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Friday, June 9, 2006

Re-Discovering who I am

Hi All, How are you today?? I am well, it is the weekend and I am planning to have a very chilled out and relaxed one.

Can I just say thank you for your support and confidence in who I am and for being so understanding about how I feel. I have been feeling down a lot – one of the reasons why I don’t come here as often as I used to – I don’t want to get any of you down you see! I keep finding out new and interesting things about who I am and how I react to situations. I shall explain.

Work has been a nightmare as you are more than aware, but this week I have spend a lot of time with the lady that used to originally do my job who just returned from maternity leave. She is wonderful, kind, funny, and so refreshing to be around. She is giving my confidence in myself back by just giving me the occasional pat on the back.
My discovery in all this is that the lady that does the job with me right now who is leaving to make space for the lady returning from maternity leave has actually been the reason behind all my heart ache and troubles. Yes my job is difficult and yes it calls for attention to detail and staying late and making an effort, things I do not mind because I believe they make me a better and more responsible person. However this woman put the fear of God in me when it came to making a mistake, she comes down on me like a ton of bricks, never actually saying it but making me feel useless and incompetent. Well my manager today – who is also a regional director, which is apparently a high post – said that he thinks I do a great job and that he is glad to see me smile for once and how Nadine (maternity leave lady) must be a good influence on me. I found myself becoming very bitter towards this woman and feeling betrayed and stabbed in the back. I was taken aback by my own feelings but not entirely surprised. After all she had made the last 6 months a living hell for me!

Well I am off to have some wine and enjoy some Blood + and Trinity Blood and catch up with Bleach!!!! WOOHOO!!


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