Tuesday, May 10, 2005

So much to say....
Hmmm, where to start? How about something pointless.
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Gaming wise, I've been playing Guild Wars. Got the Skylar Knights running pretty darn well. We're probally gonna secure a Guild Hall before week's end. Then we start the trials of PVP. Tolarin's getting up into the higher levels too.

PSO Blue Burst's beta opens tommorow. I can't wait for that. Gonna make my PSO Tolarin... He was such a bad ass in PSO! *laughs* I'll try to get screenshots of him... gotta love blue hair!

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In role playing... I come with two to three points. First of all, L5R. The main reason the L5R has been delayed is becuase I just don't feel confidence in the campaign. I like to feel the campaign will be good before I run it. I hope to create good games for people to play, and I have got to say that I just don't feel all excitied about L5R. I will try and run it, since it seems to be the only game people wanna play... but I just have to say that I'm a bit cautious about the quality of the game. We'll see. The main idea will still revolve around the Crane Lands recovering from a powerful storm that struck it's coastline. Your characters were asked to help fasciliate the people in a time of need... others however, have plans to try and exploit them... where you stand will be the game.

I will also soon be running the Final Fantasy RPG (Known in RPG circles as the Returners FFRPG system.) in my own original Final Fantasy-like campaign. Honestly, this is the game that I WANT to run. I've kinda had a lust for a high fantasy/sci-fi game for a while now. It's kind of a mix of FFVI and FFXI... Basically, the world of Nuterra is nothing but three great islands, ruled by the Nuterran Royal Family. Hume (Humans) are the predominantly the only race, yet, much like our own world... there are stories of other races, other lands.... most believed to be fairy tales....

There are of course, the Moogles. Moogles for some reason, seem to know many of the secrets of the world. You'll never see MANY moogles... but they seem to pop up where you'd least expect it... and no one's entirely sure where they come from.. save for the Moogles themselves.

The three islands are Nuterra, the Royal Island itself... Erath, a farming/fishing island... and Rylus, an island that attracted a good deal of attention due to the old ruins that were found in it's forests... ruins that the Nuterrans can't account for.

The story begins in Rylus. The characters are there for any number of reasons... perhaps to tame the wild island, perhaps to explore the ruins... However, whatever they are... they weren't ready for the "Black Fleet"

They are called such, becuase no one is exactly sure what this so called "Black Fleet" is.... all that is known is that one day, the seemingly endless blue skies of Nuterra tore open, a darkness flooding in from the rip... and from it, a great flying fortress descending upon the island. The city was siezed, by soldiers in black armor... No help from Nuterra has come yet... indeed, no one is quite sure what to make of this all...And so the game begins, as a resitance group is being formed to break the "Black Fleet" that has come to occupy the city.

Sort of an FFVI style begining towards a truly epic story... the fate of Nuterra in the balance.

I'm excited in the game. I know Rory will play it, and I'm trying to get Michael and maybe others in... I love this game idea.

Speaking of Rory, he wants me to bug you two (Levi and Mint) about his D&D game. Apparently it's this Saturday. I'll play with him. It's up to you if you want to join in or not. *laughs*

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Moving on, we go to Tolarin's emotional world. *laughs* It's been so rocky lately, you know? Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed. Just becuase I'm not cheery and making the Tolarin laugh doesn't mean I'm depressed, I've just kinda had emotional turbulance, you know?

I think alot of it's trying to find a sort of place emotionally for me. In some fashions, I thing I kind of have had to sort of re-mature you know? I've only had one meaningful relationship... hell, any other "girlfriend" I might have had was nothing more then playing around. It wasn't until Katie that I really had a real relationship of any sort.

I think the best way of stating this is, I don't know how to express my emotions lately. When I was with Katie, she was the whole world to me. I dedicated all my feelings to her. Four years later, I think alot of it is trying to relearn that social aspect agian. And so, the logical side and the emotional side kind of argue back and forth on what to do about situations.

And in fashions I never even fathomed until now in many ways. The relations between many of the people I've met lately and the relations I've formed are unlike anything I've ever dealt with.

Traditionally, the way I viewed things was to have a relationship with a person that you meet and develop with... you know, almost like courting a person and all that.

When I dated... and with that, I can really only use Katie as an example... There was much confusion, lots of "I like yous", a school dance, and then a kiss at a party, nearly a month or two later. Which signaled us becoming a real couple.

I was never a touchy-feely person before her... and even then, I'm still not entirely. You all know sometimes it can make me a little awkward. It's not that I don't appreciate/like/dislike/or anything of that sort. It's just that I'm not sure of how to react, the sort of subtle meanings in it. The truth of the matter is, I have one strong relationship to go on... and without any other experience, I'm kinda free floating, trying my best to understand things.

It doesn't help that many of the people I talk to think I should stop trying to be the "nice guy". (And in one fashion, I think I've slipped up in my "noble" nice guy routine... twice... once trying to win back Katie, and one other time. )

I try to play it off, but you all should know the truth at this point. I'm a pretty darn emotional guy. I'm just not particularly good at expressing those emotions. (Or, at other points... controlling them.)

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this... *laughs and scratches his head* It's getting kind of late, maybe I'll continue this train of thought at a later date.

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Speaking of which... I'm gonna try going to bed at a better hour. I need to get ready for those Summer Day camps, not to mention I want to start hiking and excersing in the morning... and see if I can try and not look so dead tired all the time.

I think that's it for me tonight. Maybe some more stuff tommorow.

Until then!

Ciao,folks!

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