myOtaku.com: Teddy of Sarra
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Youth group today was special. We actually talked about porn, so of course, I was very interested as was every other person there. But at the end of the sermon, they told us that they know that everyone in this room has something that they are ashamed to tell and it's because of that that their lives become spiralling down. Pastor Pete told us to tell any of the helpers there about their burdens if they wanted to. Feeling that I really should try, I told Krissy's mom my secret.
She didn't say she was dissapointent, or sadden. She didn't even change her facial expression, it was as if she knew before I told her. But she told me that she sees me walking around the church alone and she said that even though I look happy, she knows deep down that I only pretend to be and that she cold see the pain that I'm going through. After that, she introduced me to another pastor and I had to tell him again. He didn't help much, he just said that I know that it's wrong. Some help he was.
Then five minutes later, I walked out of the youth group room and Krissy's mom followed after me. She wanted to know if I could tell Pastor Pete it too. So...I did. He provided as much help as Krissy's mom did (though I perfere talking to her. I feel safe talking to girls with this situation.) He said that the entire reason why I have such a severe case of shyness is because all my life I've been hiding and drowning myself in a sea of denial. He said that I'm afraid to go out into the open because I'm too afraid of people's reaction if and when they do find out. He nailed it with that statement. He said that he's going to take me to a counselor about this and I'll be lieing if I said that I wasn't afraid of that...
though all this, it makes me feel like the only way to kill my sexual desires is to actually walk out of the closet. which...kinda defeats the purpose...