Sunday, September 2, 2007

I support inter-movement applause. Know what it is? Exactly what it says. Now, I don’t know how many of you folks have ever set foot into an orchestra hall, but this “tradition” is getting ridiculously “old”. In other news I feel the need to talk about it. If you’ve ever played a concert, recital, or any type of musical performance, you can speak out of experience; I can, and there is nothing more nerve-wracking than the silence and/or occasional shuffle of the program by a nervous audience member (who by rights shouldn’t even be nervous; they probably have a problem with themselves), cough (by that poor unfortunate child who didn’t receive his Pertussis vaccination [and/or meningitis]), and shoe-scuffing irritation. We have to stop following silly twentieth-century traditions. (Ironically, it hasn’t even been around long enough to be called that.) 1. Have you ever been to an orchestral hall? 2. Have you ever given a concert? 3. Does silence between the Allegro and Adagio or Minuet/Trio bother you? 4. Do you have a clue what I’ve said? 5. Do you care? If you answered “yes” to question number five, feel free to contact your local symphony orchestra. It’s time for musicians to start earning their applause. I believe that it can be emotionally grating to hold back a strong urge to express approval at a conductor and orchestra’s triumph for a certain movement. After all, the next one might not be so good. I don’t mean for classical music to be like a jazz-hall or rock concert; fan-girl screeching punctuating every other bar (which is unlikely unless the conductor is [insert your favorite rock star’s name]) and impossibly fake singers (not all, I’m not generalizing, I promise), and annoyingly loud sluts that think just because they say meaningless things (at a conveniently elevated volume with the occasional head-turn/swish of the hair crap) and yet laugh with their huge group of friends everyone else is going to turn and think, “wow, I want to be just like that when I grow up.”; well, as I well started, I don’t want to turn a good ice-cream sundae into a pile of green and gray vomit on the pavement. What I do want is for everyone to feel comfortable. Come on, don’t tell me that it doesn’t embarrass the living hell out of a first-time concert-goer who is also an opera vetran who responds enthusiastically, “bravo, bravo!” when the conductor does something right. It’s like a big inside joke for classical musicians that make anyone else feel really weird. And everyone knows what it feels like to be on the butt end of not ‘getting’ an inside joke. So awkward. So impossible to nose-scratch and still not turn red. And besides, we need to boost musician confidence. After all, musicians are on the list of being the profession with the most mental problems (second to authors, of course), so they need to be emotionally stroked once and awhile. Applause does this. Just, to the point, this ridiculous “etiquette crap” needs to stop. Applause should not be a robotic move; it should be expressive, as the music is. Music should be an interactive experience between the audience, conductor, and orchestra. And cutting short applause is just like telling someone they have to listen to George W. Bush give his inaugural address with a piece of duck-tape attached to their mouth. Not fun. Oh, and trust me, I’ve already written a letter to my local orchestra. Enjoy the mental behavior. -- [This is the sane part] I hope everyone is doing okay. In all seriousness, you don’t have to read that post. You can skim it if you want. You can say whatever you want. I’m not going to tell you that being insightful is the best way to be. As far as I’m concerned, you can leave a comment that looks like this: .................................. However, I am allowed to interpret it however I want. Have a day.

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