Friday, February 18, 2005

Moseley
I did nothing at all today. It was quite fun. Mostly watched Futurama, read a bit, did some homework for classes, and lazed around. All of it amounts to nothing, I think.

My brother got chased around by this stupid dog earlier today. He's not very fond of dogs, or anything that can jump on him at all, really, so it kind of spooked him. And then the damn thing tried to run into our house when my brother went back inside, and when my dad got home and parked his car in the garage. It was kind of funny, because the dog seemed to want to get inside so badly, and then when the garage was open, it just sort of sat there in front of it. Hilarious.

I took the trash cans back to my backyard about a half hour later. When I was finished with that, the dog wandered out from the far end of the street and it saw me. I swear, it was like "O_O *runs toward Shin*" Crazy dog lol. It barely got halfway towards me before I walked back into the house.

Meh. I don't really care for dogs that much, not to rub any dog lovers the wrong way. I have a rocky relationship with dogs, they either hate me, or are obsessed with jumping on me. I don't really care for anything of a different species trying to jump on me and lick my face, or anything. Sorry all you dogs out there. I like cats more. Sure, they can be really asshole-ish, at times, but they seem to like me more. We assholes have to stick together, right?

Anyway, I'll be answering your questions now. Fear~!

Lady Kei asks: I have a friend who refuses to accept that Futurama is one of the greatest animated shows to have ever been put on television. Just how hard should I smack him to make him realize the error of his ways?

I'd say smack him as hard as you usually smack me, but that doesn't really seem like punishment enough. So, here's what you do: First, you get a pair of nice leather gloves. Doesn't matter what color. You walk up to your friend, take the glove off slowly, slap him across the face with it, and challenge him to a duel.

Then you kick his ass and show him who's boss.

Alan asks: How do I write a witty and intelligent question specifically for a Shimaru post?

First, you learn how to spell my name correctly. Second, realize that nothing you write could ever be sufficiently witty and/or intelligent enough to ask me. It's not good to get your hopes up, kid. And, lastly, you throw yourself off of the largest bridge in your area. In the event that there is no bridge close enough to you, beating yourself to death with a frying pan will suffice.

Hevn asks: Umm...can I kiss you anywhere but your ass?

I'm not stopping you. I'm fair game for all of the ladies.

*tumbleweed wearing a pink bow rolls by*


Dandy Andy asks: Bender or Flexo?

Ah yes, the very question that philosophers the world over have thought endlessly about since the beginning of time. At first they seemly oddly similar to each other, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, they couldn't be more different. For instance, Flexo has a beard, and Bender does not. Bender is evil, and Flexo is not. Flexo had wild sex with another robot in front of Bender, and Bender did not. You could go on forever pointing out the various differences between the two. It would mostly be running around in circles I guess.

Ultimately, though, I would choose Bender, because as one of the stars of a moderately popular (though godlike) cartoon, he makes more money than Flexo. And we all know that money is the number one option to consider when choosing your friends.

Lewna asks: This is an anagram of a bird. Below are the letters that you do not need. Find the missing letters and change their order, and you will find a bird. ACDFGJKNOPQSTUVXYZ Can you figure it out?

Yes, I can, as a matter of fact. It is the rare Fogjats that you are referring to. They are similar to boobies in that they both have funny names.

Chuck Rock asks: Besides me, who do you admire?

That's a tough one. I do admire your evil twin, Hell's Pool of Condensed Liquid, but I don't know if he would count here. I think that if I were to choose, there would be three people that I admire above all others:

1) Winona Ryder, because she's cute, and she's committed petty crime. What a combination.
2) David X. Cohen, for sounding geekier in just one sentence than I could ever hope to in my entire life.
3) Jabba the Hutt, for showing that ass ugly alien slugs can get hot chicks, too, you just have to enslave them, force them to live in conditions that no being should endure, and feed them to the Sarlaac when they get out of line.

So there you go. The only being that could earn all the respect and admiration I could possibly muster is a giant, fat, ugly version of David X. Cohen forcing Winona Ryder to dance in a metal bikini while she steals dresses at the Academy Awards.

Lea asks: If you were a girl for a whole 24 hours, what would you do and why?

Myself, for obvious reasons.

Panda asks: In the episode when Leela meets her parents, what was the mutant hot air balloon made from? Be specific!

It's been a while since I've seen that episode, but I believe that the mutant hot air balloon was made out of the discarded parts of Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons: The crotch of Underdog, Bart Simpson's left ear and shin, and Jon's forehead (Jon being the owner of Garfield the cat, of course).

She also asks: Will you be my smizmar?

Of course I will! I've always wanted to give birth to hundreds of little alien creatures, most of which will be eaten up by predators within the first few minutes of their life. It's like being a mother turtle, except that your children are more slimy! =D

Sarah asks: Boxers or briefs, we're dying to know.

Briefs, but there's nothing brief about what's in 'em if YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN~!

...

Yeah, nothing subtle about that at all.

She also asks: How long do you usually last in the shower?

Well, I've never really done that in the-- oh, you meant actually taking a shower, didn't you? Hm, I dunno, depends if I just want to wash up and get the hell out of there, or if I feel like wasting a bunch of hot water. I'd say 15-30 minutes is about right.

She also asks: Would you donate sperm?

Eh...probably not. I've never really thought about it before, and I'd guess that I'd never do it. Unless I was really drunk, or something, like so...

"DUD I'M REALLY HAMMERED LOL"

"Man, do you see that sperm bank over there? Go sperm it up!"

"OKAY1!111!!!1!1"

Sweet Zombie Jesus, stop with the questions already Yet another question: Do you want a lot of granchildren?

Yeah, I think that would be nice. A guy needs a lot of spare organs to depend on when he grows old. Also, they can run around, and be optimistic, and I can destroy their dreams with my ceaseless cynicism~! I will be more cynical and bitter since Social Security will be dead, and either the Republicans or the Democrats (or possibly both) will have undoubtedly fucked things up even more by then. Yay for the two-party system!!

(By the way, I think that Social Security is already pretty screwed up, but it'll get worse. Oh, much worse.)

Shinji asks: From the prespective of a Tennis Ball, what would it's first impressions be of you?

"Man, he's got some hairy legs...oh god, don't hit me! *dies*"

Johnny Deformed asks: What's up?

Nothing much. How 'bout wit you, bro?

Godel asks: Hmm...how about, if every one thought you were a girl for 24 hours?

I'd finally know what it is like to be desired! Unless I were an ugly girl with a mustache and hairy legs or something, then that would be just freaky. However, if I were pretty, I'd use this newfound power to take over the world. And I would also wear a nice dress.

She also asks: I mean, would you end up going to Azure for advice, or what?

That pansy-ass girly? Hell no.

Lastly, abc kid asks: Is this world called life a bit complex but interesting at the same time?

Complex? No, not unless you make it complex, then it gets really complex. Interesting? Yes, I'd say so. At the same time? OVERLOAD OF CONCEPTS

---

YOU WATCHED IT - YOU CAN'T UN-WATCH IT!

COME BACK NEXT TIME FOR MORE: TALES OF INTEREST QUESTIONS (and answers) OF INTEREST~!
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Thursday, February 17, 2005

She has the blood of reptile just underneath the skin.
It's funny how much people procrastinate and put off things. Last year I finally got over my habit of waiting until the last minute to everything, and it made my life a lot easier. If I procrastinated on everything, I probably would have gone insane by the end of my senior year. As it ended up, I only suffered mild amounts of delirium brought on by having way too many stupid projects to do at once. Yay!

Fast forward to today. I turned in an assignment for my Info Gathering and Writing class today, a rather big project that's worth about 15% of our grade. I'd been working on it for little bits at a time for the past week and a half now, because I've found that's the easiest way to do these big projects. Makes sense - instead of cramming everything into the last couple of days before the thing is actually due, I just start work as early as I can, and do tiny bits of the project over a long period of time. Logic r00lz!!1!!111

Anyway, I figured that most of the people would be either finished with their projects, or close to finished with 'em, at least. But, wow, I just walked into a classroom filled with stressed out students lol. I mean, yikes, there were people who hadn't done their research yet, and we need fifteen different sources to document for our paper. That's just wild lol.

I'm not going to pretend like I don't already know that we're a bunch of lazy, procrastinating bastards. Hell, I skipped out on a couple of days during this whole thing, too. I basically did shit all on Saturday, because I loathe doing schoolwork of any type on Saturdays. On Monday, I got home from school kind of late, and I didn't feel like doing much of anything at all.

Every other day I tried to do something, though...not because I liked the project, because, in all honesty, it was boring as hell. Doing a project that's supposed to test our prowess at researching is not my idea of a fun time. I did work because I just wanted to get it done, and because I hate being stressed out over anything, least of all things that I can at least control a bit. Plus, all-nighters can kiss my ass. I'll die before I ever have to pull an all-nighter for school. That's what waking up really early in the morning is for.

Yeah, I don't even know where this came from lol. I probably read some post from someone, and then I said "haha i'm such a good student lolz" and then this happened. But oh well. My original point still stands: I hate doing schoolwork on Saturdays.

I was reading Sarah's myOtaku, and I realized that it's been forever since I've done any sort of question post. And I also realized that I'm no longer in the Daily Posting Contest, and haven't been for a while now. So I can do whatever the hell I want here now! So, I would like questions, because I am bored, and need to infuse this site with some sort of gimmicky post.

Any type of question about whatever the hell you want will be fine with me. I like questions that are references to things, especially if I actually know the reference :P Also, if I don't like the question, I'll give everyone some bullshit response, and you won't even know it! Sucks to be you guys!

Anyway, go forth and ask questions, fornicate all day long, and then come back tomorrow for highly disappointing answers, after which you will want to fornicate away the disappointment. It's a vicious cycle, which also includes pontification on fornication.

EDIT: I've got no class today! Everything's coming up Milhouse Shinmaru!
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Closer
I woke up this morning in a really bad mood, the first time in quite a while that I've been in one. Not really a depressed mood, nor an angry mood, just a completely apathetic mood. The kind where it just feels like you're floating around everywhere, not really feeling much of anything at all, and your mind is just in some faraway place. It sucks. Or, rather, it sucked, because I don't really feel that way right now.

I seem to deal with those kinds of things in slightly unorthodox ways, at least it seems that way to me. I could count the number of people I talk to about my moods, thoughts, feelings, and whatever else on one hand (maybe even one finger). I don't really listen to music to alleviate a bad mood, though music (whether it's upbeat or incredibly depressing) does make me feel nice quite a bit (I did listen to some Nine Inch Nails earlier today, which made me feel slightly better, because Trent Reznor > you). Hm, what else do people do to feel better? I have no clue lol. Eat, I guess. I only eat when I feel like it's time for me to eat. I tried writing, but I wasn't feeling up to it. I definitely can't read when I'm feeling apathetic.

My usual method of sitting on my bed, staring at the roof for a couple of hours, and thinking worked a bit, but not nearly as much as it usually does. I guess that my thoughts were just as apathetic as my mood was lol. Whatever the case, I still felt kind of down when I was probing 'round OB earlier today.

But then I found this topic: Cowboy or Pirate?. I think most of us had those kinds of experiences when we were younger (younger than now, I mean lol), when we'd imagine that we were something completely different than what we really were. You know, playing Cowboys and Indians, or imagining you were a pirate sailing the seas, or whatever else you imagined yourself as when you were a child.

Luckily, there's an other option, because as I explain in the thread I was never really either lol. I liked cowboys and pirates, but I never really wanted to be either when I was a kid. I've always been a science-fiction nut, completely fascinated by outer space. A lot of my favorite movies, television shows, and books are bred from science-fiction. Twilight Zone, Futurama, The X-Files, Star Wars, H.G. Wells, Isaac Asimov, and so on.

I'd always been a bit enamored with space, because I thought that the sky at night was a really beautiful sight. It always seemed really mysterious, yet familiar at the same time, a whole new world where you could aspire to go to someday. After I saw the Star Wars trilogy for the first time, I fell completely in love with science-fiction and outer space. I didn't want to be a pirate or a cowboy when I was a kid, I wanted to be Han Solo, roaming around the stars with the coolest, most badass ship in the galaxy, with a first-mate that'd beat the living fuck out of anyone I wanted him to.

But most of all, I just wanted to experience what outer space was actually like, to see first-hand the beauty and majesty of the solar system. If I had the opportunity to do that right at this moment, I'd probably go for it. I don't know, even with everything I know about it, and knowing that it's decidedly not like Star Wars, I think I've grown to like outer space more and more over the years. It's not all pure fantasy, but what's still there is just really amazing, to me.

Anyway, posting in that thread, and reflecting upon all that fun childhood stuff afterwards was what made me feel better. I'm not one to sit around and obsess over the past, but when it helps, it helps. So yay.

I also started a non-story thread in OB Anthology: What Are You Reading?. Rejoice! Basically, the thread is what it says, just a place to post about what you're reading at the moment whether it be a novel, novella, short story, movie script, children's book, coloring book, comic strip, or the instructions of your VCR. Go wild, everyone! The best part will be if we turn other people on to literature that they might not have found on their own. Yay for being a nerd!

I'm out.
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Monday, February 14, 2005

And it's all thanks to the books at my local library.
EDIT: What Manic has on his page right now is seriously a million times better than my dinky Shinmaru vs. The World. I'm in the library right now, and I think that I'm going to die holding in my laughter. Go and see, for it is hilarious.

Well, I haven't made an interesting post here in a while, so here we go with today's post. Yay!

I wrote the second chapter of my story which is currently up in the Anthology right now. The link is in the post below if you're interested, but if you're running low on time, then I don't mind if you skip it. Both parts I've submitted so far ended up being pretty long lol. The first part was twelve pages in MS Word, and the second was eighteen (!!!) pages in MS Word.

Yep, those of you who claim to have no life, you have to compete with me: I wrote an eighteen-page chapter for a story I'm posting on an Internet message board! Beat that.

Anyway, I never expected the second chapter to grow that long - the synopsis I wrote for it was only a page long lol. I guess stuff just happens, one thing leads to another, and whatnot. I guess it's also what happens when you're a loser. Woo!!

Speaking of being a loser, I got a letter a while ago from the National Honor Society asking me to join them because I got above a 3.5 GPA during my first college quarter. Seeing as I have no social life whatsoever, and I like being surrounded by nerds, I had little choice but to go. Despite my jests, everyone there seemed like a cool group of people, and I figure I'll have a good time there, so I'm offically joining the Honor Society next meeting. I feel 5% nerdier already.

That's enough small talk from me, I haven't done a nice Shinmaru vs. The World right now, so sit back, relax, and I'll lead the way.

First article can be read here.

Police find gun in suspect's buttocks

No, this isn't an article on gay marriage.

A police spokeswoman called it "unusual" that a 19-year-old almost smuggled a loaded pistol tucked between his buttocks into a county jail this week.

He must've either had a really big pair of butt cheeks, or he had or was a big asshole.

Clifton Alexander Carter was transported to the Gwinnett County Jail on Tuesday after a school resource office at Central Gwinnett High School recognized him as a suspect wanted in Barrow County.

That doesn't really seem like it would be the name of a guy who stuffs guns up his butt.

Upon searching him, officers found a loaded .25-caliber handgun hidden in the man's buttocks. There was a bullet in the chamber, sheriff's spokeswoman Stacey Kelley said.

His motive: He wanted to give new meaning to phrase "putting a fire under his ass".

"I don't now how he was able to conceal the weapon in that area. It is very unusual," she said.

"Not to mention smelly."

The resource officer called Lawrenceville police and Carter was arrested near the campus. He is not a student at the school.

Yeah, if he were a student, he would've been stuffing pot up his butt.

Deputies felt something was amiss during their routine search and performed a strip search, Kelley said.

"What's that bulge coming out of your rear? O_o"

"Uhh...my second penis? >_>"

"..."

"We are proud that our deputy was diligent in his job and was able to locate the weapon," she said.

"Though he did seem a little too eager while he was doing the job. You should've seen the smile on his face when he snapped on that glove!"

Carter was charged with carrying a concealed weapon, carrying a weapon on a school campus and possession of a weapon by a jail inmate, among other charges. He is being held without bond.

You gotta feel sorry for the guy, he stuffed a gun up his butt, and he still got arrested. All that effort for nothing.

---

Next article can be read here.

Army pilot rap over pizza flight

That might be the least understandable headline I've ever read. I know what it means, and yet I don't know what it means.

A lieutenant has been disciplined after using an Army helicopter to deliver a pizza to his girlfriend.

That bastard's trying to make everyone else look bad. Throw the book at him!!

The incident on 25 January saw the unnamed officer divert from a routine training flight over Stanford, Norfolk, to take the fast food.

That must've looked pretty strange at the pizza parlor.

The Ministry of Defence refused to name the officer, from 659 Squadron, or divulge how he was punished.

They ate his pizza in front of him.

A spokesman said: "The chain of command doesn't condone these sorts of actions. The individuals have been disciplined."

"And the pizza was delicious."

He added: "During a routine low-level training sortie, somebody decided it would be an opportunity to use it for a delivery."

Guess they thought they wouldn't get caught. Can't imagine anyone would notice an Army helicopter flying out to get pizza.

The extra cost caused by the diversion is not known.

One. Jillion. Dollars.

The pizza was understood to have been delivered to a female officer cadet at an Army range at Thetford, Norfolk.

And the Ministry of Defense stole her pizza! They have no souls.

The Ministry of Defence spokesman did not confirm what toppings were on the pizza.

Hahaha. That was a funny ending.

---

The last article can be read here.

HARBOURMASTER SACKED FOR HAVING ONLY ONE LEG

Tomorrow: Pirates file class action lawsuit.

HARRINGTON’s harbour master has been sacked after being told that having only one leg was putting his safety at risk.

"To be more specific, your job safety is at risk. You're fired!"

But Len Wilson, who has done the job for nearly 10 years despite his handicap, said he was disgusted at the manner of his dismissal. His supporters believe his sacking was unfair, unconstitutional and illegal and have sent a petition out.

They shouldn't have screwed with the pirates. They have a strong union.

Mr Wilson, who wears a false leg, has recently had a false kneecap fitted to his “good” leg.

And he's still spry enough to lay a beatdown on the fools that fired him.

Harbour master is an honorary and unpaid post but it could soon be redefined by the Harrington Harbour and Dock Board as a part-time salaried position. It has now been filled on an interim basis by Brian Ashbridge, recently retired harbourmaster at the Port of Workington.

Oh man, just imagine if they actually paid him - the pirates would be going insane right now.

Mr Wilson, 60, of Main Road, Harrington, who does not want to be reinstated, said: “I’m accepting this dismissal, but I am accepting it with bitterness. They are quoting to me the health and safety at work regulations.

He's bitter!! Oh man, they're going to get it now. Regular pirates = not to be messed with. Bitter pirates = a force to be reckoned with.

“Alan McDowell, the vice chairman of the board, brought the letter in person but just last year I was told by Mr McDowell to get all the mooring chains sorted out before the boats came back in following the dredging of the harbour. I did the work with assistance – nothing was said then about health and safety.”

They must have a new pirate, one with an eyepatch. Have they no heart!!

Alan McDowell, a retired civil engineer who has had a 38-year association with the harbour, said: “We are a responsible maritime authority and we do not back off our responsibilities. Len is a good chap and we are all concerned for him, and his services will be recognised. But he has one false leg and a false knee on the other leg and we came to the conclusion that we could not allow him to carry on working with those handicaps because we are responsible for him.”

"And by 'recognised' I mean that we'll see him walking across the street and yell "Hey, Peggy!""

Mr McDowell said that a special general meeting was not necessary to make the decision that was taken but that every member of the board was consulted and unanimous agreement reached.

They all wanted him out. Sad.

But one commissioner, Ged Doran, said he was not consulted. Both he and a former secretary to the commissioners, Stan Herbert, are supporting the petition. Mr Doran, who launched the Sailing for the Disabled in West Cumbria, said: “The board should now offer Len an apology for the thoughtlessness and insensitive manner in which they have conducted this business.

"Len's the best pirate I know. They'll be cursed from now on."

“This was done in the name of the commissioners - yet no extraordinary general meeting was called to discuss and decide, which the constitution of the board calls for, and I was never consulted at any stage. To dismiss a man purely and simply because he is disabled is illegal. He had the disability when he was appointed and there must be insurance in place to cover him for risks.”

"I mean the man didn't even get any buried treasure, for god's sake. There is not justice in this world!"
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Saturday, February 12, 2005

Lee Lemon
As Luck Would Have It [M-VSL]. New story by me, one of several that seem to have been put up in the Anthology over the past couple of days lol. Anyway, please read it and reply to the thread if you have the time, just know that it's sort of longish (twelve pages in Word), and the story is nowhere near done. Woo.

Anyway, I'm tired right now, so I shall sleep, but I'm going to do some stuff in Anthology tomorrow, and reply to some threads, because it's my civic duty. Plus, I don't want to be some dick who demands feedback all of the time, but never ever gives any himself lol.
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Thursday, February 10, 2005

Bending is my middle name.
I watched Rope yesterday. Like Alex commented, it's quite the cool little movie. The whole movie takes place in what's supposed to be one continuous shot, all in one setting, an apartment room where a party is being held. It's really cool, and though it doesn't have quite the suspense level I'd expect from Hitchcock (though it is suspenseful, don't get me wrong), it's still a damn good movie. Rope receives the Shinmaru Seal of Approval.

The only other real thing of note today is that I registered for my Spring classes today, and in a pretty painless manner, too. I got into three of the classes I wanted right away, and with the other class I still got to keep the original time that I wanted. So yay. The only bad thing was that the tennis class was all taken, so there's no room for poor Shinmaru there :(

But, hey, I've got four (hopefully) decent classes here. Since I am such a big fan of lists, here's a list of the classes I'll be taking for you guys to pore over for five seconds, and then forget in two:

COM 204 (Advocacy and Argument) - Basically a debate class. I get sort of nervous in front of groups of people, so maybe this class will help smooth out those rough debating edges for me. And then I'll be a lean, mean debating machine, and I'll stop using horrible cliches and stuff.

COM 261 (Communication Ethics) - The big book of classes describes this as "Responsibility of the mass media and the journalist in today's society". Could potentially be interesting, but it could also end up being boring. Hopefully the former.

ENG 201 (Introduction to Modern Fiction) - Discussion of 20th century short stories and novels. Sounds like a ton of fun to me. Just a hunch, I'm guessing that this will be the class that I enjoy the most next quarter.

TH 203 (Introduction to the Theatre) - This class sounds pretty neat, too. It goes over different forms of theatre, including a lot of Eastern theatre, to go along with the Western style of theatre. I think I'll have a good time in here.

And those are my classes. Hurrah, huzzah, and all of that. Anyway, I really don't have much else to say at the moment. You'll have to deal with this update, I'm afraid. Sucks to be you guys.

*ambles off to watch Psycho...with the lights off, OMG!1!!1!11!!1*
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Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Raining On My Parade
Quick post tonight just to show that I care.

I changed the image in my intro. No longer will the images rotate, there's just the one image there now. Apparently Shin-bashing is the new trend 'round these parts, so I have to show that I can still do it better than any of you losers can. Have you guys ever stopped to notice that you suck at making fun of people? Man. I'll admit that Tony's jab at me in the Moderation thread was chuckle worthy, though. Nothing makes you laugh more than the truth.

Also, I did random note taking for the story today. Taking notes is fun. I'm being a lot more thorough and thinking through each chapter nice and slow so I know where everything's going. Not too much, mind, but I at least want to have a vague idea of how everything will turn out. Not going to overplan, though, because that could hurt things a bit. But whatever it is I am doing at the moment, I'm sure that it's great.

We formed groups for our group project today in my Comm Theory class...I completely forgot about that project lol. I thought I'd be able to handle everything smoothly, since I wouldn't have that much work over the coming weeks, but there goes that plan. I got put with group members who seem to be pretty cool, though, so whatever. Shouldn't be too tough. Also, I got a B on my midterm for that class, so that put me in a decent mood, as well.

Lastly, while scrounging around the library a bit, I decided to check out some Hitchcock DVDs: Psycho, Rear Window, and Rope. Psycho is one of my all-time favorite movies, and I've never seen Rear Window (believe it or not) or Rope, so yay. Hopefully I'll have some time to watch at least one of them before I go to class tomorrow. I have a fair amount of Philosophy homework to do, and I want to head in to school a bit early to get some research done for my Info Gathering and Writing project, so who knows how that will turn out.

Anyway, that's it from me. Megan, I got your letter today. I liked the temporary tattoos you sent me. Maybe I'll use one of them and become instantly cool, though I'm not sure that it's nearly enough to make me cool at all. I guess it depends on where exactly I put the tattoo.

Thoughts?
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Monday, February 7, 2005

...and not clown fundamentals!
I bought the Season Two and Season Three boxsets of Futurama yesterday. And, man, were they ever worth it. They were the perfect items to lift my spirits after going through all of that studying for midterms. It's not just the overall hilarity of the actual Futurama episodes that makes the DVDs worth buying, but also the fantastic commentary on each episode, which actually manages to eclipse the humor found on Volume One's commentary.

The commentary probably isn't that informative to the average Futurama fan (I knew of most of what they were talking about, though there's a few new tidbits here and there that I hadn't known about before), but frankly, the draw of the commentary isn't learning nerdy facts about the show, as crazy as that sounds. No, the draw with the Futurama commentaries is that they're just a bunch of people sitting around, talking about the show, laughing like crazy, and having lots of fun. It works so well, because you can tell by the way they interact that they just loved the show to death, and their mood is just so infectious. There was not one moment where I wasn't entertained by the commentary tracks.

They're really offbeat, too, especially some of the commentaries on Volume Three. Everyone who commentates is just so casual, and there's this anything goes atmosphere pervading everything. You have Billy West and John DiMaggio (who, honest to god, are the most entertaining commentators on any DVD I've ever heard in my life) doing entire episode commentaries in the voices of random characters, cell phones ringing in the middle of episodes (David X. Cohen's ring tone is a Beethoven song, by the way, which is kind of amusing), and people sitting around and eating potato chips. Hell, they even pulled in Billy West for an episode he wasn't even scheduled to commentate on, because he happened to walk past the room where everyone was gathered. They're not even commentating on the actual episodes half the time, but it works, because everyone is just so hilarious.

I mean...it's just wow lol. There are more commentators per episode in these sets, too, which makes them better. Volume One's episodes probably had about 4-6 commentators per episode, while Two and Three probably have about 6-9 per episode, which is a hell of a lot of people conversing lol. But, yeah, the commentary alone makes the DVDs worth buying. Any self-respecting Futurama fan must own them.

And for those poor, unfortunate souls who aren't fans of Futurama...well, I've decided that a) You had your sense of humor viciously ripped out of you when you were a young child (along with your spine, which you were viciously beaten with) and are repulsed by anything that is remotely funny or b) You're a fucking idiot. Either explanation works fine for me, really.

Besides that, I also bought Metal Gear Solid: Twin Snakes for the GameCube for about $20. I'd rented the game once before, but I didn't beat it, because apparently I was busy with things at the time. Unfortunately I have no recollection whatsoever about what I was busy with, so I only have random, somewhat educated guesses to go on. But, anyway, I now own the game, so I can beat it whenever the hell I feel like it, and experience all of the cutscenes whenever I want, in all of their updated graphical glory (and also with the abundant slowdown effects that Silicon Knights saw fit to put in like every cutscene).

In other news, I actually managed to do a bit of schoolwork today...for about ten minutes, anyway. I searched out a bunch of books to look up in the library, entirely based on their titles. It was mostly be saying "Oh, that looks good" and "Yeah, that'll work" and also "Might as well add that in, too". It's early in the project, I can afford to be an idiot and barely look at what resources I'm using. It helps that this project is mostly resource-based, since we're using this project to sort of hone our information gathering skills, we're not actually doing a serious, in-depth research project, or anything, though there will be a lot of reading and library-hunting involved with this.

But whatever. As long as I don't go insane and decide to take my life by cooking myself alive in the pizza parlor, or something, then I don't really care what I have to do in this project. I figure that it can't be any worse than reading our boring textbook. It makes The Silmarillion seem like Slaughterhouse-Five.

Also, earlier today I remembered a story that I had been planning to do for a while that never got past the first couple of pages or so. I kept looking at the overall plot, since the actual plotlines and everything were fully conceived, but it all just felt kind of wrong. The whole thing was always supposed to be pretty bizarre and incoherent, but it all seemed just a little too incoherent, really. There's this fine line between "bizarre funny" and "bizarre crappy" and the plot was tipping more into the crappy direction than I would have liked, so I kind of scrapped it for a while.

But I was thinking about it, and I decided that I wanted to give it another shot, but I have to reconceive it, not just because I was less than pleased with the results of my ideas from last time, but also because I lost the original notebook that had all of the ideas I had recorded prior. Whoops. Oh well, it gave me an excuse to break out another notebook to fill with useless notes and junk. If there's anything I love, it's filling notebooks with tons of random notes about stories. I think I have about five or six notebooks filled with notes on random stories I've written, just scattered all around my room lol. What can I say, I'm an extremely nerdy writer, and I love my note taking.

The actual story I had last time (not sure how many of you will remember this) revolved around a journalist named Vincent (who was fired from his previous job, so he's freelance now, I guess) and a waitress whose name for the life of me I cannot remember right now (damn you, missing notebook!!), so I renamed her Maria, as that is one of the names that I have some sort of odd fascination with. Anyway, they meet at their new, crappy apartment, and they're pissed off because they both thought they'd be living alone, so they sort of end up hating each other. And also Vincent and Maria end up getting motivated to climb as high up the ladder as humanly possible at their new jobs, so that they can show up the other and rub it in the other's stupid face afterwards. That's the basis for the story, though more (a lot more, really lol) happens, because the city that they live in is supposed to be really odd and I was always planning things to extend way beyond the city, too.

What amused me about the relationship between Vincent and Maria at first was how a couple of people looked at it and thought "Oh, they fall in love eventually, don't they?" And also I remembered being really relieved in thinking "Whew, that's one cliche I managed to avoid!" With the story playing out the way it is in my head, I don't think I could ever think of a way for that to work lol. Romance was something I wanted to avoid, at least in terms of the main characters. I think that a romance worms its way into the major plotline of a few too many stories, honestly...lol.

Anyway, what I think mostly lead to me scrapping the story was that it relied a bit too much on parodies. I had a few fun parodies of different things scattered here and there, but they got to the point where they really overshadowed the storyline instead of complementing it. There wasn't enough actual coherent story, and there was too much parody. That's obviously a problem lol. I think that I can work it out this time, though. I've got new ideas to go along with the old ones, and I think that I'll be able to flesh out the storyline a lot more. I rushed through things a bit last time, but I think I'll be able to stand going through things a lot slower now if it will lead to a better product at the end.

And, lastly, I must pledge to get my lazy ass in gear and actually write stuff this time. That's always the hardest part of these things, starting them up. At least, it's hard for me to start things up, because it takes a while for me to get into a real groove with writing. Once I do, everything becomes a lot easier, but it's tough in the beginning. I assume it's like that for most people, but a lot of people write quite differently, so I wouldn't have a clue about that lol.

So, yeah. Boy, I've ended many a myOtaku post with that particular phrase, haven't I? lol
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Saturday, February 5, 2005

Idioteque
Well, the horrors of midterms are finally over. I think I did well enough for myself today. The test was sort of hard, I actually had to think through some of it, but whatever. I'm just glad to finally be done with them all. It's kind of funny how crazy I was going over this earlier in the week lol. I think I let it get to me a bit too much, that was a bad move on my part. Anxiety is never a good thing. But now I'm done with the tests, so they can go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned. I wash my hands of them.

I have some assignments I need to start up on, but I don't plan on devoting that much time this weekend to school and schoolwork. Gotta revise my English essay a bit - clean it up and rework the ending, because it was pure crap. I did it all yesterday, so that's to be expected. Most of it is pretty good, though - all about how Wal-Mart = teh sux (they do, admit it). That shouldn't take too long.

I also have to start on this project for Info Gathering and Writing, but I can't get too far into it. Mostly, I'm just scouting resources that I can pick up at the library. After actually looking at the syllabus, I can see that the actual project will be a bit easier than I originally thought it would be. But it will still be time consuming, boring and annoying, because that is the very essence of Info Gathering and Writing. I bet the class will find some way of making the interview we have to do boring, as well. I'll probably get stuck with someone who's really stupid and uninteresting. And they in turn will find me to be boring and uninteresting.

I wonder what it would be like to interview myself? It would probably be a terrible interview or a great interview, depending on what questions were asked. Of course that's true for all interviews, but hey, I'm trying to sound like I know what I'm talking about here. Anyway, I guess that I would make for a semi-entertaining interview. Maybe throw out a decent quote at one point, and the interviewer would respond with fake enthusiasm.

And then they ask the bomb!!!!! In this case, the bomb would have to do with my secret extramarital affair with alien hookers from the planet Neptune and how I was impregnated by one. And then my stomach would explode, and the interviewer would be eaten by my offspring. Good times, good times.

Also, I still need to keep checking up on the classes I want, and hope like crazy that they aren't all taken up by the time I'm able to register on Wednesday. The worst part is that my registration period starts about an hour and a half before I'm even able to get home. Stupid school, that's precious time being wasted!!

But whatever. I'm not planning on doing much school-related stuff this weekend. Mostly I just want to relax a bit and recover from all of the testing. Got to finish As I Lay Dying.

I haven't talked about that much here, have I? Well, outside of mentioning that I'm reading it, anyway. It's about this rural family, and the matriarch of the family, Annie Bundren, is dying. The story kind of takes off from there. It's really, really hard to get a grasp on in the beginning. Each chapter is told from the viewpoint of a different narrator, and the narrators have distinct characteristics, and it's very difficult to piece together the story in the beginning. It doesn't help that there are a ton of different characters in the novel. Half of the battle is figuring out who is who in the beginning.

Once you have all of that figured out, though, the story becomes a bit easier to follow. As mentioned earlier, each character has their own distinct flair, and it's very interesting to get each of their points of view on matters. Darl's chapters, in particular, are very interesting. He's the most well-spoken of the characters, and his chapters are also the most bizarre to read. Also, you get the most clear vision of what's going on in the story during Darl's chapters, since he's the least biased of the characters.

At any rate, it's a really good read. I still have 150 pages to go, but I hope to finish it before the end of the weekend lol. I have to return the book on Tuesday, after all. And then I have 1984 to read (which everyone informs me is fantastic, and I have no reason to doubt that), and then I think I'll go for the Kafka book. Reading!!

I need to start playing Resident Evil 4 again, too. I'm so far behind my brother it's not even funny lol. Ah, how I long for the days back in middle school when I didn't have that much homework. Actually, you know, I don't long for middle school at all. Middle school sucked. Erase that train of thought completely. I just long for the days when I didn't have much homework. There you go, that's much better.

Anyway, Resident Evil 4 beckons. I need to kill some monks and monsters. What makes it worse is that I can only play during certain hours of the day. The best playing experience is in my brother and sister's room, and there is far too much light in the afternoon to enjoy the game, so I can only play in the morning and at night. The price I pay to have the best playing experience. A class game like Resident Evil 4 really demands it, though. You can't just play that game any old time, you have to play it with the best of everything available to you. Anything less, and you're just desecrating the awesomeness of the game.

So, that's pretty much everything that's going on over here. The only other thing worth mentioning is that girl I talked about on her the other day from my Philosophy class, Judy...she's pretty much friend-only at the moment, haha. She doesn't seem to be interested in me at all beyond that. Oh well, she's nice to talk to in class, so hey. Can't win 'em all, right?

Yeah, I've been telling myself that for years XD
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Friday, February 4, 2005

One Million Billionth Of A Millisecond On A Sunday Morning
I'm feeling a lot better right now. My first midterm wasn't too bad at all, and my Philosophy midterm was pretty damn easy. I'm feeling really good about tomorrow's midterm. That test's bitch ass is about to get owned tomorrow.

In other news, I'm just about over the flu I got earlier in the week. Hurrah for not being sick. I also bought cheap copies ($1.50 each) of Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness and The Metamorphosis and Other Selected Stories by Franz Kafka. My old copy of Heart of Darkness is lost in god knows where in my room, and I've always been interested in reading some Kafka, so there you go. More reading material, at any rate.

I've still got to finish As I Lay Dying, though, and then I can start up on 1984. Yay for reading stuff outside of school.

Anyway, I feel like doing Shinmaru vs. The World tonight since I'm in such a good mood. Let's get to it, my loyal followers.

First story can be read here (first story).

Clueless Robber Gets No Respect

Rodney? Wait, Rodney wasn't clueless, he just got no respect.

A Minneapolis man allegedly tried to rob a grocery store last month, but tripped himself up when he put his gun on the counter so he could scoop up the cash.

"Could you be a dear watch my gun for me while I steal all of your money? Thanks a bunch."

The store clerk lost no time in grabbing the gun himself, and chased the gunman out of the store, reports the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

When I read that, I can't help but think of that old lady chasing Lisa and throwing the cats at her from The Simpsons.

Police say Dantzler L. Thomas, 24, walked into a Chinese grocery in the early evening of Jan. 25, mask on and gun drawn.

With a name like Dantzler, nothing can go wrong!

Things went well for the alleged robber, until he had to hold his money sack — in this case, a white plastic shopping bag with a smiley face on it — with one hand and take money out of the till with the other.

Did he steal the bag from Wal-Mart or something? Would make sense, considering what cheap, money-grubbing bastards Wal-Mart are.

So he put the gun down on the counter. Duh.

In his defense, he asked the clerk not to take it.

The clerk, no fool, picked it up, pointed it at Thomas and told him to leave. He did.

That clerk betrayed his trust!!

A few minutes later, apparently wanting to at least come out even, Thomas allegedly returned, mask still on, and demanded his weapon back.

It's only fair, since the clerk stole it from Dantzler.

The clerk refused, and he now had backup — his cousin, who scuffled with the unarmed Thomas until Thomas' mask fell off and he fled again.

That coward, he has a gun and his cousin to back him up.

Two cops saw Thomas get into a car and drive away, and a license search led them to a residence six hours later.

It took the cops six hours to tear themselves away from the Dunkin' Donuts.

In front of the house was Thomas' car, and in the back seat of the car was a glove matching one dropped at the Chinese grocery.

OJ's missing glove!!

They knocked on the door. Thomas opened it himself. He was charged with first-degree aggravated robbery.

Boy, did he ever have a shitty day.

---

Second story can be read here.

Men Ticketed For Pot After Picking Up Injured Mountain Lion

That might be the most ridiculous header I've ever read.

Three men who thought they rescued an injured bobcat or lynx in the middle of the highway were shocked to learn it was a 65-pound mountain lion.

"Dude...it's a mountain lion."

"Heh heh heh...you said 'lion'."

"It's trying to maul me, man O_o"

They were even more shocked when two of them were ticketed for drug possession.

I'm sure they weren't that shocked.

The trio was driving on U.S. Highway 36 from Estes Park, Colo., on the evening of Jan. 26, when they spotted an injured animal in the middle of the road near Pinewood Springs.

And after running it over, they decided to pick it up and help it.

"It looked up as if to say, 'Help me,'" Jason Lee Laird told the Boulder Daily Camera.

"We couldn't tell at first, though, because our tires were kind of obscuring the view."

The three men decided to rescue the animal so that it wouldn't be hit by another car, and take it to a 24-hour veterinary clinic in Longmont.

They figured that one raging motorist running over the animal was enough for one day. It's all about moderation.

While Laird's friends directed traffic, he scooped up the large feline into his jacket and the three men lifted the animal into the back of the Jeep they were driving. One of the men sat in the back seat and stroked the animal to reassure it as they drove toward Longmont.

"It's okay...we didn't run over you on purpose...seriously...okay, come on, stop biting my arm...ow, don't slash down there, I only have two of those O_o"

They stopped in the next town, ironically called Lyons, and flagged down a Boulder County sheriff's deputy who took one look at the animal and told them they had picked up a mountain lion. The deputy notified the Colorado Division of Wildlife.

Haha, Lyons, I get it, LOL!!!1111!!!!!1

Ew, I put a comma before lol, I feel so dirty.

The deputy told the men that he smelled marijuana in the Jeep and Laird suggested it was because the cat had relieved herself in the back of the Jeep. They deputy didn't buy it, telling the men "mountain lions don't smoke marijuana," according to the deputy's report of the incident.

I dunno, I bet the mountain lion teens blaze it every once in a while.

Laird, 21, and Zachariah Deming, 19, were ticketed for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. The injured mountain lion, which wildlife officers guessed was four or five months old, had to be euthanized.

Boy, those two guys really fucked up that mountain lion's life, huh?

Don't do drugs, kids.

A DOW spokesman said the men were lucky to have survived the encounter without serious injuries. Todd Malmsbury told the newspaper that he had never heard of the rescue of a mountain lion that size.

"I hadn't heard of it, mostly because by the time I arrive, the lions are usually snacking on their remains."

"A mountain lion that large can kill a deer -- that's how they make a living," Malmsbury told the Camera.

"They really make a killing off of those humans!"

Even possession of wildlife is against the law, but the men were not ticketed for that infraction, a sheriff's department spokesman said, because they were acting in good faith.

"We were able to get them for being a couple of drugged up teenagers, though, thank god."

---

Last story can be read here.

P.G. School Administrator Busted in Drug Ring

Finally a story where the school admins are the one screwing up, and not the children.

A top Prince George's County school administrator has been placed on administrative leave in Maryland after being indicted in Virginia on drug charges, school officials said.

Wonder what she's doing with all of this new free time?

Pamela Hoffler-Riddick is accused of depositing large sums of money into banks and credit unions.

Damn her for putting a lot of money into banks. Damn her to hell!!!!!

Hoffler-Riddick, 43, runs one of the Prince George's school district's five regions and has been employed by the county since September 2003 at an annual salary of $138,244.

Boy, you can buy a lot of drugs for that much money.

I mean, wait, I don't know anything.

School spokesman Jack White said Hoffler-Riddick will be paid until her vacation time runs out. The school district ran a background check on her before she was hired and it was clean, White said.

"Unfortunately, she wasn't as clean as her background check was. Don't know how we missed that."

Hoffler-Riddick was one of three dozen people indicted on federal charges in connection with what authorities say was a multimillion-dollar drug distribution and money laundering ring based in Hampton Roads, Va., and extending to Texas and New York.

I think that they were able to bust her after catching her shoving kids across the state border with bags of coke.

Hoffler-Riddick was arrested at her Rockville home on Monday and appeared in U.S. District Court in Norfolk, where she was released on her own recognizance. She has been charged with five counts of money laundering.

"We're hoping that we don't bungle this like a previous case. Last time, we weren't able to convict anyone, because we thought money laundering involved cleaning your money. Boy were our faces red after that one!"

The indictment alleges Hoffler-Riddick used proceeds from the drug ring to pay off loans for a car and two homes. Her court-appointed attorney, David Bouchard, said she denies any wrongdoing. Bouchard also said he doesn't see a woman of her caliber doing anything like this.

And then he took off his blindfold and proclaimed "Oh, there she is."

Hoffler-Riddick previously worked for Montgomery County (website - news) schools, as well as school systems in Baltimore and Virginia.

Lots of drugs there.

Parents and colleagues expressed shock at the arrest.

Let me guess, parents judge entire school system based on this one arrest, and generalize everyone and everything involved?

One woman who has two children in Hoffler-Riddick's region told The Washington Post that she does not feel comfortable with the school system.

Check and check.

Reginald Felton served on Montgomery County's Board of Education when Hoffler-Riddick was hired there. He told The Post that he is "floored," adding, "it does not sound like the person we knew."

"Probably smells like her, though, she was always sort of druggy."

Hoffler-Riddick is the mother of two. She holds a bachelor's degree in biology, a master's of science in education and a doctorate.

In drugs!
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