Tuesday, April 18, 2006

   How Wonderous the Clouds Are.
Haven't been around in awhile. There's a lot that doesn't go on, and plenty that does. I just want to tell you guys that I'm alive... hehehehe not that anyone really cares.

Love the deepening blackness into which I'm falling for you.
Grasp the fraying edge of oblivion and hold on tight.

Love,
e
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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

   Saint Valentine was a pedophile
Yesterday was the Storm Moon, hell yeah being pagan. That's what really sucks about those little tid bits, traditional family occasions still occur and I have no prolem with attending them, but no one likes my holidays. There's festivals that occur about every three months, how cool is that?, and no one want's to celebrate them with me. I thought everyone was looking for a reason to party, but Pagan holidays are the most frequent and the most frequently overlooked. LAME. The last time I spilled wine I did it intentionally in the name of my gods and goddesses. People got kinda wierd about that since I don't spill wine purposely. Yeah, and so goes on life, once again passing me by and leaving me alone.

My last name is Flood, the power that God used to cleanse the earth, the almightly natural disaster of all disasters, and I'm a pagan... go figure... WOOOOOO! I'm sad the Celtic Irish people are no longer of that tradition. Green chevron, three wolves, and my name means: Devouted to the will of God.
Vis Unita Fortior - Untied is the stronger
Family motto^
Nice to tell a bit about myself like this every so often

peace
*sparkles*
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Sunday, February 5, 2006

   PMS!
I would like to accost the world with spoons, bloody fucking asshats! My cramping will put me on that homocidal rampage I have posted at the bottom of the page,

SO HELP YOU IF YOUR NAME IS STEVE, RUN LIKE HELL...

For my katana will sever your head from your body and you will be only one of many casualties that the world will suffer for my cramp...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

   SynthDreads, itchy scalp and Driving on the esspresso-way
So there are fake dreadlocks braided into my hair and they make my scalp itch... being as I never do much with my hair. I'll try and post some pictures so you can look at me and laugh. I'm slightly worried about my road skills test, that's a long story in itself about my biological mother and her crazed, depraved way of getting me to do/not do things. Not that anyone really reads this... not that I care if anyone does or not... but I guess this is just another way of sorting out my feelings in my head. Which, by the by, is relentlessly clogged by several thoughts at any given moment. Ahhhhh, well.

So mote it be,
E-Flizzle - Fo Shizzle Ma Nizzle... Yay, Snoooooop!
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Saturday, January 21, 2006

   I can't wait *excited* ... psyche...
Yeah, so I was just abandoned... It's mostly my fault so I guess I'm just complaining so that I feel better. You know how it goes. Can't get everything to work out like you'd like it to but hell, that's a part of breathing. I'm stuck home all night now. Likely there will be a lot of people over and they will likely be noisey and I am going to be irritable... I just keep wondering why no one got ahold of me, I mean frankly, I don't carry a cell phone to look cool. I do it so that I can get my calls, unlike those that come through my house phone. It kind of irks me that someone would say that their going to get ahold of you, and probally hang out. Next thing you know you're trying to find that person asking yourself why your even trying, because your too nice to ask her to double back and get you. It just all seems so senseless. I just wish people could get their shit straight and tell me it as such. I'm probally going to go and get some sleep wake up at so obnoxious hour and sit... cause that's what I do... sit.
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Friday, January 20, 2006

   Tell me about the fucking golf shoes!!!
So I haven't been around for awhile, there's good reason let me assure you. It's something called "better things to do with my time than stare at a screen" but now I'm dedicating time to do just that and let everyone know that I'm alive-ish.
The other night my friend and his girlfriend got into somewhat of a fight. Mr. Dazzle was being a blind and cold hearted SOB to dear Little Miss Violet, who he loves. It's confusing how the world work in such mysterious contradictive ways. I thought about their situtaion and decided that, as a human, as a mortal with foresight and the ability to formulate solutions to avoid past problems, One will inevitablely hurt the one they love and find more kindness toward to ones you hate. This I lolled over my tongue(s) for awhile and it seemed streamlined with many expirences that support it. I dug deeper. Perhaps there's a certain level of harassment that accompanies the trust that one gives to their beloved. I understand that it's easier to get mad at someone that you trust for betraying it, but why should one give them extra anxeity for things that they have no part in? By chance it may be because they are such a huge part of life to those who love them; paradox is the last thing that such a compliment would be viewed as by a frustrated lover. Ensues is a complicated web of possible misunderstanding and bruised ego, but that's not the worst or the best. It is not entirely improbable to take a step out of your skin and taking a neutral position, for just a moment even, and see it as a whole situation. This gives one justifiable arguments for both sides and a deeper understanding of the opposite counterpart's malaise, ill-heartedness, bad-temper, or (in my case) completely deteriorated sanity.
For your information I do realize this has nothing to do with golf shoes.... or FaLiLV (acronyms are weird "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas")
In the forefront of my thoughts there's this little piece of sanity that I rarely listen to for very long, out of habit mostly, it is barely a whisper and has a 90% acuracy rate. most people describe it with the word: Intuition. I use the term: Divine Inclination. It's a peice of me that everyone has and should be able to access to some degree or another. It's the part of our very souls that knows all the secrets of every particle that composes us and passes through us on a daily basis. It's the part of us that has infinite knowledge and the part of us that can only interpret so much of the unfathomable. It is you, undeniable and uncomprehensible you. It makes you no less nor more valueable because of the mortal sense of the word "value", but makes you infinitely more than what one would normally make of themselves. It makes you insightful and insight is slightly less important than breathing and more important than anything our senses can value. It's a hybrid between the pleasure of being human and the tourment of being mortal. It is a big part of the Physio-psychological realm that we need to balance. Easier than it looks, harder than it sounds, that definitely might be the most simplistic complication of living.

I lovingly hate you-
*Sparkles*

"I hate you for loving me, I love you for hating me, save yourself." - Peter Steele
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Sunday, January 8, 2006

computer CRASHED!
I hate when that happens, lost a whole lot of shit. I have a lot to do and will post after I get reajusted.
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Thursday, December 15, 2005

   This is now the official "Insomniac" face...
The past few nights have been a little rough. Sleeping well for a few hours, waking up, repeating the process. My father's wife found the door unlocked, not sure which night since they've all blurred together, when she woke up to go to work. Here's the real kicker, even though she got up and checked the doors just after I went to sleep. She blamed it on me. Am I detecting a slight case of PARANOIA?! And this constitutes me stealing "her" house how? Just because she cannot control my actions, makes me the bad guy? Though she never did this with her son or dauhgter? How come I deserve this treatment for not haveing the same opportunities as her children? She'd have never done it had I not been here. Nothing happened and nothing's ever going to happen. She really needs to get that stick out of her ass. People make mistakes and I've made more than my fair share of them. But she's never wrong and she can never compromise, but I'm the bad wrong person everytime something happens that she can't control? OK. Woooooooo! Love life and live to die.
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Thursday, December 1, 2005

   The art of Pillaging and the Village
Listening To: Kalmah - Swampsong

There's a certain point where things start to turn to shreds uncontrolablely. If you scroll through some of my previous posts it is no secret that I had reached that point and then some. I cannot explain quite how I felt, for the many reasons that those afore mentioned post give whe you read between the lines.

I've found the comfortable spot that I have long since been searching for. I have become partial to living and am just happy to be. I think a general appreciation for being is what a lot of people misplace in the chaotic tensions of soceity. It's a sad predicament when you lose such a simple notion to the havoc that others like to wreak with their many flaws.

I love all that I can and take nothing for granted. Your worst enemy makes the best friend, in all paradoxical truths there are cryptic messages that people should listen to. Life is a contradiction due to the fact that we are born to someday die. Within that opposition one must have their own ideals and uphold their opinions whilst simultaniously understanding that there will always be someone to counterpoint their notions and sometimes themselves. These incongruencies are and always will try to break our will and honor. The only thing stoping that is our love of life and the things that make it so beautiful. Take those things and leave everthing to chance in your own powers. Nonsensical by means of literal meaning and enlightening by deeper meanings.

I love and hate you all. I see your flaws and take them in turn with your purest designs. I understand nothing and know that I am all knowing. If humans weren't so fragile then perhaps we would understand that the meaning of life is simple and unfathomable to the thought patterns we comprehend.

So mote it be...

-e-
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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

   Tear down these walls for me now...
Listening To: Dream Theater - Octavarium

The Predicament: My father's wife and her daughter have many illogical, misguided conspired theories about what a terrible human being I am.

My Inquizitions: What right do people have to judge something that they don't understand? They really don't have any ground to stand on, so why would the logical reasoning be to keep digging the ground out from underneath yourself? How can people be so egoccentric and foolish at the same time and not realize it? When you point fingers you cannot assume that what you think is 100% correct, isn't there at least a slight chance your mistaken? Why do people seem to forget that others have feelings too? When is it ever necessary to not consider others ideals and notions? Is it really too much to ask to be treated like a human?

My Thoughts: There is nothing more abhorrant in society than having aniome. There is far too much animosity amongst ourselves as humans. Let us accept decrepancies, look at the solutions and contemplate the compromise. We can be civil and giving, with so little to really give ourselves that we don't already have we can bend. I'm incessantly being blamed for every little thing that I can't do, have done, would like to do, have no intentions of doing and frankly, living seems to be my problem here. I ruin everything for everyone and they could probally not give two shits less about how I feel about this or what effect it may have on what I do, even if it were uncontrolable diahrea. I have not once showed any distaste or comtempt for them or anything that they do to me and my father. I have not done anything outlandish to fight back. I remain calm to their ignorance. That is the best path to take as far as I can see.
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