to tell. Is this in some sorta of what?
BeautifulKitsune: I want to tell your parents because you're acting like an imbecile and you don't listen to me so maybe you'd listen to them.
BeautifulKitsune: You know how many things could go wrong when you do these dangerous kinds of stunts?
BeautifulKitsune: Just because you're a black belt and you talk tough doesn't mean you're invincible.
blackbeltchick17: I'm actually trying to get their trust by not hanging out late for these past days and now you want to ruin things that I'm trying to build up for my parents.. U told me to be listent to them and now that I am you want to WHAT? tell them?
BeautifulKitsune: You think that behaving for a week or so is gonna make them trust you?
BeautifulKitsune: Dude you have done alot and I mean ALOT of stupid shits before.
BeautifulKitsune: And I know you; after a week of playing by their rules you'll get mad and go do something dumb
blackbeltchick17: how am I suppose to prove it if your going to ruin my plans
blackbeltchick17: Obviously u don't trust me
blackbeltchick17: so why am I even bothering to explain myself
blackbeltchick17: u tell me to change
blackbeltchick17: I'll try and change
blackbeltchick17: but u want to do things in my life
blackbeltchick17: it's MY LIFE

BeautifulKitsune: Yeah, it's your life.
BeautifulKitsune: But the sucky things about friends is that they give a damn that you live.
BeautifulKitsune: And again, I know you. You'll get bored with this whole "living by your folks' rules" and you'll go out and do something stupid. You always do! I'd really like for you to change that pattern, which is why I'm talking to you now.
blackbeltchick17: If seeing me on streets and suffering coz I got kicked out by my parents will make u happy as a friend for me then I totally understand what kind of a friend u are
BeautifulKitsune: Oh don't EVEN try to lay a guilt trip on me.
BeautifulKitsune: The reason your parents would kick you out is because you're being stupid and they don't know what else to do.
BeautifulKitsune: How dare you try to make me feel guilty for giving a damn! (this is about where I get REALLY mad)
blackbeltchick17: How DARE? HOW DARE? yeah i know HOW DARE
blackbeltchick17: u want to see me miserable
blackbeltchick17: U don't trust me '
BeautifulKitsune: Oh yeah, that's how I get my jollies. Making sure you're alive and unharmed and stuff. Woo hoo. *sarcasm, in case you didn't notice*
blackbeltchick17: I'm not going to force u to trust me if u don
BeautifulKitsune: This isn't a matter of trust between you and me. 1) the trust issue is between you and your folks. 2) I'm just trying to get what you say your life is like and I'm not so I'm wondering why there are such mixed signals. (Yeah; your parents feed and clothe and give you money but they're soooo terrible, what with paying for school and your car and your INSURANCE and your gas and......oooh; she acts like such a spoiled brat and it annoys the HELL out of me!)
(There was a really long silence at this part. She had a hard time thinking of what to say because I had her cornered.)
blackbeltchick17: my life is fine for now...i don't think i need anyone trying to control it
BeautifulKitsune: If your life is so damn fine, why are you in school for a job you don't want, living in a house you don't want, with rules you definitely don't want? And who said anything about controlling? You don't even begin to understand, do you? (She's going to school for nursing because her mum wants her to be a nurse; she's told me time and time again she doesn't wanna be a nurse)
blackbeltchick17: I don't know why u want to tell them my stupid mistakes which i already knew
blackbeltchick17: and regreted on doing
BeautifulKitsune: Because they only think they know what's going on. You insist on hurting them every way and truthfully they should know.
BeautifulKitsune: I haven't gone to them yet becuase I want to talk to you first.
BeautifulKitsune: I want you to understand why I worry for you.
BeautifulKitsune: And I'd really like to stop you from doing such stupid shit even though I really technically can't.
blackbeltchick17: I don't know why u want to mix pink to black...why are u trying to get into a life....that u know will turn everything a living hell to your friend. U don't look after my good, U want to see me in hell, If your gonna tell them shit just letr me know so I can start packin my junk out and start living on streets since u want my life in such misery
blackbeltchick17: WHy does it makes u feel prettier of better to see me in hell
blackbeltchick17: if that so do what u wish
blackbeltchick17: I told u before that I'm changing
blackbeltchick17: but u never tried to listen
blackbeltchick17: or even trust me
blackbeltchick17: so if ur concerns is abt my life
blackbeltchick17: turning down
blackbeltchick17: do whatever will make u happy
blackbeltchick17: and u won't see me again
BeautifulKitsune: You're always "changing"
blackbeltchick17: ohh u might see me in vagas as a whatever slut
BeautifulKitsune: ALWAYS
blackbeltchick17: coz i think that
BeautifulKitsune: But you never seem to change for the btter
BeautifulKitsune: You wanna be a fuckin imbecile fun
blackbeltchick17: 'is what u want me to go to
BeautifulKitsune: What I want you to do is fucking grow up and see that you're being a fucking imbecile
blackbeltchick17: u never listen
BeautifulKitsune: I listen very well
BeautifulKitsune: Which is why I'm worried
blackbeltchick17: u don't trust
blackbeltchick17: I have been great with my parents since they got back
blackbeltchick17: Ive told them everything
blackbeltchick17: they know Joe
BeautifulKitsune: Make me believe that.
BeautifulKitsune: Yeah, I know they know Joe
BeautifulKitsune: But they know you about as well as they've known others.
blackbeltchick17: why do i have to make u believe such things i do personally?
BeautifulKitsune: You know why I don't "trust" as you put it? Because you ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS turn around and go back to doing the same stupid things.
BeautifulKitsune: Becuase I'm supposed to be your friend which means I'm supposed to give a damn about you.
BeautifulKitsune: Which I do; so don't even try that "you just wanna see me miserable" schtick
blackbeltchick17: they know everything abt jenifer and dora and all abt my new friends,,, and they have no problems with them
blackbeltchick17: I know ur my friend ,...not my mom
BeautifulKitsune: Ah huh. So you mentioned you had Nick over too? that we were all chilling in your room? that you spent the night at Brandon's? That you don't want to be a nurse? That you use their food and their money and their cars and aren't grateful at all? I don't think they know alll of that.
BeautifulKitsune: And I know I'm not your mom.
BeautifulKitsune: But I AM your friend, and sometimes that means behaving in some of the same ways.
blackbeltchick17: i didn't plan nick at all tajt
blackbeltchick17: that's jens friend
blackbeltchick17: i don't want them to dislike her for anything
BeautifulKitsune: True, but you're the one who said you told them everything. That's a part of EVERYTHING.
blackbeltchick17: everything that happened to me since they got back
blackbeltchick17: no everything that i did while they were gone
BeautifulKitsune: Your parents know when you lie becuase you go "um" and then start talking. You also fidget. I guess you fidgeted alot while you were telling them "everything you did" while they were gone. (at this point I am so mad I could just reach through the Internet and strangle her. Growing up the way I did has made me get semi-mature and way ahead of schedule...I recognize consequences most of the time, and it drives me mad that other people don't)
blackbeltchick17: ok
BeautifulKitsune: So that's it? You're not even paying attention anymore, are you?
BeautifulKitsune: So that's it? You're not even paying attention anymore, are you?
BeautifulKitsune: Okay then; be mad if you want. Be furious with me; be my guest. But know that all your stupid shit is gonna catch up with you one day, and it may be the day you decide you're bored with playing by your parents rules.
(There was another long silence here too; I was waiting for her to say something stupid like how I wish her to be miserable so I can feel better about myself. It'd just prove that she wasn't paying attention and that the next time she did something stupid I was going to have to squeal like a stuck pig.)
blackbeltchick17: what do u want me to say...oh yeah ur true very true coz u know everything what will be good for someone's life
BeautifulKitsune: No. What I'd like you to DO is think about what I'm telling you. You don't have to say shit. You can say good night for all I care. All I want is for you to THINK every once in a while about consequences and sequences of events and logic. That'd help you be outta trouble.

The conversation goes on a little bit after that; I was so mad at her though--still am, truthfully. I just...she talks about all these plans she has, and she doesn't seem to think that anything's going to stop her from accomplishing them. She's a year older than I am, but I already know people are invincible. Ooh--still steaming!!!
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